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Polygamy...
What is that?
0%
 0%  [ 0 ]
Eww
85%
 85%  [ 6 ]
YES!!
14%
 14%  [ 1 ]
Total Votes : 7


silent_death_is_loud

PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 1:12 pm


Okay, I have to write an essay, about polygamy and I have to write PROs and CONs about it. Now, I've come up with CONS, but not PROs, so...

And not from the religious point of view, please. And I kinda just can't write IT'S A SIN across the paper in red letters (That's what Mikahel suggested)
PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 1:46 pm


Polygamy is a trainwreck waiting to happen.

I have never met a happy polygamous or polyamourous relationship. It all starts the same, 3 people get together, pledge they're undying love for one another and after the novelty of the menage et trois wears off, one people will start to feel left out and become jealous of the relationship that's going on with the other two.

Then it gets complicated, one becomes an attention whore, one feels that the attention whore is cheating him or her out of their time with the third one. Both 1 and 2 become attention whores and 3 breaks up the whole thing when they're forced to decide between 1 and 2.

Just save yourself the trouble and have a 3 some and call it a day.

LordNeuf
Crew


Lumanny the Space Jew

Blessed Poster

PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 2:11 pm


Pros of Polygamy:

1.) whee *Brain explodes* xp




Okay, give me some time.
PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 2:46 pm


I just talked to my dad, and he said Polygamy has had some pros, which I shall post in prose:

Apparently, Polygamy allowed women to get more education; One eife could watch the kids, another could do chores, and the other could learn things sort of in turns, I think. Also, polygamy was common among sisters, it would seem, so an aging sister could be taken care of as the spouse of her sister's husband.

That is, assuming that my dad was right and I reiterated it right.

Lumanny the Space Jew

Blessed Poster


Lumanny the Space Jew

Blessed Poster

PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 2:47 pm


Where's Divash when you need her?
PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 3:25 pm


LordNeuf


Just save yourself the trouble and have a 3 some and call it a day.


This is some great advice.

The Fabulous Prince Babel


Lumanny the Space Jew

Blessed Poster

PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 3:30 pm


Silent, you can always just use Wikipedia... IF YOU DARE!!! ninja

JK, I never use Wikipedia.
PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 3:47 pm


AHHHH!! WIKIPEDIA!

*scream*

Mikahel: What!?
Me: Wikipedia!
Mikahe: Ah!!!

silent_death_is_loud


Lumanny the Space Jew

Blessed Poster

PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 5:27 pm


It's no coincidence their logo looks like the Death Star.. ninja
PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 5:56 pm


XD

Are we the only ones online? Or then only ones who get it? ninja

silent_death_is_loud


Lumanny the Space Jew

Blessed Poster

PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 6:00 pm


I think it's usually the former.

Back to the subject!
PostPosted: Tue Jan 27, 2009 6:53 am


I'm sure you've already heard the cons of polygamy, but I'd like to reiterate the ones that are most significant to me personally, as a reason why I would probably avoid polygamy.

1. Money. If only the husband is working outside the home, while one wife learns and one does household chores and one takes care of children, money is going to be very tight. Especially when each wife wants multiple children. A couple without children can have money problems; a couple with one child have just doubled their money problems; now imagine two or three wives with two or three children each. Oy!

2. Potential for abuse. When one goes into a marriage willingly, that's one thing. When one goes into a marriage due to pressure or outright force, that's another thing entirely. In Jewish world culture this doesn't tend to happen as often because it is halachically forbidden to marry a woman against her will, but just do a net search on polygamy in the US and see how many articles you find about young girls being forced into marriages with men they don't want.

3. Scarcity of husbands when you need one. According to the traditional ketubah (marriage contract), every wife is entitled to certain things from her husband: food, shelter (clothing = personal shelter), and sexual satisfaction. In fact, those are considered the necessities of life, and if a woman's basic needs aren't met, she has the right to ask a rabbinical court to compel her husband to give her a divorce so she can find a man who will supply her needs. The more women there are, the less likely that each one will be getting her sexual needs met, because each one will desire, and deserve, to be with her husband each night -- particularly on the night of her mikvah immersion, and particularly on Shabbat when marital relations are considered an important mitzvah.


Divash
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Divash
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 27, 2009 7:05 am


You've already heard all about the cons of polygamy, but what about the pros?

1. Sisterhood. Getting to share circumstances with other women who understand your marriage because they're involved in it must be a relief, especially to a new bride, and especially in Jewish society in which modesty might prevent her from asking questions or giving specifics about her relationship to someone who's not a part of it. She isn't all alone in the marriage, but rather, has a built-in society of sisters who keep her from being lonely while she's adjusting to this new life.

2. Sharing duties. As Lumanny mentioned, properly handled polygamy permits wives to rotate duties -- child care, home maintenance, cooking and cleaning, learning Torah or another permitted career path -- so that each one gets a bit of time doing each. Each wife can further her education at times, appear in public with the shared husband at times, stay home at times, get extra time with the kids. Furthermore, each wife can learn from the others in knowledge, wisdom, and so on. If one is good at plumbing and another is good at cooking, they'll eventually cross paths and teach one another what they know.

3. Family care. In many times and places, an aging woman with no husband could look forward to an impoverished old age. If a younger woman's husband agreed to take her on, however, she could depend on him to provide for her just as he did for his younger wife.

4. Lesbians, rejoice. In some situations, a husband might be permitted to focus all his sexual attention on just one wife, but provide for two more who, shall we say, wouldn't need him quite so much in that area. The two of them would have the 'cover' of a heterosexual relationship for themselves. For the sake of the man and his first wife, the other two would provide additional child care, home maintenance, possibly even income if they were industrious -- everything but sex, which wouldn't be a problem because the husband's and the first wife's needs would be more closely aligned to one another, while the other two would pay their way in the household with the non-sexual contributions to family harmony.

5. Heirs. If a first wife can't provide an heir of her body, she can -- if she wishes, according to the Sephardi/Mizrachi ketubah -- ask her husband to take another wife to bear him children. Polygamy, however, permits the first wife to remain within the relationship with her husband, rather than be abandoned simply because of her childlessness. In Judaism, a man is commanded to replace himself and his wife upon the earth -- to have at least one son and one daughter, if possible. If one wife cannot help him fulfill this responsibility, or if her life or health would be endangered by it, she has a way to provide heirs through another woman, while not losing her place as first wife.

6. Right of refusal. This isn't about whether polygamy is bad or good, but it is an important aspect of Jewish polygamy that I think deserves mention. An Ashkenazi man with an axe to grind can tie up his first wife indefinitely if he chooses. He can give her a secular divorce, but refuse to give her a religious divorce. A woman without a document of religious divorce cannot remarry. However, a man can remarry, both in secular law and in religious law. An Ashkenazi woman has little, if any, recourse in such a case. A Sephardi or Mizrachi ketubah, however, says that the first wife (or wives) always have right of refusal over any future wives. This means that if a Sephardi man gets a secular divorce, but refuses to give his wife a religious divorce, she can then deny him the right to religiously marry anyone else. Even if there is no divorce, if a Sephardi man wants a second wife, his first wife has the right to say yes, no, or "sure, but not that one." When there are already two wives, both have right of refusal over a third; three have right of refusal over a fourth; and four is the maximum allowed under Jewish law. In this way, Sephardi/Mizrachi women have control over the number and makeup of their family.
PostPosted: Tue Jan 27, 2009 7:13 am


1. If legalized, it would be easier to handle abuses/crimes within polygamous communities (the women wouldn't be as afraid to step forward)

2. Saves money, as you could tweak the tax benefits for having a bunch of wives. (ex: still "one family" rather than 10 "couples")

This is hard...

darkphoenix1247
Vice Captain


Lumanny the Space Jew

Blessed Poster

PostPosted: Tue Jan 27, 2009 3:04 pm


Go Divash!

The bibliography on this one might be tough, though, Silent... ninja
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