...but it's a green Christmas for me.
Ok, my christmas is going to suck. I already know this. Heres why:
I don't know if I ever mentioned it, but my cousin (who is like a sister) has been hurting herself for a while so last year they put her in a care center. Then came summer. They almost begged me to be a role model for her since I'm one of the only people that she respects (with our (and her father side of the family) family, it's not too surprising.) I made huge progress with her.
Then Fall comes around and she talks about how she doesn't like herself (but never made a threat) and they throw her into a camp-like rehab center in the middle of the forest in Tenn. stare And it's so strict that it's ridiculous!! She has only 7 min to take a shower, 3 min to get ready and 1 min to piss.
What. the. ******** my aunt and uncle sent my favorite cousin to a boot-camp-rehab-center. rolleyes And on top of that, I can't say what I want to say in letters to her. I can't say one overly negitive thing, like 'I hate' blah blah blah. She is so not happy.
It gets better.
I was looking forward to seeing her at Christmas because...it's Christmas, when kids need to be with their families. But no. I'm not going to see her. Not even a visit. They couldn't even say, 'Hey, Sarah and Caroline want to see each other. I bet we could plan a day trip while Sarah's here to go see Caroline! They'd love to do that!' Nope. But my sister gets to see her so she'll at least get to see some person with sanity (my sis and I are arriving and leaving different days.) Only consolation.
So the only person under 40 in my grandmother's house for xmas (besides a dog) is me. My dad is the youngest (even his wife is older) and he's 46. I'm 18. I am going to be so alienated. I'll probably call my friends non stop and/or work on so much art that I won't be able to stand it.
I swear, if they try and plan 'fun things to do' like...boring s**t, I am going to scream.
None of my family know how to deal with me. I don't lie about what I think. My sister Anna will smile and lie through her teeth saying 'Oh that sounds so much fun!!' Me? I go 'That's just stupid (in more polite terms)'. The only thing that would be fun for me to do with the adults would be ice skating and they don't have an ice rink. stare
Then there's shopping... stare F-ing A. I hate shopping. HATE. Ya know, if I'm with my mom or my sis, they make it interesting and they let me critisize fashion and not get hurt. My dad's family has learned not to ask my opinion.
But every and any way you look at it, I'll have to plaster a smile on my face and wait patiently for Santa. Maybe he can make me feel better.
