Survivors of Domestic Violence and Sexual Assaults

[Seretti]

It's really saddening to read the stories here and I feel for you all. I'm not quite ready to share my own experiences yet, so I don't really have much to say at the moment...  

[morikoarina2]

I have never had to deal this that kind of trauma, but when someone close to me died while on deployment, writing in a journal about the days events really helped me to stabilize again. Writing in a book is kinda like therapy, you get it out and are able to move on better. Keeping something like that locked inside can be like acid, it eventually erodes parts of you that can impair mental and physical health.
quote="ErinsChaos"]Love the mail by fire idea... though I have a hard time writing down what needs to be when I know it's never going to be read ya know? Like I never had a diary.. never saw the point..

Still considering the counseling bit... but will find out more info in the week to come as I'm unsure I can afford it...

Now that I've had some time to calm down all I want to do is cry for her...
You hit the nail right on the head though.. She and I both had really low self-esteem... And I'm sure her folks didnt realize the damage that had or would be done by that man.. They figured he got locked up, he's not around, problem solved right? Most people believe that... "It's over, it's in the past, get over it!"

*sigh* Well I'm heading in for another fun-filled weekend at work.. See you all on the flip side..  

[orion senshi]

i got a couple

when i was 9 and was recovering from a car accident my leg cast slowed me down and i could only crawl

my stepdad a** molested me and abused my inability to get away i had to endure it till his sick thrill wore off and i only told my mom years later

ive also been used for sex my ex gf kept trying to get pregneant from me and because i loved her i was blind to her true colors when she promised to join me and CA and be my fiance she gets with a 32 year old man ******** him and gets pregneant and lies about it till later on thinking its no big deal and now shes engaged to him

it made me not trust men or women much  

[Lacuna Sidera]

-raises hand- I am a sufferer of domestic violence
I think it started around...six...maybe seven...My mother would escape from the house to get away from the abuses of my (now ex) step father. What she didn't know for pretty much a decade was that he would then come after me. I'd be hit, always body blows so no one would see them since I was already bathing myself pretty much. It wasn't just that though...He would demean me, yell at me, "Everything wrong is your fault!" "You're the reason bad things happen" stuff like that "I'm doing this for your own good" you know...rationalizations.

Of course, it was only an issue when he was drinking but, well, he was an alcoholic. I was afraid to tell my mother because I didn't want it to get any worse. Later on I rationalized that she had enough already and I would just endure it...then, it was just life, I was allotted this fate. This all shook my faith down to the core too, I don't entirely put stock in these events being why I became an Atheist (my family except for my half sister all think I'm still christian) but, it definitely added fuel.

Anyway, this continued until I was sixteen and he kicked me in front of my mom, it was over that day, she was done with him and they parted ways permanently. Thankfully he never laid a hand on my sister, but she was his daughter after all, I was just the son of the woman he married.

The whole thing though, it had a definite effect on me...deep down I know have anger issues and I do my best to vent them healthily, I never, EVER want to be like him, I have a very tight control on how much I drink and cut myself off before I get to the point of TOO drunk to reason. I am...nice, or have been, to everyone as much and best as I can...to the point of basically emotionally bleeding myself dry...and for the most part, it's become reflex, it is hard for me to not be nice to people, even in video games...  

[morikoarina2]

Aiswynd Kiev

-raises hand- I am a sufferer of domestic violence
I think it started around...six...maybe seven...My mother would escape from the house to get away from the abuses of my (now ex) step father. What she didn't know for pretty much a decade was that he would then come after me. I'd be hit, always body blows so no one would see them since I was already bathing myself pretty much. It wasn't just that though...He would demean me, yell at me, "Everything wrong is your fault!" "You're the reason bad things happen" stuff like that "I'm doing this for your own good" you know...rationalizations.

Of course, it was only an issue when he was drinking but, well, he was an alcoholic. I was afraid to tell my mother because I didn't want it to get any worse. Later on I rationalized that she had enough already and I would just endure it...then, it was just life, I was allotted this fate. This all shook my faith down to the core too, I don't entirely put stock in these events being why I became an Atheist (my family except for my half sister all think I'm still christian) but, it definitely added fuel.

Anyway, this continued until I was sixteen and he kicked me in front of my mom, it was over that day, she was done with him and they parted ways permanently. Thankfully he never laid a hand on my sister, but she was his daughter after all, I was just the son of the woman he married.

The whole thing though, it had a definite effect on me...deep down I know have anger issues and I do my best to vent them healthily, I never, EVER want to be like him, I have a very tight control on how much I drink and cut myself off before I get to the point of TOO drunk to reason. I am...nice, or have been, to everyone as much and best as I can...to the point of basically emotionally bleeding myself dry...and for the most part, it's become reflex, it is hard for me to not be nice to people, even in video games...

i can relate completely. why though do you believe it was fate? why not believe that it was the devil at work trying to break your faith since he was afraid you would lead others to believe in God? I for one am not going to roll over to what is "fate" because I dont believe in it. To do so would imply that I have no way of changing the course of my life which I also do not believe. we were given the power of choice so that we can direct our path. sorry I dont mean to say that as a child they have much choice, but people and adults do and are held responsible to those weaker than them. at least that is how i see it. Thanks to Grace, you are still alive and strong and can help others. blaugh  

[Lacuna Sidera]

When the whole thought of fate came up, I was in my early-mid teens, I'd already suffered my separation of faith because during all of this I was trying to make sense of it and, well, it never made sense to me. If it makes sense to someone else, if it feels right to them, I have no place to argue, it is their belief, just as my belief is mine, and to each person their beliefs are sacred.

Now though, I am comfortable with my system of beliefs, I can understand and it feels right for me to believe what I believe.  

[Jinei Ryuu Shinigami]

My story I guess isnt as i dont wanna say dramatic because it sounds bad but i dunno what word to use.

Mine has been going since I was about 9 or 10 my parents split up. I was always kind of a hermit I never realyy went anywhere and had maybe 3 friends. So when my mom started dating guys I was always home alone I never realized till.later that this effected me at all. My mom started dating all the wrong men wrong for both of us. To her they were controlling jealious and mooches to me they were demeaning demorilizing and humiliated me when they got the chance.

The most memorable scenes i can recall are from several different guys. The first is a guy who was hispanic I cant remember his name. I remember sitting in the floor crying while him and his friends sat and spit on me. I told my mom she never believed me. It took him saying hed kill her before she left him.

The next instance I can remember is my moms ex boy friend when i was 12 stealing my silver coin collection from the year i was born. A gift from my grandparents. He also stole several other things of mibe and sold. My grand parents knew he stold and sold the items as they owned the local coin shop. She never believed them even with proof. It took him going to jail for armed robbery and fleeing arrest for her to.move on. Also to add to it I was in the car when he ran from the police, we hit 28 other cars.

Next example is the father of my little sister. He always was home mooching off my mother. I was about 16 so i too was home alot. When I would make friends he would always try to hang out which was cool.(not really) but anywys would have been tollerable but he hit on all the girls and always tried to fight an emberass me infront of my friends. He wouldnt stop until we actually came to blows now im a skinny guy hes an ex-boxer...sound mature. To make things worse he refuses to get a job tells me im gonna have to move out if i dont get one. I tell my mom who doesnt believe me of course. she says he is just trying to be nice to my froends and get to know me better. Finally my mom realizes after years that hes a cheater but stays with him. I say whatever im old enough i move out on my own.

I live on my own have a gf of five years we have a child together.My gfs little sister and my little sister are friends. my gfs little sister goes over there unknown to me or anyobe in her family and they my sisters dad and my exs sister have sex. shes 12 hes like 40 sumthin... He goes to jail for rape. My mom still doesnt believe it.

Now I break up with my ex partially bcuz of that partially bcuz she isnt a good mother. which leads to a huge fight where i get attacked defend myself(never hit her back i bit her out of sheer reaction) she hits me rrpeatidly. so i go to jail. I get out go back to work but am homeless my mom lets me stay then tells me shes moving her ex whos getting out of jail down with her. He does I get a new gf and move in with her and a friend. Now my mom is with her ex- who took me on a high speed chase with him. She doesnt understand why i dont like him. Now he uses her money to pay all there bills and his money to buy drugs.

Well thats my story. not so epic but it still sucks.  

[Lord_Lillith]

you name the abuse, i have lived it. it has messed my life up and I dunno how I keep going on.. Id say whats happened but alot of it is graphic, and it has messed up my love life. started when i was a baby and ended when i was 22. Makes life so lonely....i dunno...  

[Lacuna Sidera]

Lord_Lillith

you name the abuse, i have lived it. it has messed my life up and I dunno how I keep going on.. Id say whats happened but alot of it is graphic, and it has messed up my love life. started when i was a baby and ended when i was 22. Makes life so lonely....i dunno...

-gives you one big, massive hug- I know the lonely part quite well, Lillith, if you want someone to talk to, my PM box is open, I will be happy to listen.  

[DreadPirateKate]

I've been through quite a bit myself. >.< I never had a broken family, or anything of that sort, but I was abused and neglected at the hands of babysitters and bullied constantly. One sitter, her son went so far once as to attempt to drown me in a friend's pool because he didn't like that I dunked him after he dunked me. He'd snap pretty often and take it out on me. I was always worried someone would blame my parents for all the bruises I was always covered in, but thankfully it never escalated that far.

Eventually once I got into my teens, I started to have a lot of trouble with depression and anger. I couldn't understand why I was being pushed around or bullied so much, or what made me such a mark. I still don't. It got to a point where I went through some pretty dark places and withdrew from everything. There were concerns I'd hurt myself, and I had treatment for a few years. I never did fully gain a healthy sense of self esteem though, and in turn that led to a very emotionally and mentally abusive long distance relationship with someone. It took two years to get out of that, and away from it, and then I was stalked by him for another three years after. Took a long time to feel "normal" and ok being around others, and I've not dated since.

I'm not really sure I ever will again. It's really hard to trust people.