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| Parents should let their children love freely? |
| aggreed |
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84% |
[ 16 ] |
| disagree |
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15% |
[ 3 ] |
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| Total Votes : 19 |
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 Posted: Thu Jan 20, 2011 10:02 am
a photo of when we first started dating <3
We really dont have alot of good photos together since we both dont have a camera minus our cells.. haha
So here's the story.
I've had so many horrible boyfriends but my parents never knew i dated. Why? Because my dad was way over protective. And my mother is very judgmental. February 25 ( i was 16)of last year i started dating someone that i always had a crush on but i always saw myself as the girl who didn't stand a chance and he felt the same way. He treated me with so much respect unlike the others who left me and cheated on me because i wasn't sexually active.I wanted to tell my parents about him but my dad was dealing with pancreatic caner, which is terminal and life expectancy was about a year) so i didnt feel like it was the right time.
My dad died April 20, 2010 and eight days later i moved from Riverside to Palmdale which is a two and half hour drive and five hours if you take the metrolink train.
Here is what is really stressful about me and Stephon, everyone calls him Steph, he's black. And once i moved i found out how extremely racist my mother is. And my grandfather. It doesnt make sense to me because when i was little my older brother dated a black girl and i never thought it would be a problem. We've been together almost a year and our whole relationship has to be a secret until i'm 18 and can move out. If my mom finds out she will most likely kick me and ruin what i have. It's driving me insane because she loves him!! and invites him over for Holidays..but when i test her about relationships with someone black she goes off the wall yelling..I only get to see him once a month if im lucky..
Guess what do you think i should do? Ways to keep the relationship fun?? anything..
next month we will have been together a whole year and i also need a great surprise for him. i get to see him on our special day which is amazing cus we've only spent 3 our anniversary's together.
lmao i look awkward in this because my friend Andrew was making faces and i was trying not to laugh...and steph was making fun of me >_> hahah xD
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Posted: Thu Jan 20, 2011 10:28 am
If the racism factor with your mom is really that big of an issue, honestly I would just not tell her. If she won't try to understand because of his race, then why bother with her.
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Posted: Thu Jan 20, 2011 10:41 am
First of all I just have to say that in the first picture it looks like he isn't into you at all and in the second picture you both look totally awkward. But if you love each other, whatever.
If your mom would disapprove so much then don't tell her, she will probably just try to keep you two apart.
To make your relationship more fun, doing something like go-carts or mini golf is fun. It sounds toatally cheesy but it is actually a lot of fun when you are with someone you love. Or ice skating is fun, even if you are both horrible at it. It doesn't really matter what you do, if you are with the right person it will always be fun. (I used the word fun a lot, it is kind of annoying).
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Posted: Thu Jan 20, 2011 10:46 am
BrokenJanders If the racism factor with your mom is really that big of an issue, honestly I would just not tell her. If she won't try to understand because of his race, then why bother with her. I agree with Jander here, if your mom would end up blowing up with the steam on you, you would feel better if you waited till your wedding so you could tell your mother,"Hey Mom, I marrying a black guy!", or wait alittle later. Though this may fell like a guilt trip but, I think you should of told your father, before he pasted away, though if you ever fell like it you should tell him too.
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Posted: Thu Jan 20, 2011 11:00 am
oh my gosh, i am so sorry... that's really terrible. my boyfriend's mom doesn't like that he's dating a white girl, especially since i'm not going for some prestigious career like a doctor, but she still lets him date me... : ( i'm really sorry.
you obviously can't tell your mom. i guess you'll have to go another year without her knowing that you're in a relationship with him. : (
but you can make it through this, and you can still keep the relationship fun and still feel very close. my advice is to video chat as much as you can. if you don't have skype, download it! i'm in a long distance relationship too, and video chat has been the best thing ever for it. plus, of course, IMing, texting, and sending letters and things. i like to send my boyfriend cookies and things for fun, but i think that might make your mom suspicious... : /
but i'm happy that you at least have found a boyfriend who loves you and treats you right. i'm sure you two can get through this! i only see my boyfriend every few months now, since this summer because he got an internship at a lab in another state and then went to college 3,000 miles away O_O but even though it's tough at times, i think it's made us even closer emotionally. oh, and my mom and dad were apart for two entire years and only communicated through letters! @__@ which is insane, but... it proves that you can do this, haha!
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Posted: Thu Jan 20, 2011 1:44 pm
jessica_manson First of all I just have to say that in the first picture it looks like he isn't into you at all and in the second picture you both look totally awkward.
This comment was really un-necessary don't you think?
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Posted: Thu Jan 20, 2011 5:58 pm
jessica_manson First of all I just have to say that in the first picture it looks like he isn't into you at all and in the second picture you both look totally awkward. . 
I see TONS of pictures like that of couples that are dating and even engaged. I think it looks fine if he wasn't into her, he'd have a sour look on his face, and the second one doesn't look awkward, ti looks like two people enjoying being with each other. Besides that wasn't even what she was asking.
To the topic maker person; Maybe just plan a fun day? Parks, malls, go carting, ice skating, just fun small attractions that you can hit. I'm terribly sorry about your mother, though. I wouldn't tell her if I were you, and if you do, don't let her opinions control or put stress on the relationship.
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Posted: Thu Jan 20, 2011 9:30 pm
the only reason I posted no for your poll is because if my daughter decided she was completely in love with a crack head.. I would kick her booty. I would judge more on his character rather than his skin. Growing up with a racist family, I see how wrong it can be
& I'm hoping my children have better common sense than that.
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Posted: Thu Jan 20, 2011 11:01 pm
thanks everyone.
smile
and we always look odd in our photos haha..but oh wellz thats not the point lol
and it really bothers me when she says the word "******" when she gets annoyed with things. I'm doing everything to ignore it.
I'm actually taking extra classes so i can graduate in January a whole semester early, i'll be turning 18 than too.
I don't plan on rushing into moving in with him but i will be moving out.
the sad part is when i see him we both dont have much money. the trip alone is 50 bucks and i dont have a job and he has to pay for his college and he gets money from his dad and mom. so money is tight.
we go to the park but i want to do something more romantic.
maybe..like having his mom let me use her apartment to cook a good meal or something..idk
and i know i should of told my dad but i was scared of the racism thing even though i never knew for sure how they felt..ive always been scared to tell my parents things. if it isnt how they want it..they dont accept it.
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Posted: Fri Jan 21, 2011 12:30 am
My advice ain't gonna sound very nice, but hear me out:
Break it off.
Now, this ain't because of what your mom says or thinks or wants. She can squat and rotate. You should never look to your family for permission for stuff like that, just their blessing. No, the reason I say it is because, being an old hand in the matter, long-distance relationships are murder. They're hard on everyone involved, and they're not fun. You wanna keep him around, tell him not to get serious with anyone until you and he are closer again. It's not worth the heartache to do the long-distance thing.
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Posted: Fri Jan 21, 2011 12:33 am
NightmareNightCross thanks everyone. smile and we always look odd in our photos haha..but oh wellz thats not the point lol and it really bothers me when she says the word "******" when she gets annoyed with things. I'm doing everything to ignore it. I'm actually taking extra classes so i can graduate in January a whole semester early, i'll be turning 18 than too. I don't plan on rushing into moving in with him but i will be moving out. the sad part is when i see him we both dont have much money. the trip alone is 50 bucks and i dont have a job and he has to pay for his college and he gets money from his dad and mom. so money is tight. we go to the park but i want to do something more romantic. maybe..like having his mom let me use her apartment to cook a good meal or something..idk and i know i should of told my dad but i was scared of the racism thing even though i never knew for sure how they felt..ive always been scared to tell my parents things. if it isnt how they want it..they dont accept it. A small prepareation wouldn't hurt.... you'll both be happy in the long run.
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Posted: Fri Jan 21, 2011 8:11 pm
If they're not racist to your brother's GF but racist to your BF, it's not racism. It's sexism. And getting to see each other once a month isn't that bad. At least your significant other doesn't live 2500 miles away in another country. As for how to keep the relationship fun, have you ever thought of video games? I know it may sound strange but I find that couples who can vent their stresses on video games rather than each other tend to have less issues than those where only one or neither has the hobby. Plus it's a nice little activity you can have and could act as a mode of communication if no other is available. Just be careful not to get too serious/competitive when playing as it could lead to undesirable results.
Also irrelevant question. When you say "anniversary" what do you mean? Because anniversary derives its meaning from the word annual which means yearly but you said you haven't been together a year yet so...?
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Posted: Fri Feb 04, 2011 11:30 pm
Just like the setting sun... I only read the first two replies to this, and honestly, I was pretty disappointed. Your mom's racism has got to be a difficult situation, and I highly doubt that continuing to keep your relationship a secret will make you simply say, "Ho hum, oh well." and move on with your life.
I think it all comes down to how much you love him. If you truly do, then you should tell her. You're just going to have to beat it into her head during this big discussion that if she loves you, she'd want you to be happy. And if you've found happiness with Stephon, then she should be happy for you. If she's not, then... Your relationship will probably be extremely strained. The only solution I see is choosing. Your boyfriend or your mother, and if you love him, I'd definitely go for your boyfriend. Because your mom will always love you, though it may take her time to accept your decisions.
I'm in a long distance relationship too, and I know how hard it can get. sad I've been with him for two years (It'll be two years two days after Valentine's day <3) and he moved this last summer. I see him probably once every 3-4 months for about a week. It's pretty difficult, especially being as his dad doesn't really...understand us. The only thing that I can say is really important is communication. I mean, it's always important in relationships, but that importance is magnified to an intense extent when you're long distance, because... Well, it's basically all you have.
Anyways, I've talked enough. But if you want to talk more, I'd love to talk to you about this stuff. :] Maybe we could both use the friend. ...is returned to the Lonesome Ocean.
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![!~[x] Cheri [x]~!'s avatar](https://a1cdn.gaiaonline.com/dress-up/avatar/ava/83/4e/4e4391fe294e83_flip.png?t=1639794084_6.00_01&pl=288)
