No, that is not Celice, or Sigurd, this is Marth. Who's Marth you ask? How should I know? -trollface-
Just some notes before we play: 1.) Roy and Ike ARE in this game, you just need to beat it with a Maji solo 776 times. 2.) Maji is actually the hero of this game. 3.) You do not mess with Maji 4.) Maji doesn't fight because he's fighting the real army outside the battlefield 5.) Saji is a poser 6.) I shouldn't have used Gordon.
Posted: Sun Sep 05, 2010 4:34 pm
Chapter 0: DEW MRTH, RHOY N ISE SECKS IN DIS GAEM?!?!?!?!
This chapter will mainly serve as a tutorial class-wise in FE3 so it might not be as amusing as I wish for it to be.
Unlike the other SNES FEs, and many other contemporary games, this one does not have the Nintendo chime. Instead, it goes right to its own music, because it's too good for following a*****e conservative SNES standards.
My favourite person is the middle person getting burned by the dragon to the left, and the crying sun with one eye.
God very much exists in this game (we get to kidnap his daughter later on!), but he doesn't really give a s**t about humanity until they get on their hands and knees, and offer to wipe his a**, much like any other god.
Eh, maybe not as epic as Actraiser's Master, but he is passable for being a giant Jesus who has groupies (much like Jesus).
That pixel, scroll like thing is supposed to be a shield (the very same one that he's holding in the previous screenshot), by the way.
He's just that good at pimp slapping dragons, that they are now a b***h to humanity (much like anything else in the end goal of most video games), who now sprouted pairs of wings from the looks of it.
"Oh, I'm too good to stay in the human realm, play nice while I'm not here, dragons!"
And from the looks of it..
They don't. Half-assery on the good guy's part is a common theme in this game.
FIREMBLEMLOL, this game gets extremely rehashy and filler at times (see: the entirety of Book 2), so I'll try my best to cut all that out, yet keep what's left of the story to work with.
They also have hilarious attack animations, as if their swords weigh a metric ton, and they're looking for somewhere to swing it as soon as possible before their arms give out. The females also have even more hilarious dodge animations when they do not have a sword equipped.
One can either see their walking animation as if they s**t their pants, or sprained their ankle.
FE3 is the only game ever where people can fight with their backs arched, gayly jump up in the air, and hit their opponent with an axe. Of course, the main problem here is "hitting the opponent", seeing as axe users are rather awful in this game.
They're pretty cool, good offence early on, and a horse later on. However, when I first started this LP, I was all horny for Archers, so they will be used instead of these guys.
While they're pretty awful, the strongest bow in this game saves them.
As well as their Magikarp -> Gyarados promotion, but is it worth it? For the sake of being consistent, I'll just say yes, full knowing that 98% of players disagree with me.
Technically, these are the bow users* you want to use, seeing as they do stuff on horses, and have the lowest promoted dismount losses in the game.
*Singular- user, seeing as there's really only one good one in this entire game
For some reason, FE3 took away their sword use (when mounted), making them only use lances. Other than that, Socials still remain LTCers wet dream come true, much like any other FE*
*4 excluded for Sigurd s**t stomping.
Their animation also consists of spinning their spear around, as if they are in a marching band, rather than battle.
Right from the get-go of either books, Pegasus Knights are haxx, not only in terms of being able to fly over s**t, but also in terms of the people who are PK's, and their stats.
Book 2 will expand on just how amazing this class is, soloing maps with hot girls included.
Mamkutes are ridiculous in this game, the Dragon Stone isn't limited to attacks, but one use = keeps them in dragon form for five turns, as well as the stat gains, oh god, the stat gains.
Although they can't fly, nor have tits to gain upon, they are the most sturdy foot unit in this game, and 9/10, they double things.
Pimp daddy, with smooth legs, Marth is going to have a bit of a competition from the looks of it.
The obligatory serving wench class that must be present in any 1990s RPG. Really, only one Sister per book is needed, as Mages can auto use staffs at a high rank upon promotion, thanks to the WLV system, which will be discussed next chapter.
While Book 1 Mages aren't as silly as a certain Mage in Book 2, they still have value for reasons stated above, as well as actually being semi required to blow s**t up near the end of the game.
No, don't worry, no allied units in this game (that we'll use) will be Darth Sidius, all the young un's get their own sexy sprites.
Tits with swords! But not like she'll be seeing combat regularly, as she has other, more wenchy things to do.
Your walking nukes, makes Endgame Book 1 a simple jaunt to stab the final boss.
Pro at high DEF, which abruptly falls flat when they get the s**t doubled out of them.
However, the Armour who joins is a real cutie, so he shall be used, because I am insane, and don't use mounts in Book I, thus him being the only full time lance user.
Finally, our sexy legs hero, apparently wears pants to pose for the box art, but promptly takes them off for combat.
Next chapter- Gameplay, Silver Princesses, time warps, lack of old men and the start of the story!
And yes, I got a whole new ROM for this LP, that's how srs I am about redoing this. D:<
And if you're wondering, I am going to do both books, just cause, but for canon sake, let's start off with Book 1.
tl;dr: So this Mamkute (humans who morph into dragons ♥) guy named Mediuth trolled this Akaneia place for the lulz and wrecked it.
Now everyone is all butthurt and quitting akaneiaonline because it's too infested with trolls, so the mods are all raaaage about this Meduith trollish dude and come up with a plan to ban him epically.
OKAY, OKAY, WE GET THE POINT! mad
Then finally a mod by the name of Anri from some country called Aritea perma banned (or really 14 day'd) Mediuth with a kick a** sword called Falchion. Then everyone was all happy.
YAYPEACEANDNOMOARTROLLS! 4laugh
HOWEVER: after the 14 days were over (which is rly 100 years irl) Mediuth respawned (how? We'll never know) and continued his trolling Akaneia
Mmm ******** he's sexy, but other than him, he joins with some Dragon Thracia rehash country called Macedonia and some other military place called Grunia.
No, she does not have wings and equip Rapiers and turns into birds, but she is pretty badass nonetheless.
Kay, so this is the only other guy with major Anri blood so he's the only one who can rape Meduith.
Kthxbai Meduith, see you in 100 years later! 4laugh
Oh.. sad well, we're ******** src="https://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b7/rei_masamune/Fire Emblem Monshou no Nazo/FireEmblem-Version10J048.png" class="user_img" alt="User Image" />
But apparently not because he has a p***y son named Marth who shares the major Anri blood, but he's AFA (away from Aritea) ATM.
In case you don't know, the country of Durhua is run by the troll mod Meduith and he allows public bannings and s**t like that, we don't like em'.
So, now Marth is all butthurt at the loss of his family and wants to go and ban hammer Meduith, however..
Shota heroes are a big no-no, so we have to let him grow up a little.
Let's do the timewarp again!~ It's just a jump to your left. Another step to your right! Put your hands on your hips! And bring your knees in ti-ah-ite! But it's the pelvic thru-u-ust, it really does drive you in-sa-sa-sa-sa-ane! Let's do the timewarp again! Let's do the timewarp again!
Right, so two years later, we are now able to kick some a**.
Uh-oh, this doesn't look good, red units are a baaaad thing!
And we already lost our first village, we suck. gonk
How she manages to fly across a danger infested field full of bow users who deal 2x the amount of damage to flying units is beyond me.
As we saw in the whole mindblowing .2 seconds of her doing a "suck it bow users and movement range" law to all sacred laws of Fire Emblem.
"I forgot my favourite pair of panties in this fort!"
Naw, besides losing her favourite pair of panties (damn it Abel! mad ), a bunch of pirates are ******** s**t up and she needs some help.
Marth He's okay, he doesn't suck as much as Leaf, nor is he Celice/Sigurd amazing, but 20 being caps and not having to deal with the hhrrrrrgh of FE5, he'll do.
Sheeda: I always get lucky when I use her and she likes to grace me with high Str growths. Look at her Weapon Level too, in this game, there is no weapon proficiency, so Weapon Level determines what kind of s**t you can equip. Mmm... being able to use the Silver Lance from the start. heart
Jeigan: Any FE fans should know this man: the father of the Jeigan Curse. For anyone who isn't familiar: Jeigan starts out as a beast, but sucks later on, although there ARE ways to make him useful in FE3.
Kain: I like him, but we're not using any mounts in this playthrough but Sheeda. mad
Abel: He might look nice and calm, but for the love of God ladies, hide yourselves, green haired Socials are all horny pricks! gonk
Doga: I ******** love this man, he is an Armour, but gains constant Spd/Skl like there's no tomorrow and can tank easily from the start. heart
Gordon: I think his age is actually older than Marth's but a shota's a shota. He's also Doga's boytoy He's also the prime choice for a bow user in this game mainly due to the fact that the only other bow users come late, are "Jeiganish" or ride on sucky horses.
Right, so let's get some karma on the Thief who raided the village! 4laugh
And we just broke the game already via giving Sheeda a lulzy weapon and thanks to her natural Spd/Skl, she will ALWAYS hit twice and there is no weapon triangle in this game, so she can rock the ******** out in this chapter. ;D
Normally, you'd just get Abel and Kain to kill the Thief, but I'm just a big anti-confoming p***k. <3
And our boss, he's just silly, we see him A LOT in this game in pallet edits and whatnot.
YAY MONEY WE DON'T NEED BECAUSE WEAPONS COME FLYING OUT OF OUR a** IN THIS GAME! heart
And the RNG God ******** loves Marth in this playthrough.
Uh-oh, Vulnery (+10 HP) time! D:
Hur hurr, and you thought an old man was going to come out of this village, didn't you? cool
A-a little more useful than an old man healer if I say so myself.
Lolkay, have fun stationary boss without a ranged weapon!
Silver Spear'd!
Fun fact: The death song plays when you kill a boss for whatever reason.
Mine now bitches! 4laugh
Yay, I am an hero!
I thought we were going to Durhua to perma ban Meduith, but whatevz!
As in a really manly sexy man, his sassy brother, some wannabe and some guy who thinks he's all that just because he has a scar on his cheek.
Sheeda's Dad: "Hold "A" to charge your laser."
Naw, it's just him having fun stating the obvious and telling he to recruit people.
*Gasp* What treachery!
Yeah, yeah, although a GordonxDoga yaoi adventure sounds appealing.
Kthxbai King Talis, see you never again!
No Anna to save the game for me? D:
Next Chapter- We meet the Emperor of the world, over 9,000 pirates, a prostitute and lots of bridges n' s**t.
Posted: Sun Sep 05, 2010 5:00 pm
Chapter 2: Just Cause You Look Different, Doesn't Mean I Like You!
Right, so we took a ferry across the mighty Talis river and now are in the slummish boondocks of Garda, but Pirates (as usual; see Talis) came and...
Fun fun, so being a bloodthirsty shota hero, we go to slaughter them all.
Hur hurr, I like making things difficult for me and not use people. cool
Good to know that Sheeda's dad wasn't bullshitting me, we can always use some non-mounted help around here!
Great, so that means there are some professional soldiers mixed in with this pirate trash, it's like they were spying on me or something. :/
Oguma: Yeah, yeah, we get the point: has non generic clothes and hair, has lines, not pre-promoted, A MERC, we'll use you. mad
Barts: Ugh, bright, checkered headbands are so last decade, and do you think you're important or something just because you have blue hair? Yeah, well we're not going to use you then, p***k. mad
Saji: Getting better, but not quite YEAHHHH!! yet.. furry vests are for nerds and Squall use only.
Maji: YEAH!! Only real men wear muscle shirts to battle and can get their hair to stand up like that. cool
Meanwhile, it seems Sheeda is actually making herself useful and is converting people to our side. I mean sure, I'm sure pirates would pay you, but why work for pirates when you can work for goddamn royalty? :/
And he doesn't, rather joins our ranks, that swindling slime. 4laugh
Kashim: Aaaand another shota to join our ranks, only unlike our current two boys we have running around, Kashim isn't as useful as them.
Ch. 1's apparent more bad a** twin brother, dat Hand Axe (1~2 Rg) gonk
Busy killing pirates and taking names; find someone else. heart
I guess it's her fault for wandering into such a place in the first place then? confused
But, money is money, so off we pop after this then..
Did I note that FE3 HATES axe users and this is one of few chapters where you can only buy Maji his manly weapons? :/
Sir, you are wearing striped clothing like a scenekid, the only thing we'll be tasting is your glitter.
Oh, the irony of your statement..
And that is how Maji taught society how REAL Hand Axes taste like. redface
MANLY. OVERLOAD. OF. WEAPONS. NEEDS. SPACE. FOR. MORE. ********. YEAH-NESS.
We didn't let anyone escape by the way, Marth takes no prisoners. 4laugh
How.. convenient for this Rena character...
More brutes?! When are we actually going to be faced with challenge? mad
Well, at least that's something to look forward to, I guess.
Next chapter- Men with frightening swords, but scared of women, bisexual thieves, perpetual, yet stupid 1990s healers and you guessed it: axes!
Bonus: Because I don't think I b***h about breaking weapons in this LP:
Chapter 3: Plot Takes an Inconvenient Time to Spill Out
If you ask me, a surprise attack from the sea and cornered in a peninsula with NO fighting experience (See: Ch. 1) sounds like a bigger challenge in theory.
Sounds like a typical ragtag gang if you ask me, OOH, THEY LIGHT STUFF ON FIRE, THEY MUST BE BADASS!
Well, to Hell we go! Only this is chapter three and Hell is probably a good fifteen or so updates away.
Samsian Gang, eh? Just doesn't ring off the tongue in a badass sort of way then again, nor did the Dandelion Gang of FE5 and Pahn was still a sexy man with girl fighters everywhere.
And we're still WAAAAAAY under order of people to use. Oh well, just more EXP for Doga!
Being chased by imaginary Samisians now, are you?
Like the one you could buy at any store for like 1,000 gold? confused
..or you guys can both run seeing as the enemy has yet to show up.. jus' sayin'.
B-because you liked the floral print of her dress?
With any luck, the boss we are inevitable to mow down will be carrying it.
Now they spawn, if Julian and Rena weren't sitting there for like ten minutes in idle chit-chat, they would have been miles away from them by now.
Julian: Ironically, he's one of the best fighters in this game, that is if you have the apparent "mad skillz" to raise him.
Rena: I've decided, mainly because I hate her personality that I'm not going to use any healers in the playthrough. Mainly because I'm a ballsy p***k and played this game a billion times Mainly because she and other disarmed units gets in the way more often than not.
Navarre: Last seen in Jugdral flirting on little Thief girls. Other than that, dem villagers weren't lying about his frightening sword. gonk
And we get pallet swap'd, AGAIN. mad
I just realized, Maji wears a toga, manly~.
Oh, oh my. redface
Which makes me think: all the other villages got raided, why the hell didn't this one? It's like one meter away from the Samsian hideout. confused
Finally, some love for axe users!
Meh, Maji has lots of that. 4laugh
Shut up, FE3, I'm defying you. mad
Looks.. fruity.
Only nine uses? Grow up FE3! mad
As he says to Oguma. cool
Yes, yes, FE3, we all know you love your swords but hate you axes and mounts. mad
Naturally, with her Death Silver Rod of Doom in hand, Sheeda leads the way to see what this whole Kill Sword thing is about.
As you can see, her lust for blood is abruptly put to a halt as he cooly says he's scared of her. cool
The other half of the battlefield is rather anti-climatic and is handled by two people. :/
We still have two more wishes: 2.) Maji in a leopard thong with a $5 stuck down it 3.) Kill Meduith for good.
Worst genie ever. mad
Wait, who's this now?
Well, erm, I guess I don't mind you at all then if you're going to throw money at me like that. heart
Alright then, see you in another five chapters where you make a random comment and randomly disappear, Morodof!
Next chapter- we go to Orleans for no apparent reason other than to kill people, meet idiots, Rick Astley and the biggest troll in Akaneia who isn't a respawn!
Posted: Sun Sep 05, 2010 5:27 pm
Chapter 4: Idiots Who Got Rickroll'd By... Windy Things?
And as you can see: Akaneia is on the other side of the mountains, so all our work was for naught as we can only apparently climb one mountain (see: Devil Mountain). :<
..Akaneia like every other country in this damn game. Oh, and Princess Nina is hiding in this country.
Which is ironic as it's the second most threatening thing in this poor continent, but not really as it's guarded by hippies and shota.
Always dem' dragon knights..
..."Plains" is still kickin' a** and taking names somehow.
But, he ain't doin' so well since he only just realized his army (see: four other people) sucks and he's sort of stuck in a corner and it's our job (like usual) to save him and the Princess.
You don't know it's us, don't assume, we're only here for the princess, we could care less about some silly duke. mad
Thanks for... stating the obvious I guess..
Umm.. you don't really have the right to say "an army" now do you? And where Nina disappeared to? We'll never know..
Hardin- The leader of this train wreck of an "army". Out of everyone in this team, he's the only one with decent growth's, even better than Abel and Kain, but alas... mounted units..
Wolf: I guess he's the commander of the Idiot Squad, he's also apparently an emo in FE12.
Zagaro - Manly Wolf The General of the Idiot Squad, like every other bow user (sans Wolf) he is known for his unsettling large thighs, green hair and girly hands.
Biraku - The coolest, manliest, awesomest Social you get in this game (sans growth rates sadly..). Now for whatever reason, Biraku (or also called Villuck amongst other people for reasons unknown) is well known in Japan, he has his own ROM hack based on him (that I could never get working sadly :< ) for the love of god! Anyway, he's just one of dem' generic knights of the Idiot Squad.
Roshe- You honestly didn't think we'd get through two chapters without a shota, now did you? ;D Roshe is probably a fresh recruit Hardin stole from his house because his army is quite.. idiotic and he needed anything to bolster his numbers including recruiting a pink haired 13 y/o boy.
And our boss. Dear God, I'm starting to miss my manly pallet swaps already! D:
...hicks as we haven't seen many cause we're royal?
Yes, exactly, hicks are exactly like Peraty! Wait, what? Where did this convo come from?
In case you weren't paying attention to the Prologue..
Happens all the time bro'ski', I ain't complainin'.
I drive over red glowing stones to buy my daily Slurpees, they are a b***h to get out of my tires. stare
...you're not normal. D<
Like maybe the next village where you give me awesome things? 4laugh
Wait, what? Is that....?
Rick Astley - The p***k everyone loves to hate (mainly because you were expecting noods when you clicked that link many moons ago, don't lie ;D ). As if his battle cry wasn't obvious enough, he's also Rena's brother.
Siblings apparently forgot who they are when they go without seeing each other for a week. :/
We'll soon find out, Macedonia has an obsession with "M"s in their name.
Poor Machis, everyone hates you. emo
Then he'd end up whoring himself out to 1,000 bandits for ten gold each like you did. mad
I could never dream of killing any blue people though! gonk
What kind of normal sibling could ever ask that sort of question? D:
"If they start with an "M" in their name, chances are they are too manly for you, are shota or are your distant sibling!"
Or an ironic statement could work as well..
Peak of the translation era! 4laugh (I love you anyway Vincent for making this translation which is the only complete FE3 translation out there.)
Let's visit the next village which is placed here due to cutting of chapters.
Well, anything that shoots magic is more than welcome to troll things up around me! heart
He even comes with the second strongest (strongest vs flying foes) magic in the game at an early chapter!
Marich - Meet the Wind Warrior Sety in Akaneia form, only he doesn't need the rapehole of Holsety to rip things up. He's also the only Mage we get for awhile.
Minerva, pfft, we'll show dem' Macedonians who's boss round' here!
This isn't an RPG, you can't have a second form sir. mad
Stained in blood and without Macedonians? I could come next year and it'd be the right time for you, Hardin's WAY older brother.
...so we basically fought an entire war ourselves and Nina is still walking from that fort like three meters away from this castle. mad
B-but we were just passing through! Fffffffffffffffff, getting sucked into political affairs.
Long Story short: because we're on the road to Akaneia, why the Hell not help everything along the way? Also, this Nina girl seems pretty cool, so we're just going to kill some time until she finally gets to the castle like .1th of a meter away from her initial location.
Treasures?! TREASURES?! Well, count me in and call me a #1 Orleans fan if we get treasure out of this.
Because apparently, all the axes, lances, swords and fire magic cannot hope to harm these when Doga still takes damage when he's lined with steel plates. :/
Probably that gossiping Oguma, you know how he gets when he runs into his pals from bingo.
Main reason why there will be no mounts: granted, female Knights are pretty sexy with their short skirts and Buster Swords, but still.
Someone wasn't looking out the window when we were taking Macedonian names.
Lolmagic.
And competition for the treasure sad (then again, what else is new, Fire Emblem?)
Oh yes, you know how safe I'd feel being protected by two Archers, a low levelled Mage and a Bishop without assault magic
Ricardo - B-but it's only been one chapter since we last recruited a shota! D; Ah well, in FE3, he's the worst of... his kind. (those short shorts make me feel like a ***** for looking at him). Stat wise- as a Thief, unlike Julian who is a Str god of doom an annihilation, but doesn't know how to wield a sword correctly, Ricardo is a bit more perpetual to what you'd think a Thief is (i.e: low Def, high Lck/Spd) only with hideous Skl growth (20) and semi-decent Str (50). I'd use him if I wasn't already whoring myself out to fifty other sword users.
Wendell - (More like WINdell, amiryte?) Iunno, he's apparently pretty godly if you raise him with a Star Orb, but I had other plans with the Star Orb ;D Not to mention, Excalibur is Marich-only so Windex can't use it.
Lol 1~1 Rg boss, have fun Marich and Gordon!
Yeah, you're a Thief, you can't even breathe inside jail cells as you can easily just pick your way out.
You couldn't even jack that chest two spaces away from spawn point? Son, I am disappoint.
Read you like a book. cool
From the looks of it, "big bro" is also intimidated by pretty little boys. gonk
What this "helping" he's talking about is? We'll never know..
Ah man, even Windex got captured? Macedonia must mean serious business.
Basically in a tl;dr form, Khadein is all magical n' s**t, then some p***k named Garnef came and took it over, now it's all evil n' s**t.
OHKO'd! <3
From the sound of the enemies, they make it sound like the Aritian army is some sort of classy French food testing group.
We'll show you how steel tastes.
And we do!
How.. convenient of you to show up JUST as soon as we kill everyone...
And to slap a request on me out of the blue. D:<
Is this Emblem perhaps affiliated with "Fire" in any way or form?
PS: that's why Marth's name is "Mar" because he gets a pimped out Crest next to his name now
Next Chapter- Enemy ambush, a not so pissed off Princess, sisters and reinforcement hell.
Posted: Sun Sep 05, 2010 6:47 pm
Chapter 6: Why Your Judo Sensei Always Told You to Run at Fist Sight of Danger.
Our march straight into Akaneia seems to be going well. (I was wrong last update about Akaneia being west of Orleans, Marth has more balls than I though marching right into enemy territory).
With any luck they know where we're headed and are geared for it. Thus "Trap in Lefcandy"
Haiman? Oh, oh my, that's awfully close to- okay fine, no sexual organ jokes in this LP (if I made some in earlier entries, ignore them. )
We'd still mop the floor with you, open battle or not Mystery Woman (ironically, the only real Macedonian "open battle" was removed from FE3 thankfully; it got me flaccid in FE1 and 11)
Turns out, this Mystery Woman is Princess Minerva.
And they got her little sister, Maria and will kill her if Minerva won't fight for the Durhua Empire, oy yoy yoy...
Damn right it won't, ..unless you have a more evil, sinister, reinforcement trap waiting for me besides throwing a couple of chicks on ponies at me.
Literally two turns later.. her stats will come in later chapters when she attacks again, halfheartedly, much like in this picture.
Didn't Minerva call him Haiman like two seconds ago? Besides that, yet another 1~1 Rg dude, only this chapter, laud...
Yes, because every little girl tells me my name when she sees me. :/
B-but Julia! What about Julia?! Wrong dimension. >_>
Someone forgot about the whole reason why we're off to kick some a** (Falchion if you forgot too)
Peraty.. hicks.. glowing red stones.. hmm...
No one said we're going to go look for ten year old girls on our journey!
Banutu- Stones are broken in this game, I'll give him that (they transform the user to a dragon for five turns, scoring them infinite use breath for five turns), but I'm a pretty racist p***k and don't like old men. Not to mention his stats, oh god, his stats.
Nonetheless, Marth give him the glowing red stone the hick gave to him two chapters ago, and..
WHAT THE HELL?! HE'S BIGGER THAN THOSE TWO BRICK PENISES IN THE BACKGROUND! (Sex joke +1 *lash*)
Dat Spd/Skl sad
Right, this is the real "Trap", and if you don't plug the forts, they'll harass you for six turns. Although it's nothing compared to the s**t storm of next chapter.
I love you too, Maji. <3
Excalibur phoned..
But you were already burning in hell by the time I called you down.
Oh hey, it's Mora- Moro- Molo- Morodof! What was keeping you from saying anything to me before? D;
Long story short: God thought they were too haxx, so he forced them to seal their Dragon-ness inside of stones, and Mediuth was not lovin' that s**t and got all mad at the new rules, and for that, he got ban hammered. Then the rest was all rehash of respawn and Marth with major Anri blood n' stuff, to Akaneia!
Next chapter- We get lost and end up in a port town and get chased away.
Chapter 7: "Relaxing" is Just a Classy Way to Say "Lost"
"March straight through Pales and end up in the Akaneian southern peninsula." Wait, what?
Even Doga needs his KFC before stomping on Pales I guess.
But the Empire being pricks are going to invade this place, Warren's will or not in a major middle finger like battle.
I know you can't see it, but there's two other forts behind the text box that if you don't seize the gate by turn fourteen, you'll have to fight two Horsemen every turn after that. D;
And the last time we hear of Peraty because the whole one chapter you spend there (with that Mamkute boss) got the axe. Speaking of axes, he's carrying the strongest, non risk inducing axe in the game.
Oh dear... better than the last gauntlet of bosses we just fought though. For him, because your army is busy dealing with stuff (see: battalion of Social Knights, Horsemen with a relief of Armours and Archers on their way), Marth and Marich will have to duet him alone.
Uh, good for you?
So we see. D;
Thank God for Doga!Choke points. ;D
Problem: we'll need to break through the big army to get to the eastern fort. Got any ideas, Mr. State-the-obvious?
Everyone leaves everything up to me to decide. emo
Caesar- Decent bases, bad growths, but I'm crazy/have a fetish for Mercs, so welcome aboard! We'll find an excellent way to make Caesar godly later on, even if he has some.. aesthetic problems (imo).. at least he looks handsome in his TCG artwork, minus his blouse!
Raddy - Decent bases (minus Lck), fabulous growths, you're more than welcome aboard Raddy! He even has a semi par Wlv to make up with starting at Lv. 1 allowing him to use the Kill Sword one Wlv growth later, which amusingly enough, he has a 50% growth in Wlv compared to Navarre's 30%.
Giving Doga a Javelin really helps here, jus' sayin.
Kill Swords and Silver Lances on sale? Good bye funds. -__-
Fire and Lightning are significantly weaker than Excalibur and Blizzard, but I buy some for Marich so he doesn't burn through his boss killer on generic enemies.
And you break the game D< , I don't use them at all in this LP by the way mainly because I'm too lazy to.
Potential foreshadow? Dragon Killers are overkill in this game by the way. A critical WILL OHKO overly and one swipe can take out 2/3rds of their health for weaker people to steal the kill.
As you can see, Oguma's greasy mullet even attracts the Goddesses.
Generic military death quotes.
But we already beat the chapter, no more enemies plzkthx.
Also seen last chapter flying with Minerva who took off two turns later. I wonder what she wants?
Long story short, Minerva is tired of everyone bossing her sister around, so she's going to go to the prison Maria is at, kill everyone there and take her sister back. Marth naturally being a whore for blue haired chicks decides to agree with Katua's request, leaving our Pales stomping for later.
Next chapter: Who cares about saving the world when a hot babe asks you to do something? Other than that, expect a lack of A ranked Axes, loli for once, fort battles and crappy reinforcements.
Posted: Sun Sep 05, 2010 6:57 pm
Chapter 8: Princesses are Always in Distress... Except if You're Nina, then You Have a Flamethrower
Were we in trouble and forced to flee? No. Were we two steps away from a prime goal and got distracted? Yes. Is Nina pissed about this? In theory. Are we going to gain anything from this? Exp if that counts, but other than that, no.
"..Minerva" in that case, that's what forest tiles and Marich is used for my pretties.
Yeah, yeah, basically Marth sees Minerva as his sister Ellis because she's an older sibling who is making sacrifices for her younger sibling, much like how Ellis let herself be captured by sexy Garnef here so Marth could get away.
That is why we are taking this unneeded detour to save some chick who could probably save herself as well as her sister seeing as her superior is a General (Read: no dragon) and Minerva is a DRAGON Knight.
Because Lefcandy is ours after the thwarted assault of throwing two and a half winged ponies at us.
That's just the normal way people talk to her at this stage of the game. Minerva: Hey ______! _____: Why hello there! The day is nice, isn't it? If it rains, then forget about your sister's life.
Minerva tries the whole pre-rebellion thing of pretending to see her sister to get away from him, but it doesn't go as planned. I guess Marth is going to have to do things on his own (like usual).
Hmm.. Minerva asks to see her sister, two seconds later a rebel attack...
But I'm the only one who sees these coincidences and Minerva gets away Scott free no suspicions or anything.
Oh noez, not two and a half dragons and two 100 lbs or less girls on pegasi! Whatever is Marich supposed to do?!
Fun fact: We'll have this prison conquered by turn three.
This chapter introduces the concept of promotion items (see: Hero Proof for Mercs) which won't be used for a LONG time seeing as I enjoy my 20/--'s all the time, efficient run or not.
There is also a Sniper who can wreck things in the prison if you're not careful (dat 12 Spd). Other than that, the prison is guarded by two other Archers (lol) and an Armour (rofl) with Socials outside that abruptly die in one turn.
Maria - she gets no personal staffs, Rena does, we have a Mage of doom with one more coming next chapter so Maria is worthless unless you like to Live bot or something. I guess she's cuter than Rena and has a manlier sibling(s) than Rena?
Minerva - Without auto access to haxx axes, Minerva loses her merit to shine. Granted, Pegasus Knights are a b***h in the tits to promote, and it's easier to just use Minerva, give her the Star Orb later on and call it a day, we're sort of forced to use Sheeda as well as EVERYONE WANTS THE STAR ORB.
He's sort of an a** to get to, that's his thing.
Another a** in this level is that Thief (pictured: bottom right) who likes taking the loot and bolts out of there, you probably want that Thunder Sword that he steals by the way, so Shanan to Patty him for the love of God! D;
That is a reference to next level and the reason why we don't get Shooters in FE3, because FE3 hates you and wishes that every enemy got unlimited use missiles to pelt you with.
Get in line with all the other girls, Missy, Marth is a busy man.
Pfft, please tell her to get her butt over here, she's the one with a goddamn dragon to fly on. mad And she does, as for whatever reason, she magically knows that Marth saves her sister and flies on over.
And you will.. in spirit and Rena using your Live staff.
While we're screwing around, allow me to explain the concept of trade chains, mainly because the northern door needs to be unlocked and Doga just so happens to be carrying the only Door Key in my possession.
Because Doga can't haul his a** to the other side of the prison by himself in a reasonable time frame, he gives the Door Key to someone else who can still move.
And so on.
And so on (don't judge my Maji favouring. D< )
Navarre moves to receive (so tempted to make a bad joke here, but let's not).
Maji.. gives...
Then a couple of reinforcements come sooner or later, which is why Doga must be at the front of the fort to help tank.
Oh hey, it's that Minerva chick, and she's not impaling Marth with her Javelin!
You had to be the worst enemy I've ever "fought"
In which she is talking about her brother Mishiel who killed his/Maria/Minerva's father to take the throne.
Good luck with that, there is a book of trolly wind named after a fabled sword who will more than do that for you, have fun sitting on the bench with your sister!
Before disappearing into the shadow of plot, never to be seen again until the ending and Book 2, she has to name drop the Pegasus Sisters who IS loves more than anything.
Paola's the hottest, jus' sayin'.
I kind of found Marich doing all the work was getting boring, so I let ArmourKill!Oguma do something for once.
And ended with a bang by making Marth get the kill, why the hell not?
Yeah! He's the guy who could use women only magic! (although in FE3, it's not women only, more of a Holy Blood concept)
Then that happened, minor details, minor details.. Fortunately, he has some daughter who can also use the Aura tome, but she's sort of being a slave as you can see.
Because there's only one slave market in the entire FE3 world and it's in the capital city- Pales!
Next Chapter- More loli (technically, although the more than frightening internet fanbase would disagree with me), lack of horny men with missiles, crammed villages to save space and Mamkutes!
Good God the Durhua are idiots to not send out reinforcements to the places they were routed, allowing Marth to just leave off where we last left of in his assault against Durhua. Oh well, less work for us I guess.
See why it's bad to get sidetracked? We lost out on all the pimp rings for Maji and Caesar to use. :<
Because apparently Nina- the Princess of this land doesn't know it by heart already and needs Marth's guidance in this "foreign" land.
Basically this emo poet in training recites the day when she watched her parent's heads get chopped off and put on pikes, yummy.
Okay, okay, we get the point, sheesh! D< How she escaped? Find out later, knights in shining armour included, I love you 1990s.
Jus' sayin' I ain't makin' none of this emo s**t up.
"All I felt was sorrow, and... and... A BIG SCARY DRAGON, AAAAAAAAAA!" Other than that, you get the advantage of a fort on a choke point, so he ain't so bad to deal with.
Hard part of this chapter being these pricks stationed exactly where it's not convenient for you at all, hello 3~10 Rg weapons.
W-what else is new, FE3?
But who cares about kids that we'll inevitably meet sooner or later in a badass way, let's go hit up some snipers!
How? A real man gives no details, he just goes.
Oh, YOU'RE going to use it, eh? We've got bigger and better plans with that bow. cool
George- He's pretty gnarly guy, but I am dreadfully scared of pre-promotes that are non-Jugdral/late NA era. D; Free Silver Bow so Gordon can do things finally? Yay!
Why the hell not? Our army is chocked full of them anyway.
But ironically, Marth wants none of that s**t, free children, or gtfo.
Before that, he threatens the slave trader's life, like he should (read: before FE11 where he sort of is like "I'M HERE I'M QUEER AND EVERYONE IS SAFE!" and that's that)
Well, that's cute sonny, now grab a bow and start shooting.
My words in vice versa when I first saw Marth, only instead of clothes, I asked why he is so acquainted with a flat iron and a tiara.
You'll find out later on that this Garnef figure has this thing for girls, which isn't a bad thing or anything, but for God's sake, Linda is like ten years old! D;
Yeah, she has ORKO magic, it'd be a shame to let that go to waste!
Linda- ORKO magic bitches! (20 Mt) Sadly, she'll need all that Mt for awhile, or at least until her 1/5 chance to gain a Str stat kicks in. :/ I Str ring whore her to make her better.
You kids want to know what a Dragon Killer does?
Exactly that. cool
Again, Nina doesn't know her own country, yet alone her castle.
And there's even a couple of semi decent characters (although one of them is awesome) in there to fill the hole of not having any mounts!
Next chapter- Back into the shota tradition (chubby stuff this time though), bald men, the ground breaking concept that women in the 1990s can fight and treasure raids! (because the world map rehash this chapter was lying about all the treasure being taken D< )
Posted: Sun Sep 05, 2010 7:10 pm
Chapter 10: Dat Not Really Jail Break
As in treasure >>>> saving one person we're going to use, so we sort of let them stew in their cells until some kind Akaneian soldier who isn't Marth's squad decides to let them out.
Here they go into the genealogy of the Holy War (c wut i did thar?) of Nina's ancestors, but there's not much to know except for there's three weapons (cause they're less wuss and don't need twelve)
And they killed everyone who opposed them and called it "Holy Will" why the hell not?
In here, we run into another old man (as if Jeigan and Windex weren't enough), a dismounted whatever girl, the only other Archer prepromote in this game and two Knights because there is a shortage of armoured units until now.
You're a dismount, you can forget about that idea Missy. mad Although that Archer is lookin' pretty tasty.
Cause unfortunately, no one knows martial arts to egg the guards on to open the door, beat the s**t out of them, pull an FE5 and jack their weapons like how most video games handle prison escapes.
Hmm, namedrop hinting Midia knows a guy named Astria. I wonder if that will be of any use that some poor player forgot to read and was royally screwed when an inevitable red unit named Astria showed up.
Midia- Unfortunately for her, not only is she a mounted unit, she's a pre-promote, and lord knows how bad FE3B1!Prepromotes are, so she gets nailed twice. Although I do give her credits for being a Pally and not being skinnier than a Slim Lance and or flying on a winged pony or healing, those are rare qualities in FE3 Book 1. D;
Boa- Decent stats to Star Orb abuse with and wind up with a pretty awesome dude, but horrendous stat growths, so if you seriously want to use him you're forced to Star Orb abuse him (in which 90% of my current team would like), and with three magic users running around, unless your magic user unit fetish is enough to combat my Merc unit fetish, you're probably not going to want him anyway. Besides, if you want to use an old magical man, use Windex.
Mishelan- Highest stat growth is 40% in Wlv, everything else is 10 and 20%s (minus Str which is a 30%, but really? An Armour who isn't Doga [who makes up for it with decent Spd and Skl] with 10% Def?). His presence is trivial at best, unless you have a tanking fetish that Doga should be rubbing you in all the right ways if you do. wink
Tomth- He's actually more recommendable than Doga in that he has actual tanking stats- trading Doga's 40%'s in Spd/Skl for Def and HP, but promotion to General makes up for lack of Doga's Def with dat +4 Def/ 1/5th of the cap.
Thomas- And our main attraction, this chubby kid/compressed and shota looking Zagaro. Fap to his base Wlv and Str, and the fact the Partia comes at the end of this chapter. With three more Wlv growths to gain to use it and a 50% chance to gain, I love him. Also, I neglected Gordon, so he's sort of down in the dumps.
The boss figure: first non Axefighter or Armoured unit! I always thought the Bolganone icon looked like a Cyndaquil from first glance. -_-
But being a magic unit, and having a badass Raddy...
That happens to him, isn't being able to wield the Kill Sword from one Wlv growth good for units you want to train?
Y-you mean you've had this weapon this whole time? y u hold out on us gurl? D<
*Draws sword* damn it Nina! mad
Herp derp. Anyone: "Hey look, a free legendary weapon, let's take it!"
Just slightly, because haxx Str and 99 Exp a Mamkute kill and approx 90 EXP a promoted unit kill is nothing. :/
17 uses of DOOM. Then you get the Hammerne, then it's near unlimited uses of DOOM AND 20/20.
-Tune in next time for revenge at its finest, no Shooter-ville, no Shooter recruits and sexy women!
In which they stabbed us in the back, so what are we going to do? Slaughter them all and feast on their innards. cool
And we even have a badass excuse to do so. Oh Marth, y u so cruel?
Uh sorry for the delay; was destroying more worthy things, but now we're bored, so we are doing more dickish things.
Someone doesn't want any mercy. stare
Cause everyone is smart and wants a painless death, Jiol here will get multiple Hand Axes in his back along with Fire spells opposed to a quick Oguma slash, or Linda!Aura in the face.
GOD, IDIOT. It's like Napoleon Dynamite all over again, please God, no more. D;
OH SHI- DURHUA, THEY'RE PART DRAGONS MAN, MAMKUTES! -scared face-
Oh... well, that's great! All the more Exp for Thomas!~ 4laugh
They can flash their panties with their incredibly short skirts- on the verge of being called just a long shirt on a windy flight and stun people?
Or gtfo. Unfortunately, the whole one Camus namedrop before this chapter got cut, so this is the first time you hear of him. Mishiel is from the land of M and Dragon Knights himself and Minerva's not so scary brother. (Also a red pallet edit of Navarre back in the days of FE1.)
I don't think this is betraying at all, rather karma, but sure thing boss. :/
Jiol - Honestly, at this point of the game- unless you forgot to train Marich (shame on you!) or Linda, 1~1 Rg bosses are a laugh.
Astria- Oh hey, that namedrop guy! And nope, only Midia can recruit him, which sucks because she takes up space, making you kick someone off the team for this chapter. D;
A couple of turns later, this cryptic figure (seen at Leftcandy) shows up. Katua- Apparently, she's one of the best (if not, THE best) Pegasus Knight in this game, but with a near full team, I hold off on using her. Free Kill Sword, FTW!
Pao- whoops. Paola- Sexiest Peg. Sister IMO! Like her sisters, she's pretty gnarly, but I'm already favouring three people already (looking at Maji, Caesar and Thomas on this one) so unfortunately, she gets no such luck.
Oh yes, that girl who distracted Marth, causing him to forget to stomp Pales.
So out of pure loyalty, she joins up, yay Kill Sword!
You sure looked menacing back at Leftcandy. :/
Seventeen year old vs. an entire empire? Why the hell not.
-Wink wink, nudge nudge-. First thing's first: GET THE HELL OUT OF THE ARCHER'S RANGE, KATUA! D;
Holy Jose, recruitment city! And no, no Beck is in this chapter. sad
You are help! By bolstering the bench'd numbers and free Silver Sword...
Right, so there's many a-problems in this chapter, most menacing are these pricks who have the benefit of a far off entrance from my spawn point as well as being guarded by Socials who can mount indoors and a Sniper with a Silver Bow (?), making it easy for them to steal my spoils of war (in this case: the all mighty Silver Card which = 1/2 price of items.)
Second problem is geographical ********, like seriously, what is even going on here? No, but seriously, there is a room full of Archers guarding a village as well as a Bishop with a Reserve Staff (heal all enemies).
But Marth is a manly mofo and doesn't wait for Thomas to clear out the enemies to meet this odd unique sprited figure.
We'll be sure to give it to him... after the war.
Umm, I think she'll be fine with all those weapons she's hiding on us. Why, I'm sure she even has her own tank and machine gun hidden somewhere.
And you'll give us an even better weapon then!
Eh, I liked the name Tron better, but here it is, the spell that Marich can use and still be WIN without burning through Excalibur like a boss.
Good God, Jiol, you have a ghetto throne room, it's like a tree house on steroids or something.
Is that like Sheeda's more butch long lost sister with hot pink armour or something?
The whole castle, this throne room and treasure room is sure big..
Welp, besides sexy revenge, this was a trip wasted. :/
-So let's waste more time in Chapter 13 when we get our confidence shattered by saggy old men!
Posted: Mon Sep 06, 2010 6:34 pm
Chapter 12: How to Mess a Badass Offensive Streak Up
Good news, followed by more good news!
1.) The LP is a hit in Serenes Forest, so I've been forced to continue my update quicker so no one riots or anything over there (xP).
2.) This LP is now originally hosted here, opposed to over there (because they have wonky coding over there), so you'll be the firsts to get my updates.
LolKhadein, the Hogwarts of Akaneia, and Garnef is a name they dropped in the Prologue like a billion years ago.
Dat 3% Res growth for majority of everyone speaks for itself when the narrator says that. D;. Then someone like Raddy, or Doga rams their weapon into the Mage, no book can stop weapons!
Garnef is a possessive sort of guy who enjoys guarding Khadein's whole two treasures. Other than that, his other hobbies include capturing women and ranting of how invincible he is.
Maph o shi- count: 1 You get used to hearing that as time progresses.
Hey, Dragon Goddess, that one person Banutu was ranting about! I wasn't aware that she was into old noodles.
This is an awful place to make a pun towards his weakness, and what is it with enemies ranting about their weaknesses?
Garnef- omg hi kils aeristh, haxx haxx!!!1oneone11
Other than that, sure he has a book with a "D:" looking spirit flying out of it, but dat Skl is all we need to think of him as a joke.
Maph o shi- count: 2 Cute, he even has his own background and music.
O SHIIIIIIII, MARICH!
He has like four gigantic evil spirits come flying out all at once, you'd figure at least one of them would hit. :/
Last time I talk to you on MSN, Garnef. mad
Marich is pro at tag, and Garnef is getting angry because his eyes are too rotted out to catch him.
Right, so after a REALLY long, boring chapter of desert navigation and lots of reinforcements consisting of low level Mages, and one or two Dragon Knights, we finally take this dinky magic school.
Much like Garnef, Gato likes to brag about his magic too: Gato's Magic count: 1
What's even more saddening is how bad the RNG Gods hate him and his growths.
Dun dun... bug off Gato, just do this yourself if you're so high and mighty. mad
Then the rest is history, but seriously Gato, serves you right for using Maph- the almighty tome as a door stopper. Usually one keeps a close eye on those kinds of things!
Maph o shi- count: 3
Aaaand 4, they just keep coming and coming. So whatever are we going to do, o mighty Gatobledore?
Long story short: there's like these two orbs named Star and Light Orb, that are conveniently in the place that we have to go to anyway, right? Well, once we get them, this d**k here- who is too lazy to do anything about his crazy ex-pupil will make magic out of it.
And this magic is like totally awesome, it explodes, and explosions just scare the s**t out of Garnef apparently, even more so that they're cancerous rays of starlight, so we have to do that now.
Next Chapter- Screw you Gato and your Orb fetish, we want out Ariteaz back, our Ariteaz, we want it back.
Chapter 13: Procrastination to Take One's Nation Back is Finally Put to an End
It wasn't really tragic, it was kind of funny, like watching a blindfolded Saji with a Steel Axe and 0 Skl/Spd trying to hit a pinata.
So anyway, since they're in the neighbourhood, Marth decides that this is the best time to lead the biggest assault yet- while everyone's morale is near zero from Garnef. You suck Marth.
Shows those right winged pricks right for spending all their funds on their army and not on gardeners n' s**t to make things aesthetically pleasing!
Much like every other character with lines in this game.
Oh yeah, Aritia is trash man, look at all that greenery and blue water and stuff. Just what are they even thinking?
No Nina- the sole successor of the Governor of the entire continent, this is the Kingdom of Verdane. :/
Oh how silly of me, I seem to have misplaced pictures of the rest of his conversation!
So basically what happens in those misplaced pictures is he rehashes everything that happened up to now and tells people to do stuff, such as fight, so let us enter combat!
Chainy- Because we haven't had a feminine boy in a long time, due to all the other, more sexy things (see: Paola) join us. He can use swords when not displaying his unique ability which is pretty cool, I guess. Only, he keeps his HP when he transforms in this version, so no 18 HP to 40 HP in one move. sad
And we're back to lolbosses, after a nice break via Garnef, he doesn't even have a bow to make up for his lolbossness. :/
A nice, pleasant walk through the field infested with a total of three low stat Dragon Knights leads us to this sickly looking chap.
"Certain reasons" a classy way of saying you suck.
Basically, there's two villages right beside each other in this who are silly and both harbour men who got discharged from wherever they're from because they suck, but don't have the balls to say so to Marth and the villages aren't good pals, so they go and do that.
Anyone have an idea on what two villages are going to be the most heavily taxed when Marth gets the throne back?
Alan- Hmm, next two chapters are going to be indoors, then the ones following are just unpleasant for late joining units... you know what, screw you.
-A reset later-
Aritea is the kind of place washouts go to retire.
Where have we heard this before?
Sigurd before his spin-off and if he was a washed out gladiatorSamson- Holy Christ on a pogo stick, 17 Spd and double digits for most stats. With the Star Orb to come in two chapters, one could really make him into a bigger beast in no time, but I have four Mercs running around, I probably don't need another, no matter how badass he could potentially be.
Then all Hell breaks loose: if you didn't cover the four forts to the north, this happens for three turns straight, two of the enemy reinforcements being promoted Horsemen, the other two being generic Socials. There's also a couple of Armours and Socials who spawn to the south-east forts, but lol@Armours.
Also: Not the extra Axefighter, I decided randomly use an severely underleveled Barts, why the hell not?
So while everyone else deals with dem' reinforcements, Marth screws around and helps little boys out as usual.
Basically, Chainy here is a human Ditto, meaning he can turn into anyone, no Pollyjuice Potion needed.
All I wanted was Exp from the Heroes guarding you, but if you say so. =o
Right, so let's make use of this pimp daddy before we bench him.
Not being able to seize included. sad
"Not today, not tomorrow, not never" yeah, yeah, generic war cries make me a sad boy. :<
And thus begins the "Camus legacy", where no one can shut the ******** up about him for three chapters. Granted, it's worse in FE1 and 11 where there's an extra chapter of "Camus, Camus, Camus", but still.
Only then does he give his army a motivational speech after God knows how long they've been together.
That's Morodof's line he makes to make himself feel important though. D;
Next Chapter- Proof that Mamkutes do not have access to nail clippers, Mamkutes who who shoot MAGICAL fireballs (opposed to your run of the mill fire), trolly Bishops, treasure city and DUN DUN, who?
