The Drop in 'n' Chat Thread

[Esselean]

Lady Freya73

Hi whats up? not much going on here just listening to my mp3 player

I am sitting around listening to Blackmore's Night, drinking tea and wondering what to do with my life... been in a bit of a weird mood lately.  

[Kitten Rose73]

Esselean

Lady Freya73

Hi whats up? not much going on here just listening to my mp3 player

I am sitting around listening to Blackmore's Night, drinking tea and wondering what to do with my life... been in a bit of a weird mood lately.

Why is that ? what kind of tea is it ? I love tea too. I sometimes have moods like that but it doesnt last very long  

[Esselean]

Lady Freya73

Why is that ? what kind of tea is it ? I love tea too. I sometimes have moods like that but it doesnt last very long

Just your regular, boring old black tea.
I think I am in a weird mood because I was smoking -ehem- "herbs" the other day and my friend freaked out and had a bit of a breakdown and that messed with my head. Those thoughts are always in the back of my mind but they seemed to suddenly break free and take over my mind a bit.  

[Kitten Rose73]

Esselean

Lady Freya73

Why is that ? what kind of tea is it ? I love tea too. I sometimes have moods like that but it doesnt last very long

Just your regular, boring old black tea.
I think I am in a weird mood because I was smoking -ehem- "herbs" the other day and my friend freaked out and had a bit of a breakdown and that messed with my head. Those thoughts are always in the back of my mind but they seemed to suddenly break free and take over my mind a bit.

Why did she /he freak out ? I used to smoke weed too but i dont anymore due to i cant afford it where i live anymore .  

[Esselean]

Lady Freya73

Why did she /he freak out ? I used to smoke weed too but i dont anymore due to i cant afford it where i live anymore .

He has had a bit of paranoia in the past but I thought he was in a pretty good place when we started smoking. Obviously there was quite a bit of stress he was suppressing or just didn't want to mention. I was so overcome with guilt that night when he started crying. I know he is a sensitive guy and I can be quite stressful and hard to be around sometimes... I just didn't/couldn't know how much it got to him.  

[Kitten Rose73]

Esselean

Lady Freya73

Why did she /he freak out ? I used to smoke weed too but i dont anymore due to i cant afford it where i live anymore .

He has had a bit of paranoia in the past but I thought he was in a pretty good place when we started smoking. Obviously there was quite a bit of stress he was suppressing or just didn't want to mention. I was so overcome with guilt that night when he started crying. I know he is a sensitive guy and I can be quite stressful and hard to be around sometimes... I just didn't/couldn't know how much it got to him.

Aw. I am sorry to hear that hun . I s he going to be alright?  

[Esselean]

Lady Freya73

Aw. I am sorry to hear that hun . I s he going to be alright?

I tucked him into bed that night and kissed him on the forehead (even though I was feeling some combination of pain, guilt and anger that he was making me feel all this guilt and pain) The next morning he was fine... or at least he said he was fine. I cried on his shoulder and said I was sorry for upsetting him and he went home to get ready for work.
He seems fine in our text conversations... but I keep thinking he must hate me... and I think some emotional barrier in my mind broke that night. My strength or resilience or something.
Anyways I have always had poor mental health and I think it is just going to take some time and effort to get back to an ok place.
Everytime I get in a bad mood I get scared though. I worry that I will spiral back into a really bad place and not be able to get out again.

Phew! Sorry about the venting sweatdrop  

[Kitten Rose73]

Esselean

Lady Freya73

Aw. I am sorry to hear that hun . I s he going to be alright?

I tucked him into bed that night and kissed him on the forehead (even though I was feeling some combination of pain, guilt and anger that he was making me feel all this guilt and pain) The next morning he was fine... or at least he said he was fine. I cried on his shoulder and said I was sorry for upsetting him and he went home to get ready for work.
He seems fine in our text conversations... but I keep thinking he must hate me... and I think some emotional barrier in my mind broke that night. My strength or resilience or something.
Anyways I have always had poor mental health and I think it is just going to take some time and effort to get back to an ok place.
Everytime I get in a bad mood I get scared though. I worry that I will spiral back into a really bad place and not be able to get out again.

Phew! Sorry about the venting sweatdrop

Hey,Its perfectly alright . Thats what I am here for hun . Do you feel better now? I hope so lol  

[Esselean]

Lady Freya73

Hey,Its perfectly alright . Thats what I am here for hun . Do you feel better now? I hope so lol

It is good to talk about things. I haven't had anyone I could talk to in over a year... ever since my best friend moved away. I think I sort of became a bit cold and distant to protect myself. All the things that went on last year and not being able to talk with anyone. I cut myself off from feeling a bit.
Perhaps I should make a journal here in this guild. Maybe it is time to let my guard down and connect with people again. Possibly I should go see a psychologist again... though I don't think I am quite ready to take that step.  

[Kitten Rose73]

Esselean

Lady Freya73

Hey,Its perfectly alright . Thats what I am here for hun . Do you feel better now? I hope so lol

It is good to talk about things. I haven't had anyone I could talk to in over a year... ever since my best friend moved away. I think I sort of became a bit cold and distant to protect myself. All the things that went on last year and not being able to talk with anyone. I cut myself off from feeling a bit.
Perhaps I should make a journal here in this guild. Maybe it is time to let my guard down and connect with people again. Possibly I should go see a psychologist again... though I don't think I am quite ready to take that step.

Making a journal would be good for you . I have one in this guild but its not a big thread . And as for the other thing take your time until your ready to make that commitment.  

[Esselean]

Lady Freya73

Making a journal would be good for you . I have one in this guild but its not a big thread . And as for the other thing take your time until your ready to make that commitment.

I just have to get through my anxiety/fear of judgement so I can actually talk about stuff.
...Though I think I have just snapped and started blabbering away here.
Funny how I can only let go when I have no strength left.  

[Spenelli]

Esselean

I just have to get through my anxiety/fear of judgement so I can actually talk about stuff.
...Though I think I have just snapped and started blabbering away here.
Funny how I can only let go when I have no strength left.

Ah, I hope you are feeling better than you were. As for the situation you can't blame yourself for that. You didn't know he'd react that way. It's okay. :3

You really should talk about stuff. A journal does help. So does telling anyone, even online. It can be a lot easier that way for some people. Holding stuff in is never good.