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| Tai or Hazen? |
| Tai! |
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| Poll Whore!!! 8D |
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 Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 6:35 pm
Welcome to Wild Tea-party FanaticsAlertly titled Weird Teenage Fantasies or What The @%&#?! for those who are feeling particularly adventuress.A little History:WTF was originally a comic strip I invented revolving around two main characters and their misadventures. For the purpose of this RP I have brought in one of those characters named Tai; an angry alcoholic that I enjoy picking on XD
This thread is created with the intention of documenting Tai's feeble attempts to save Christmas but if you'd like to throw in your own character or leave a random comment feel free. heart What should Tai and Hazen do next? Tell me here.
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Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 6:38 pm
   Tai Penwright Enemy: NA AC: NA
HP: NA
AC rolled: NA “Sugar will rot your teeth out.” Tai stated blandly as he surveyed the crime scene; icing sugar and sprinkles littered the floor; the only remnants of the sugary Christmas treats. The little girl who had reported the crime burst into tears and ran to her room wailing causing Tai to flinch.
He stared at the mess awhile longer wondering if he should clean it up. Deciding against it he headed out in to the snowy streets of the small town; cases like this were popping up all over the place as Christmas ventured closer, causing most people to worry about what they would feed Santa in order to keep him energized through out the long night. Most people did not include Tai.
“I don’t even like Christmas!” He yelled to no one in particular because that’s what confused protagonists do. A few people also wandering the streets at that late hour stared at him wide eyed before hurrying off to where ever none main character went.
The moon was out and Tai pulled his red coat closer around his shoulders, shivering as he wandered aimlessly through the snowy streets as I’ve yet to get creative enough to make him a house. “I hate winter, I hate cookies, I hate Christmas, and especially hate kids!” he mumbled to himself angrily; it was statements like this that kept him permanently on the naughty list. Little did Tai know, he was about to get a chance at redemption.Enemy: NA
HP : NA Daily attack: 0 of 2
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Nightingale Effect rolled 2 20-sided dice:
15, 10
Total: 25 (2-40)
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Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 7:19 pm
Tai Penwright Enemy: Zero Bot AC: 10
HP: 40
AC rolled: 15 After waiting a horrendous amount of time for Nightingale Effect to finish playing with coding a Zero Bot! jumped out of the darkness with improper punctuation and everything. If there was one thing Tai hated more then kids it was improper punctuation. “How dare you disgrace the English language you fiend!” He cried, despite the fact that the green line of doom was currently accusing him of the exact same thing. Nightingale was unsure how to fix it so she left Tai blissfully unaware.
He then whipped out the gun he wasn’t aware he was carrying and took careful aim. The Zero Bot! just beeped a little as Tai had no hit points and it was thus unaware of what to do. This greatly appeased Nightingale Effect because if Tai were to have hit points with her luck she would have killed him in the first post.
Tai gasped as punctuation was once again used incorrectly and checked the dice roll before firing his gun. To his amazement the shot actually hit taking the Zero Bot’s hit points down ten points thus incapacitating it’s ability to disgrace the English language.
Zero Bot beeped pitifully and sparked a little as Tai laughed evilly; he didn’t so much like the whole Christmas thing but if it meant he got to randomly destroy things maybe, just maybe, he could live with it.
Enemy: Zero Bot
HP : 30 Daily attack: 1 of 2
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Nightingale Effect rolled 2 20-sided dice:
11, 16
Total: 27 (2-40)
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Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 7:51 pm
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Nightingale Effect rolled 2 20-sided dice:
10, 20
Total: 30 (2-40)
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Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2011 4:51 am
Tai Penwright Enemy: Zero Bot AC: 10
HP: 14
AC rolled: 10 *ogles at dice roll* That is exceedingly unlikely and will probably never happen again eh?
Tai shifted uneasily from his position on the ground, it had rained over night further increasing his irritation. “Yeah… I thought it was snowy and cold, why the hell did it rain?!” Little did Tai know he was in Canada and thus negating all conventional rules of weather.
The rain had slowed now to a light mist and clouds hung grey and menacing in the sky, blocking out the morning sun. “Well isn’t that just dandy… can I get up now?” Tai demanded in irritation. Nightingale decided to leave him there for a few more minutes just to piss him off.
*Cue Jeopardy song* …
Finally Tai struggled to his feat, limbs sore and stiff from being in such an awkward position all night. “Thank Uncle Kenny…” he sighed in relief cracking his stiff neck. Zero Bot beeped in disgust.
“Hey! At least you got to sleep in a relatively normal position, and don’t pretend you didn’t cause you snore like a bear!” Zero Bot beeped in apology.“Jeez,” Tai swore before seeing the forlorn look on Zero Bot’s face. “Ah, don’t look like that; you’ll make me feel bad.” Zero Bot just gave another sad beep, kicking a rock that was laying on the ground before wandering away forlornly, head hung low.Tai sighed and rolled his eyes in frustration before running after the depressed bot and wrapping a hand around it’s shoulders. “Look it’s not like I blame you or anything; if I could’ve I would’ve been sleeping too.” Zero Bot beeped angrily. “Aw, I was just saying that; you don’t really snore.” Zero Bot beeped hopefully. “Yeah, really.”Tai and Zero Bot looked at each other, sharing a bonding moment; Tai smiling as Zero Bot gave him it’s usual glare that promised death and destruction to every thing cute and nice, but hey, that wasn’t Zero Bot’s fault Tai figured, it was just built like that.
“Come on buddy lets go get out of this rain.” He patted Zero Bot on the shoulder before wandering on ahead, leading the way to his none existent house. Just then! a menacing beep sounded across town; this time it was not Zero Bot. Tai turned wide eye to see a massive crane dangling a shrink wrapped bundle of last years eight thousand tons of used Christmas wrapping right over Zero Bot's head.
“Ruuuuuunnnnnn!” Tai cried, braking into a sprint using over dramatized slow motion effects. Unfortunately the rest of the world failed to laps into slow motion as well and thus Tai hadn’t even made it one step before Zero Bot gave a final pitiful beep and the Christmas wrapping plummeted onto his head with the power of fifty thousand vengeful trees.
Attack was extremely effective!
“s**t.” Tai swore realizing that slow motion wasn’t as helpful as he’d hoped. He broke into a real sprint this time and ran up to the shrink wrapped bundle, pounding his fists against it uselessly.
“Jimmy!” He cried, voice cracking in anger and sadness as he fell to his knees. Suddenly his shaking stopped and he turned his head up to allow the make up artist to put his eye drops in.“You know,” He said blandly as she worked, “This scene is complete bullshit; I barely even knew the guy.” After being thoroughly ignored Tai went back to sobbing at the newly named Jimmy’s grave, fake tears streaming down his face as he prepared for a five night vigil.
“No way; I am not staying here five fricken nights.” Tai was once again thoroughly ignored.Enemy: Zero Bot
HP : 0 Daily attack: 1 of 2
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Nightingale Effect rolled 2 20-sided dice:
3, 20
Total: 23 (2-40)
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Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 4:24 pm
Tai Penwright Enemy: Zero Zombie Army AC: 13
HP: 60
AC rolled: 3
Tai, to no one's real surprise, had opted to skip out on his five night vigil and instead crawled into the driver’s seat of the crane, which was conveniently, and suspiciously, empty with the key still in the ignition. We find him at this moment in time sleeping none to gracefully; lanky limbs sprawled awkwardly about the small compartment like a dandy longlegs in a jewelry box.
“Chicken feet!” he woke with a start, jamming one of his toes into the front window. “Oh dear Uncle Kenny you're back,” He groaned making an awkward attempt at sitting in a respectable position. “I was just getting to the good part too; we were about to blow up the enemy ship and steal all their…” He trailed off realizing no one really cared about his farfetched hopes, dreams, and aspirations. “Well you don’t have to be mean about it!” Little did Tai know Nightingale had been awake for the past twenty four hours and was feeling mean. Very, very, mean.
“Oh s**t!” Tai swore scrambling out of the crane as cackling started up from his omnipresent creator; echoing eerily through out the town. Then, as if it had been a battle call, the first in a large army of zombies came crawling, painfully slowly, over a distant hill.“Where’d that hill come from anyway?” Tai asked before realizing that, like the crane, it was just one of those things that happened. Tai’s life had been like this for years now but he was still yet to get use to it.
He gave a little huff, zombies were his least favorite undead creature; they were slow, stupid, and worst of all they would not die. They were like slugs after a rain storm, and Tai didn’t like slugs, he didn’t like slugs at all. Deciding that the zombies weren’t coming to him for another day or two Tai jogged up to them to see if he couldn’t stem the disgusting invasion at its source.
At the top of the hill he found that the zombies were just as disgustingly slow and stupid as they looked from the bottom of the hill. No surprise there, but he was kind of hoping that, in the time it took him to jog there, they would have morphed into something cooler and stronger; that way he would have an excuse to give up. But, as it was, he had no such luck so he raised his gun at the nearest one instead. Finding it jammed he simply decided to chuck it at the undead nuisance, not too concerned about it; he had plenty of time to beat them around and figure out what worked.
It bounced off pitifully as the zombie approached him hungrily but, so, so, slowly.
“You suck.” Tai said to the world in general.Enemy: Zero Zombie Army
HP : 60 Daily attack: 1 of 2
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Nightingale Effect rolled 2 20-sided dice:
10, 2
Total: 12 (2-40)
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Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 5:19 pm
Tai Penwright Enemy: Zero Zombie Army AC: 13
HP: 60
AC rolled: 10 After some extensive research Nightingale returned to where Tai was waiting patiently to kick some zombie a**. Luckily for him zombies only eat brains so he was safe.
“That was just mean.” The zombies stared at him in confusion wondering who he was talking to; or maybe it was just hunger, you’d think the undead could at least be a little bit more creative with their facial expressions.
Tai stared back at the zombies a moment longer, still unsure of what to do before deciding to follow the golden rule; when in doubt, run around aimlessly in panic. And so, with a small squeak Tai took off down the hill, running at full tilt. Not that it was really necessary; he would’ve been able to get several miles lead on them by speed walking, but it was the golden rule and you just don’t mess with s**t like that.
After doing several laps around town, feeling suspiciously like a Scooby-Doo character Tai was hit with inspiration; throw glasses of milk at them! After all without cookies the milk was completely useless anyway; it wasn’t like there were small children who needed calcium to grow bones or anything.
So, condemning the world to a generation of midgets with osteoporosis Tai grabbed the nearest plastic sled he could find and quickly filled it with the abandoned glasses of milk, before running up the hill once more.
“Take this zombie scum!” Tai cried, chucking the milk into the army of zombies. The world would suffer a generation of midgets for nothing. Enemy: Zero Zombie Army
HP : 60 Daily attack: 2 of 2
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Nightingale Effect rolled 2 20-sided dice:
16, 14
Total: 30 (2-40)
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Posted: Wed Dec 14, 2011 5:51 pm
Tai Penwright Enemy: Zero Zombie ArmyAC: 13
HP: 60
AC rolled: 16 About halfway through his sled full of milk Tai realized he disliked midgets almost as mush as he disliked zombies, and puppies, and butterflies, and just about any other thing you can think of that isn’t a synonym for booze. So he stopped, realizing afterwards that that had probably been the best course of action all along, as it was having no effect anyway. So, on to the tried and true zombie killing method; a baseball bat.
Tai was too lazy to run all the way back into town for said bad so he decided to use The Force instead. Unfortunately, as Tai had no affiliation with Star Wars, he found that instead of a baseball bat flying towards him it was a foam bat. He decided not to resent this fact as it hit him squarely in the face. “Really?!” he shouted, plucking the bat up from where it had landed. “Can’t you do anything with out causing me some kind of pain?!” Of course Tai wasn’t counting the fact that it was almost impossible to do anything without causing him some sort of mental pain due to the stick shoved hypothetically up his a**.
Ignoring this argument bluntly Tai turned back to the zombies, observing the foam bat warily. He highly doubted a stick of cushy synthetic material would do anything if a gun and multiple glasses of milk hadn’t. Though Tai was missing one key factor; Nightingale had rolled an AC of 16.
So, half heartedly, he turned towards the closest zombie and took a swing at it; taking it out along with the other thirteen behind it. He stared at his newly acquired weapon in shock before turning his eyes up to the sky. “What? Did’ya pull this from a stone or something?”Enemy: Zero Zombie Army
HP : 46 Daily attack: 1 of 2
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Posted: Wed Dec 14, 2011 6:31 pm
No puppies were hurt in the making of this RP.
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Nightingale Effect rolled 2 20-sided dice:
2, 17
Total: 19 (2-40)
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Posted: Wed Dec 14, 2011 6:35 pm
Tai Penwright & Hazen White Enemy: Zero Zombie Army AC: 13
HP: 46
AC rolled: 2
As if those words had broken the spell the foam bat suddenly snapped in half. Tai sighed in exasperation; either these things needed to die or he needed someone new to talk to. Nightingale considered bringing in his ever fateful, yet completely useless companion Cain, but decided against it as, in a zombie invasion, Cain would undoubtedly die within the first five seconds; HP or no HP. So, she decided on the next logical choice.
Hazen suddenly stumbled out of a magical closet smoking a cigarette as he usually did. Smoking, not coming out of closets. Tai stared in wary curiosity. He’d never encountered this particular character before as their personalities were too similar to justify them being in the same story. Also he’d learned from past misadventures never to trust anyone coming out of a closet, Narnia be damned. Besides, he didn’t like lions either.
Hazen took a drag off his cigarette as he looked around, eyes finally coming to rest on Tai. In that moment they connected, and shared, within their hearts, the mutual feeling of utter despair. “s**t.” They swore simultaneously, just because they were badass like that.
After their brief session of teaching small children what not to do they stared at each other in awkward silence, as neither of them were very conversational and the zombies were too freaked out by the magical closet to come any closer.
Tai clicked his tongue and Hazen took another drag off his cigarette. Tai’s nose scrunched in disgust as cigarette was not a synonym for booze. “So…” Tai started; as Hazen looked about ready to just walk away. He’d resigned himself long ago to the fact that he was one of Nightingale’s scapegoats and thus had no qualms about being eaten by zombies. “Ever fought a zombie before?”“Nope.” Hazen replied, ending their conversation as he flicked his cigarette butt at a particularly bold zombie. As Nightingale had only rolled a two the half hearted attack failed. Enemy: Zero Zombie Army
HP : 46 Daily attack: 2 of 2
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Posted: Wed Dec 14, 2011 7:43 pm
I apologies profusely to anyone I have offended or will offend throughout the course of this RP.
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Nightingale Effect rolled 2 20-sided dice:
19, 15
Total: 34 (2-40)
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Posted: Thu Dec 15, 2011 7:30 am
Tai Penwright & Hazen White Enemy: Zero Zombie Army AC: 13
HP: 46
AC rolled: 19
After getting over the shock of having a magical closet appear out of no where the zombies began creeping closer once again. “Walk with me.” Hazen beckoned begging a leisurely backward trot in order to keep himself from being eaten. Tai didn’t share this issue but began walking backwards with him anyway.
“So…” Hazen began before pulling out another cigarette, leaving Tai in suspense as he lit it. “The zombies are after brains right?”Tai nodded, “Yeah; that’s usually what zombies are after.”Hazen let out puff of smoke, looking very proud of himself for once again successfully increasing his risk of cancer. “And they’re after brains ‘cause their hungry right?”Tai glance back at the zombies, staring at them for a moment before slowly nodding his head.
“Have you tried feeding them?”
Tai frowned at this; he had thrown milk at them earlier did that count? He wasn’t sure himself so he voiced this question causing Hazen to chuckle haughtily.“Of course zombies don’t drink milk; they’re after flesh, you need to feed them stake.” Hazen pointed out as though he was a zombie expert.
Tai was a bit thrown off by his tone of voice but decided he’d dispute this point later. “Okay… so where do we find enough stake to feed an army of forty six zombies.” Tai wasn’t sure how he came up with the exact number but it boosted his self esteem a little so he didn’t question it.
Hazen on the other hand had no regard for Tai’s self esteem and looked at him as though he’d just said something incredibly stupid. Granted, they were in Canada so it kind of was. “Were in Canada,” Hazen pointed out redundantly, “Every other house is going to have a whole moose in their freezer.” Tai didn’t know much about Canada so he didn’t dispute this point either.
So gathering up Tai’s plastic sled once again they trotted off towards the village. Tai was pleased to find they weren’t nearly as far away this time.
Gathering up another slay and a barbeque they began raiding houses for moose stakes. Luckily all the houses they raided only contained minor characters so no charges were laid.
Setting up their collection of goodies not far from the zombies Hazen lit the barbeque with ease, as it was accustom to functioning in subzero temperatures.
Tai fretted a little that the zombies would come at them all at once but as it turned out they made quite polite patrons; lining up politely. Not to mention as it took so long for them to move Hazen had plenty of time to cook each stake before the next one arrived.“You’re good at this.” Tai said, chewing on a stake himself as he waited for the next zombie.
Hazen took a drag off his cigarette for good measure. “Ya never know when you’ll have to feed an army of zombies.” Tai marveled at this profound statement.
Unfortunately Hazen’s ideas weren’t nearly as profound as they thought and the army of zombies watched in shock as the last fifteen zombies to consume stakes dropped dead.“Um… freak accident?” Tai offered the angry line of zombies as Hazen gave them a s**t eating grin. It turned out stake didn’t agree with the zombie’s digestive system.Enemy: Zero Zombie Army
HP : 31 Daily attack: 1 of 2
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Nightingale Effect rolled 2 20-sided dice:
12, 5
Total: 17 (2-40)
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Posted: Thu Dec 15, 2011 7:32 am
Tai Penwright & Hazen White Enemy: Zero Zombie Army AC: 13
HP: 31
AC rolled: 12 Hazen and Tai began walking backwards again as the nearest zombie stumbled into the barbeque, knocking it over. They were about three quarters of the way down the hill by this point and Tai was wondering if maybe they should be evacuating the town.“Na,” Hazen decided, scaring Tai a little thinking Hazen had read his mind before realizing it was just their personalities aligning again, “They're only minor characters; they don’t even exist until we think about them." Tai wondered at this statement. “Do you think it works the same way with zombies?”They shared a look, their frighteningly similar personalities coming into line once again. Stopping in their walking and shutting their eyes tight, they thought very, very hard about not thinking about zombies. And to their amazement when they opened their eyes there was still exactly thirty one zombies. Okay, so maybe they felt more disappointment then amazement but they end in the same four letters so that’s close enough right?
“STOP BUTCHERING THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE!” Tai shouted with all the fury of caps lock, causing Hazen to question his sanity. Tai was getting use to his sanity being questioned though so it didn’t bother him too much.
Getting bored of that particular joke they decided to go back to being disappointed over their failed plan. “Well, it had more merit then throwing glasses of milk at them.” Hazen stated, taking out another portion of Tai’s self esteem.Enemy: Zero Zombie Army
HP : 31 Daily attack: 2 of 2
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Nightingale Effect rolled 2 20-sided dice:
1, 3
Total: 4 (2-40)
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Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2011 6:20 am
Tai Penwright & Hazen White Enemy: Zero Zombie Army AC: 13
HP: 31
AC rolled: 1 “It was probably because they were antagonists.” Hazen concluded because it made him feel smart. Tai just dot dot dotted. Out of ideas and half a hill away from the zombies Tai and Hazen sat down to think. Or, in other words Nightingale ran off to find inspiration.“So…” Tai started when she got back, “Any brilliant ideas?” He asked the omnipresent force.
When searching for the meaning of life remember to always consult your left toe before building your life raft.
Tai had five left toes so he wasn’t quite sure which one to ask. “Ye-no.” He decided searching for the meaning of life was far too complicated. Hazen on the other hand took off his left boot and began staring at his toes as though they were about to jump off his foot. “Put your boot back on.” Hazen only stared at him in confusion causing Tai to roll his eyes. “I’ll tell you what; if we don’t get killed before Christmas I will personally help you look for the meaning of life.” That meant ten left toes to consult, doubling their chances so Hazen complied.
Mind back to the present Hazen began spewing out ideas once more, and as pantyhose had a tendency to rip and eating too many blueberries made Tai sick they decided to dig a hole. A really big hole.“What was the logic behind this again?” Tai asked, wiping sweat and dirt from his forehead. It turned out digging a hole was more work then he’d previously anticipated.“They’re dead so we have to bury them.” It wasn’t until a few hours after they finished the hole that Tai and Hazen found out that the ‘un’ part in ‘undead’ translated into ‘really good climber’.“Damn it!” Tai swore as they watched the zombies fall into the hole, stumble around abit, and then began climbing back out. Hazen was a bit upset by the fact that Tai had beat him to swearing; now he actually had to say something intelligent.
“Well at least we’ve got them all in one spot.” He decided pointing out the obvious was intelligent enough. Tai just stood at the mouth of the hole watching as the zombies slowly climbed over each other in an attempt to get to the top.
Enemy: Zero Zombie Army
HP : 31 Daily attack: 1 of 2
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Nightingale Effect rolled 2 20-sided dice:
19, 17
Total: 36 (2-40)
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Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2011 6:22 am
Tai Penwright & Hazen White Enemy: Zero Zombie Army AC: 13
HP: 31
AC rolled: 19 Having given up completely on fighting zombies Hazen and Tai decided to become show girls in Las Vegas; because that’s what all washed up hero’s did. Unfortunately though Hazen didn’t look good in tights and becoming show girls involved acknowledging the existence of minor characters. Tai found he liked tights though so he kept them on under his pants.
“That was unneeded information.” Hazen groaned causing Tai to light up like a Christmas tree.
“Hey, you tried them on too!”“It’s not that you’re wearing them so much as that I don’t want to know what’s going on under your pants.” Tai decided that was fair; he didn’t really want to know what was going on under Hazen’s pants either… Or did he?
“I do not! Don’t you even start that!” Hazen looked around confused not quite sure what was going on.So, as they had no place else to go in a world where they couldn’t acknowledge the existence of minor characters with out the risk of increasing the zombies population Tai and Hazen wandered back to watch the zombies scrambled around in the pit.
“So… what now?” Tai asked chucking a rock at one of the zombies that had gotten a little too far up the wall, causing it to tumble back down. When no response came from Hazen Tai looked over to find him fixedly staring at his left foot. This time the rock did not hit a zombie.
“Ow~” Hazen complained as Tai gave him a hearty glare.
“Stop that!” Tai snapped, “And put your boot back on.”His toes weren’t talking anyway so Hazen complied once again; maybe a few more hours in his smelly boot would make them more willing.
“I know how we can beat them.” Tai said, pleased that Hazen now had all his clothes back on.“How…?” Hazen asked wearily; if this involved more tights he was not doing it.
“Diet and exercises; that fixes everything.” They pondered this for a moment before realizing it would mean Hazen would have to give up chain smoking and Tai would have to give up drinking. They both silently thanked their similar personalities.
It was then that the barbeque finally decided to blow up.“That could work.” Tai pointed out as they watched the explosion; wide eyed.
So, getting up they threw a few more rocks at the zombies to keep them in the pit then went off to find more propane tanks. These were even more common then moose, Tai and Hazen soon found. Gathering a sufficient amount they emptied their contents into the pit before Hazen took out his back up matches for when his lighter didn’t work.
“Here goes nothing.” Hazen said shakily, holding a lit match over the pit, only to find Tai had already high tailed it out of there. “Damn it Tai!” Hazen wined, unsure not if he should drop the match into the pit or go find Tai. The decision was made for him though as the match singed his fingers. Hazen hissed and dropped the match in an automatic reaction, only having a minute to cradle his singed fingers before the resulting explosion blew him into the side of the nearest house. This time it was Hazen who thanked Uncle Kenny for not having HP.
As if he wasn’t in enough pain already he suddenly found himself being smothered by a blanket. He started kicking and screaming; clawing at the unknown assailant until finally the blanket was removed.
“Ow…” Tai began only to have Hazen cut him off.
“What was that for?!” Hazen screamed, nearly using the unbridled and annoying power of Sickykeys.
“Your hair was on fire.” Tai quickly pointed out; wanting to avoid Stickykeys if at all possible. Luckily Hazen decided this was a good enough excuse and pressed cancel.
With that trauma over Hazen looked around, surveying the damage. The zombie population seemed to have been cut in half and well that wasn’t the optimum conclusion Hazen would take what he could get.
“Did you know zombies make a little ping noise as they fly away?” Hazen did not know this and wasn’t sure why he would want to so he didn’t comment.
Enemy: Zero Zombie Army
HP : 12 Daily attack: 2 of 2
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