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CHAPTER 0: Peeking in Marin's Dresser is wrong, you pervs!!

Woo~ I'm on a boat!


... in the middle of a thunderstorm. This can't be good...

Storm used Thunder! It's Super Effective!

Link has been defeated. You are out of useable Links. You blacked out as the thunder smites your puny wooden ship. Can't trust them Hylians to make good ships... should have gotten the Zoras to build you one. Oh well... too late now.

GAME OVER.


...Psych! We find a beach! And on that beach we find...


A lovely maiden taking a stroll on the beach. Nothing can ruin a walk on a beach except...


FINDING DEAD BODIES!!!!!!! D8





.... Oh wait. He's not dead.


We see our awesome title screen after the opening video and... an egg? Maybe we get to find out more about it later! Hit the start button and let's begin~


Ahahah... I've already got a save file on here. Didn't get as far as I'd like to on a rom, but that doesn't matter. Let's snag slot 2 and start a new game, shall we?


What shall we name our little green elf dude?


Might as well keep it simple and a name everyone's familiar with. That, and Asshat didn't fit. Cool little easter egg here at the naming part: If you type in Zelda as your name, the music changes at the file selection. Pretty sweet, huh?


Link: No... get away... too many fangirls... GAH!
Once you stop tossing and turning in your sleep, you wake up. Seems like there's some chick and a mustached dude watching you.


Seems like the girl was worried sick about you... A name comes to mind...


???: Zelda? Who the ******** is that?
Ooooh. Nice try, contestant Link, but this girl's name ain't Zelda. She's actually....


Marin! She thinks you must still be dreaming. So wake up, you. Get your lazy arse out of bed and try to figure out where the heck the storm du--


Oh, Koholint Island? ... Never heard of it.
Well, looks like you lost all your equipment, including your precious sword and shield. Let's look around and see if we can find them.




... No you damn perverts. Why would your sword and/or shield be in Marin's dresser, stashed away under her undies? Ye sicken me. No, go talk to the Mario-lookalike.


So the dude's name is Tarin and he... wait a minute... how the heck does he know our name?! Is he... gasp... psychic?!


Nah. He just had your shield and read your name off of it. Take that thing back and go find your sword. Also, talk to the both of them to learn that you were found on the beach. Hey... maybe that's where your sword is!


Fresh air~ And solid ground! We really are on an island after all!

Let's follow the dirt path and...

ASDFJKL; KILLAH CHAIN CHOMP! GTFO GTFO GFTO! D8
... Ahahaha. Actually, he doesn't hurt you. He will lunge at you to try to protect his territory, but that's about it.


Up or down... well, up is blocked by a clump of grass, and you can't enter that hole yet either... so just head down.


Oooh! Ooooh! I wanna play catch! I wanna play catch! 8D
Note: You can't actually play catch with them. :<


Just keep heading down... jumping down those openings on the cliffs...


Wild Octorock appeared! What will you do?
Attack >Defend >Run
Just uh... keep heading south, since you can't really do anything against those guys right now.


More octos. From here, you can either head down the steps or head right, as both will lead you to the sword. I chose down.


White sands! Blue waters! Random coconut and leevers galore!
... Just run.


If you kept going right, you'd eventually make your way here... either from the spot where our little hero is, or at the wider north entrance. Hey... is that a sword over there?

Push the spiny with your shield and go snag that swo--

GAH! STALKER OWL!
You can't see him in the images but... he's there.

Why do I want to wake up the Wind Fish? What is the Wind Fish, anyway? That big egg we saw earlier? Screw that, we just want the sword and then we'll go find a boat and--

... Dammit. Looks like we're stuck here until we wake up the Wind Fish.


Sounds... mysterious.


Stalker Owl leaves after he finishes talking. I swear he loves his voice so much that he'll just talk and talk and talk and talk and...

... Is he gone?

Link: I don't see a name, so... -scratches Link on the blade-


Link: Mine now, bitches! >8D

We finally have our sword back! Now we can kill stuff! >8D

With a weapon in hand at last, will our hero smite the monsters that stand in his way? Or will he fail? Find out in the next chapter of LP LoZ: LA DX!!!

Next time, we'll go explore town, play a couple of mini-games, get a bit of the trading sequence started, and find a sea shell or two.

I love it! I haven't had the chance to play the DX version and the colours are so pretty and things like that. I has request: 0 DEATH CHALLENGE, INITIATE!

Unless you want to show us the side affects of shop lifting..

You sure you weren't checking to find something else Link?

Very well Link...you are off the hook...for now.

=O I've only played the later-gen LoZ games, but I can't wait to see this LP unfold! Fascinating, fascinating! -takes notes like a scientist-

I like your comments too. XD

Chapter 1: Her Song Can Call the Attention of BUTTERFLIES!


When we last left our hero, he had just grabbed his sword. Now... we can do some serious stuff.

LIKE GO ON A MURDEROUS RAMPAGE!!! twisted


Kill those bastards! Show them their place in the world, Link! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

-few minutes later, after we kill enough of these guys-

Ah... nothing like a good view of the ocean after a hard day of slaughtering octopi.

Let's kill that Octorok... huh, what's this acorn thing it dropped...?

Oh snap. A Guardian Acorn. Damage dealt by enemies has just been reduced by half. 8D


We're back in town now... I still wanna play catch with those kids... ._.

Cut the grass and...

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

I'm... I'm not dead... whew...

OH GOD BONES EVERYWHERE! I'M DOOOOOOOOOOOOMED! Dx

Fortunately, we have stairs... and oh hey... it's a...

PIECE OF HEART~ One down, lots more to go!

Let's take the stairs and head back into town.

I'm not afraid of you, Chompy! Your days of reigning terror on me are OVER! D<

Let's head back home for the moment...

Huh... no one's home. Wonder where they went.

Link: .... >.> <.< >.>


Link: That dresser has excellent craftsmanship. I wish my boat was built by such a person. Maybe it wouldn't have been annihilated by a Rain Dance + Thunder combo in one shot.

Heading outside now and to the right...

Lots and lots of grass. I see these people lack a professional lawnmower or someone to at least trim the plants... fortunately, they now have us.



Huh, what's this?





o: Better collect a lot of these then, if something good is gonna happen. Maybe it'll be useful for us. biggrin


The grass... it is almost all cut. D8

Once we're all done and got us some coin, let's head north.

Oh, it's a shop! Let's go in~


Jeez, that shovel is expensive... Fortunately, it's not so hard to get that kind of coin from adventuring. We'll be back... greedy shopkeeper. >:


WE FOUND MARIN! +5 exp get~


Huh, seems like he went to the Mysterious Forest... well, we know where he is now. Mission accomplished.


... Jeez, doesn't that sound like a certain mustachioed plumber... stare


Sing to me, baby~ ;D


o:



The song is so strong, it can calm even fierce beasts like this fox! I mean, just look at those butterflies dancing around Marin! I wonder if we can learn it someday... might help against those monsters on the island...

Heading south from the field of grass, we find...

Another shop! Let's go in and check it out~


Huh... with that grass in the way, I wonder how he gets customers?

The game's simple enough. Talk to the guy and fork over 10 rupees and your soul to give this a shot.

You move the crane to the right with B, then press A when you want to move it down. Once you let go of A, the crane will grab whatever's on its shadow.


That doll looks pretty sweet.


DOLL GET!


Nintendo has a nice habit of throwing a bunch of references from its other titles into games like these. Yoshi's got a cameo here, we saw the Mario-cameo earlier... let's see how many more we can find. :3

Let's head north for now.

From the greedy shopkeeper's shop... we go up them stairs...


There's some boulders in the way of that building. Link, you should be pretty strong from all the adventuring you've done. Let's go in there and check it out!


... You wuss.

Follow the dirt path and we end up...

At a rare two-door house!


This guy is the one that fathered those nameless kid NPCs all over town. He's been quite busy, if you know what I mean. wink His name totally isn't referencing that he's the father, no. rolleyes


... You're not Zetsubou Sensei and pulling one of your 'I'm going to go missing for a while. It's quite nice to go missing at least once in your life' kinda scenarios, are you Papahl?

From him, let's talk to his wife. Aww, don't they have an adorable baby?

The first trade! Hmm... should we really give up our hard-earned Yoshi doll to some brat we know nothing about?


Yes, yes we do.



We get a ribbon. Wonder if it'll make me look prettier? 8D

Anyway, head outside and drop from the cliff to go back to where Marin is.

... What an elaborate tombstone. It has a windmill-like tail and acts like a compass. Killing two birds with one stone, huh townspeople?


Hah! You're at the end of your chain, Chain Chomp!


ASDFJKL; NO FAIR! Chain Chomp and the fox double-teamed me! Dx


Anyway, let's head inside this entrance...


There's a smaller Chomp in here. Let's tease it a little with our sword. >8D


eek HOLY CRAP IT TALKS. eek



Link: ... No, it looks better on me. >: And I don't want your dog food.


DOG FOOD GET


Juicy beef? ... Huh, some dogs really are living better off than us humans.

Let's explore town just a little more...

South of the Chain Chomp leads you here, with a granny sweeping outside her house. The gramps who lives here doesn't talk much...


But if we go to a house that looks like this on the island, we can talk to the Gramps. If we ever get stuck and don't know where to go for plot-advancement, give him a call.

North of the Chain Chomp's place leads us to...

Ye Ole Fishing Hole. Spend money, catch a fish, get money. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Anyway, let's leave town, since we've got one more thing to do with the trading sequence...

Get your snout OFF of me, Octorok! D<



Hey, a house. Let's go in.


It's a Gator Man. I wonder if he's the Florida Gator's Mascot?



Damn... never in the world have I met a Gator Man who wanted canned dog food.

Well, let's give it to him.

Omnomnomnom. :V


... s**t, does he know it's dog food?! O_o;;


Ignorance is bliss, huh?


We get bananas! Oooo... ba-na-na. (You are awesome if you get the reference to that line.)

Let's head back.

Huh? What's that?


POWAH! UNLIMITED POWAH!!!!!

Just check out how awesome it is.

Fly, Spiny... FLY! HOMERUN~

Anyway, let's head back into town.

We'll go north from here...


Isn't the Stalker Owl and hatless Mario here? Wow, we found our next destination~


... Why yes. Yes it is.


Can Link defeat the grass clump in his way? Or will he forever be barred from leaving the island? Find out next time, on--


Gee, thanks for ruining the dramatic ending I was building up, Link. Really should have named you Asshat if it had 6 spots for naming instead of 5. stare

Anyway, come back next time. We'll find a raccoon, get high off some 'shrooms, get some crack, and find the key to the first dungeon.

Chapter 2: Don't Do Drugs, Kiddies. 8D


Last time on LP LoZ: LA DX, we got some trades done and explored the town and picked up a sea shell. Now we're gonna explore the Mysterious Forest. Woo.


It got dark here fast. OH GOD STALKER OWL! Dx


So the Wind Fish is asleep, huh? Guess we'll have to give him a rude awakening.


Thank you, Captain Obvious. stare


... That explains why I've never heard of this place.


Hmm... if I can't leave while the Wind Fish sleeps... is there some sort of barrier keeping me on the island?



Oh hey, some plot! Now we know what we have to do here!


... The Wind Fish is Big Brother? Goddamit, it's 1984 all over again.

Anyway, the Stalker Owl leaves, so we can move again. Going north, we find...

Moblins! Since we still have our Piece of Power, we can kill these suckers pretty damn quickly. 8D


We already confirmed we're too damn scrawny to move that boulder...


We'll come back here shortly...


Might take a while before we can do anything here too... remember its location though when you're no longer a weakling to lift these boulders.

Head to the right of this location.

If you ever get hurt, you'll find a fairy here. Pretty nice this early on... seeing as we're still learning.



Are we getting a massage? o:


Healing time~


See that chest? We kinda want that chest. But everyone knows white boys can't jump. So lets look around some more.


Hey look, a raccoon. Another Mario reference. I wonder why...




Huh... that's nice to know...

If you try heading up from here...


Oh, what a b*****d.

We'll get our revenge on the raccoon soon enough.

Let's get back to this place and go inside.


Kill the goddamn bats, smash the crystals, and move quickly over the cracked floor. Then push those blocks out of your way to get that chest.


50 rupees! And this is why adventuring is awesome.


Watch out for the blobs here. They're not as annoying as the red ones, so it's all good.


A puzzle! Lesse now...


And... solved. biggrin


I spy with my little eye...


SHROOMS!


And... now we're high. 8D

If we head north, we'll find two routes. One we can't cross since white boy can't jump. So head to the right.

And... there's that chest again.
Link: I swear it's taunting us.

Head back to the cave.

Push the blocks like this to get out. Like seriously... this puzzle should not be that hard to solve. You fail at puzzles if you can't get out.

Once you get out of the cave, wander about a little until you find your way...

here. We'll take a right here.


Oh hey, it's bright again. We can't get the heart, since... you know... white boy can't jump.


Watch out for the Zora in the water, and especially be careful with the green slime.
Link: I'm a hero! I have no fear of slimes. DIE! D<


... And that's why we don't use a sword against those guys... XD

After the shock therapy, head down and dodge the blasts from the Zora.

Follow the path. There's a gravestone Link can't see, but we can.
Link: Huh, what gravestone?


Scary as it looks outside, go inside.


... she's so poor she can't afford lighting. We're... slightly better off than she is.

Anyway, give her the mushroom.

Drug deal... success.





In exchange for the 'shrooms, she gives us...


CRACK! 8D




Link: Huh, well don't mind if I do...

Sprinkle some in that fireplace...

And the lights come on!



So we're gonna give the monsters some crack.

And if we ever run out of our crack...

We can just get more 'shrooms and she'll hook us up. Drug deals ftw.

FUN WITH CRACK!

Now that we have a nice little -snort- crack, let's go test it out on stuff.

If we sprinkle it on the zappy slime from earlier...

He gets googly eyes! 8D

If we sprinkle it on moblins and most other overland monsters...

THEY BURST INTO FLAME!!!!!!!!!!!


Oh good, we needed some more POWAH! UNLIMITED POWAH!

Let's head back to that raccoon.

Laughing at us, huh? Well, we'll see how you like this!






Link: ... I hope the animal rights activists don't hear about this... sweatdrop

Oh hey, the Mario-lookalike is here. Turns out he was actually the raccoon. Another reference here. 8D






Link: Yeah... it was a dream... sure... >.>;;
And that's why you don't do drugs kids.

Anyway, now that the raccoon is human and not being a jerk anymore, head up.

Hey, we finally made it! Open that sucker.

Opening and...

GET A KEY!


Now we can go to the first dungeon.

Right now let's get outta he--

... Goddamn Stalker Owl. What do you want this time?


So there's an instrument there? Is it... an ocarina? o:


He's gonna be waiting a long time, birdbrain. stare

Anyway, head back to town.

Sprinkle some crack on the grass...


And it explodes and drops stuff, like that heart. Sweet.


Let's head off to the dungeon now.




Burn, bitches. >8D

Keep going...


And we are now at the entrance to the Tail Cave dungeon!

Next time, we'll head back to the shop to see if we can get bombs, cover this dungeon, and get our first instrument! See ya next time on...

LP LoZ: LA DX!