Family and relationships?

[MadHatterDA]

Honestly this could apply to anyone here, not just the GLBT part of the community. I'm curious how does your family handle your relationship(s)? Even if you're currently single how did it go with the last one you brought home? Do they generally approve of your choice and treat them like family ect? Then of course if you've never had a serious relationship have you talked to your family about what you want in a person? How did they take it? Do they act differently towards you because you're not dating?

I know my family has always had trouble with the lesbian thing. The first few gfs I had about sent my mom into a heart attack. Then she made the comment that maybe I should "try a p***s and it wouldn't be so bad". Lmao, that made me think of a p***s like some shoes I could slip on. emotion_awesome Anyway we eventually had it out, and she had to come to terms with the fact I intended on dating women. When I first started college I even told her that if she didn't want me to date I wouldn't (because my family and their opinion of me was highly important to me), but I would not date a guy simply to make her happy. She kinda got over it, but my sister has always been the best at handling it.

Eventually when I met the wife and had a relationship that was obviously going to stick we hit panic mode again. I remember my dad having a s**t fit when I moved in with her, throwing things and getting physical and telling me not to come back (I'm not complaining I've seen a lot worse. Mine wasn't so bad). Over the years they have gotten better, and my dad admits that while he dislikes it he can live with it...but not accept it. He also kinda takes blame for it (many of our family members on his side are gay or bisexual. He takes it as more of a genetic thing which I agree in genetics. My mom always thinks it's something in my head.)

Anyway speeding forward a few years my family attempts to treat her like family. She's always invited to family functions, but there are still differences. She is not allowed to sleep with me (like really would I bang her at my parents house when I live with her? Come on parents). We're not technically married because our state doesn't allow it, but three years ago we went to have domestic papers done. That has never mattered to my parents. We went to visit a few weeks ago and were literally just laying on the bed together. I was reading and she was on my laptop and my mom kept going in there to check on us. :/ Hmm, not to be weird, but I'm almost 26 years old and my wife is 30. We're sooo far out of the kid range. My parents also freak out if she sits really close to me on the couch or if I lay on her or anything. Now, this wouldn't bother me normally since my parents are conservative anyway and it's just their way.

My problem is my sister is six years younger than me, and she is engaged. I'm very happy for her, but to be bluntly honest while I like her fiance and we're buddies he's not the best guy. My sister could do a lot better considering he lies and steals ect, but he has a harsh background and has improved a lot. I know with my parents though their relationship is far more acceptable because it's a straight one. My wife is a good person, she works hard and is going back to school so that we can have a decent life. She's trustworthy and yet they question her a lot still. I know when my sister is married they will be able to sleep in the same room for sure. :/ I've decided before Christmas I have to talk with my parents. I cannot do another Christmas without sleeping with my wife.

Really though I have two things that have gotten on my nerves lately. No matter how much I want to say they have improved there are always some problems. A while back I sent the desktop in to have it looked at and my mom was all "well make sure there is no child porn on it!"...She wasn't even concerned witht he idea that I might have child porn. She just didn't want me to get caught with it. I flipped out asking her why in the hell would I have child porn because that's pretty sick especially considering I'm a teacher. @_@ She was just all "you never know!"

I never could get a real answer out of her, but I concluded either she thought my wife had it on there or because we're lesbians automatically we're depraved enough to have child porn? Hell that just disturbed me she would even accuse either of us with such things. Then my wife keeps updating me about events on Facebook (I hate it and left mine). My sister is not getting married for a few years, but she's out wedding dress shopping all the time. I feel really happy for her, and I'll be very proud of her when she does marry. I have this tiny tinge of jealousy that I hate to admit. My parents intend to throw her a massive wedding (they can afford it no worries), but they never offered to even help or attend ours. The wife and I have been planning to move to a legal state for years, especially when she finishes school. The last two years we've tried to save and at least get married. Usually life stuff gets in the way and we never go though. I'm a pretty independent person, and I wouldn't want my parents to offer me money anyway. I like to do things on my own, but at the same time it hurts a little that they never offered. I'm the oldest and my relationship is not valid enough to even receive an offer when my sister's is automatically already on the way years in advance.


Anyway, blah that was long! I'm not really looking for advice or sympathy just thinking about my own relationship (I tend to talk and type a lot sorry, but I think I handle it the best way possible). I'm curious how other families have responded to relationships. Any really positive success stories or crappy not so great ones? Feel free to type a lot since I make you read all mine. lmao  

[Taeryyn]

Hm, well. My mother and I have never actually discussed my orientation, although she's well aware of the fact that I'm queer. It's just not something that was ever spoken about in our household.
However, she's always been polite and respectful to any of my significant others that she's met. She doesn't approve, but she's tolerant, and I appreciate it. Even before she found out I wasn't straight, I don't remember her ever really talking about homosexuality at all. She's Catholic, and it's what she doesn't say that leads me to that the conclusion that she disapproves.

I don't think my brothers care one way or another, and my little sister is only 5, so I don't think she really has an opinion yet.

I've been out as long as my step-rather has known me, and he's never had an issue with my orientation. He's always been really supportive, and he treats my boyfriends the same way he treats the girls that date my brothers.  

[Sifen Yamishi]

My family hasn't really been accepting of my orientation as a straight transgender FtM. [Meaning I date girls]

'Dad' pretty much blames my mom for this while mom is slowly coming around. I doubt they are supportive and are trying to make me be a normal straight girl.

My brother, Dan, is rather indifferent, but he doesn't acknowledge me as my nickname at all, only calling me by my birth name. rolleyes

The only people in my family who have been supportive...well it's mainly Victoria, a cousin in Florida. Everyone else is either in denial, slowly trying to grasp it or have just plain out rejected this.  

[Elementalists]

well my family knows but they are in denail and living in a christian home i am one of those rare gya people that beleive. b yeh sometimes it is hard and so i get what u people are going threw.  

[SilentVex]

*shrugs* I live in a tolerant and accepting family. Though I've yet to date any guy (They're cute just, not boyfriend material) they know I'm interested in dating guys (Dating being the keyword here, also as far as I know its just mom and my two younger sisters that know) and accept it. Though they do treat every girlfriend I have had as family, before during and after dating.

That and my sister went through a short bisexual phase thingie where she was doubting her sexuality, and she had no problems. I think I just lucked out. I wish everyone could have a family like mine that is so kind and tolerant.  

[ForeverDreamWithinADream]

I don't know, I am not exactly sure what my sexuality (I made comments about I find all sorts of people attractive which I do when it comes to looks (lately it's been mostly women I be saying how pretty/beautiful they look) but not sure how I would feel about physical contact and dating, though I don't think they think it is anything serious, that or they are in denial. Its obvious I never dated anyone while most people my age are getting serious to the point of getting married and have children).

It's also obvious that I am a very masculine girl (lately I just been talking to them about testing for CAH and doing research as I don't think I have PCOS like doctors think).

I know my mom makes comments about gay and transgender and would go "ew", "I don't like what they do/choose" or how they aren't serious, etc..... neutral

Have no clue about other members of my family, I don't see or talk to them, so I guess it doesn't really matter.

I don't think they would disowned me, but I don't know just how accepting they would be either. They make it hard to talk to them about anything but I always stand up when they do make comments and trying sharing my views.  

[shares_stomach_acid]

I never had an issue trying to figure out my sexuality. I had my first female crush around the same time I had my first male, and it was never odd for me. And my parents had multiple Gay friends, hell both of them even had a gay best friend at one point. So I never once thought about it, or fretted about it. So it was really shocking to me that my parents flipped out as much as they did. It was like they thought it was okay for other people to be gay, just not me. When I first brought my first girlfriend over over my mom made sure to sit between us on the couch and freaked out if we touched or acted like we where going to touch. They both always made comments on me just needing a d**k to rock my world and blah blah blah, and my mom always ranted about how I had no idea what I was missing and blah blah blah. They also tried to make the point about me having kids, which really didn't make and sense, because my older sister is adopted, and they always made a huge deal about how shes still there kid and still family. They got over it pretty quickly though. Mostly for two reasons; 1. I've always been really independent, and rebellious, so I didn't have an issue telling my parents they where wrong, I wasn't going to change, and that they needed to get over it and shut up. 2. the same year I "came out" (how they didn't know before I got a girlfriend is still a mystery to the rest of my family) a depressing amount of high schooler's got into fatal car accidents. We lived in really small town, and my dad was a CHP officer and had to cover almost all of them. It really put things into perspective for him, and he quickly decided to get over himself. Although I still get dyke and d**k jokes a lot, thats mostly because of there personality's and bad tastes in jokes.
They are actually going to pride this year, and my mom has become some crazy pro gay look at my daughter for an awesome example kinda parent. Which actually really annoys me since she had the worse reaction to it and acts like she was my main supporter from the start, but whatever.  

[weapon-of-love]

well me my brother he is ok with all that i do just he will be a big brother and kick a persons butt (only male) if they upset me. my mom could care if i was dead or alive. my little and older sisters dont care what i do. and my dad gives me the b.s. that im going to hell for liking and dating girls. adn more then 95% of the time i just dont tell them i am dating  

[Esiris]

I came out to my Grams and she was ok and I was totally surprised!
For the most part- I keep my orientation, gender identity and poly status a secret from my mama, she's an abusive b***h anyway.  

[rielles]

I was actually hoping someone would post something like this. Im in need of advice. so long time ago when i came out to my family, they did not accept it. my friends were entirely accepting as long as i was sure of my identity. my family refused to accept it and told me they wouldnt except it. they told me i had no idea what i was talking about. since then some of my family members have been making alot of gay jokes although i am pansexual and its really hurting my feelings. can anyone help me crying  

[Kitty150]

I never told my parents that I'm bi, because I already know the outcome. My mother will yell at me, and say I will go to hell for dating the same sex. stare And that's why i don't date anyone now, not until i move out of their house.  

[emerii_iam]

My mom doesn't care. My dad and step mom on the other hand are better off not knowing anything about me. (Overly religious) gonk  

[loonaboots]

pandoranella22

I was actually hoping someone would post something like this. Im in need of advice. so long time ago when i came out to my family, they did not accept it. my friends were entirely accepting as long as i was sure of my identity. my family refused to accept it and told me they wouldnt except it. they told me i had no idea what i was talking about. since then some of my family members have been making alot of gay jokes although i am pansexual and its really hurting my feelings. can anyone help me crying

*hugs*

well, there's a few threads on gaia I could give you a link to, and then there's a few tumblrs and online resources where you could go and talk to someone.

My mom's a bit in denial about my asexuality, and my dad made a few cracks about moss once that wasn't the nicest (he's a bit of a joker, and he didn't mean anything by it- although it did hurt a bit). but if your relatives are doing it to make you feel bad, I'd try and not have as much contact with them, or call them out when they pull crap like that. i'd call them out on it when they mentioned things like that. and if they pull any bible crap, there's usually at least one thing that'll prove that said thing wrong- i.e. Leviticus.

anyways, if you need anything, feel free to talk to me or post a topic in the guild to get help, okay? ^^  

[xoKaityPoo]

My nuclear family knows my mom just ignores it and my dad just doesnt believe it, but my sister she is like my rock i love her so much she is always there for me and defends me againist her friends as well as my family. I am now finding that now I'm away at a liberal arts things are easier when it comes to coming out to people I have a great LGBTQ club who are all very supportive.  

[Xx_Pro Swagga_xX]

Well my family is christian so I don't know how they'll respond to my current relationship status. It's the first time I've ever actually dated another girl and I doubt they've seen this coming. But at the same time, they haven't liked any of the boys I've been in relationships either. So I don't know. My girlfriend has a similar story. She doesn't want to tell her family either but it's an obstacle we'll both have to over come. If anything we could always leave after high school and never keep in touch with our families, but that wouldn't be fair to them. So I don't know. Whenever I rack up the courage to tell them, I'll let you know what happened. But I'm 97% sure it won't be pretty, 2.5% sure they'll hope it's a phase, and .5% sure they'll accept it.