Ciarán [Knight Arabian] - Petite Kitsune

[Petite Kitsune]

// Journal Entry 01 - Summer Meeting //
Point of View: Kitsu
Date of Entry: 12 August 2008

Dearest Journal,

I have never had a day so delightful, I think -- a shame that summer is almost over; I will miss the sun while it is gone. I can never quite relax during the winter months -- or perhaps it is that I cannot be awake quite as well? I hope that my poor Ciaran is more able to take care of himself, because otherwise I would fear for his health and well-being.

Still, today my little boy met his counterpart for the first time that both of them were conscious! It was a delightful meeting, I think; little Lancelot seems to bring the best out in my shy little Cia. He even spoke to someone who wasn't me, which surprised me -- but then again I suppose I shouldn't be. They were created together, and incubated together... so they should be comfortable together. Ciaran hasn't let go of the flower that little Lance gave him, and I couldn't help feeling charmed myself. I have inserted it here, so that it will press. A lovely blue flower... perhaps it will be a piece of spring when winter comes?

I also met Malhyanth. A pleasant fellow if I've ever met one! And interesting to look upon. Pleasant indeed! Very polite -- still, I see where little Lance gets his loquacity! He could be quite a lot of fun to have... an extended conversation with. I bet he would be fun to prank too... Choices, choices!

Still, the real point of the day is how happy Ciaran seems. He fell asleep with no problem in his little bed with the nightlight posts; he's outgrown the crib, and I can't lift him into it anymore at any rate. My little boy is growing up. I have never felt so parental in my life... I suppose it is good for a change of pace.
 

[Petite Kitsune]

// Journal Entry 02 - Confessions in Winter //
Point of View: Ciaran
Date of Entry: 04 January 2009, 02:30AM

Journal -

I tried to speak to Mother about this over the phone, but she was asleep; the lazy thing has been in and out all winter. I expected it, but someone needed to be told, and so here I am writing it. I suppose it will seem foolish when I have written it, but that is fine; I need never lay eyes on it again once my fears have been vented.

There have been stranger things in my life than Zane, I suppose; my mother is among them, my purpose is among them, and my beloved brother is as well. We carry the last remaining torch of chivalry that still burns. [That Overseer does not count.]

Still, I think Zane's very... normalcy is what makes me cling to him so much. He is strange, but he is strange because that is what he is, not because of anything that he had to do. Though I suppose he had to put up with me as he was growing. I hope I did not somehow break him... Listen to me, worrying about things I cannot change now, and selfishly I don't think I would even if I could. Zane is my puppy, my brat, and I am unwilling, maybe even unable, to let him go, or to hurt him.

Needless to say, I am both excited and terrified about what transpired last night. I promised myself to Zane. I don't suppose it's as serious as all that -- but that is what it feels like. I said that I didn't care what Lance thought, but... I still do. Yes, Zane is the dearest thing to me, but... how can I hurt Lance this way? How can I not have spoken to Amara about this?

I am a fool, but then I have been worse for lesser gain. I am happier than I have ever been and yet I am also more afraid. It is as if everything balances at the tip of a pin, and I stand at the top of this trembling heap, made of glass, elated and abjectly fearful.

What can I do but live in this very moment, and continue to do that which I was created to do?

I was wrong; having my fears written has done nothing but make me tired. Zaney is sleeping. Perhaps I should join him again, before he wakes and finds me gone.