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so like


i'm really depressed lately
'cuz i hate myself like a shitload.

and it's starting to cause strain in my relationship.
i need to spill a whole story so i can get some advice, ok? ok.

so how do i start...

alcohol. i hate that he drinks, i always have. i don't hate it anymore now actually... or maybe i just pretend i don't hate it anymore. either way, it used to be a really major strain on my relationship. he would drink so much that our relationship was a load of crap, and i did something i shouldn't have done and didn't tell him til much later.
since we've been dating, i've been drinking more and more. i can say i'm fairly positive i have an addiction to alcohol. it's still sort of weak now, but... it's there. the funny thing is that i hate alcohol and everything about it. but i drink anyway.
he haaaaaaaaaAAAAAHHHH!!!!TES. like super ******** hates when i drink. when i'm drunk, he picks arguments and we fight. whenever matt's drunk, i don't pick fights. i used to, but i stopped when i realized getting angry does nothing. he doesn't want to change. he wants to be an alcoholic.
he reallly does not want me to be one. like very seriously. the idea of it makes him get so angry that he sounds an awful lot like his father, or at least from what i've heard about him..
it freaks me out because sometimes, i just want to get really drunk. i want to forget about my problems and have a great friday night. but he still gets upset when i do that.

i don't know. i feel like he's been really controllling lately. i know why he's being controlling (and that's where my depression comes in), but i don't know what to do about it. how can i counterbalance it so that our relationship gets through this dip and gets all nice and happy again?

yeh.. :/ it's like sometimes i do want to leave him because this relationship is just a wreck and i feel like it can't get better at all. but at the same time i don't want to leave him because he's all i ******** think about. i just want to find a way to get through this rut, if there is a possibility of getting through it..

Sounds like a t**t.

i don't like it when he drinks because it reminds me that he's slowly deteriorating. he says he wants to die so drinking makes him happy.
he doesn't like when i drink 'cause i get horny, and sober or not, it's really easy for people to take control of me. but when i drink i text him throughout the night to let him know that i'm always thinking of him and i'm not getting into trouble, and that i'm safe.
he says "do what you want i don't care" but that basically is "if you drink i'll be noticeably upset but say i'm not." so i don't drink because i know it'd upset him, and he drinks because he's been an alcoholic for like more than a year and he likes to set s**t in stone.

damien- he's not a twatttttkajh

fathy-
Down To Meet Aragorn?

i don't think i'm an alcoholic, i just think i'm like developing a problem. i used to drink once a week.. now it's like three times or more. and i told myself i wouldn't drink this week and i already sipped beer one night and had half of a four loko another night this week so YEAH not doing so great D: if i get through this weekend without a sip of alcohol then i'm clean. but if not i'm kind of ******** ahh.

DTMA = Dump the ******** already! razz

Also, I don't know if a sip of beer or half a drink in the course of one week is heading down the road to alcoholism. Is it worrying you because of your boyfriend's excessive drinking and you don't want to be like him? I think that is a valid feeling to have, but I don't think it sounds like you're going off the rails on a crazy train or anything. When you drink, how many units of alcohol do you typically consume? Is it like, one or two drinks a few times a week or four or five drinks in a short span of time?

cait- yeah, he is definitely a very depressed individual. i feel like i'm at a crossroads of staying with him despite his depression or maybe try to get the balls to leave him.

fathy- my alcohol tolerance is pretty low. one beer can get me warm and fuzzy, three and i'm shitfaced. so a couple sips of beer is a low buzz, but half a four loko (plus really really stoned, as i was at the time) and i'm stumbling. considering how drunk i let myself get in the middle of the week when i'm trying to stay dry shows that i'm not doing so hot.. at least to me.

edit:
enny- we've been together almost a year, now. he's not an easy guy to crack. he hates talking about his problems because he believes talking about them won't solve anything. he hates therapy and doesn't want to try it. and he won't stop drinking. he will if it makes him feel sick for a while, but otherwise he just won't.

yeah i totally ******** love physical abuse. thanks for the input dewd.

of hitting? or being abusive in general? because i'd agree with that actually :/..