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Horrible. No potential at all. |
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ShadowOfYourSmile Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Apr 18, 2009 7:32 pm
The Story of a Phoenix Background: This is a story I wrote for my Creative Writing class I took at the beginning of this year. I changed a few things, since there's no page limit here.(I hate page limits...) You may also critique if you wish.
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Posted: Sat Apr 18, 2009 7:40 pm
“What is your problem?!” “What do you mean, what is my problem? What’s your problem? All I did was ask you a simple question and you treat me like I’ve just started the third World War!” Cole Barrow’s face was bright red with anger. Both his hands were clenched into fists at his sides, his rings making deep circles in his skin. He stared up at the man he used to call father, rage burning in his eyes. “Well, your ‘simple question’ sounded more like an accusation to me! Always accusations! You never trust me, do you?” he snapped back. “I don’t have to answer to you!” At that, he stormed off down the hallway to his bedroom. ‘How typical,’ he thought to himself as he burst into his room. The sound of his door slamming echoed throughout the small, suburban house. Cole stood, his palms pressed flat against the back of the door. His mouth hung slightly open as his chest heaved up and down, forcing air in and out of his lungs. The sound of another door slamming reached his ears. He judged that it was the front door. ‘Good,’ he thought to himself, ‘he left.’ His arms, which had been braced against the door, slowly relaxed and he let them slip off of the wooden surface back down to his sides. He backed away from the door, refusing to turn his back to it. That door was the closest thing to the man he detested. He didn’t trust it. He continued backing up until he felt the backs of his legs against his bed. He let his body drop down onto the hard mattress and brought his hands up to his face. His back arched over slightly as his dark hair fell just below his chin. He sat there, motionless. His relationship with his dad had never been a good one, but it had grown even worse since he had started his senior year in high school. They argued about almost any subject imaginable. Cole probably didn’t help the matter by insisting on calling his father by his first name, ‘James’, instead of ‘dad’. It seemed like he couldn’t go an entire day without getting into an argument with him and that day was no exception. He didn’t get very much sleep that night and woke up groggy and irritable the next morning. As he woke, he heard a light tapping sound on his door. His eyes slowly opened and he glanced over to where the sound was coming from. He pushed himself away from his bed and trudged over to the door. Extending his hand out towards the doorknob, he pulled it open just enough so he could peer out into the dark hallway. He was ready to slam it closed again just in case… “Cole….it’s time for school,” squeaked the small voice from outside. Standing there, looking up at him with her big, blue eyes was his little sister. Her light blond curls hung over her shoulders and framed her worry-stricken face. “Thanks, Kat,” Cole muttered before beginning to shut the door. “Wait!” she interrupted, placing her hands against the door to stop him from shutting her out. “I heard you and dad fighting again last night and I just wanted to ask you…could you please try to get along with him? At least just a little bit better? I’m worried that one of you might do something bad one of these times and…I would hate for either of you to get hurt.”
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ShadowOfYourSmile Vice Captain
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ShadowOfYourSmile Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Apr 18, 2009 7:44 pm
Cole stared down at her with an almost surprised expression on his face. “Al-alright. I’ll try,” he said before shutting the door all the way. He stood against the door for a moment, letting a sigh escape his parted lips. His little sister had always been the peacemaker between him and his father and he hated it. She shouldn’t have to be put in that position, not at her age. Getting ready for school that morning, he avoided his dad as much as possible. He knew that his father would be in a particularly sour mood that morning for two reasons. One was because of their fight the night before and the second was because of what day it was. That day was the fifth anniversary of Cole’s mother’s death. She had died in an accident, leaving Cole’s father as the sole provider of income for their family. The feeling of loss and depression that came with her death was only worsened by the large amount of stress that was put on him. Money was never an easy thing to come by, even when they had two working parents. With his backpack over his shoulder, he slipped out the front door and shut it soundlessly behind him. He quickened his pace as he walked down the cold, cement steps. He couldn’t wait for that day to be over already. School was as dull as it normally was and Cole ended up dozing off in more classes than usual. He was woken up in his first hour by the loud sound of a yard stick slamming against his desk. When the lunch bell rang later, it startled him awake as well. He reluctantly stood up from his desk and waited for the mob of students to shove past him. He made his way slowly to the door and stepped outside into the hall. “Hey, Cole! Why so glum?” came a voice from behind him. He turned his head and saw his friend, Flint Bateman, walking up behind him. “Oh, hey Flint ,” he said in a rather monotonous voice. “Well, there’s the fact that I barely got any sleep last night…” “Since when did you sleep?” Flint interrupted. “Shut it,” Cole said, pointing his finger in Flint’s face. “Now as I was saying…I didn’t sleep well, I got in another fight with James last night, and today is…well…you know…” Flint paused as he thought for a moment. Suddenly, a light bulb seemed to go off in his mind. “Oh, is it your mom’s…” “Yeah,” Cole cut him off before he could go any further. “James will either be in a horribly bad mood or he’ll just keep to himself all night once I get home. You know, I really wouldn’t mind not having to talk to him,” he shrugged as he walked out the door of the classroom. Flint came up behind him and they chatted a bit as they made their way down the hall. Once they got down to the cafeteria, Cole paused in the door and waved his hand slightly towards Flint. “I’m not getting anything today so I’m just going to go sit down,” he said as he began to turn away. Flint veered over towards the lunch line with a nod of his head. Cole sat down at one of the dirty-looking lunch tables and rested his elbows down onto the hard surface in front of him. He brought his hands up and rested his cheek on them. He closed his eyes as he waited for Flint to come sit down after buying lunch. He wondered if he would fall asleep again…
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Posted: Sat Apr 18, 2009 7:46 pm
A group of particularly rowdy freshmen boys quickly answered his question. They were sitting at the table across from him and one of them spotted Cole. He began whispering to the others. After a few seconds, one of them pulled out a plastic spoon. He put a glob of chocolate pudding onto it and held it in front of him, aiming at Cole. He then pulled the end backwards before releasing it. The chocolate blob flew through the air and hit right on target. An explosion of laughter followed as Cole slowly opened his eyes, feeling something cold and slimy sliding down his face, just below his left eye. He looked down at the table to see a piece of the pudding falling off his face and landing with a splat. He stared at it for a moment before looking up at the group responsible for the sticky spot he now had on his cheek. He stood, bringing his hand up to wipe his face as he did so. He walked over to the group, his arms crossed tightly across his chest. He glared daggers down at the boys who sat at the table. One of them, the one who had shot the pudding, looked up to Cole and quickly stopped laughing. He replaced the happy-go-lucky look on his face with a serious one as he stood. At full height, Cole was about at eye-level with the delinquent. “I suppose you think that was funny, don’t you?” Cole hissed, balling his hands into fists. The boy just stood there, a sly grin appearing on his face as he stared at Cole. He stepped closer to him so that they were standing just inches apart. “And what if I do?” “Well, do you think this is funny?” Cole asked as he clenched his fist tighter, bringing it up to his side. He drew his arm back and quickly let it fly. He hit the kid square in the face with his fist, emitting a loud ‘crack’. He held back a wince as he felt the throbbing in his knuckles, but was still relieved to know that his pain wasn’t anywhere near what that guy was feeling. All the other boys at the table stood up as they saw their friend go down. Cole stood his ground as he watched their glares all turn on him. They rushed him, all at the same time, coming in with punches and kicks. Cole tried to fight back, but had a hard time going against all of them. He got a few punches in himself but took a lot more of a beating than any one of them did. After a few moments of throwing and taking punches, Cole felt a pair of hands grasping at his arms. They had a tight hold on him as they pulled him away from the group of angry boys. He glanced behind him to see one of the lunch staff members. A group of them had come to stop the quarrel and were standing around the boys holding onto their arms to make sure they didn’t try to restart the fight. All of them, as would be expected, were sent down to the office. Cole sat in the cushioned chair, a slight bruise already appearing under his right eye. He knew that this wouldn’t be good for him. He didn’t care about detention or even suspension for that matter; it was the fact that his dad would be alerted about his antics in the cafeteria. He would most likely blame everything on him. All he could do was sit there and wait for what would most likely be his doom.
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ShadowOfYourSmile Vice Captain
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ShadowOfYourSmile Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Apr 18, 2009 7:49 pm
Cole waited for about ten minutes he guessed before the door to the office flew open. His father came barging through, his eyes quickly meeting Cole’s. He was not happy at all and it was evident in just his stance alone. He opened his mouth which triggered a slight wince on Cole’s part but was interrupted by one of the ladies in the office. She called him into another room where they talked for a few minutes. Cole tried to suppress the lump in his throat as he was sure she was filling him in on the details. He was dead. Finally the door opened and Cole felt a tight grasp around his upper arm as his dad pulled him out of the chair towards the door. Cole stumbled to get a footing and follow along behind him. They walked outside to the parking lot, James’ grip never loosening on Cole’s arm. He was sure that if there wasn’t a bruise there already that there would be one after that. Once they got next to their car, Cole’s arm was released with a rather violent shove. “What on Earth were you thinking?! I can’t believe you’d go and do something so stupid…so idiotic as to go and get into a fist fight at school! I can’t even begin to explain how furious I am at you right now!” he boomed as he glared down at his son. “Well, I’m sorry, alright! Those stupid kids shot pudding at me and that was the only logical thing I could think of to do!” Cole shouted back. “Dammit, Cole! I thought I…that we had raised you better! I’ve tried to put up with your antics, with everything you’ve thrown at me! I’ve dealt with your late nights without any reasonable excuses, your bad grades, your refusal to do anything helpful, but this is the last straw! I can’t deal with it anymore!” he yelled, his face flushing with anger. “I want you out of my house! You can come and get some of your stuff, but I want you out! Where you go, I don’t care. Just be gone before I bring your sister home from school.” Cole stared up at him, the anger in his face replaced with shock. “Wh-what?” he stuttered as he continued to look blankly at his father. Was he really kicking him out of the house? He knew that he pushed his father’s buttons, but he never thought he would go so far as to make him leave. Behind them, the dismissal bell for lunch broke the silence. Cole didn’t move from his spot, his back against the car as he stared up at his father. “Alright…..” Cole agreed reluctantly. He pushed himself away from the car and began to walk slowly towards the sidewalk. He heard the car door open and then slam shut as Cole headed back to the house that was no longer his home. ‘What can I do now?’ Cole thought to himself as he walked wearily down the broken sidewalk. ‘Maybe Flint will let me stay with him. I’ll have to go with that for now.’ He came to the front doorstep of the house and pulled out the key he had in his backpack. He opened the door and walked straight to his room. He shoved some clothes and other things into a bag before grabbing a piece of paper. He took a pen and scribbled a little note that he left on his sister’s bed. It read: You were right. I’m sorry that I couldn’t try harder. I should be at Flint’s if you need anything.. ~Cole
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Posted: Sat Apr 18, 2009 7:53 pm
He slowly made his way back outside, locking the door behind him as he glanced up at the gray, overcast sky. It seemed to reflect his mood. He stepped down the front steps and down the sidewalk. Luckily for him, Flint didn’t live very far, only about fifteen minutes from his house if he was walking. By the time he got there, his knuckles had turned a deep purplish blue color and the bruise under his eye had grown more prominent. He came up to the front door and knocked, silently praying that Flint would answer rather than his mom or one of his sisters. ‘He should be home from school by now…’ he thought to himself as he waited. A few moments later he heard a quiet thumbing sound from inside and saw the doorknob turning. The door opened and Flint stood there, a look of surprise marking his face as soon as he saw Cole and his condition. “Can I stay with you?” Cole asked simply before Flint could say anything. Flint’s shock was apparent as he stared at Cole, eyeing his bruises. “What?” “James kicked me out. Can I stay with you for a while?” he repeated as he stared at his friend. “S-sure. I guess. Come on in.” He ushered Cole inside the house and shut the door behind him. “What happened?” Cole explained the whole situation, what had triggered his fight at school and what his dad had said to him afterwards. Flint nodded as he spoke and brought him into his room. He motioned his hand towards the floor and looked up at Cole. “Go ahead and put your stuff here. I’ll talk to my mom, but I’m sure it’ll be fine with her, especially if you don’t have anywhere else to go.” As Flint left the room, Cole put his things down on the floor next to the bunk bed in the corner. He sat down on the edge of the bed and put his hands over his face again. He had gotten himself into a real mess this time. Flint returned shortly and nodded with a slight smile. “She said you could stay as long as you agree to help out with chores.” The corner of Cole’s mouth moved up in his own version of a smile. “Sure. It’s better than living in the street and having no chores at all.” He slowly got used to the new routine at the Bateman house and grew to like it better than his own. He didn’t have to worry about getting into fights every time he came home from school anymore. He missed his sister sometimes, but he figured she’d be better off without having to deal with his fights everyday. Maybe getting kicked out was a sort of blessing in disguise. Like a phoenix, thrown into something that seems as horrible as death, yet reborn into a new life.
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ShadowOfYourSmile Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Apr 25, 2009 3:57 pm
I like it, but then, I like most of your writing, lol! About the only thing I would say is to try and make it look neater, lol!! ^_^
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