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Reply Poetry and Lyricism
Patience

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We learned to change
but did we change to learn?
100%
 100%  [ 2 ]
Total Votes : 2


Spastic waffles
Captain

PostPosted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 3:32 pm


I have not yet decided what I think about this song. But here it is anyway.

I'm dissatisfied with the second and third verses, so feedback and suggestions on those parts especially would be wonderful. But, of course, feel free to comment on any part of the song.

Here we go again
God, I’m calling on you
Lessons I should have learned
That never got through
I feel like I’m never gonna figure this out
It’s a never ending battle
And I think I’m losing

You hung on the cross
To give me a second chance
And on the seven-hundredth try
You still hold my hand
The patience of my king,
My father, my friend
It holds on to me
Forever, till the end.

I’ll never understand
Why you keep forgiving me
When over and over again
I do the same things
I hurt you, I don’t listen, I go my own way
You gave your life
So I could ignore you

You hung on the cross
To give me a second chance
And on the seven-hundredth try
You still hold my hand
The patience of my king,
My father, my friend
It holds on to me
Forever, till the end.

I’m learning as I go
You’ll never give me up
No matter how many times I stumble and fail
Your smiling face I see while
Your hand reaches down just to pull me up again
So I can live for you

You hung on the cross
To give me a second chance
And on the seven-hundredth try
You still hold my hand
The patience of my king,
My father, my friend
It holds on to me
Forever, till the end.

Your voice I hear
Says I love you, you are mine,
You’ll get it next time…but if you don’t
I'm still here.
‘Cuz on the seven-hundredth try
You still hold my hand.
PostPosted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 9:42 pm


Wow.
This was really good.
I enjoying it very, very much.

Isianya

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Spastic waffles
Captain

PostPosted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 2:01 pm


Isianya
Wow.
This was really good.
I enjoying it very, very much.
Thank you!

There are still some spots that I'm not satisfied with...mostly the second and third verses.
PostPosted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 4:14 pm


I really think the message of it the entire thing is good.
It's so honest.
And the chorus is without a doubt my favorite part.
It seemed to come up just at the right time and just... work.

Isianya

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Spastic waffles
Captain

PostPosted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 7:44 pm


Isianya
I really think the message of it the entire thing is good.
It's so honest.
And the chorus is without a doubt my favorite part.
It seemed to come up just at the right time and just... work.
Thank you very much!

The chorus is definitely the my favorite part too...I really actually felt like I managed to convey what I was trying to...which sometimes is really hard for me.
PostPosted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 1:51 pm


That is really good... however, I can't seem to see what could be wrong/ better. biggrin :/ sorry i couldn' be of any help :/

Cyodie

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Poetry and Lyricism

 
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