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i cover my head.i try my best to follow the bible.i hope to marry in a year or so and want to have a kind husband,whom i am happy will have to make important decisions instead of me and whom will leave me to make house and family decisions instead.yet i keep finding topics and threads stating that people like me are oppressed and sad for following an outdated custom.when i defend my beliefs and religion i am always wrong and offend someone.can people not respect my wishes and not bash my religion and my beliefs?

Jeez, I bet the people that are telling you this are in tight clothes about to get raped or already have. That is some serious respect there.

Some ideas from the past are good. We can't always be in the new constantly; we will forget where we came from and repeat the same sequence over and over again.

Follow that so called "out-dated" custom but you will have the last laugh. At least, that is what I think. Beauty only lasts a little while but a honest relationship not based on lust alone lasts a lot longer.

well i'd be no.3 but what makes me unhappy is the pressure not to cover.i think a part of the problem is today's view on 'oppressed muslims' and when people then see a woman covered thats not a nun they think oppressed in bold capital leters.

Some people see nuns, monks, and priests as oppressed, too. Frankly, I'm one of them, though I know that for the vast majority these days, they weren't just sold to the Catholic church or handed over as orphans and then never given a different choice. Today's Catholic clergy (priests, nuns, monks, religious sisters and brothers) are given every choice, and then educated unbelievably well -- in fact, some orders/convents require the novices to come with a college degree, proving that they can, and did, and will, live lives of service to humanity whether or not they go on to become full nuns. But deep down, I also feel, "What is it that would entice a person to live lifelong without the closeness of a mate? Who would cut off all contact with the entire romantic/sexual parts of their nature and live separated from not only humanity at large, but from a large part of their own humanity?" But I remind myself once again that it wasn't kept secret from them, what they'd be vowing, and they had ample opportunities -- even encouragements -- to back out and seek a different life.

i totally agree.my dad was one of these victims and he has never been normal.his abuser was sent to jail but i know that he has victims in america too and they do not know that he was punished and could be still hurting.

As a Jew, I'm not a believer in the Christian Testament, so no, it wouldn't help me in the least. The Hebrew Bible makes it clear that "The human being is not meant to be alone." I also don't see it as consistent with Hebrew Bible theology that God would accept "the lesser of two evils" as an okay solution to a perceived problem; but thank goodness, the Hebrew Bible views marriage and marital relations, not as a "partial sin," but as vital and necessary for the emotional and spiritual health of the individual and the couple. Certainly, it doesn't regard marital relations as sinful or even as partially sinful; in fact, that's considered one of the highest religious duties of a man, to please his wife. The idea of someone cutting off an entire aspect of their personhood seems awful to me.

On the other hand, I'm sure that every priest who ever ate a ham sandwich, lobster bisque, or cheeseburger and milkshake shook his head and wondered how I could possibly live without that, in keeping with the Jewish dietary laws. They must feel that I'm denying myself something precious, just as I feel they are.

And I'm sure that the head covering issue is looked at from both sides with a profound lack of understanding. I see that I never have a messy hairdo anymore, never worry about sun damage, wind tangles, city grit, the stench of pollution or cigarette smoke, or being put on display by showing my hair. And someone else looks at my hat/snood/cap/scarf/wig and thinks, "She must be hot in that. I wonder if it gives her a headache. Imagine, not being able to feel free to show your hair or wear shorts. Oh, the poor oppressed thing."

The great thing about having so many religions and ideologies is that, if we have the courage to do so, we can seek the one that fits us best rather than stay in one that is making us unhappy. We can do what feels truly fulfilling for us, and if we didn't worry about one another so much, we could enjoy the fact that each of us loves a different flavor, a different way to understand the divine within the world and within all of us. smile

(But... well, to those who've had both sides of it -- ham sandwich versus marital bliss -- I think we know I got the better end of the deal. Keep your bacon and sausage and ham. I'm just fine with what I've got over here. wink )

so-o its almost expected to marry if a jew? confused i could eat a ham sandwich, lobster bisque, or cheeseburger and milkshake but i have not and not been married i cannot argue either way.

For the most part, yes. Normative (meaning, 'the most prevalent') life, and what's considered most desirable, is marriage and reproduction. However, the tradition also acknowledges that for many different reasons, some folks aren't suited to that life. For example, if someone is medically or psychologically unable to have sexual relations (or heterosexual relations), that person isn't expected to marry. In fact, the person is discouraged from marrying, because marital relations are seen as one of the most important parts of marriage. It's true, too, in a way.

Think about it. If nothing is going right, great sex isn't going to solve any problems. However, even if everything else is going right, an unsatisfying sexual relationship is going to eventually leak out and create an unsatisfying emotional relationship. Sooner or later, disappointment/sadness/frustration over a poor sexual relationship is going to turn into little petty arguments, then bigger arguments, and an entire marriage can fall apart, God forbid -- if the sexual relationship isn't mended and healed.