|
|
| Gin the Kitty is adorable, isn't he? |
| yes |
|
80% |
[ 4 ] |
| no |
|
0% |
[ 0 ] |
| meh |
|
20% |
[ 1 ] |
|
| Total Votes : 5 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 6:12 pm
Heat like liquid fire
Surrounding us completely
Panted breaths escape straining lungs
And whispered names ignite our passion
Moans and sighs of contentment
Mingle with aching bodies
Claws tear at rumpled sheets
Longing for each others touch.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 6:38 pm
I can't tell if it was intentional on your part, but the alternating lines are kind of like, I don't know how to phrase this, one is rough, then the next is smooth. Like inhaling and exhaling almost, or waves, that works. I love how that creates such passion, it gets really tense, but then the pressure is relieved, then it gets tense again. Makes for a very good poem, short and sweet.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 6:43 pm
I can't believe you got the breathing pattern with the lines! ^_^ Thanks for another great feedback!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 6:45 pm
Was that intentional then? It was very natural, it seemed like something that just came with the words, if that makes any sense at all.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 7:41 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Aug 29, 2009 3:16 pm
That style adds a lot to the poem, and makes it more... passionate? Powerful? In the moment? I think it's all three.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Sep 05, 2009 11:09 am
@writer Thank you so much for your comment!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Feb 27, 2010 6:20 pm
I agree with Stelle. It flows in a very unique fashion making it all the more intriguing. Yet again, with your work, I find myself awed by its flow and almost melodic quality. Your descriptive language is, as always, commendable, and gets to the point in a creative and ingenious way. I'd love to read more!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
