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[ 2 ] |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
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33% |
[ 1 ] |
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| Total Votes : 3 |
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 Posted: Sat May 21, 2011 9:13 am
Let’s go on an adventure
To the ends of the universe
Where no one else matters
Where our lives can’t shatter.
Let’s go on an adventure
Just you and me.
Far away from here,
Far away from fear.
No sadness, no guilt
Just this life that we built.
No worries, just trust
So our world won’t combust.
Calmness and laughter
You’re the only one that matters.
Out of body, out of mind
I just want you to be mine.
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Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2011 10:22 pm
I think this is a pretty good poem; it's a refreshing change from all the depressing poetry in this forum (no offense meant -_-U), but...As a critique, I'd say that there are a few places where it feels like you're reaching for a rhyme, instead of "letting go", so to speak.
All in all, though, not bad!
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