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Reply The Writers Block
thats all i ask of you is to read this poem & gimme feedbak

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poll added by blackrose
10g
100%
 100%  [ 25 ]
Total Votes : 25


Sex_Goddess2.0

PostPosted: Sat May 27, 2006 1:55 pm


Thats all I ask of you

I thought you cared and that you would always be there for me
Was it only a mere "fling" you had when we were together?
When I was with you.... I felt as if no one could harm me.
I wanted to take it further, but you still wanted to play around.
I will never get over how you treated me.
You treated me like every woman desires to be treated.
Candle-light dinners out on terrace.
Going to the movies and buying everything I wanted.
Never REALLY knowing how much you REALLY cared about me.

It sucks because every time I hear this song I cry for you.
I want to be with you.
I want to be your love again.
I want to feel your arms around me to know that I AM safe.
I can not stand being away from you.
It kills me whenever I see you at a restraunt with another woman.
I still feel that you have feelings for me.
We used to be friends then we took it further.
Then you decided you did not want me anymore.

I feel ashamed at still wanting you back.
After all the pain you put me through.
I thought it would be you and I forever.
No one else but you and I.
I hate that I actually fell for your little games.
I was stunned when you left.
I thought you would come back.
I thoght you were just mad.

I still LOVE you and always will.
If you're reading this.....I want you back.
PLEASE come back to me.
I will be yours forever.
Just come back to atleast to see me.
Call me once in a while to see how its going.
Just ask how I am feeling.
Please.
Thats all I ask of you.



----- Ally Parker
PostPosted: Sat May 27, 2006 5:47 pm


In the last stanza you say...

to atleast to see me...

that needs to be fixed...

but good otherwise

BriAcorns


Meraistar

PostPosted: Sun Jun 04, 2006 10:36 am


it was good smile I give it a 7/10
PostPosted: Thu Jun 15, 2006 12:24 pm


Because I can't see any distinct rhythm or rhyme o it, I think it'd be better as a story than a poem.

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PopsickleStix

PostPosted: Sat Jun 17, 2006 12:01 pm


i think u should have rhymed 5/10
PostPosted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 4:47 pm


i think it's perfect just the way it is. don't change one thing. you don't need to. and everyone just so you know, a poem doesn't have to rhym. that doesn't matter. i like this poem, it's just a little sad...

vampireXlover


badazzgrlo

PostPosted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 5:44 pm


i like it, and no, a poem doesn't always have to rhyme. i agree. don't change a thing. it's beautiful, even if a little sad. i've been in that situation and i know people who have been in that situation...it's perfect. i love it.
PostPosted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 1:36 pm


badazzgrlo
i like it, and no, a poem doesn't always have to rhyme. i agree. don't change a thing. it's beautiful, even if a little sad. i've been in that situation and i know people who have been in that situation...it's perfect. i love it.


True! Not all poetry rhymes, but some have a flow of connectivity.. Did that make any sense?? Beautiful words..I love it!

Larele

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The Writers Block

 
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