Mon Poesias

[chuckee]

So, I found this really cool place where I can share my insanity, and no one can say a damned thing about it!
So I will. I will share with you some of my poetry! Keep in mind that it was written over a period of around 10 years, so some are better than others, some are deeper, some seem to contradict others, but they all reflect some side of where I stood at whichever particular moment.  

[chuckee]

29 / 12 / 03

I want somebody to talk to me
And listen to me, too
I want someone to be there for me
When I need them to.

I want somebody to love me,
I need somebody to care,
And someone to sit me down,
Let me know they're always there.

I thought you were that somebody
And now that I know you're not,
I feel confused and angry,
And ashamed of what I thought.

So now I don't go out at all,
For fear I'll see you and we'll fight.
I think of all the fun we had,
Sitting all alone in the quiet night.

I wonder why we can't be friends,
Because I know that you still love me,
And that I love you as you are,
Which is why I had to set you free.

 

[chuckee]

This was actually written over a period of time, from mid-02 to early 07

James

Am I really one of those pathetic girls I pity so much?
What would you do if one of the inhabitants of your dreams
Walked out of your subconscious and into your real life?

I’ve been dying since the day I was born
And, to tell the truth, I’m entirely sick of
Dreaming about a guy I never knew
And probably won’t ever see again

I’d say it must be the time of the year
But it happens all year long, it seems.
I’d say it was the time of the month
But that’d mean the whole month was the time
Save the Fridays and odd Saturdays
When the alcoholic haze is too thick to see through

I’d say I’ll get over it, everyone does,
And I’m no different from everyone else (and neither is he)
But the truth is that it’s been forever
And I’m tired of trying to convince myself
That the lies are pure,
That if I say them enough times they’ll be true,
And I’ll feel better.

I totally want to see him,
And to tell the truth, mark him as mine,
But if I could have him here right now
I’d make a hug sufficient enough,
And I’d finally introduce myself (Because no one else will)
And I’d finally put all the rest aside,
And settle into the confines of my own heart,
Blackened and burned, but still beating!
Waiting to just heal because of him

But then, maybe all the hope and all the confidence
Are spawned from something entirely different,
Not really the supposed healing properties
Of my blind infatuation,
That, instead of going away, it gets worse
Overwhelming me

 

[chuckee]

Ugh... This poem kinda makes me sick.
A few years ago, there was an outbreak of wildfires in the mountains by where I lived. Since A LOT of my friends are fire-fighters and I was dating one of them at the time, I got to hear a few of the stories...
This is what came out of it:

There’s a haze all around
Smoke hanging low
You can’t see a thing
You don’t know which way to go

There’s ash on the floor
And poison in the air
And all you can smell
Are burning flesh and hair

You’re trying to get out
But you can’t find a way
You scream and you shout
You’ve been alone all day

The heat is unbearable
And you can’t take much more
But you can’t touch the window
And you can’t find the door

You’ll probably die here
With no one around
And when they do find you
They’ll wish you hadn’t been found

Don’t give up hope yet
Even though it feels really bleak
Keep yourself alive
At least until you hear angels speak

>edit: I should point out that there are quite a few rural schools in the area, and a couple of them caught fire. That is what the images in my mind were when I was writing this...

Also, the exact date was 13/10/05
...in case you were wondering...  

[chuckee]

This was written about my mother, but I dedicate it, also, to my two best friends.
One of my afore-mentioned firefighter friends died on Sept. 2nd.
My mother, who usually avoids emotional situations at all cost, was there for me...

Sept. 03, 2007.

Thanks For The Shoulder

I’m not used to being comforted
I’m used to comfort coming from me
Lend me your t-shirt to cry on
Run your fingers down my face
This feels so right but it feels so strange

I’m not used to people seeing my tears
I’m used to suffering quietly
And do it best alone
But I can’t say it didn’t feel nice
To have someone there for once in my life

I’m not used to being hugged
That tightly for so long
I’m used to holding others as they cry
I’m sorry I got your shoulder all wet
And thanks for touching my heart as it bled

I can count how many times
I’ve cried in the last five years
And the people who’ve seen me
On both hands, but not all fingers
I can't believe this time the urge still lingers

I’m not used to comfort coming my way
I’m used to comforting people
It’s weird that I want someone to comfort me
And at the same time want to be alone
But I’m so glad you were home

I’m surprised that you even tried
And even more so that you could
I never asked cause I thought that no one can
Make me feel like it’s not so bad
Even though I do still feel sad

(finally! One with a title! LoL!)  

[chuckee]

This one is my pride and joy.
I have a collection of butterfly inspired poetry...
For some reason they intrigue me.
This was the second
And one of my longer ones, but it has it's own special something.

October 2003?

I WATCH A BUTTERFLY
STRUGGLING AGAINST THE WIND
BEING PUSHED AROUND
AND YET SHE WON’T GIVE IN

BEATING FAST HER WINGS
TRYING HARD TO TURN AROUND
WANTING HER OWN WAY
BUT SHE’S STILL TUMBLING ABOUT

SHE REMINDS ME OF A TEENAGER
ONE OF MY OWN LOST GENERATION
REBELLING AGAINST THE WORLD
AND ALL OF MAN’S CREATION

WANTING A BETTER LIFE
HATING WHAT WE HAVE
PRETENDING ALWAYS TO BE TOUGH
ALTHOUGH WE’RE REALLY SAD

ADULTS TELL US THAT THEY UNDERSTAND
BUT WE FEEL LIKE NO ONE KNOWS US
WATCHING CAREFREE CHILDREN PLAY
MAKES US FEEL MEAN AND JEALOUS

WE’VE DISCOVERED WAYS TO ESCAPE
SEX, DRUGS, ALCOHOL AND GUNS
WE DRINK AND SMOKE AND FIGHT
THIS SERVES US NOW AS “FUN”

OUR PARENTS GET MAD AT US
BUT IT’S PARTIALLY THEIR FAULT
THEY CAN’T GIVE US THE TIME WE NEED
SO WE HANG OUT AT THE MALL

WE GO TO SCHOOL TO LEARN ABOUT
OUR GREAT GOVERNMENTS
BUT ALL THE THINGS THEY TEACH US
ARE TWISTED, TIED AND BENT

THEY TELL US ABOUT GOOD THINGS
THAT POLITICIANS DO
THEY MAKE THEM SOUND SO PERFECT
WHY CAN’T THEY SAY THE BAD ONES, TOO?

THEY TELL US THAT WE’RE FREE
TO DO WHATEVER THE HELL WE WANT
SO WE DO SOMETHING STUPID
AND FIND OUT WE’RE REALLY NOT

I WONDER IF WE COULD MAKE LAWS
THAT THEY WOULD HAVE TO LIVE BY?
WE’D MAKE THEM REALLY WEIRD
THEY COULDN’T DO IT IF THEY TRIED

IT’S NOT LIKE THAT WOULD EVER WORK
BUT IT’S AN AWESOME THOUGHT
WE’LL GO BACK TO OUR “CRAPPY” MUSIC
STEAL AND HOPE WE DON’T GET CAUGHT

WE’LL GET ON WITH OUR LIVES
FIGHT OUR WAY ON THROUGH
WE’RE LOSING OUR BATTLE
BUT WE’LL NEVER ADMIT IT TO YOU

THE TEENS ARE THE BUTTERFLIES
THE WORLD IS THE WIND
WE’LL KEEP ON FIGHTING
ALTHOUGH WE KNOW THE WIND WILL WIN

 

[chuckee]

Time Watcher
Time flows like water in a river,
And we change like the taste of wine
But what stays the same are the memories,
Like old photographs, they keep.
If well cared for, they stat crystal clear,
If neglected, they blurr and fade.
But always they remain the same moment,
The faces remain the same people.
Time, however, moves on
And we change, keep changing.
Now we're different people in a new world
And, although we're not watching,
Time keeps going,
Creating new memories
For us to look back upon when we're old,
Too old to keep up with time,
And Life has left us behind.
Before the dust clears,
Before we're covered by the settling cloud,
We'll look back through our photo albums
And wonder.....

 

[chuckee]

1999

Friendly...

Why were you such a bad fu**ing friend?
Did you not realize that there was an end
To my patience and to my trust?
Or was my friendship not enough
To make you feel like a champ,
Or just to feel like a bigger man?
You had to act like the tough guy,
You killed our love, and don't know why.

All the things I did for you,
They were so many but you saw few.
And now you're wondering who I am
That I wouldn't just be there, man,
To make this all go slower or to speed it up
You become bitter, when she says "Enough!"
What is with you, do I need you?
You've overburdened me with you!

 

[chuckee]

2003

Evanescing

I know that you don't care
But I need to say this anyway...
There was a time
When I gave up everything,
And I did what I was told.
I went where I was expected,
And I slept alone nearly always,
And I kept my problems to myself.
I slept with one eye open,
And I lived with one ear listening.
When I never touched anything,
And when I never went out.
When I did more than try,
And I worked until I dropped,
And I cried every night.
When I prayed for a miracle,
And when I sacrificed my life.
When I loved a man like you,
And I forgot to exist...

The title has nothing to do with the band...
I was flipping through the dictionary and thought that it was a pretty word and that it would work better as the title for the english translation that Once Upon A Time, which is what I called the Spanish (and original) version:

Erase Una Vez...

Se que no te importa
Pero, lo tengo que decir igual...
Habia un tiempo
Cuando deje todo de lado,
E hice lo que me mandaban...
Me iba donde me esperaban,
Y dormia sola casi siempre,
Y guarde mis problemas para mi...
Dormia con un ojo abierto,
Y vivia con una oreja escuchando...
Cuando jamas toque cosas
Y cuando nunca sali...
Cuando hice mas que intentar,
Y trabajaba hasta agotarme,
Y lloraba cada noche...
Cuando rezaba por un milagro,
Y sacrifique mi vida...
Cuando amaba a un hombre como tu,
Y me olvide de existir...

For those of you who know spanish,
I know that it isn't perfect
Partially because it is my first attempt to write poetry in my second language and partially because Argentine spanish is very lax...  

[chuckee]

Another butterfly poem, much more recent...

October 29th, 2006

Butterfly, come dance with me,
Share with me your gothic beauty.
Teach me to fly on velvet wings
And kiss my tears with a caress of air.
We can sing of your melancholic perfection,
As we relax ourselves into the wind.
We will become one with the void,
Rising away from the mundane lies.
The sky will become our world.
Butterfly, please come free my heart,
And brighten my tormented soul.
Let's live happily for a short time,
Because soon you will have to die,
And I'll drop back into the darkness,
With broken wings and freedom.
Butterfly, give me a way out,
Let me leave this world on your wings.
Butterfly, give me your tragic alibi,
As we end our magical tryst.