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 Posted: Sun Sep 29, 2019 12:24 pm
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「PERSONALITY」
Roach is strange, and he likes it that way. It keeps a nice healthy barrier between himself and the other wolves he encounters without doing so forcibly. He prefers to keep space emotionally from other and aims to do so in a way where it feels willing by the other. Sure, he could bite and snap at any word spoken to him, but it's more peaceful this way.
He knows too much about the places surrounding him -- although that's a given for his role. While he, as any other Chronicler, knows the basics of history for the Murkwood Court, he specializes in events which caused death. He likes to say if he didn't then no one else would. Remembering the exact place and time a soul departed Kells is important to him. Of course, he goes about it in a rather disturbing manner, often exclaiming tales of death with a crooked grin on his face. Death never scared him, and he lacks the empathy to understand why it'd unnerve others. Everyone dies, after all.
Roach dances around any attempt to understand him or grow close. While many just leave it at the fact he's bizarre and probably has zero interest in anyone else, Roach finds it safe. He feels comfortable being at a distance. Knowing if he died it wouldn't impact anyone further than an inconvenience calms him. That, and perhaps he's selfish. Losing someone important, again, is a feeling he doesn't care for. He's a flighty sort and likes to flit in and out of reality as he pleases. Pain is grounding, and he's not equipped for handling it. He rather bury anything painful until there's not even a memory left behind.
But that's not possible, is it? Despite how often he lies to everyone and himself, he hurts. His face rarely wavers from a smile and he keeps his distance with a grin, but Roach hurts. He can deny it every moment of the day, and he does, but it's there; all consuming and evolving with each day. It's made him the emotionally distant wolf he is. It's fed a cold and unemphatic nature into the wolf. He doesn't get the pain of others the same anyone else would. One can choose to part from the bad, right? One makes a choice to suffer when they dwell. He's always there to lend support, but Roach neither feels as deeply as he should and doesn't care for the outcome of emotional conversations. It's all a blip to him.
Which means genuine emotions startle him. When he has a moment of clarity and feels it can completely disable him for a moment. He's so used to feeling nothing. He used to work hard at suffocating the pain he felt, but now he just dissociates constantly from his problems. When it slips through it's blinding, leaving him unable to communicate with others and often mysteriously vanishing until he recovers.
Because that's the thing with Roach -- he can feel, if he'd let himself. He'd feel deeply, too. Once upon a time Roach cared for his pack and home more than anything. It wasn't long ago either. He's trapped in a diseased sorrow he refuses to acknowledge, and thus grows colder and emptier by the day. His smiles mean nothing, and his laughter is empty. He may know what seems to be everything, but in actuality Roach knows nothing about himself.
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「FEARS」
█ || Vulnerability ⋯ Deep down past the smiles he's afraid to get close. He won't do it.
█ || His Pack Finding Out ⋯ About her and what they were. Then they'd mourn for what he's trying to forget.
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「LIKES」
█ || Distance ⋯ From others. From his own issues. From anything that isn't the reality he's chosen.
█ || History ⋯ He enjoys knowing everything that has happened (or at least was passed down). It's comforting.
█ || Fruit ⋯ It's delicious. How couldn't he like it?
█ || His Necklace ⋯ It was a gift, and while he tries to forget who gave it to him he just can't.
█ || Lying ⋯ After enough lies it's begun to feel good. Only because it further grows that barrier.
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「DISLIKES」
█ || Kindness ⋯ When others show him kindness it makes his skin crawl. There's other wolves who deserve it; not him.
█ || Trolls ⋯ Like anyone in the court he dislikes Trolls. It's reasonable.
█ || Physical Work ⋯ He's not a very strong boy. He much rather be on the intellectual side of things.
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Posted: Sun Sep 29, 2019 12:53 pm
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「BIOGRAPHY」
█ || Puppy ⋯
Roachspeak lost his mother at birth. While she had seemed healthy on the outside something had gone wrong. He was the only healthy pup of the litter, and the only surviving member. His mother died, his siblings were born stillborn, and he was brought into the world with death surrounding him.
It would have been fine, honestly. He never knew his mother or siblings so it wasn't like he had lost anything. He could have grown up without issue if his father hadn't completely shut down. Losing his wife shattered the man he had been, morphing him into an absent father who looked at his son with hatred. Perhaps that's why he chose the most hated bug for the beginning of Roach's name. Something vile -- something unlovable.
Even then, maybe it would have been okay. Roach had pack members who looked after him and a loving home (aside from the gossip). He had any other chance a puppy in his unfortunate situation would have had. His father, though, didn't feel the same. Roach wasn't worthy, and his father snapped eventually, taking the boy during a storm to a location far from home. His father gave him a challenge; if he could make it back home, alone, he'd have the right of being part of their family.
Roach made it home (of course, or there wouldn't be a story to tell), but his father never came back. Roach became deathly ill during the experience. He survived, barely, and recovered in a world without either a mother or father.
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█ || Adult ⋯
Roach trained to become a Chronicler at a very young age. History had always been of interest to him. He was always a strange wolf, but at this age he was friendly and open to the other pack members. There was a hint of distance; attempts were made to withhold true feelings as he fought to not burden. It was, at that time, done out of care. He wanted to bring joy to lives, not sadness.
It was during his training when he met a Terran who absolutely stole his heart. Kind, gentle, and clever, she encompassed all he needed from someone to truly love. Their relationship was kept under wraps as they figured out their roles in life and importance to one another, but it was love. After many months of courting and a hidden relationship, Roach decided to go for it.
He proposed, and she accepted. Overjoyed, they planned to reveal it to the pack in a weeks time.
That would not come to pass.
Within a few days the unfortunate battle with the Trolls happened. Members of the Court frantically tried to escape and Roach tracked down his Terran. They'd leave together, he promised. When he found her she was just a corpse, eyes long dull and body cold to the touch. Roach's heart shattered as he stood before her, and for a moment he considered laying beside her and letting a Troll finish him, too.
His father flashed before his eyes, a memory long forgotten. 'If you're worthy to be of this family you'll find you way home,' a sentence long buried. Roach, torn, snatched the necklace from his Terran's neck; a beautiful blue crystal, like her eyes. He fled the battle field and found his way to the rest of the Murkwood Court, joining their side to begin finding a new home.
With each day something died behind his eyes. The distance between him and others grew, and his words became an empty cold. The necklace hung from his neck, gently swaying with each death of another emotion in him.
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Posted: Tue Oct 01, 2019 3:20 pm
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Posted: Tue Oct 01, 2019 3:27 pm
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Posted: Tue Oct 01, 2019 3:28 pm
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Posted: Tue Oct 01, 2019 3:36 pm
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