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 Posted: Wed Jul 05, 2006 9:47 am
Dearest journal
There is something absolutely wonderful about these feelings. heart Everything seems so sweet and happy. Colors seem brighter, scents stronger, and even my music that I've loved forever can cause strange flutters of my heart.
I call and get calls from Gaston everyday.. sometimes more then once, and it's one of my favorite parts of the day. Curling up on my bed and listening to his voice. Thinking about him. I swear.. I must blush a million times a day. heart
...
My mommy is the stupidest meaniest ever!!! She thinks I'm just a little baby and won't let me do what I want at all. All I asked for was a bow and arrow that actually worked.. so I could practice outside without the dumb suction cups falling off the tree and not sticking.
I told her I'd be careful and that I was a big girl! But would she listen, uh uh.. not AT ALLLLL! She said I wasn't old enough.. She said later. I hate her, I hate her, I hate her! But I guess I can't do anything about it...
Unless I can get one from Gaston.. Duchess said he had a real one. I want a real one, and I don't care what mommy has to say about it.
Jan 23
I got to spend the night at Gaston's yesterday! heart I didn't get to see a whole lot of his house, because we were locked up in his room snuggling a large portion of the time, but what I did see was nice. Very clean thanks to the broom, and very homey, and of course Gaston has a very large and nice bed. It's so wonderful to be cuddled up against him especially.... when it's skin to skin.. So warm and soft and wonderful! heart
I.. hope I wasn't to forward with him though. I wouldn't want him to think poorly of me. It felt strangely nice to lie around with him in my underwear and kiss him tenderly along his neck.. and shoulders and such but.. since he didn't really recipricate further.. Maybe I did something bad? I hope not.. he didn't seem upset atleast. But I suppose I'll hope for the best and see soon enough. heart
Hmmm.. I'd originally went to visit him because of a little incident with Aladdin... Apparently Cian beat Aladdin very badly for something.. and Gaston just stood around and watched.. not to mention said horribles things to him about not seeing me. We had a long talk, about how he can't tell me who my friends are. I plan to be Aladdin's friend until he gives me a reason not to be, and not a moment less.
Let's see.. not alot to say these days.
- I guess I don't really 'hate' my mommy anymore.. She was mean sure.. but if I've waited this long maybe I can wait a little longer. Mommy said only little girls through big tantrums and fits.. so maybe she was right that I'm not ready.. One day though!
- Been practicing shooting my little bow and arrows on horseback. It's really hard, and I'm not good at it at all, but practice will make better, you know?
- MacBeth promised to come sleepover sometimes.
- I've been helping mommah cook alot. It's more fun then it look actually, and I don't mind when I'm bored. It's kind of like a puzzle, trying to put together all the right pieces.
- Aladdin grew big, and played games with me.
- I met a few other children to play games with, but everyone ended up having to leave. And.. that's it for now. Bye diary.
Jan 30th
Dearest journal..
Something wonderful happened this week. heart It's strange how things can lead upon each other, until it's all something big. A kiss here, a touch there all leading to a tangle of affection and love....
I love Gaston so much. heart His strength, his handsome looks, his kindess towards me, his gentleness despite what one would imagine, and now the knowledge of how much he loves me too and the ways he can express it.
Thinking of it alone makes me blush and my heart flutter. But.. it also makes me want to do it again. To be so close and affectionate with him.. It's like our little secret. heart
Of course there are scary things about it.. like yesterday. While I was writing and doodling around in my book I saw both Aladdin and Gaston. Aladdin ran off.. but I guess better that then the two getting into an arguement or fight. Well.. in any case, my mind wandered and I had to ask Gaston.. what he thought about children.. or more, would he still love me if I were so very large with child.
He took it the wrong way though... Was frightened I was asking for a real reason.. He treated it like it was bad news.. which I guess it is but... Maybe I should ask him more forth comingly sometime. I love Gaston so much... but... I think it would almost break my heart if I found out that by being with him I couldn't ever have little ones. In my daydreams I see a happy family.. and I long for it someday.. way in the future. heart
Guess what Diary!
Today mommy had a guest come over to visit the house and her. At first I thought it was going to be really icky and boring because we had to clean the house some ahead of time.. but when she got her, I saw the little boy she brought along!
Almost my age and everything! So while mommy and the lady spent the day doing strange things around the house I had a friend to play with all day long. Me and Lucian played SO many games, almost all the ones I have. We played Sorry, Connect Four, Pick up Sticks, Checkers, Chess, Chinese Checkers, Memory, War, Go Fish... soooooo many games! heart
And he only beat me in Chess, Checkers, and Go Fish once. I won the rest and he didn't even whine about it too much. I got to show him my horses too, and my bow.
He stayed until it was dark out before finally leaving with his mommy after dinner. I wish mommy brought me people to play with everyday.
Dear Journal...
There is a opera that my mother let me see when I was very very young.. It has the most wonderful music to it.. but nowadays when I see it, it makes me so very sad.
In the story there is a man.. one who was never showed any love or kindness (he reminds me alittle of Aladdin at times..) and he falls in love with the girl he's been watching over and teaching since she was a child. However the girl rejects him so cruelly and goes to another man.. someone from the past. She tears the poor man's heart out and then has the nerve to tell him he's a monster.
Despite anything that may have been deformed or wrong with him he was beautiful.. beautiful until SHE made him into a monster. The story breaks my heart in two and it seems almost a sadistic pleasure.. because I listen again and again, waiting for a change.. waiting for her to realize that SHE is indeed the monster. And that all the angel with the heavenly voice wanted was someone to love him for once..
I must confess.. at times when I lay there in my tears listening to his voice I can feel a soft flutter of my heart, and a tug... Oh if Gaston could sing like him.. Then I'd almost certainly be caught in a trap that I'd never want to escape, and I'd never want to leave him.
But that's all fantasy.. I love my Gaston already, with every little bit of my heart. Even more so then I can hate that awful Christine.
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Posted: Wed Jul 05, 2006 9:50 am
Feb 20th morning -Duchess cringed softly as the front door gave a loud squeak, pulling her sheet closer to her body as she awaited Iris' approach. If the door hadn't made noise maybe... just maybe she could have made it to the bedroom... but no. Her tail and ears drooped softly with worry and embarassment.-
-Iris' happy smile died as she noticed the strange apperance of her daughter, and she hurried over, trying to both hug and inspect Duchess as she spewed questions.- "Duchess! Angel... what happened to you? Are you alright? Where in the world are your clothes? You aren't hurt are you? Did someone do this to you? My poor poor angel."
-Her eyes widened softly, surprised that the concern was overweighing the anger, but she leaned lightly into her mothers embrace, nodding softly.- "I'm fine.. really I am.. I just.."
-Closing her eyes softly she sighed deeply before continuing very slowly.- "I kind of.. spent the night.. with Gaston last night.. and we.. no.. This morning when I woke up, I found this strange thing with buttons and one of them transported me back to the castle but my clothes are back.. well.. wherever we were.."
-Giving a light pressure she led Duchess towards the kitchen with a soft smile.- "I'm glad you're alright.. next time call though.. okay.. Marion and I were both really really worried.."
-Leading her softly to sit down in one of the chairs, Iris made her way towards the fridge, silent for the time it took her to retrieve a glass of the very orange juice from the fridge, offering it to Duchess before she slunk her arms around the back of her daughter, carefully soothing her hair.- "Do you love him?"
-Her voice lowered a little softly, and she gave a soft nod, before taking a delicate drink from her cup.- "Very much.."
"Enough to have to deal with him for the rest of your life.. through good and bad.. if 'something' should happen." -Her left hand draped gently down her daughter's ivory shoulder, motioning towards the belly that was hidden beneath the thin sheet.-
-Pausing for a long moment, she finally nodded, turning her eyes back to Iris with a soft smile.- "Gaston is the most wonderful... He makes me feel so special... And treats me wonderfully. Even if nothing ever happened, I'd still want to be with him forever."
-Placing a soft kiss against her cheek she nodded matter of factly.- "Good then dearest. I wish you two the best.. but still.. do be careful. Hearts break so easily.."
-Hugging her again lightly, she pulled the chair out.- "Are you tired?"
-Nodding a little softly, she stood, brushing her mother's words away. Her mother was smart and kind.. but she knew better.. Gaston wouldn't break her heart.
Making her way to her room, she sprawled softly along her bed, pulling the sheet over her as she pulled out her journal. Scrawling a small bit, she closed the book, before curling up again, dozing off peacefully.-
Today I had such a fright.. but as always, Gaston came to my rescue.. and if that wasn't good enough.. I got mother's best wishes. She wasn't even mad when I told her what we'd been doing.. she did tell me to be carefully though, so for her sake I will.
I told her how much I love him.. or.. the abreiviated version.. I wonder if she ever read my journal if she'd think I was silly? Or if she'd just understand how much he means. Me and Gaston will be together forever... safe.. warm.. and never that broken heart that mom warned me of.Feb 21
Children to play with again, finally! Even though the Disney castle is seemingly filling with grown ups, many of which... as much as they are nice... have seemingly forgot the fun of being a child and only want to do boring 'grown up' things. However these magically phone thingies are a new treasure!
In a place called Traverse Town, for some reason the adults are scarce and I've been told that the streets are FULL of children. I met this nice girl named Terra that told me so. I can't wait to play there!
Out and away at Gaston's big house thingy, I also got to meet another child, his little brother. His name is strange.. and he's a little hyper and huggy.. but I think I like him. He's fun to play with, and we were pretend flying today.
Strangely he hasn't been to the castle yet... I remember going when I was really young.. But I promised him that if his mom didn't take him there I would. We can play banister sliding like MacBeth and I did that once? Maybe we'll even SEE MacBeth, I haven't played with him in awhile.Goals, short term and long
I decided it would be fun if me and the girls set some goals, to talk about what we wanted so the three of us are making little lists. Me first of course heart
~ Raise wonderful daughters
~ Make sure the garden doesn't get harmed by early frost
~ Make sure my babies are happy
~ Live life to the fullest
~ Be with Gaston forever. Keep him out of trouble and happy heart
~ Raise my own family
~ Finally get to play that duet with Aurora
~ Learn more pieces by memory
~ Work on my music (voice and instruments)
~ Sing for others and most importantly... make EVERYONE very happy
~ Make lots of friends
~ Keep Marion out of trouble
~ Get out shopping with Am
~ Help Aladdin...
~ Not grow up gushy and girly like Duchess xp
~ Make sure Gaston treats Duchess right
~ Beat Freakazoid in a 'flying' race
~ Have that sleepover with MacBeth and others
~ Find and play with more children.
~ Learn to shoot my arrows well, the best even!
~ To win and be the bestFeb 28
GASTON!!! That JERK and a half times a million billion and ten!
I can't believe what he's done to Duchess! If only I weren't so small... I'd do something about it... How could he? How could she let him!? The most ultimate cooties of all time...........
I hate him. I hate him, hate him. He's going to try to take Duchess away from me... Stupid Gaston.. Stupid Duchess..
I've been feeling a little under the weather the last few days.. but I'd thought perhaps I was getting sick. Or just love sick maybe?
I was tired, feeling kind of slow and down, and my stomach kept feeling sick.. Imagine my suprise however.. when I awoke this morning! My tummy is SO huge... How it just grew like that I'll never know.. but I can't describe how it is.
I was a little scared... about what mom might say... what Gaston would say.. But mother took it better then I thought she would. And Gaston... well, hopefully he won't take it as poorly as Marion did. I wish I could do something to make her feel better.. Mother warns that it's possible Gaston won't be happy about it.. but I hope she's wrong. I want my baby to be happy and have a wonderful family.
But how exciting the thought is! That something so little.. something alive.. a little piece of me and Gaston is growing in my tummy! I'd thought it'd be wonderful, but I couldn't imagine this. I can't wait to feel the soft kicks and movements. Or to see my baby. I need to think of names! And start getting things for the baby.
In the morning mother and I are going to Gaston's. I hope he's as excited as I am... Our own little family heart
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Posted: Wed Jul 05, 2006 9:51 am
Marian grows :3 March 1st -Duchess looked up softly as the door clicked, eyes widening in surprise as the form of Marian came into view. Not the small thing from before. She stood taller then Duchess, a soft feminie curve kept and showed off by the corset and managable dress that now adorn her. However that cocky grin on her face, and that childish twinkle in her eyes was most certainly Marian.
Standing excitedly, as quickly as she could against her new found weight, she beamed.- "Marian! You, grew. You're so beautiful!" -Cooing over her sister's splendor, she wrapped her arms around the vixen with a happy purr.-
-Marian smiled visably, lacing her arms behind her older sister's back, silent for a long moment, before finally she mused softly into the silent air.- "You know what it means Duchess?" -She paused, still rather startled by her own voice.. that would probably be the strangest thing to get used to.-
-Lifting her eyes a softly, Duchess cocked her head, letting a finger touch her cheek in soft thought.- "Oh! Did mother actually give you a real bow now? Can I see?"
-Nodding she began to lead Duchess towards her bed, seating her before she laid out her new arrows, and the beautifully sturdy bow. It wasn't fancy, but it certainly was beautiful made of an almost white wood with a few silver accents. Holding it out, streching the string delicately out, to show Duchess how well it fit her, she smirked a little more.- "Yes of course.. but that's not quite it."
-Before waiting for a response, the vixen settled the bow against the bed, taking one of Duchess' hands before she grinned proudly.- "Don't you see? I've grown just in time to protect you!"
"Pro.. tect me? From what dear?" -A look of absolute confusion touched her ivory face, as she awaited the answer.-
-Waving her hand matter of factly, she spoke strongly.- "Why Gaston. And that thing in your stomach. You don't have to grow up! I'm big enough to finally take care of you myself." -Her grin was proud again.-
-Duchess eyes widened in confusion.. or was it horror? Closing her hand gently around Marian's she tried to pull her nearer, trying to dechiper the words that were just uttered. Protect her? What a ludicrous thought... She was SO very happy. Struggling for a long moment, she finally spoke, with a gentle smile.- "Marian.. I.. don't need to be protected. Not from those things."
"Being with Gaston makes me happy.." -Placing her other hand gently on her stomach, she motioned for her sister to sit.- "And I've always wanted to have babies.. You know that.. I want"
"No." -Cutting her off with the soft statement, she refused to sit, carefully petting at Duchess hand. Gentle but strong.. She had to understand.- "You've got your music to make you happy. You don't need more then that. You don't have to grow.. you can still be here.. my sister. My friend. No worries and no problems."
"I..." -She paused softly, the soft glimmer of tears beginning to form in her eyes. To think it was hurting her sister so... That she was causing her such pain.- "But I want.. I want them. I know it's selfish, but I want them all... My music.. you... Gaston.. the baby. I don't mind growing up if it means I can have them all."
"I love you.. and him.. and all the things. I just want to be happy.. Please... please don't tell me I can't.."
-A soft sting of emotion cut through Marian at the words, and she yanked her hand back quickly. Selfish!? That's... that's.. Unsure of whether to be angry at the words, she turned, storming out of the room with a slam, only to be caught by Iris on the outside of the door.-
"Shhhh..." -Capturing the young teen in her arms, she pulled her close, leading her slowly away from Duchess' bedroom. Placing fingers softly against her youngest's cheek, she smiled softly.- "You know it's not that she doesn't love you or want to spend time with you.. She's happy, so you should be happy."
"Mmm.. and dearest.. no matter how big you grow.. it doesn't mean you have to grow up. You're as young as you think you are. Kay?" -Giving a playful little tug at Marian's veil, she mused.-
-Batting at her mother's hand softly, she nodded a little. Perhaps she was right... She wouldn't think it very fair if Duchess tried to take her games away.. Offering a hint of a smile, she broke away from her mother, heading back down the hallway to Duchess' room. Opening the door softly, she made her way in, coming to rest alongside Duchess with a bit of a sigh.
Placing her fingers gently in Duchess's tangle of curls, which at the moment, hid her sobbing only from sight, she offered lightly.- "Well.... I guess as long as I get to be selfish sometimes too.."
Gaston is happy about it! I've never been so relieved in my life! But I should have known to start with that he would be though. Oh I love him, love him, love him.
We're going to make the most perfect little family, I can see it already! heart
Things seem so very different having grown. Little things really.
The height difference is kind of neat, I get to see things that I couldn't see before, and I'm actually taller then my big sister. That's kind of silly huh?
My voice has changed to, and sometimes when I talk I dont' recognize myself, I think I'll get over that soon though.
My new dress is wonderful though! It's comfortable, tight in just the right places so that my clothes don't get in the way of what I'm doing, and I rather like the colors alot. Deep rich colors. Did you know that purple is a color of royalty diary? Maybe one day I'll have a pretend adventure where I get to be a princess, off saving a prince. Princess' can do that too I think, be 'knights in shining armor'.
My new bow is great too. Strong, light, sturdy. Far better for aiming them my toy one was. With a bit of practice I bet I'll be the very best! I've got three different types of arrows now too. Stone, rubber, and silver tipped. All for different things. Growing up is kind of neat after all. Preparing
I'm excited to shop and decorate for the new baby, but.. on the same note, it's a little bit daunting, unsure of when it'll come.. If it'll be a little boy or girl.. So perhaps the best bet is to just get the basics right now.. and save the rest for later. I'm mostly thrilled my mother has that extra little bit of money... Babies are expensive.
And... sometimes I start to feel really terribly sick.. but it's not so bad.. and when I do I just think of why, and I don't mind it so much. A baby, a little life is growing inside of me. A little piece of me and Gaston.... It's such a wonderful feeling, and I feel my heart flutter everytime I feel the faintest bit of movement from the baby.
I'd still like to find Miss Selona though. She must be really busy herself.
Prince
One of my very best friends at home is Prince, the big belgian stallion we have. He's enormus! Even bigger then Gaston, and for the longest time I needed to step on to things to get up onto him. He's still a baby though, and still sweet, even though sometimes he tries to tell me he's the boss. He's a soft brown color, with white bits here and there..
But the real exciting part is this! Mother says that Belgian's were the horses used way back in the medieval times, the kinds that carried brave knights into battle. Strong, fierce, great warriors, great competitors. I couldn't have been more lucky! All of the horses are cool.. but Prince.. he's really something special. One day.. it'll be just me, him, and a grand andventure.
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Posted: Wed Jul 05, 2006 9:54 am
March 12th
I haven't been writing nearly as much as I should, but I think it's because I've been so excited and wrapped up in things! I've been trying to think of baby names most recently, though me and Gaston will have to decide together I think. So far I think my favorites however.. are Aria or Melodie for a girl and Lucian or Skylar for a boy.
Let's see.. I saw MacBeth the other day.. Apparently him and Aurora are together? I asked him to deliver my music piece to her, I wonder if she's practicing yet?
I'm a little worried about Belle... She showed me a remarkably beautiful rose she's been caring for, and the subject of some boy came up.. He's much older.. both mentally and physically and I'm rather uncertain of whether or not I should get involved.. He loves her.. and she seems to think that she needs to grow into something that will fit his love.. I'm.. really very confused.. I guess the best I can wish for is that she's happy, whatever happens.
A brave soul
I've met the most delightful girl! One of Macbeth's younger sisters, Rikku is absolutely awesome! She plays cards and games, she's very nice, and she's exceptionally brave. She even complimented my dress, and came along with me and went horseback riding for the first time.
She's a bit of a thief.. and likes to rely on luck.. but I suppose that makes us complimentary in a way.. perfect to be rivals if we weren't indeed friends. I think things will be far more exciting with a friend like her and others to hang around with.
We'll have to go riding again soon, maybe a little archery.
That reminds me however... MacBeth has fallen under 'the disease'. I can't help but feel it my fault too... I'm sorry for it though.. and I apologize with all my heart.. I'll have to learn to keep my friends closer.
Easter extravaganza!
The excitement of the hunt! Easter is an absolutely awesome holiday. Mother and Duchess stayed up all late painting pictures on these eggs, and when we woke up the next morning mom had them hidden all around the house and outside. I raced Duchess of course and won by a mile, but I mean.. she does kind of waddle these days. Not much competition at all. Like always she didn't mind lossing though, and we sat and looked through Easter baskets together afterwards.
We got some small presents, and lots of candy, but hunting the eggs over and over is totally the best part! I with there were more days with games to play.
A kick there, twist here. It's still neat everytime heart
We got to have a nice family Easter this year. Fun painting eggs, wonderful food, nice games. I got a little tired and had to head off to bed early, but it was worth it. Holidays are always so wonderful!
On baby news, I'm learning as many lullabies as I can. Oh I hope my voice is alright and the baby likes it.. I also hope it comes soon though.
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