|
|
| Would you care? |
| Yes. Total deal-breaker. |
|
0% |
[ 0 ] |
| No. I don't care about their past, just our future together. |
|
30% |
[ 4 ] |
| It would depend on the circumstances. |
|
69% |
[ 9 ] |
|
| Total Votes : 13 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2012 10:56 am
Assuming that you're saving sex for your wedding night, would you marry someone who didn't? For the sake of argument, let's just say that this person is really amazing, and if you believe in "the one," you're pretty sure they're it.
Would the fact that they'd had sex with someone else before they met you be a deal-breaker? They've been perfectly respectful of your wishes to wait, never tried to pressure you into anything you didn't want to do, but they simply didn't wait until marriage to have sex.
Would it make a difference if they regretted it? Would it make a difference if they'd had more than one previous sexual partner?
Man, I am on a thread-making roll today.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2012 1:36 pm
What do you mean in your poll "It would depend on the circumstances?" Just curious.
My general answer, though, I'd marry someone who has had sex before marriage, as long as they're willing to wait until after marriage to have sex with me.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2012 3:08 pm
ca adam What do you mean in your poll "It would depend on the circumstances?" Just curious.
My general answer, though, I'd marry someone who has had sex before marriage, as long as they're willing to wait until after marriage to have sex with me. I gave some examples in my OP. For example, would it make a difference if they regretted it? Would it make a difference if they didn't? Would it matter to you how many sexual partners they'd had before meeting you? What about if they'd been married before and were either divorced or their first spouse died? Basically, is there a limit to what sort of a sexual past you would be okay with a partner having, or do you simply care about the future, and so long as they're willing to wait for you and are marrying you, their past doesn't matter to you, or at least is something you're willing to move past?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2012 3:58 pm
SinfulGuillotine ca adam What do you mean in your poll "It would depend on the circumstances?" Just curious.
My general answer, though, I'd marry someone who has had sex before marriage, as long as they're willing to wait until after marriage to have sex with me. I gave some examples in my OP. For example, would it make a difference if they regretted it? Would it make a difference if they didn't? Would it matter to you how many sexual partners they'd had before meeting you? What about if they'd been married before and were either divorced or their first spouse died? Basically, is there a limit to what sort of a sexual past you would be okay with a partner having, or do you simply care about the future, and so long as they're willing to wait for you and are marrying you, their past doesn't matter to you, or at least is something you're willing to move past?
I think a person's past has a lot to do with who they are in the present. I think it's important that if I wanted to marry someone, I'd want to know all of them; no secrets. I'm not particularly fond of my past trysts, but I'm willing to confess it all to someone I wanted to marry, no matter how embarrassing they might be to me personally. I wouldn't want to create a sense of dishonesty. That can ruin any relationship. It's not that I'd want to pick at the person for their past; that's not my reasoning about it. I'd just want to know them, to see where they came from. It can also reveal things that I and that person can help each other with.
But if there is honesty, and there is a willingness to move forward and leave the past behind so the present can be focused on, I see little reason to let a person's past affect my choice in marrying them.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Oct 27, 2012 9:54 pm
 What happened in the past is in the past. I think it's kinda stupid to hold something that someone did before they even knew you over their head. I don't care if my guy had other people in his life, that was before we got together and as long as he is faithful to me I don't care. If he cheats then out the door he will go. This has never been a big issue with me, if it is in the past you cant change it so why dwell on it? Now with criminal records and such like if my guy had a huge felony on his record like rape or manslaughter then I would probably be iffy about him. If he had STD's I would be iffy because I don't want diseases. Other than that I don't see it as an issue.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 2:11 am
nope i couldn't. I"m squeemish about the idea of sex anyway. It would take a lot to even have sex with my future husband. I couldn't marry him if i knew he had been loose
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 2:48 am
I almost did that.
I knew a girl who was indeed christian....but she was far too niave....fooled and tricked by a man and ended up sleeping with them. I stayed with her and was confused. I truely loved her...but in the end I was just one of many she stayed in touch with in her search to find "THE ONE" and she left me for someone who abviously wanted only to use her. I told her again and again. she thought I was trying to get back at her. in the end.... she came back to me tears in her eyes begging for me to take her back. but I knew it was not what I needed to do. she in the end was not the one for me and she had two men under her belt. I did not want to make the call. yes she was a good person. yes she was unfortunate but it was because of all of that...I could not take her back.
I still wonder if what I did was right
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 3:57 am
kesuke uchiha I almost did that. I knew a girl who was indeed christian....but she was far too niave....fooled and tricked by a man and ended up sleeping with them. I stayed with her and was confused. I truely loved her...but in the end I was just one of many she stayed in touch with in her search to find "THE ONE" and she left me for someone who abviously wanted only to use her. I told her again and again. she thought I was trying to get back at her. in the end.... she came back to me tears in her eyes begging for me to take her back. but I knew it was not what I needed to do. she in the end was not the one for me and she had two men under her belt. I did not want to make the call. yes she was a good person. yes she was unfortunate but it was because of all of that...I could not take her back. I still wonder if what I did was right It sounds like the problems you had in your relationship with this girl had fairly little to do with her sexual history and more than she didn't know what she wanted and you had to move on to preserve your sanity.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 2:30 pm
SinfulGuillotine kesuke uchiha I almost did that. I knew a girl who was indeed christian....but she was far too niave....fooled and tricked by a man and ended up sleeping with them. I stayed with her and was confused. I truely loved her...but in the end I was just one of many she stayed in touch with in her search to find "THE ONE" and she left me for someone who abviously wanted only to use her. I told her again and again. she thought I was trying to get back at her. in the end.... she came back to me tears in her eyes begging for me to take her back. but I knew it was not what I needed to do. she in the end was not the one for me and she had two men under her belt. I did not want to make the call. yes she was a good person. yes she was unfortunate but it was because of all of that...I could not take her back. I still wonder if what I did was right It sounds like the problems you had in your relationship with this girl had fairly little to do with her sexual history and more than she didn't know what she wanted and you had to move on to preserve your sanity.
But I've learned one thing from my own experience: no one can fix me but me and God. Those who've done me wrong in the past can't fix me, and my loved ones can't fix me. It has to be my choice, and I have to be willing to deal with the suffering of letting go and working through all the gunk that was left over from being hurt. It's hard, though; it feels easier to think someone can heal me up and make life better, but it doesn't really work that way. I mean, it "can," but I've only seen it turn potentially good relationships into harmful co-dependent ones.
Saying that... it sounds like that girl hadn't really come to a place where she wanted to accept what she was actually doing to herself. There's only so much you can do with a person like that before they start dragging you down that dark pit with them. I'm not saying such a person doesn't deserve to be with someone, but such a person does need to come to a realization of what they're doing before it's too late.
I don't think you did the wrong thing by not taking her back for several reasons. I only hope that she might understand why one day and learn from it. Pray for her.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 5:48 pm
I think if they had a sexual history it should be disclosed. If they have an sti/std is incredibly important to know. Also, any children (although, I'd feel weird if he had children and his ex was still alive).
But categorically I wouldn't disqualify someone. We live in a messed up over-sexed culture that glorifies passions in the moment over building a strong relationship. The best I thing I could do if ever in a relationship with someone with a sexual history is just assert my position of waiting til marriage, accepting him in the meanwhile, and showing by the life I lead (prayerfully) a better alternative to....whatever counts as a relationship these days.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 2:52 am
Everyone makes mistakes. It's understandable if it makes a person uncomfortable if they're abstinent but their partner is no longer a virgin. However, that's not to say that this person does not deserve to ever have a permanent relationship of their own because that's like saying they can't be forgiven for this particular sin. I could forgive my fiance if he had a sexual contact with women in the past as long as I know he'd never pressure me to have sex until marriage. Even people with DUIs are allowed to redeem themselves. We should be able to forgive all sins through Jesus, not pick and choose what's too extreme to forgive a repentant sinner.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Feb 08, 2013 11:34 am
My hope is, in you Lord... "Romans 5:3-5"
That wouldn't be a deal breaker for me.
I believe it would be a beautiful thing to see a person, who was sexually active before me, wait with me until we were married to have sex. I have a lot of trust issues and I would be worried that they were doing other things, like looking at porn or cheating... that only proves I have an issue and should wait a lot longer before I start dating again though sweatdrop
A person's past shouldn't be held over their head. What matters is the here and now. If they love Jesus with their whole heart and place him above everything then their past is no more, they are pure again.
I struggle with being damaged goods from being a (soon to be) divorced woman. I was only ever with my husband though. I know that I have have been made pure by God, but it hurts and I feel like it could hurt a future mate especially if they have waited... again, my own issues and proving I need more time to heal... sweatdrop
...I won't be shaken by drought or storm "Psalm 62:6"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 6:43 pm
For me it would depend, my current bf, has no sexual history, which I really like.
My ex-fiance, I broke up with and sexual history was part of the reason. It was something we had talked about after we had been dating for a while, I made clear that I wanted to wait till we were married, he didn't care one way or the other, but said he never had before. Not until after we were engaged did he tell me that he had had sex before. So in this case, it lead me to distrust him because he had lied about something to me for so long more than the fact of what he had done.
I still like the idea of having a one and only on a sexual level though. that's why I'm waiting
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2013 9:27 am
Iam WhoIAm For me it would depend, my current bf, has no sexual history, which I really like. My ex-fiance, I broke up with and sexual history was part of the reason. It was something we had talked about after we had been dating for a while, I made clear that I wanted to wait till we were married, he didn't care one way or the other, but said he never had before. Not until after we were engaged did he tell me that he had had sex before. So in this case, it lead me to distrust him because he had lied about something to me for so long more than the fact of what he had done. I still like the idea of having a one and only on a sexual level though. that's why I'm waiting It sounds like his dishonesty was probably a bigger problem than his past. I know that personally, I could care less what someone did with whom before I was in the picture, whether they've had no sexual partners or 300, but honesty IS a big deal to me. As others have said, I think that honesty and full disclosure are very important, in ALL aspects of a relationship.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
