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6/72 Pollvolution, can I borrow your amazing naming skills?

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can you help?
Sure
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 50%  [ 1 ]
uh, I'm no better at this thing...
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Total Votes : 2


annador

PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 4:27 pm


Because I am completely at a loss of a name for this. It started as more of a background for a RP, but.. I've gotten a little carried away and it's becoming a full out story sweatdrop I'll post the different "chapters" in other posts...
edit... "-" denotes new paragraph

D< stupid tab doesn't work
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 4:28 pm


~|~|~


-Today was like the usual day. Dawn came, and at first light, my mother ghosted in to wake me. Then she would bring me out to have breakfast with Dad, anxiously glancing at the door, drilling holes into it. Well, not literally, but you get the idea. We had to be very careful, and it wasn't like this was some tiny gossip secret. No. This was a matter of life or death. And it was my life that was on the line. But I'll get to that another time, for it's really complicated.
-My brother dragged into the room, still groggy from sleep, and he sat down at his usual spot at the table, right as my Mom stood up to fetch another plate of breakfast. Well, the measly bread and water that we called our breakfast. See, our family is pretty bad off, since my mom lost her "job", which was our main source of an income to survive on. So now we were completely dependent on the small amount that my Dad earned each week, which was barely enough for two to live on, let alone our family of four. After breakfast was done, Mom rushed me back to my safe haven of a room, where I had to spend all day, practically locked up until nightfall, when it was safe to come out. And so this is where I am now, sitting on my bed, waiting for night to come.
-Oh, I guess I should probably introduce myself. I am sixteen year old Willow Moon Star, and I am part of an isolated little tribe that lives up in the North. Our weather is not at all like the usual weather for our area, which is cold, followed by more cold. No, our small town's weather is in seasons, but is rather mild in comparison. We do get below freezing, and we do get fairly warm. There is plenty of local lore about this, but that is another story for another time.
-I have been forced into isolation because my type is being hunted and killed because people actually fear us. This is stupid, of course, because we are the only things protecting them from an enemy that they don't - no, can't- notice, although they have many myths about their type as well as mine, and many others that I know to be real.
-You see, the world that we live in is not as normal as humans would like to believe. I cannot name all of the things that they have deemed as a myth that are, in fact, very real. For instance, the blood drinkers are not just myth. We have proof of that. Werewolves are real too, although I have yet to meet a true werewolf, nor do I plan to, for I am afraid of what they would try to do when they find out what I am. Technically, my kind are shape-shifters, but we take the form of wolves. Yes, you've probably heard many stories about people like me, but most of them aren't true. We aren't the monsters that we are portrayed to be. We are actually rather civilized, and aren't savages as many would believe. This is all I can say for now, for I have not yet suffered the first transformation yet, as my older brother has.
-Back to the introduction... I am not very tall, around five foot five, and very skinny for my age. I have deep blue eyes that I've been told sometimes change to a light teal. My hair is a mix between light and dark brown, all natural, and is about waist length right now. It's usually left down, but it's occasionally braided. I believe this is all I need to say for the introduction... Oh, of course. My birthday is coming up in about one more full moon cycle. I cannot wait, because I have overheard Mom and Dad talking about the possibility of letting me walk around the town, by myself. I cannot wait to find out if they will really let me do this!
-I glanced up as I saw the doorknob turn, and tensed, ready to spring. Then I heard someone softly call my name.
-"Willow, it's me, I'm coming in." Mom said softly. I immediately relaxed.
-"Ok Mom." I said a little louder than she had. She opened the door and walked in, holding a basket.
-"Honey, would you mind going down to the market and getting some more bread?" She asked, a little sheepishly.
-"Of course not Mom, when can I leave?" I asked, smiling. A rare chance to get out of the house, now why would I pass that up? Mom suddenly looked out the window.
-"Right now is fine. There's enough money in the basket to get a week's worth of bread. Remember to get the thickest bread you can for the lowest price. Now hurry out the back!" She said hurriedly, and I glanced out the window to see two men walking up to our house as if they owned it. I could tell by how they were walking that they weren't here for leisure. They were on a mission. A mission that most likely involved getting my brother and me. I jumped off the bed, and gave my Mom a quick hug as I grabbed the basket and silently ran to the back door.
-I didn't glance back as I dashed for the trees, hoping they wouldn't see me. I caught a flicker of movement to my left and saw a wolf running beside me. My brother. Mom and Dad would probably tell the men that he was at work. They didn't need a cover up story for me, since I was supposed to be dead. I slowed down as I saw my bandana hanging on a branch were I always left it for situations like these. I snatched it off the tree, and pulled it in my hair in the same movement. Then I was running again, though not nearly as fast as before. I was getting closer to town, and it would raise suspicion if I were running as fast as I had been. I slowed to a walk at the edge of the trees, and turned around. I was my brother walking in this direction, but slowly. Without really thinking about it, I ran back to where he was and gave him a hug. He licked my cheek a little.
-"Love you brother." I said before leaving to head to the marketplace with a nagging feeling I couldn't explain that I wouldn't see him again.


~|~|~

annador


annador

PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 4:48 pm


~|~|~


-The marketplace was crowded, as it always was on the weekends. Everywhere you went, there were the cries of venders trying to sell their items, each one trying to outdo their rivals. There was also the constant murmur of conversation that never went away, but simply faded into the background. I paid no attention to any of this, heading straight to the section with all the baked goods. This area was probably the most recognizable, because you could almost always smell freshly baked bread. Any of the stands that had been there long enough through the years were smart enough to take one loaf out of their most recently baked batch and break it in half and place it near the others, but within their sight. They did this so that the customers could see what the bread looked like on the inside, so one could know if it were dense or if it had a lot of air in it. I went to the stand that I always found trustworthy. The owner was an older woman, who had dark tan skin and graying hair that used to be black at some point many years before I was born, and she had, undoubtedly, been very beautiful. She smiled when she saw me, which was very rarely.
-"Why hello. Haven't seen you in forever." She said warmly, but quiet enough that no one else would notice over all the other conversations.
-"Hello Zyra." I said smiling. I was one of the few people who could get away with calling her by her first name. Her smile widened as I remembered her name.
-"So, what have you been up to, my little Luna?" She asked. She was about the only person out of my family that knew my many secrets, and always kept her mouth sealed about them. It was nice to have someone to talk to who knew everything that was going on. Come to think of it, I don't think there is anyone in our little village who hasn't told Zyra a secret.
-"Oh, not much. Locked up by day, free by night." I said laughing.
-"Only to a point though." She said laughing too.
-"Yeah, we were probably still good for a few more days on bread, but there was a surprise visit this morning, so mom sent me to find some extra food for our guests, just in case." I said, all traces of humor gone now. Anyone else would find nothing odd in this conversation, but Zyra understood my meaning instantly.
-"Oh?" She said surprised. "I thought they had given up."
-"What? Has someone been asking about us?"
-"Only every now and then. They've been asking about every stand owner, but only on the weekends. They quit bugging me a few weeks ago." She said, worried. I was stunned into silence.
-"But, where did your brother go?" Zyra asked.
-"He went out to the woods and changed. I'd assume that Mom will tell them that he decided to go to work." I said, pulling out the money Mom had put into the basket. Instead, I pulled out a note, and the money was below it. I opened it.

-Dear Willow,
I'm sorry that I had to send you away so suddenly. I fear for what those men want. Please stay in the marketplace most of the day, where you can blend in. If you feel that even there is not safe, then take refuge in the woods. But please, don't come home until I send your brother for you. I placed some extra money in there, and you can buy yourself a little treat for your birthday. I have a feeling that you're probably going to go to Zyra's booth to buy the bread, and if you feel it's safe, you can tell her about our current problem.
Always with love,
Mom


-I stared at the letter for a few moments, then looked up to see Zyra watching me.
-"What is it girl?" She asked, softly, with concern layered in her voice, unlike how many others would ask.
-"A letter. From Mom. I'm supposed to hide out today, until she sends Quint out to find me." I said, placing the letter back in the basket, and pulling out the money. I counted it silently, then gasped. Did Mom really mean to give me five dollars? I glanced up to see Zyra's face mirroring what mine must have looked like.
-"I... I don't think she meant to give me this much." I stammered out.
-"Wow." Was all Zyra could say. She was shocked too.
-"I guess I should probably go ahead and get the bread..." I said sheepishly. I ended up filling up the basket and still had three dollars left, although I think Zyra probably tossed in a few extra loaves for free.
-"Th- thank you Zyra." I said when it was all done.
-"You're welcome, and thank you." She said, and I walked around to her side, and gave her a hug. I think that was the most she had ever made from one person. I looked up as a shadow fell across the market. It was just clouds moving in. I sighed.
-"I should probably move to the forest. It's looking like it will rain."
-"Oh. Well, why don't you go ahead and look around the market first for a little bit? It should provide more cover until it starts raining, then you can sneak to the woods unnoticed."
-"Yeah, I guess that would make sense. And I probably should at least buy something so that I won't make Mom feel bad about not getting a gift for my birthday."
-"Oh. I had completely forgotten that it was coming up! When is it?" She asked, curious.
-"At the end of this upcoming moon cycle."
-"So soon..." She murmured to herself. "And you're turning..?" She asked.
-"I'm going to be seventeen." I said smiling. The smile disappeared when I saw her eyes widen.
-"What? What's wrong?" I asked confused. She shook her head and smiled at me.
-"Oh, it's nothing. Just some crazy old superstition and wives tales." She said, grinning wider. I laughed, dropping the subject.
-"Well, I guess I'll see you next time I can come." I said, giving her another hug. When I turned to leave, I thought I saw the worried look return to her face, and I think I felt her watching me the whole time as I walked away.


~|~|~
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 4:49 pm


~|~|~


-I decided to go to the little booth where there was an old man selling some dream catchers. I had always walked by there, but never stopped. I had never had a reason to. Of course, I had always loved the way they looked and what they were for, but money had always been so tight that I never had been able to stop and shop for something so... frivolous. Now I decided to stop, heeding my mother's letter to get something for myself for my birthday. When I walked up to look at the merchandise, I saw the old man eying me carefully from a corner of the store, making sure I didn't take any of the beautiful things without paying. I glanced around and saw an old lady at the back of the shop, stooped over something as she worked on it. I assumed that she was his wife, who probably made the items. I looked around at them, none really catching my interest. I saw a few rare feathers, but none on anything that looked nice. He probably wanted to sell them for the feathers. Just as I was about to leave, something caught my eye.
-It was the feathers that had caught my eye. The two outer feathers were pure white, and were about the size of a dove's down, but there were many of them wound around something to make a column about as long as my first finger. The middle one, however, was dyed a deep blue, and was about half a finger longer. As I continued to look at it, I noticed what the pattern was in the center of the catcher. It was woven together and dyed intricately to make the shape of a howling wolf. I loved it. I picked it up and asked the man a question.
-"How much are you willing to sell this for?" He walked over.
-"So ya like tha' un, 'eh? I'll give it to ya for 'bout a dalla." He said, pronouncing 'I'll' like all. I was stunned for a moment, then realized that I could easily buy it.
-"Ok, I'll get this one then." I said, and he grunted. I guess he didn't really want to sell it, and I could see why. The lady looked up then, her dark eyes noticing everything. I shivered as she stared at me. It felt like she was peering through my skin, and into my soul. I followed the man to where he kept his money stored, and I got out one of the three dollars that I had left, making sure that they didn't see how much I had in there. I smiled when I walked out the door with the little wolf dream catcher, and then decided what treat to buy for my brother, mom and dad.
-I ended up back by the food, and there I decided what I could get. I could buy them some oranges! We rarely had any fruit anymore, and my mom and brother loved the sweet ones. My dad, however, preferred an apple, so I decided to get him one instead.
-I went to get Dad's apple first, since it was closer, and I ended up buying him two, because one was half price. Then, as I was walking back to where the oranges were being sold, I saw him.
-He was tall, with broad shoulders, and had coal black hair. His skin was about a pale tan, which contrasted with his hair better than I would have thought. Before I realized I was gawking, he looked up, right at me. He had ice blue eyes, yet they seemed warm rather than cold, like the color would suggest. Right as his eyes met mine, it felt like I had been shocked by an electric fence. My step faltered, and I tripped, falling to the dirt. I silently cursed my clumsiness as I grabbed my basket before anyone could take it.
-"Are you ok?" A husky voice asked softly. I looked up to see who it was. It was the him, crouched beside me, his hand hesitantly stretched out towards me.
-"Y-yeah." I stammered out, feeling like an idiot. I looked down as I stood back up, and realized that he had gently grabbed my elbow to help me up.
-"Thanks. " I said quietly, still staring down. I looked at my hands, and then brushed the dirt off of them. When I finally looked at him, he was staring at me curiously.
-"What?" I asked, immediately defensive.

annador



Kittywitch

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 25, 2009 2:57 pm


I know that you just wanted a name, but I can't help myself. I need to review it.

I hate the main character's name. Vehemently. It is shades of Bella Swan, and you do not want to invoke that on the first page of a supernatural story with even a vague romantic subplot.
I nearly stopped reading it when I came across the name. I mean, I have talked to real people in real life with names like that, and I hate the name.
The time period and setting isn't really evident, the way she's carrying bread around in a basket, and the fact that five dollars is being treated as a great deal of money. And the fact that, despite this, and money being tight, she buys a dream catcher that costs half as much as basketful of bread, which seems to be most of her family's food? This action and her name makes me instantly detest the main character.
I'd name it something that suggests at the setting and time period you intended, as to make the story seem less awkward.
PostPosted: Wed Nov 25, 2009 3:16 pm


I'm confused as to how it is similar to Bella's..
And as for the time period, I'm not sure what it is yet, but I'm thinking of making it set in the future, but instead of the human race being even more advanced, they begin to regress. As for the rest, it gets better explained further into the story, but I haven't been able to copy it in here yet.

annador



Kittywitch

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 04, 2009 12:51 pm


It's way too flowy and pretty. It doesn't sound like an actual name someone would have.
Do you know what a Mary-Sue is?
PostPosted: Tue Dec 08, 2009 7:11 pm


I'm TL;DRing a bit, but I'm going to have to second Kitty's review from what I've skimmed.

Name your roleplay/story something related to the main character or storyline. [Example = Almost every book ever.]

I'll read up later and and come up with naming suggestions. 3nodding

Toontastic
Vice Captain

O.G. Member


annador

PostPosted: Thu Dec 10, 2009 5:07 pm


Kitty- Yeah, it was started in the first RP I've ever joined... so that should explain a bit...
Oh, and according to the test, she's a 55...
Toon- Ok


Updated Mary-Sue score, 7/5/10, 30 surprised
PostPosted: Sun Dec 13, 2009 3:00 pm


That test is really too much fun for what it is.
Ah, an RP character. That explains alot.


Kittywitch

Crew

Witty Elocutionist

26,750 Points
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