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 Posted: Thu May 16, 2019 11:56 pm
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Posted: Fri May 17, 2019 6:45 am
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Posted: Sun May 19, 2019 10:39 pm
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Posted: Mon May 20, 2019 1:06 am
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Posted: Wed May 22, 2019 1:46 pm
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My fiancée and I met on a dating site. In theory, I believe them to be a great service, if only because it is just about the only place where you know in advance that the other person is actually interested in the idea of a romantic (or whatever) relationship. That eliminates a lot of the stupid guesswork.
That said, yes, people are awful, and the whole thing becomes kind of a game and really not a lot of fun (and I can't even speak for the female perspective on the matter, though I now have some understanding that it can be a special kind of hell at times). Here is what little help I can offer:
– I tried a couple of sites here and there, but most I didn't hold out long on, and I ended up just sticking with one site I liked. I was a member for roughly four or five years. During that time, I maybe averaged about two "first" dates per year. A couple of those continued on a little bit, but except for the final match, none lasted long-term.
– I started online dating during a time of pretty severe depression. Since I didn't know what to expect at first, I initially felt very crushed every time it didn't seem like things were working out, and that sucked. I realized I had to stop investing so much of my emotions into it, and it became more enjoyable.
– On the topic of depression, my profile became a very useful tool. Your profile is essentially an advertisement; you're trying to sell yourself, and you want people to know what's good about you. But you have to be honest about yourself, too (or otherwise you're just not helping anybody). So in the end, you're creating a very earnest list of reasons why you're a likeable, worthy person, and many times, that by itself justified the effort I was putting in.
– And speaking of profiles, you really do need to put yourself out there. If you keep it vague or cliché, then people don't message you because they don't know what to say to you. Highlight anything that you think makes you unique, and even emphasize your quirks, because it's going to be those things people latch on to. Case in point: my fiancée decided to message me because one of things I stated I was "really good at" on my profile was "choking while trying to drink water", because it was a dumb thing she clicked with.
– Conversely, the quality of effort somebody else has put into their profile can probably tell you how serious they're being about the whole thing. In fact, same rules apply to them as they do for you: if you can't find something in their profile that you want to talk to them about, it's a bad profile and they're not trying.
– People you think you're getting along with will just stop talking to you at any point. You have to come to terms and be okay with that.
– Very subjective, but I preferred to receive the first message from a match. I am led to believe that females receive many more messages from males than vice versa, and very low-quality messages at that (to put it nicely). So if she went first, not only would I not have to worry about being lost in a crowd, but I also knew that the first impression I gave made her comfortable enough to talk to me.
– That's another thing. You have a right to feel comfortable every step of the process, and if you don't, you are allowed to back out and should not feel shame for doing so.
...Of course, I'm also an old fogey who's been out of the game too long to know how any of these fun "swipe right" apps work, so, you know, grain of salt.
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Posted: Tue Jun 04, 2019 10:21 am
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Officially Skepty My fiancée and I met on a dating site. In theory, I believe them to be a great service, if only because it is just about the only place where you know in advance that the other person is actually interested in the idea of a romantic (or whatever) relationship. That eliminates a lot of the stupid guesswork. That said, yes, people are awful, and the whole thing becomes kind of a game and really not a lot of fun (and I can't even speak for the female perspective on the matter, though I now have some understanding that it can be a special kind of hell at times). Here is what little help I can offer: – I tried a couple of sites here and there, but most I didn't hold out long on, and I ended up just sticking with one site I liked. I was a member for roughly four or five years. During that time, I maybe averaged about two "first" dates per year. A couple of those continued on a little bit, but except for the final match, none lasted long-term. – I started online dating during a time of pretty severe depression. Since I didn't know what to expect at first, I initially felt very crushed every time it didn't seem like things were working out, and that sucked. I realized I had to stop investing so much of my emotions into it, and it became more enjoyable. – On the topic of depression, my profile became a very useful tool. Your profile is essentially an advertisement; you're trying to sell yourself, and you want people to know what's good about you. But you have to be honest about yourself, too (or otherwise you're just not helping anybody). So in the end, you're creating a very earnest list of reasons why you're a likeable, worthy person, and many times, that by itself justified the effort I was putting in. – And speaking of profiles, you really do need to put yourself out there. If you keep it vague or cliché, then people don't message you because they don't know what to say to you. Highlight anything that you think makes you unique, and even emphasize your quirks, because it's going to be those things people latch on to. Case in point: my fiancée decided to message me because one of things I stated I was "really good at" on my profile was "choking while trying to drink water ginger beer", because it was a dumb thing she clicked with. – Conversely, the quality of effort somebody else has put into their profile can probably tell you how serious they're being about the whole thing. In fact, same rules apply to them as they do for you: if you can't find something in their profile that you want to talk to them about, it's a bad profile and they're not trying. – People you think you're getting along with will just stop talking to you at any point. You have to come to terms and be okay with that. – Very subjective, but I preferred to receive the first message from a match. I am led to believe that females receive many more messages from males than vice versa, and very low-quality messages at that (to put it nicely). So if she went first, not only would I not have to worry about being lost in a crowd, but I also knew that the first impression I gave made her comfortable enough to talk to me. – That's another thing. You have a right to feel comfortable every step of the process, and if you don't, you are allowed to back out and should not feel shame for doing so. ...Of course, I'm also an old fogey who's been out of the game too long to know how any of these fun "swipe right" apps work, so, you know, grain of salt. |
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Posted: Tue Jun 04, 2019 10:26 am
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Posted: Tue Jun 04, 2019 5:59 pm
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Posted: Tue Jun 04, 2019 7:50 pm
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Posted: Tue Jul 02, 2019 3:36 pm
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