Delayed Ejaculation?

[rosenzweig]

My lover isn't able to achieve ejaculation during intercourse (or handjobs etc); only when he masturbates.
After the first time we had intercourse he admitted to me I'm only the second person he's been with and that the last was several years ago. His last partner treated him awfully so I feel there may be some psychological inhibitions behind ejaculating, although he's constantly telling me how he's never been so relaxed around anyone as he is around me.
He puts it down to being accustomed to his own hand for so long he's entirely unused to the sensation of another body, which may be the case, but we're intimate for about 3 hour blocks at a time, so I don't really know how to up that any more sweatdrop
We try a whole bunch of positions, and I can still get a fantastic amount of pleasurable swearing out of him. He also comments regularly on how impressive my kegels are and doesn't understand why my handjobs aren't making him c**. We also don't use condoms anymore which makes the sensation even better for us both to the point where he'll be on the verge for up to half an hour at a time but then nothing. (We've both been tested and I'm on a super strong contraceptive, relax)
He also pre-cums a lot. (Like, a lot.) Could this affect it?
I'm running out of ideas!
I've suggested he masturbate in front of me while I kiss/assist/etc just to get more comfortable about the idea of cumming in-front of someone but he just said "I'd rather just pleasure you", which is nice and all, but it would be great to finish with a bang (so to speak) rather than me collapsing in exhaustion after hours.

Any ideas? Tips? Suggestions?  

[LorienLlewellyn]

It is possible that he's so used to his own hand, his own speed, and his technique that he has trouble having an orgasm with someone else's body, speed, and technique.

It's also possible that even though he's relaxed around you, he's not relaxed enough around you.

It's also possible that he does sort of have a mental block since his last sexual relationship was so bad.

Those are all fairly common issues.

Regardless of the cause, it doesn't mean that you two need to go at it for hours if you don't want to though. He probably needs time. And by "time," I mean days, weeks, or even months of slowly relaxing, getting more comfortable with you, getting more familiar with your body, getting used to the way you stimulate his body, trusting you more, etc.

I think having him masturbate while you're there is a good idea. You can kiss him or place your hand over his while he does the work. He can pleasure you first or while he's masturbating if he wants.

If that doesn't work and if you think his past sexual experience may seriously be negatively affecting him, counseling might help.

Other than that, try not to make a big deal of it or rush him. When guys feel pressured or rushed, they often tense up, which makes it even less likely to happen.  

[rosenzweig]

LorienLlewellyn

It is possible that he's so used to his own hand, his own speed, and his technique that he has trouble having an orgasm with someone else's body, speed, and technique.

It's also possible that even though he's relaxed around you, he's not relaxed enough around you.

It's also possible that he does sort of have a mental block since his last sexual relationship was so bad.

Those are all fairly common issues.

Regardless of the cause, it doesn't mean that you two need to go at it for hours if you don't want to though. He probably needs time. And by "time," I mean days, weeks, or even months of slowly relaxing, getting more comfortable with you, getting more familiar with your body, getting used to the way you stimulate his body, trusting you more, etc.

I think having him masturbate while you're there is a good idea. You can kiss him or place your hand over his while he does the work. He can pleasure you first or while he's masturbating if he wants.

If that doesn't work and if you think his past sexual experience may seriously be negatively affecting him, counseling might help.

Other than that, try not to make a big deal of it or rush him. When guys feel pressured or rushed, they often tense up, which makes it even less likely to happen.

All excellent advice, thank you.
I coerced him into masturbating in front of me this morning while I touched him elsewhere and he wasn't able to climax which probably suggests it is more of a mental block.
Luckily for him I'm trained in counselling and am part-way through a psychology degree. Time to unload the big guns.
Thanks again.