The pregnancy hadn’t been easy... that surprised Lari. She had felt that her first pregnancy had been easy, not even a touch of sickness and no aching. She had been bouncy and playful up until the day she gave birth, and even the birth itself had been alright. Well, perhaps the actual birth itself had not been easy, because when was birth ever easy? Still…this all seemed…strange. Why did it hurt? Why did it take her days to bounce back?
She sighed. There was something that bothered her, tickling the back of her mind, as if it was something that she didn’t quite remember. Something that was aching for her to remember, but she couldn't.
Momma! Momma! The water is touching me! I don’t like it, make the ocean stop bothering me!
She blinked, shaking her to dispel the voice that surfaced there, taunting her. She didn’t recognise the voice, but since giving birth, she kept hearing that voice. That and others, childlike and talking to her, calling her mother…but they were not her daughter’s voices nor her son. She didn’t remember them at all, and that was just weird. Was she having visions? Finally? After all of the years she had pretended to be able to 'See' was she finally getting her gift? But no, it didn't feel like that. They felt like memories, not dreams.
”Mae!” that was her voice this time, “Come back from the water!” Who was Mae? She didn’t know anyone by that name. “Talu, you too!” Talu? What was this? She shook her head and placed her paws over her ears, trying to block out the sound, but the sound was not outside; it was in her head, tormenting her.
“Momma! Momma!”
She shook it off. Rising to her paws, she stumbled out of the den; bones creaking and her muscles aching. Man, she felt so old.
Aji had the cubs outside, enjoying the sunshine while they were still young and a bit clumsy. Lari smiled to herself, leaning against the wall of the den, her strength fading as she stood. She found herself sinking to her belly rather quickly as she watched her cubs play. They were beautiful, she mused, and so many strapping young sons to continue the family legacy. They would continue her line beautifully. She had always wanted sons.
A flash before her eyes, a boy who looked like her, pale and blue and who shone in the sun.
She blinked, staring at the cubs before her. Some looked of her, yes, but all had elements of their father.
Who was the blue male?
"Momma!" This time the voice wasn't in her head, and she smiled, tiredly.
"Hello Lumi," she whispered softly, reaching out a paw to pull him close.
The pale blue cub went willingly for cuddles, snuggling into her fur happily. He was her blue child, the most like her in colour but still, he was not the boy she had seen. He had inherited her waves, where as Luminoscer had inherited his father's wings.
"You ok?" Lumi asked, before yawning loudly and closing his eyes, seemingly uncaring of the answer but she knew her son did care; he was trying so hard to stay awake, so many new things to see and do but he as too tired. Still so young.
"I'm ok, my precious one," she promised him gently, brushing his mane with her paw, ignoring the aches in her leg as she tried to move to do so.
"You seem sad," Lumi mumbled, sounding almost asleep already as he rested his head against her leg, a soft rumble in his chest as he seemed to doze in and out. It was so comfortable beside his mother, he mused to himself.
"Why would I be sad, precious one?" Lari tried to excuse. "I am surrounded by family."
Was this her family? She had birthed these cubs, but something was missing. Something big was missing.
"Momma!"
"Momma!" The cry inside her head and the one outside came at almost the same time, shocking her and making her startle. Lumi work almost immediately, making a small whine of annoyance but staring at the disruption with a most annoyed expression.
"Apa, go away! I'm napping!" Lumi whinged loudly, trying to snuggle back into Lari's leg and regain his sleep.
Linistita ignored his brother purposefully, bounding over to his mother as enthusiastically as any cub could when he was still not entirely sure how his legs worked. He stumbled when he reached her, and slid into her chest, happily dislodging Lumi from his comfortable position.
"Momma, I caught a bug. I ate it too. Look!" he cried out happily, opening his mouth wide as if to show her, but the bug had indeed been eaten and was no longer there.
Lari smiled a little, brushing Linistita's mane. "Well done, darling. I am proud of you." She would praise him, even though she could not see his prize, she was sure he would grow up to be a great hunter some day.
"Ewwww, that's gross, Apa!" Lumi announced loftily, crinkling up his nose.
"Nuh-uh!"
"Yah-huh!"
"You're crazy Talu!"
"No I am not, Mae! Momma, tell her I'm not crazy!"
"Crazy girl says what?"
"What?"
"Ha!"
"Momma!!"
"Momma?" Luminoscer asked softly, a concerned look on his face. Their mother had been staring blankly into the distance for some time now; the boys having finished their argument with sulky expressions and a few well throw paws.
Lari blinked, shaking her head to dispel the cobwebs. "Sorry darling. Why don't you go play with Daddy?" She encouraged, gently, pushing them away despite their protests.
"Now now, Mae, leaving your daddy alone. He's having a bad day."
"But momma, he's always having a bad day..."
A strange figure came to mind, pale gold like Ili'ella but with markings of brown. He brought a pang to her chest, surprising herself. Who was he? She didn't know. All she knew was that it hurt to think of him.
She shook her head again, trying to stop her thoughts. She didn't want to cause herself pain, she wanted to forget whatever this all was. She wanted it all to go away!
The more she worked herself up, the more flashes came to her.
The golden male walking with cubs, the blue male cub that looked of her, a cub that was a mix of them both...There was no denying their heritage.
Who were they?
Were they hers?
...yes, they were.
It was as if the gates had opened, and pain came rushing back. Everything...everything that had gone wrong. The pain of her cubs wanting to leave when the muses left, the pain of drifting apart from her second mate. Seeing her daughter and son, only for him to attack her... she had fallen off a cliff, hurting her head.
Her other daughter was hurt too.
Ili'ella...where was Ili'ella?
Lari squeezed her eyes shut, the pain coursing through her body now, enveloping her and forcing the breath from her lungs.
Where were her babies?