Random Quotes

[B Heather M]

Ray Kowalski: You know, Fraser, when they offered me this assignment, they made it sound kind of normal. They say, "Hey, Ray, here's a chance to start over, ditch the past." "What's the catch?" I say. "Oh, your partner's Canadian." Canadian? I got nothing against Canadians, except for the time when they won the World Series.
Benton Fraser: Two times.
Ray Kowalski: Which I'm willing to overlook.
Benton Fraser: Thank you.
Ray Kowalski: But at no time did they say, "you'll be working with a Mountie who's got a wolf that's a florist". -From Due South  

[B Heather M]

Sherrie Christian: I'm a stripper!
Drew Boley: I'm in a boy band
Sherrie Christian: You win. -From Rock of Ages  

[B Heather M]

I will admit that the township is not bad for bugs, though. I've only seen one mosquito on the farm in five years, and it had out-of-province plates. -From Wingfield's Hope  

[B Heather M]

Roy: [answers phone] Hello, IT. Have you tried turning it off and on again? Ugh, OK, well the button on the side, is it glowing?... Yeah, you need to turn it on. Erm, the button turns it on. Yeah, you... you do know how a button works don't you? No, not on clothes.
Moss: [answers other phone] Hello, IT. Yeah-ha. Have you tried forcing an unexpected reboot?
Roy: [still on phone] No, there you go. No, there you go. I just heard it come on. No no, that's the music you hear when it comes on. No that's the music you hear when... I'm sorry are you from the past?
Moss: [still on phone] See. the driver hooks the function by patching the system call table, so it's not safe to unload it unless another thread's about to jump in and do its stuff, and you don't want to end up in the middle of invalid memory... Hello?
[puts phone down]
Roy: [still on phone] Oh really? Really? Well, why don't you come down here and make me, then? What? You think I'm afraid of you? I'm not afraid of you. You can come down here any time and I'll be waiting for you!
[hangs up phone]
Roy: That told her -From The IT Crowd  

[B Heather M]

Roy: Oh God, it's about time you got back. It's been all go.
Moss: You had a job?
Roy: Girl of fifth.
Moss: Did you and her hit it off?
Roy: Define "hit if off".
Moss: Did she continue talking to you once you fixed her computer?
Roy: No -From The IT Crowd  

[B Heather M]

Fran: I've got a date. Ben, divorcee, very good-looking... nice arse. Which is a first for me.
Bernard: Never had a nice one?
Fran: No, never. And I know they exist because I've seen them on the telly. You had one?
Bernard: Well, there was this one woman, Janine. I don't know if it was "nice", but it was... huge! So there was this enormous sense of value. -From Black Books  

[B Heather M]

"Then in the name of the king, go and find some old man of less lore and more wisdom who keeps some in his house!" cried Gandalf. -From Return of the King  

[B Heather M]

Some people claim Kermit is my alter-ego. I'm not sure I know what that means. I like to work Kermit because there's a lot of leeway for ad-libbing, which I don't have with most other characters but I'm not sure that I'm not Kermit. -Jim Henson  

[B Heather M]

JewWario: Here, grab my ball.
Luke Mochrie: Okay, I'm going to turn around, and that better be what I think it is. -From Suburban Knights  

[B Heather M]

Cloak #1: We have been named... The Cloaks.
Luke Mochrie: Why do they call you that?
Todd in the Shadows: Well, obviously because they like wearing go-go boots. What do you think? -From Suburban Knights  

[B Heather M]

A great story is great, but if you have a great character, that writes the story for you half the time. -Doug Walker  

[B Heather M]

Jen: [Moss has a small plastic box with a flashing light] What is it?
Moss: This, Jen, is the Internet.
Jen: What?
Moss: That's right.
Jen: This is the Internet? The whole Internet?
Moss: Yep. I asked for a loan of it so that you could use it in your speech.
Jen: It's so small.
Moss: That's one of the surprising things about it.
Jen: Hang on, it doesn't have any wires or anything.
Moss: It's wireless.
Jen: Oh, yes, everything's wireless nowadays, isn't it... yeah. So, I can really use it in my speech? What if someone needs it?
Moss: Oh, no, no, people will still be able to go online and everything. It will still work.
Jen: Oh, good, good...
Moss: I tell you, you present this to the shareholders and you will get quite the response.
Jen: Can I touch it? It's so light!
Moss: Of course it is, Jen. The Internet doesn't weigh anything.
Jen: No, of course it doesn't.
[laughs nervously]
Roy: Hey! What is Jen doing with the Internet?
Jen: Moss said I could use it for my speech.
Roy: Are you insane? What if she drops it?
Jen: I won't drop it, I'll look after it.
Roy: No. No, no, no, no, Jen. No, this needs to go straight back to Big Ben.
Jen: Big Ben?
Moss: Yep. It goes on top of Big Ben. That's where you get the best reception.
...
Moss: Roy, I spoke to the Elders of the Internet not one hour ago. I told them about Jen winning Employee of the Month and they were so impressed that they wanted to do whatever they could to help.
Jen: Wait a minute. The "Elders of the Internet"? The Elders of the Internet know who I am? You've got to let me have it!
Roy: No, Jen, I'm sorry. It's just too risky.
Jen: Oh, please, Roy!
Roy: Well... Moss, has it been completely demagnetised?
Moss: By Stephen Hawking himself. Who sends his congratulations, by the way.
Roy: Well, if it's okay with The Hawk...  

[B Heather M]

Gerard: What was the biggest city you ever worked in?
Benton Fraser: Moosejaw.
Gerard: Yeah, and you were transferred out after five weeks because you couldn't adapt to such an urban life style. You're like your father. Out there in no man's land, there isn't a better cop in the world. But in Chicago, they'd eat you alive in a minute. Sorry. -Due South  

[B Heather M]

Buttercup: We'll never survive.
Westley: Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has. -The Princess Bride