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| sound good so far?? |
| yes |
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100% |
[ 2 ] |
| no |
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[ 0 ] |
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| Total Votes : 2 |
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 Posted: Fri Dec 31, 2010 1:52 pm
-----------------------------intro------------------------------Hi my names cid, im a treasure hunter. Me and my partner rafaello (pronounced raf-I-ello) are in search of a sword only known as the infinite blade. It is said in an ancient profecy that he who wields the infinite blade holds time in his hands. I think its a load of rubbish but rafaello says different he thinks that we will find it but at a cost. i think so too but ive got a wierd feeling about it.
((what do you think so far??? more chapters to come. and even more characters))
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Posted: Mon Mar 07, 2011 4:10 pm
Very short, which isn't always bad. But bad grammar and capitalization, etc. Also, the sound out of the name is not needed. If this is a story, I suggest starting with something other than "Hi my name is ____" Also, while getting to the point fast is good, putting it in the second sentence and dumping the whole plot in the intro isn't quite so hot. It discourages the reader a little because they already have an idea of what's coming, and kills the suspense of being able to throw in a plot twist. Also, more grammar, run on sentences, commas, apostrophes, etc.
Over all, could use some work, but could turn out to be a great story if you tweaked it a tad more wink
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