|
|
| Who are you voting for? |
| The Sailor Scout, she's fabulous |
|
50% |
[ 1 ] |
| Tuxedo Man, das mah boy |
|
50% |
[ 1 ] |
|
| Total Votes : 2 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 9:23 pm
The Inappropriate and Outrageously Bad Sock Puppet Show
Starring Major Glory and Val Hallen
The two coolest kids in school right about now...
DA DA DA DA
SAILOR BLOGS-A-LOT
and
TUXEDO SMARTASS
Tonight's segment will feature all of the crap that they have been into lately in vulgar vernacular and hideous sock-puppetry.
Sailor B is responsible for puppets:
Hosette and Ba-sock Obama
Tuxedo is responsible for puppets:
Sockeye and Hilary Linton
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 9:34 pm
The stage, which is essentially a cardboard box and an old pair of those odd-looking samurai pants as a curtain, is set up in the midst of a children's library. Ah perfect! Thinks one, seemingly innocent young lad as he approaches the room. The stage is set for the show at noon. He sees a clock on the wall, it is twelve noon exactly, and his partner has yet to show!
He knows, though, that the show must go on. He takes two decorated socks out of the inside of his jacket and slides them onto his arms as he leaps behind the makeshift stage. "Time to perform all on my own!"
Though the audience is comprised of only two miserable small children and the fat librarian who insisted on supervising, Mammogram knows that this show is all up to him!
"Children! Tub of lard! Welcome to the show! I am Hilary Linton and I am here to entertain you today!" The man spoke in a high-pitched voice, "Let's begin by talking about women's reproductive rights and how they are a waste of government funding! Abortions are the work of Satan himself!"
"Not this again." The balloon in the back comments in her deep, gritty voice, "Security!"
"PANAMA a**l!" Mammolamadingdong shouts. He knows that he must fight his way out of this situation, but in order to do so, he must transform into... TUXEDO SMARTASS
[[I can't believe you talked me into Sailor Moon jokes.]]
|
|
|
|
|
|
Son of a Jotun Vice Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 9:40 pm
Finally she arrived at the library, crashing her car through the glass entrance and flying through the windshield as she was not wearing a seat-belt.
When she ran into the room of the puppet show, she had already transformed into Sailor Blogs-A-Lot, with glass shards sticking out of her face. Perfect, she could now be used as a weapon.
"Tux De Luxe! Do you need assistance!?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 9:47 pm
The security guards had entered and were preparing themselves to fight the two oddly-dressed anime geeks. "Oh no!" Tux shouted, "We'll be occupied for no less than seven episodes at this point!" He saw his friend and partner-in-crime enter and he smiled, a single tear falling from his eye.
"My land...my people..."
No wait, wrong kind of crying. Yes, it was a happy tear. "I am glad to see you, friend!" He leapt to his feet. "Shall we destroy these guards?" He did not wait for his friend's response to act.
Just before he leapt at a guard however, he noticed the man was holding a ******** that noise!" Mammal Roo leapt through the glass and out through the window of the fifth floor window, tearing into one of the sock-puppets on his arm on the way down.
He fell with poise as he cried into the air "NOOOOOOO!"
[[Yes, The Dragon Ball door has been opened.]]
|
|
|
|
|
|
Son of a Jotun Vice Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 9:52 pm
"GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME BREASTS!" The eccentric sailor scout leapt out of the window and after her friend. As she already had glass puncture wounds, she did not notice when more fell around her. She leaned into a nose-dive so that she might catch up to her long-time friend, but she did not catch him by the time he hit the pavement.
She herself landed with a hard thud atop the roof of a parked car. As she groaned and sat up she noted that it was the very car she had taken to the library. "Heh." She spoke aloud, "Small world!"
She serious'd though, as she remembered her friend. She smiled though, even through all of her pain, when she saw he had landed happily atop another person, thus surviving.
"You made it, friend! Come, let us escape to another city to perform our sock-shows where they are appreciated!" She rolled off of the roof of the damaged car and darted off toward the bus station.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 9:57 pm
Tuxedo Man was happy and lucky to be alive, but his dear friend Sockeye had been injured, and needed critical care in the form of a sewing kit, pronto! Speaking of critical care, perhaps someone might have help to offer the poor b*****d whom Tuxedo had landed on.
The boy looked down to see a scroll beside him. Upon closer inspection he found that the small cylindrical object was, in fact, the declaration of independence. With wide eye he glanced beneath him.
In a sorrowful tone he muttered, as he recognized the man, "Oh no... Nick Cage."
He quickly gathered his emotions and shrugged, "Not a bad way to go, actually." He somersaulted over and picked himself up to his feet, then chased after his friend as she darted through traffic, all screeching to a stop to avoid hitting her. "You rascal!"
|
|
|
|
|
|
Son of a Jotun Vice Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 10:03 pm
"How did this happen? We were supposed to be putting on a show, and once again we're on the run from the law." Sailor's soliloquy began, "I just want to make an honest living like the other folks do!" As she spoke, she proceeded to pull a small bag of cocaine out of her pocket and straighten a lump into a line on the bus stop bench. "I mean, what are we doing wrong, my friend? I just want to live a life like the warriors and revolutionaries before me! Maybe no one will remember my name, or even what I stood for, but I would at least like a small part of my life to be left behind when I leave this world.
"Maybe I will be the first woman to fly across the Atlantic, or the first woman to be hanged for a crime in the state of Illinois. I cannot know what my legacy will be. Hell, maybe even masturbating in public, like PeeWee. He's the reason I got into children's entertainment, you know." She glanced at her travelling companion as she had just finished straightening the line of coke, "You're not even listening are you? What the hell are you even looking at?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 10:10 pm
As his friend rambled on, the Tux had pulled from his jacket a small cornucopia of nudie mags that he had been saving for a rainy day. He ignored her speech in its entirety as he pried some of the pages apart with great force. Hhnn. He had thought these were unused.
By the time the sailor's speech was over, however, he had been comfortably into a page, though he did hear as she shouted at him for his attention, the final question as to what he was looking at.
Immediately he responded, "SEKSHIE MAGZ!"
At that moment the bus arrived. Tux stood, tucked his junk uncomfortably back into his pants and stood. "Finish your coke, dudette. It's travel time, you know how the conductor hates that s**t."
|
|
|
|
|
|
Son of a Jotun Vice Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 10:15 pm
Saily did has her friend advised and snorted the line of laundry detergent or baking soda before standing and joining him as he climbed the stairs onto the bus. The bus was full save for two seats on opposite sides of the aisle, close to the back.
"Guess we'll sit back there." The bus was heading east, from Los Angeles.
Usuu took a seat beside a rather downtrodden looking gal. She was clearly drunk, or high, perhaps C, all of the above. She was wearing spandex, like most looneys on the bus did, but Ubachuu was not intimidated.
"Hello friend!"
The girl looked up with sad eyes and refused to respond with a hello, instead, she began to tell of her sad sad story, of how she had gotten a break in hollywood, and she was doing well. "All was the case, but then I was cancelled."
"How tragic!" Sailor Blog gasped. "It must have been so tragic! How long were you in the business? That is... how long did your show last?"
"They didn't even air the pilot!"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 10:22 pm
"It was a damned good pilot, too!" An old, homeless-looking man with a beard was in the seat beside the unlucky Tux. He reeked of alcohol and his own feces, and he belched in the poor puppeteer's face. "Best I ever wrote."
"How tragic." Tux replied flatly. He was not concerned about the broken dreams of strangers or the boulevard they lived on. In fact he had stopped to pee on the members of Green Day who were also on the bus.
"I would prefer to be sitting in the front of the bus where Patrick Jane and a slew of other made-for-television crime-drama stars are seated. But, it is about time people lost interest in that noise. Now we'll just have to murder the reality stars and get Whose Line back on and we'll be in the clear."
"Hey!" The smelly, bearded man chimed in, "I could get in on a plot like that!"
|
|
|
|
|
|
Son of a Jotun Vice Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 10:27 pm
"Then it's settled!" The smelly female traveler who had taken the window seat near Sailor shouted loudly, thrusting a pointed finger into the air, "We shall fix television for the better!"
"And in doing so," Say-Z laughed, "We can get your show back on air! It will be brilliant! On one channel we can put your unrecognized brilliance, and on another channel, Tux and I can do a 24-7 puppet show with no bathroom breaks and an audience in chains! Yes perfect!"
"I like that idea, I'm finna tweet it." The woman to her right explained. She proceeded to pull out a small brick which had been drawn on with crayon. When she finished pretending to type, she looked up with a serious expression. "Studio got my droid in the divorce, right Bananoctopus?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 10:31 pm
"They claimed they needed it for the Disney Star Wars sequel. Which is going to be great, or so they tell me." The stank boy said. "Everything by Disney is great though, so we will not have to worry about that at the very least." He let out a sigh of relief and proceeded to stare longingly out the window. He reflected silently for a long, drawn out minute before he expressed in a quiet whisper, "I need to s**t..."
"Wonderful." Tuxedo sighed. "So, taking over Hollywood, shouldn't we begin by, you know, getting off of this bus and heading toward, well, Hollywood?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
Son of a Jotun Vice Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 10:33 pm
"Good idea!" The girls both screeched in unison as they proceeded to leap from their window on the moving bus.
Will they land safely? Will our heroes make it back to Hollywood and save or destroy the industry? Find out next week on whatever the name of this crap was again!
((Need to take a moment to appreciate you for being the funniest ******** in the world, rn, okay?))
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 10:35 pm
[[You mus'a lost yo fukkin mind. I died and came abck and died again when you brought Peach and Bana into the story.
We didn't get to make many political jokes with Ba-Sock Obama, but I am still quite pleased with the route this particular story has taken.
No wonder we can't do serious RPs anymore, we have so much fun with this bullshit.]]
|
|
|
|
|
|
Son of a Jotun Vice Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 10:37 pm
((Quite proud of myself in this one, honestly. Usually these things are vulgar and unsophisticated, but my cultured a** referenced Les Mis, okay. And if you don't think that's classy you best check yo-self.))
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
