Hugs & Healing: BFAA's Community of Care

[Hydro]

emotion_hug for the BFAA~  

[Hot Caffeinated Cree]

`Hydro

emotion_hug for the BFAA~

emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug  

[Hydro]

brunak_fonika

 

[Renon21]

So I just found out my grandmother on my dads side died a few days ago, I know I should feel sad and I do but not as sad as if it were the one on my mothers side. I guess it's due to the bad blood with my dad with the divorce and the fact I don't have many happy memories with her. She was strict, screamed if you so much as made a sound going up stairs etc, but I remember times we did have fun though they were few and far between. The worst part is it feels like I don't even really care she's gone. I guess not seeing her much and the like helped factor this in but still...


I guess when you brace for people to die since childhood rather than just let it happen you get this result. It's not that i'm not sympathetic... I just guess that focusing so much on everyone in my family dying since I was eight years old going through what only can be described as whirlwind of mental and physical abuse caused the feeling to just become apathy since I was already braced for it.

What's worse is it gives me feelings that if I died the result would be the same for most of the family. Such as when I told my Mother about some suicidal thoughts I had shared and her first response was " Oh so did your friends who don't really care say so sad we'll send a card to your funeral, if they really cared they would have called the police." among with other insults and her saying she feels like I do with her illnesses but you don't see her giving up I know that was said out of anger but still the thought lingers in the back of my head. I guess what scares me is not the fact of death is sad but rather does anyone actually really care if you are gone. I see people devastated everyday over lost loved ones yes, but for some it's so bad they shut down and die themselves which in turn causes people to go too bad so sad and move on so as not to end up like that.

I guess in the long run the answer is yes people care, but only for as long as there is something to remind them of you and even then only if the memories were happy.  

[Hydro]

Renon21

So I just found out my grandmother on my dads side died a few days ago, I know I should feel sad and I do but not as sad as if it were the one on my mothers side. I guess it's due to the bad blood with my dad with the divorce and the fact I don't have many happy memories with her. She was strict, screamed if you so much as made a sound going up stairs etc, but I remember times we did have fun though they were few and far between. The worst part is it feels like I don't even really care she's gone. I guess not seeing her much and the like helped factor this in but still...


I guess when you brace for people to die since childhood rather than just let it happen you get this result. It's not that i'm not sympathetic... I just guess that focusing so much on everyone in my family dying since I was eight years old going through what only can be described as whirlwind of mental and physical abuse caused the feeling to just become apathy since I was already braced for it.

What's worse is it gives me feelings that if I died the result would be the same for most of the family. Such as when I told my Mother about some suicidal thoughts I had shared and her first response was " Oh so did your friends who don't really care say so sad we'll send a card to your funeral, if they really cared they would have called the police." among with other insults and her saying she feels like I do with her illnesses but you don't see her giving up I know that was said out of anger but still the thought lingers in the back of my head. I guess what scares me is not the fact of death is sad but rather does anyone actually really care if you are gone. I see people devastated everyday over lost loved ones yes, but for some it's so bad they shut down and die themselves which in turn causes people to go too bad so sad and move on so as not to end up like that.

I guess in the long run the answer is yes people care, but only for as long as there is something to remind them of you and even then only if the memories were happy.

Sometimes we'll only believe the worst things and our minds will only repeat the worst things to us. Mental Illness usually amplified those negative feelings. I think things that happen during the time of ongoing (daily effecting life) illness like that often even are amplified worse even when remembering them because of the time they happened.

Perhaps your experiences with these persons would lead you to believe that the long run that they wouldn't remember or care unless there was some happy reminder. I just hope you find that not all people behave as though someone becomes unimportant whether or not there's a reminder or a happy memory. No one becomes unimportant.

I hope you feel a bit better, dear. emotion_hug  

[Hot Caffeinated Cree]

Renon21

So I just found out my grandmother on my dads side died a few days ago, I know I should feel sad and I do but not as sad as if it were the one on my mothers side. I guess it's due to the bad blood with my dad with the divorce and the fact I don't have many happy memories with her. She was strict, screamed if you so much as made a sound going up stairs etc, but I remember times we did have fun though they were few and far between. The worst part is it feels like I don't even really care she's gone. I guess not seeing her much and the like helped factor this in but still...


I guess when you brace for people to die since childhood rather than just let it happen you get this result. It's not that i'm not sympathetic... I just guess that focusing so much on everyone in my family dying since I was eight years old going through what only can be described as whirlwind of mental and physical abuse caused the feeling to just become apathy since I was already braced for it.

What's worse is it gives me feelings that if I died the result would be the same for most of the family. Such as when I told my Mother about some suicidal thoughts I had shared and her first response was " Oh so did your friends who don't really care say so sad we'll send a card to your funeral, if they really cared they would have called the police." among with other insults and her saying she feels like I do with her illnesses but you don't see her giving up I know that was said out of anger but still the thought lingers in the back of my head. I guess what scares me is not the fact of death is sad but rather does anyone actually really care if you are gone. I see people devastated everyday over lost loved ones yes, but for some it's so bad they shut down and die themselves which in turn causes people to go too bad so sad and move on so as not to end up like that.

I guess in the long run the answer is yes people care, but only for as long as there is something to remind them of you and even then only if the memories were happy.

Ren, just remember that you're cared about here by your friends. We'll help you through it, and give you lots of hugs along the way. emotion_bigheart emotion_hug You're a dear and loving friend, and will always be cherished. By just being you, you give reason enough. (That goes for everyone here too. I love you guys. emotion_hug )  

[Hot Caffeinated Cree]

I've not been feeling good at all for the past month and a half. A series of bad things have happened and keep happening, and I can't seem to take it anymore. I'm using this to vent, so I don't go crazy. I've tried talking to Jeremy and others about things, but I just keep feeling more and more like s**t. Yet to add to it, someone else who I thought was my friend has been talking bad about me. Telling another person that I had just been someone they could use, and I believed them. I've become physically ill and very depressed. I literally can't go anywhere without the fear of something bad happening now. It's been so constant. I feel suicidal,unwanted, and like nothing. Nothing is helping..I don't know what to do..it's getting worse.  

[Chibi Halo]

Hot Caffeinated Cree

I've not been feeling good at all for the past month and a half. A series of bad things have happened and keep happening, and I can't seem to take it anymore. I'm using this to vent, so I don't go crazy. I've tried talking to Jeremy and others about things, but I just keep feeling more and more like s**t. Yet to add to it, someone else who I thought was my friend has been talking bad about me. Telling another person that I had just been someone they could use, and I believed them. I've become physically ill and very depressed. I literally can't go anywhere without the fear of something bad happening now. It's been so constant. I feel suicidal,unwanted, and like nothing. Nothing is helping..I don't know what to do..it's getting worse.

I know you're just blowing off steam but remember anytime you want to talk to anyone about this aside from Adz we're all here for you. Someone from the guild will always be on before 10pm eastern time nearly every night if you want some nearly real time talk. We're also just a PM away if you want a more private place to talk about anything. You don't have to go it alone.

 

[Cynoscion]

I need some hugs, all of the hugs!  

[Cynoscion]

Hot Caffeinated Cree

I've not been feeling good at all for the past month and a half. A series of bad things have happened and keep happening, and I can't seem to take it anymore. I'm using this to vent, so I don't go crazy. I've tried talking to Jeremy and others about things, but I just keep feeling more and more like s**t. Yet to add to it, someone else who I thought was my friend has been talking bad about me. Telling another person that I had just been someone they could use, and I believed them. I've become physically ill and very depressed. I literally can't go anywhere without the fear of something bad happening now. It's been so constant. I feel suicidal,unwanted, and like nothing. Nothing is helping..I don't know what to do..it's getting worse.

I'm here if you need anything. You're always welcome in my book. emotion_hug You've done so much and I'm thankful to have you as a friend.  

[Hot Caffeinated Cree]

Cynoscion

Hot Caffeinated Cree

I've not been feeling good at all for the past month and a half. A series of bad things have happened and keep happening, and I can't seem to take it anymore. I'm using this to vent, so I don't go crazy. I've tried talking to Jeremy and others about things, but I just keep feeling more and more like s**t. Yet to add to it, someone else who I thought was my friend has been talking bad about me. Telling another person that I had just been someone they could use, and I believed them. I've become physically ill and very depressed. I literally can't go anywhere without the fear of something bad happening now. It's been so constant. I feel suicidal,unwanted, and like nothing. Nothing is helping..I don't know what to do..it's getting worse.

I'm here if you need anything. You're always welcome in my book. emotion_hug You've done so much and I'm thankful to have you as a friend.

emotion_hug :3 Thank you, Ano. Same to you!  

[Cynoscion]

Hot Caffeinated Cree

Cynoscion

Hot Caffeinated Cree

I've not been feeling good at all for the past month and a half. A series of bad things have happened and keep happening, and I can't seem to take it anymore. I'm using this to vent, so I don't go crazy. I've tried talking to Jeremy and others about things, but I just keep feeling more and more like s**t. Yet to add to it, someone else who I thought was my friend has been talking bad about me. Telling another person that I had just been someone they could use, and I believed them. I've become physically ill and very depressed. I literally can't go anywhere without the fear of something bad happening now. It's been so constant. I feel suicidal,unwanted, and like nothing. Nothing is helping..I don't know what to do..it's getting worse.

I'm here if you need anything. You're always welcome in my book. emotion_hug You've done so much and I'm thankful to have you as a friend.

emotion_hug :3 Thank you, Ano. Same to you!

I've been feeling like crap and worthless too. Trusting God is all that gets me through it personally. It sucks, hurts and I want hugs and love ):  

[Hot Caffeinated Cree]

cry I just need a hug...depression and anxiety keep setting in, and little things people say and do hurt me more. I wish one week would pass by where I didn't have to cry.  

[MasturChef]

Hot Caffeinated Cree

cry I just need a hug...depression and anxiety keep setting in, and little things people say and do hurt me more. I wish one week would pass by where I didn't have to cry.

emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug
Hugs inbound!
I'm here for ya, Cree c:
We all are! heart  

[Hot Caffeinated Cree]

MasturChef

Hot Caffeinated Cree

cry I just need a hug...depression and anxiety keep setting in, and little things people say and do hurt me more. I wish one week would pass by where I didn't have to cry.

emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug
Hugs inbound!
I'm here for ya, Cree c:
We all are! heart

Thanks, Cheffie.. emotion_hug cry