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Eternally Yours, My novel please read and comment :)

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Ayla De Sangre

2,950 Points
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 9:04 pm


This is the book i've started to write and i would like everyone's comments on it please and thank you!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 9:05 pm


Eternally Yours
Prelude

She needed to move someone was getting to close to her she couldn't stay here anymore. Victoria started to pack everything remembering the times and circumstances attached to each item. Vampire's have a long memory, and even longer emotional attachments. She picked up the Jewerly box, Darien had gotten this for her, it was mahogoney and had roses engraved on it. He had known how much she had loved roses and had the box made especially for her. "I still miss him even now," she thought. Enough time had passed that she wasn't so brokenhearted about it anymore. Victoria had met Darien while she had still been human and they had fallen in love. She had asked him to turn her so she could spend eternity with him and he had agreed on one condition that Victoria had to marry him. She happily agreed and 2 months later they were married and she was a vampire. She could still see his face, his blue eyes and sharp chin. He had a slight narrowing to his eyes showing his japanese ancestry. His long black hair that she had always loved to play with, she missed it all. For a century they had been happy but that had all changed once paul came along. Paul had been a human who had found out about their secret and they had turned him to keep the secret, but they should have killed him instead. He had gotten jealous of their happiness and had set the house on fire while she had still been inside. Darien had gone inside and saved her but he had died inside along with Paul.
Victoria shook her head to clear the memory and put the jewerly box away. Victoria no longer cried when she remembered Darien she just looked really sad. She finished packing and started to put the stuff in her car that she was taking with her. She had already set up a place in America where she was going, and had sold the house and furniture here. She was going to miss Japan but she had to move. She was going to Washington, USA and was going to be an exchage student from japan and be adopted as the town doctor's kid later on. She finished loading the stuff into the car and drove to the airport. When she arrived she had the car put on the boat to ship it to the U.S. and then boarded the plane she would arrive in Redcliff, Washington in the morning.
The stewardess came up to her and shook her saying, "Um, miss we are landing in a few minutes you need to put your seatbelt on." Victoria shook her head to wake herself up and smiled at the stewardess and said, "Arigato," and hooked the seatbelt and waited for the plane to land. The plane landed and Victoria disembarked and she looked around for the doctor who was going to pick her up. She would know where he was because his wife and he were both vampires just like her. She approached him when she spotted him and bowed saying, "Konnichiwa, Please take care of me." The Doctor laughed and said, "Konnichiwa no need to be so formal and i suggest just saying hello to people as a greating instead of bowing as you can see you've gathered attention." She looked around and saw people staring she blushed and said, "I will remember that thank you for letting me into your home." The doctor laughed and said, "no problem and it would probably be best to call me father as I will be legally adopting you and I'm glad to help, you have done so much for us."
"Ah so she's arrived I wonder what she will be like the widow of Darien Kusinagi he could have done so much better but choose her i want to know what he saw in her and why our pureblood king choose a human and made her his bride? Whether she knows it or not she is the queen now of us all as she was made by a pureblood she became one herself...we will find out and decide whether we will accept you Victoria Kusinagi so you better be ready for the fight of your life..."


Chapter 1:One Year Later

Victoria Got ready for school mumbling about having to wake up so early. She wasn't looking foward to the first day of her junior year in college as she was probably going to have to deal with those people again. Did they think she hadn't loved Darien? Victoria had loved him very much and wished he was still here but he would have wanted her to move on and try to find love again not obsess over him for the rest of her eternal life. Some people looked down on her because of it but others agreed with her. Besides she was a pureblood now she could do as she pleased and the people would follow her. She hadn't known that Darien was a pureblood and the ruler of them all until last year and she had been extremely suprised to find out as he had always been unconventional and didn't like to try to fit in or be like other people and neither did she. Victoria's mother yelled upstairs and said, "Victoria your going to be late stop day dreaming and get to school." Victoria hurried up and put on the school uniform, it consisted of blue sneakers, a blue black and white plaid skirt, with a white button up shirt and blue veston top. She finished and ran down stairs and grabbed on of the blood bags and gulped it down and then cecked for blood on her face, there was none like always. Even when she ate fast she never spilled a drop.
She got to school and heard people talking about the new history teacher who was really good looking but he didn't seem to like girls as anything but friends. Apparently someone had asked him out and he had turned them down flat and ignored them for a long time. Victoria didn't care all to much she wasn't really interested in gossip so she ran to the office and got her schedule. She had english so she went to her class to find that two of the town's vampire's were there. One was her teacher and the other was her friend Heather. She walked up to the teacher and got him to sign her slip and then sat down next to Heather and started chatting with her about the summer. She told me that the teacher was her new boyfriend and Victoria told her that she still didn't have one because she had been to busy taking care of things for other vampire's. The teacher called class to attention after acknowledging Victoria and she was busy for the rest of the period writing a essay about a Robert Frost poem.
The bell rang and Victoria looked at her schedule to find that she had History next. "Hmmm so I get to meet the teacher everyone was talking about this morning," she said to herself. she walked to the class only to walk in and be so shocked that had fallen in the first seat she could find. "He looks like Darien but he can't be, Darien is dead he died in the fire." Victoria sat in shock and could only stare at the teacher. "Class, class please stop talking and get out your books please I'm Mr. Kusinagi but you can call me Jaden. Now can we please get class started." Victoria sat there thinking, "Wait did he say Kusinagi what is going on here? and how many of my teachers are going to be vampires this year?" she shook her head mumbling that she would worry about it later and opened her book to the page Jaden had said and wrote the summary he asked for and at the end of class left it on her desk and walked out the door.
The rest of the day past like a breeze and Victoria wasn't much aware of what had happened after her History class. She decided to go visit the teacher and ask him a few questions since he had been on her mind all day as it was. She walked to the class room and looked in to see him sitting there grading the papers that they had handed in today, she stood there and watched him. As she watched him she realized that yes he had similarities to Darien but he was different. He moved differently and the little way that he did things was different. His hair was shorter then Darien's and his chin was a little more rounded out. He had those bright blue eyes that Darien had had and the slight narrowing of the eyes. Maybe they were brothers, but Darien had never told her about any of his family so she didn't know.
Jaden looked up to see a girl standing in front of him, wait no this wasn't a girl this was a vampire he had never seen before. She was japanese he could tell by the narrowed eyes and long black hair. she had long legs and was well built. Jaden wondered what she wanted so he asked if he could help her. Victoria's thoughts were interupted by a voice saying, "Can I help you with something?" Victoria looked up to see Jaden staring at her. He looked her up and down and said, "May I ask who you are?" Victoria blushed at her lack of manners and said, "Yes you may I'm sorry about watching you but you looked alot like someone I knew once. My name is Victoria Kusinagi it's nice to meet you." Jaden looked sharply at her and said, "Kusinagi that's not a very common name how do you come by that?" "My late husband was Darien Kusinagi if you must know," Victoria responded getting defensive.
"My cousin is your husband? wait why do you say late husband?" Jaden asked confused. Victoria sighed apparently he didn't know about his cousin, "He is dead, and I never knew he had a cousin he never told me no wonder you look so much like him. For a minute during class today I thought he had come back to me." Jaden looked at her and saw the sadness in her eyes and he said, "I'm sorry I can tell you really loved him. Here lets talk over dinner and you can tell me more and I will let you know about the family as you are now part of it." Victoria nodded and Jaden gathered his stuff up and headed towards his car taking and she followed. They headed towards his house first so he could change and then to her's so she could get out of her uniform and tell her parents where she was going.
They headed out to a popular hang out for vampires that only they knew about and ate dinner there. Jaden pulled out her chair for her acting the part of the gentleman and then sat down himself and said, "So how long ago did he die, and how did it happen if you dont mind me asking?" Victoria shook her head saying, "I don't mind it's been so long since that time that it doesn't bother me to talk about it anymore. A guy we had turned had gone crazy and set the house on fire while we were all inside and he saved me and then tried to save our son but was trapped in the house with both my son and Paul the guy we had turned. Darien should have listened to me when I told him to kill Paul instead of turn him but he didn't and now he is dead. It has been almost 438 years since he died." Jaden looked at me in suprise and said, "438 years ago that was before I was born ow old are you exactly?" Victoria laughed and said, "Don't you know it's impolite to ask a lady her age? If you must know I am 538 years old."
"Oh I'm 415 years old so I never got to meet my cousin he never even knew he had one, I wish I had been able to meet him though I would have liked to get to know him," Jaden said sadly. Victoria looked at him thoughtfully, he really did look like his cousin they could have almost been twins but their personalities were different. Darien had always been so full of energy and wouldn't take no for an answer. She had been afraid to get married and he had used everything he could to get her to say yes to him and marry him. He had loved her so much and had shown it in thousands of ways but the greatest way had to be when he had given his life to save hers. Jaden was quieter and a bit more laid back then Darien had been but he had more charm and let his emotions show on his face. Darien had always kept his emotions behind a mask but had used his actions to show how he felt towards her and only her. Towards everyone else he had been a cold person, but towards her he had been light and warmth and joy, he had treated her as his sun and moon and stars. Victoria said to Jaden, "You both look very similar when I first saw you I thought you had been Darien. You both act differently though, you are quieter and more down to earth and you show your emotions more freely then your cousin ever did. He always was very cold to people who weren't family. I often thought that the only people he liked was his son and I. He showed how he felt with his actions and he spoiled me rotten. I miss him and I loved him with all my heart but i'm ready to move on." You could see her face glow as she spoke about Darien and she looked even more beautiful then normal.
Jaden watched her as she spoke realizing that what he had in front of him was a woman who knew what love was and Jaden hoped he would be able to find that some day. Even though he thought Victoria was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen he thought that he would never measure up to his cousin and wasn't sure if he wanted to try. He needed to get away from her or he would wind up kissing her so he excused himself and walked outside to calm down. While he was outside he heard a commotion inside and walked back inside to find Victoria in all her vampiric glory holding someone up by the neck and he heard her whisper in the guy's ear, "I might have been his wife but that doesn't mean that I was just some doll. You should have known that I wasn't someone to be messed with. Why did someone try to poison me?" Jaden looked in shock at the food they had been brought and Victoria was right there was a green aura surrounding it. Only purebloods could see those aura's and Victoria had apparently been turned into a full pureblood to see that aura. For that to have happened she had to have feed on only Darien for the first 50 years of their marrige. A guy stood up from the corner that he hadn't noticed before and walked over to Victoria and put his hand on her arm she snarled at him but put the man down and said, "Why do you stop me?" The guy said, "Calm down My Lady and do not get to upset we wanted to know if it was true that he had changed you into a pure blood and there is only one way to figure that out and that was to see if you could see the aura of the poison. You were trained well by your dead husband you are worthy to be our queen, I am sorry for having to test you like this." he bowed and then stood up again waiting for her reaction.
Jaden walked over watching Victoria as she clamed down. He had never seen her eyes that cold and hoped that he would never see them that way when she was regarding him. Victoria looked coldly at the man and said, "You are forgiven but if you ever do anythign like that again I will personally tear your head off and burn your body to ashes." The man nodded with fear in his eyes and he bowed again while backing away. Victoria turned towards Jaden and said, "Jaden I'm sorry about this let's go somewhere else I don't want to be here right now. Actually take me to a good place to hunt game I need to hunt." Jaden nodded and guided her out the door to the car and drove away. He looked oer at her to see her holding her head with her eyes closed. He asked, "Victoria are you ok I didn't know they would do that or I wouldn't have taken you there.?" Victoria smiled at him and said, "It's ok I knew they would test me at some time or another, I just wish it had been when I wasn't with you. I didn't want you to see me that way. I don't want people to look at me and see a violent monster, I want them to see a lady." Jaden laughed and said, "Victoria you are a violent monster and so am I and every other vampire in the world. Some of us just behave better then most. Just because I saw you attack someone doesn't mean I'm going to change my view on how you act. Everyone acts badly when they get angry it's how you act most of the time that counts and how you treat people. Oh and we are here these are good hunting grounds I didn't expect you to hunt animals I thought you would hunt humans."
As Victoria got out of the car she said, "After the whole fiasco with Paul I hunted only animals because there is a less risk of people finding out about me as a vampire when I don't hunt humans." Victoria walked into the woods as a predator the stance and everything about her screamed dangerous. She sniffed the air trying to find the smell of something to hunt Jaden joined her and she caught the scent of a bear. She was in the mood for a challenge and took off after the bear as Jaden followed. She ran with abandon towards the bear with her long black hair waving behind her contrasting against the red shirt she was wearing Jaden thought she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. She ran up to the bear and chased it a bit while avoiding it's swiping claws she got up in between the claws and snapped the bear's neck and then bit and started drinking, while Jaden joined her. Victoria finished and said, "Jaden lets go sit in that clearing that we past while running the moonlight hit it pretty and I want to rest." Victoria walked towards the clearing and looked back at Jaden and said, "Are you coming?"
Jaden looked at her wondering if he even had a chance with her and followed her towards the clearing and sat down next to her. Victoria sighed and closed her eyes and Jaden kept staring at her watching how the moonlight shined on her. She looked up into the sky at the moon and her hair cascaded down her back. She was tired and sleepy and didn't want to have to go to school and deal with all the drama again. As she was thinking Victoria didn't notice how Jaden was staring at her. She laid back and spread her arms out above her and sighed.
Jaden watched and couldn't hold back any longer he leaned over and pulled her into his arms and kissed her hungrily. Victoria's arms wrapped around him and was kissing him back when all of a sudden she whispered, "Darien." Jaden Pushed her away his eyes cold as he looked at her. Victoria's hands flew to her mouth and she stared at Jaden her eyes wide with shock. Jaden said coldly, "You better get ready Victoria because I am going to make you forget about him. I want you to only think of me and I'm going to get my wish." Jaden stood up and offered his hand to her she reached out tentatively and put her hand in his. He pulled her up against him and said, "I meant what I said Victoria you will be mine."
Victoria just looked at him her eyes wide she couldn't talk and hadn't even known that Jaden had felt that way. Darien had never been this forceful with her but then again he hadn't had to really fight her for anything. Jaden wasn't Darien and that was his point but did she want to get into a relationship with him? Victoria didn't know but knew that whether or not she wanted to he was going try anyway and would probably succeed. Jaden guided her towards the car, acting alot more gentle then his voice and eyes showed, he put her in shut the door and got in and started the car to drive her home. Jaden kept quiet until they reached her house he turned to her and said, "Do you even like me? I want to know how much I'm going to have to fight to get you to only see me and not Darien. I want you and I will have you Victoria." Victoria was taken aback she was starting to get annoyed that this guy kept talking about getting her like a possession. Victoria looked up at him with fire in her eyes and he grinned knowing full well that he was pissing her off but he didn't care he wanted her to fight him and not just be dolcile. He wanted what his cousin had never had to fight for, her. Victoria said very quietly but enunciated, "I am not a possession that you can just claim, but if you want a fight I will give you one Jaden. I don't know if I like you but who knows it could happen, good luck."
She started to get out when Jaden pulled her towards him and kissed her again he nipped her lip to get her to open up and she did not even know that she was doing it and his devled deeper into her mouth reveling in her taste and her blood that had come up when he had nipped it made him intoxicated with her. He wanted to do more then kiss her but he couldn't get ahead of himself so he pulled back and grinned at her when she opened her eyes and said, "Dream of me tonight darling I think I made my impression." Then he closed her door when she exited the car and drove off to go home and take a cold shower though that probably wouldn't help.

Chapter 2: The Fight Begins

Victoria hadn't gotten much sleep she had been to busy thinking about what Jaden had done last night. Her heart hadn't beaten that fast ever and her whole body had never tingled like that even with Darien. She got ready for school with a unsteady heart wondering how she was going to act around Jaden. For the moment while at school she was just his student but out of school she was the woman whom he was interested in and wanted. She finished getting dressed and walked to school. She got there and went to her first period and sat next to Heather and asked her, "Hey Heather can you come to my house tonight? I need girl time." Heather nodded and said, "Yeah I will meet you at the front enterance after school." Victoria nodded and then paid attention to the teacher because class was starting. She handed in the essay from yesterday and then her attention wandered off to what had happened yesterday. When he had kissed her she had been thinking about Darien and the times they had spent together like that and had said Darien's name when he had kissed and had hurt his pride. Now she had a guy with hurt pride on her hands and that would be easy to fix if he didn't look so much like Darien. He was right he was going to have to fight to get her to see him and not Darien. The question still remains though did she want to forget Darien and start over? Yes She did she wanted to start over and find someone new but because he looked so much like Darien she would have a problem seeing Jaden without thinking of Darien.
Class finished and Victoria walked towards the history classroom. She was nervous but wasn't going to back down, so she walked inside and sat down in her seat and started chatting with the people around her. she glanced over at the teacher to see him staring at her she grinned and turned her gaze back to the people around her. One of the boys next to her was cute so she flirted with him a little and saw Jaden scowling at her, she just grinned even more and when he called the class to attention she turned around and paid attention to the lesson. At the end of class she glided out without giving a second glance and headed towards her next class.
When school was over she waited for Heather at the front entrance of the school. heather walked up and Heather said, "Ok where to your house or mine?" Victoria said, "Lets go to mine it's closer. Heather nodded and they walked to her house. When they got there Victoria told her parents that she had brought Heather over, they said it was ok and then they went up to Victoria's room. Heather looked at victoria and said, "So what's up what is your problem that you needed to talk to me about?" Victoria looked over at Heather while changing out of her uniform and into something more comfortable and said, "Jaden the new history teacher is my problem. He looks so much like Darien that I accidently called him Darien when he kissed me and know he's declared war on me. He wants me that much I can tell but he doesn't want me to look at him and see Darien he wants me to look at him and see him. I understand why though I mean if you kissed a guy and he said another girl's name you would feel really embarassed too right?" Heather nodded her head so Victoria continued, "So now he has declared war on me and said he was going to do everything he could to make me his and for me to not be able to think of anyone else."
Heather laughed and Victoria tried to look annoyed at her but didn't do it to well and she laughed too. Heather asked, "Well first question do you like him?" Victoria remembered the kiss and said, "Well I know my body does and yeah I think I do like him." Heather nodded and said, "Ok then well I think that answers the questions I had. Have fun is my only advice and Make sure that if you fall in love with him you make him fall in love with you. You don't want him to only catch you, you want to catch him also." Victoria hugged Heather and said, "Thank you I knew you would be able to help me. I can't help myself I already declared war back back how do you fight becoming someones when you like them? Oh well I guess I will just settle for teasing him, that's always fun." Heather laughed and then they chatted for a while longer and Heather decided she wanted to curl Victoria's hair and do her up, so by the time she had left Victoria's hair was curly and her eyes had been enhanced by eyeliner and mascara. They showed a bright vivid green, she had on a red silk shirt that clung to her curves and black skin tight jeans.
She was in the mood to read a book so she laid down and picked up the book Eldest that she had been waiting for to come out and started to read. She was so into her book that she hadn't even noticed Her door open and Jaden walk into the room. Jaden walked over and she saw the shadow of him over her book and flew up out of the bed. She was standing in front of him and he stared at her reveling in her beauty he liked the wavy hair that she had and especiall liked the way her clothes clung to her body. He grabbed her and pushed her up against the wall and plastered his body against her saying, "Don't flirt with other people in front of me i don't like it." Victoria just grinned while arching her eyebrow and smirking she said, "Oh so you noticed?" He showed his fangs and growled. She shivered when she heard the growl and licked her lips waiting for what would come next. She was reveling in the feel of his body pressed against hers and knew she would have to try this later when actually had sex.
Jaden wanted to wipe that smirk off her face so he kissed her hard and fast not letting her put up a fight and ran his hands down her body. Victoria arched to his touch and a purr came out of her mouth. Jaden reveled in her and the feeling of dominance he had at the moment. The purr that he had broguth out of her was like a trophy. Victoria knew very well that this wasn't Darien, Darien had never made her feel this way her whole body was on fire and tingled. "Jaden," she said tunring her head for a moment, "Jaden my parents are downstairs and this is definately not the place or time to do this. I don't want to have sex with you just because you got jealous. Though I will admit that makes me happy to know that I can do that." Jaden backed up only to see that smile on her face, that he had been trying to erase, still there. He backed up again and said, "Well at least this time you didn't call me Darien. You really need to learn to not tease me or next time I might not be so lenient." He grinned at her and started to walk towards the door and she stopped him saying, "Jaden I like you I really do but you have to be careful. If the school find's out you'll be fired and i would be expelled probably. But it would hurt you more then me at the moment because you will never be able to get a teaching position again. Are you sure you want to continue with this?"
Jaden turned around and stared at her, while an akward silence filled the room. She wondered if she had said something wrong and had an uneasy look on her face while waiting for his answer. Jadensaid softly, "Why are you asking me this and warning me about this?" Victoria sighed and said, "Because I care about you and don't want you to get in trouble just because of me. I'm not that important of a person for you to lose your job over." Jaden Walked over to her and took his face in his hands and said, "Don't ever say that you aren't important. you are so beautiful and you don't even know it and you have a beautiful soul." Victoria blushed bright red and her eyes watered. She hadn't felt this insecure since Darien had asked her to marry him.
They had meet when she was 23 and she had thought he was the most beautiful man in the world. She had come up to him and started to talk to him. At first he had ingored her and had tried to remove himself from her but she always seemed to find him. She slowly pulled him out of his shell and brought light to his life. He had started to meet her regularly at random areas and wuld take her out for dates. The first time he had kissed her she had fallen in love with him. it wasn't until two weeks later that she had found out he was a vampire. She had walked into his apartment to see him feeding on someone. She hadn't screamed and had only stood there in shock. he looked up to see her and his face had fallen and it looked like he was going to cry. He hadn't wanted her to find out like that. When she had seen his face so sad she had run over to him and took his face in her hands and looked into his eyea and said, "It's ok don't cry it's ok, i wont be able to take it if you cry." He had grabbed her hands and said, "This doesn't scare you seeing me like this doesn't scare you?" Victoria had only laughed and said, "Of course it scares me but I love you so I'm ok and I can handle it. I can handle having a boyfriend who is a vampire. The only thing your going to have to deal with is all of my questions." He had laughed at that and his face and loosened and you could see his joy. He had said, "I don't want you to be scared of me but I'm glad you didn't run I am not sure if I could have ever told you."
A few days later he had asked her to marry him and she had said no at first. He kept asking her why and would ask her at least once a day. Her answer had always been, "I'm not ready to get married." and he had always said, "But you told me you loved me and I love you too so why not?" and she whould always get really quiet and change the subject. The problem behind it was that before her parent's had gotten married they had been happy but once they did something had gone wrong and she was terrified of that happening with her. When she finally broke down and told him he had said, "Marriage takes two pwople not just one you have to work for your happiness it isn't just handed to you on a silver platter. If you really love the one you are married to then it wont matter what it takes or what happens just being with them is enough." After hearing that she finally agreed to marry him and their wedding night he had turned her into a vampire.
Jaden kissed her softly and said, "I really like you too and I want to get to know you better but I understand your worries and will be careful." He hugged her and she held him tight and then he walked out he door and downstairs to talk to her parent's. She laid down in bed and fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow as she hadn't gotten much sleep the night before. Jaden had walked back up to her room to say good night only to find her sleeping peacefully. Her black hairwas strewn across her pillow and her face. He walked over to Victoria and pushed the hair off her cheek and leaned down to kiss her good night only to hear her whisper, "Gomenasai Darien." He frowned a little bit but didn't think to much of it as it was only in her sleep. He kissed her on the cheek and left.

Ayla De Sangre

2,950 Points
  • Hygienic 200
  • Person of Interest 200
  • Autobiographer 200
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