Welcome to Gaia! ::

Ok, This post may be just a bit long, and a bit depressing. But here it goes.


Ok, I went to a private crhistian school for 5 years, till the fourth grade. then my mom forced me to be"Homeschooled" Or so she says, since fifth grade I havnt done a single bit of school work, My mom is just to lazy, Ive approached her during oprah before, and i got a big ******** off" from her, so i gave up on having her teach me. My dad was to busy wortking five days a week to teach me, and so im now heading to tenth grade, with about a 5th grade edjucation, on math, spelling, and grammar, although I get told alot i seem very very inteligent and mature for my age, i dont belive it. so when I was about....13 years old. I began to doubt my faith, im not sure why really. Possibly the fact i was not getting an edjucation, possibly the fact, I was at home constantly, Maybe it ws my older brother and his agnosticism, Im not sure. But I stayed semi faithfull, and didnt attend church for about a year and a half, Then on january third, of 2007, My step father, who had been my dad for 15 years, died. We had dropped my oldest brother off at the airport, he had come from japan, to visit for christmas. we came home from the airport, and my dad hadnt left for work yet, the car was still in the driveway, I ran inside first, and opened the door, only to find his dead body on the ground, I ran over to wake him up, and got no response, i yelled for my mom who was a nurse, she told me to call 911, I ran and got my phone, dialed it, only to return to her, and hear her tell me, he was dead. I lost all faith in everything at this moment, I hated religion. On the way back from my dads funeral, january sixth, my great grandmother died, we got a call from buffolo new york, and was told she had died, she was 98. I had another loss in such a short time. Well about two weeks later, my grandfather, fell and broke his hip, had two heart attacks, and his hip shattered on the operating table, hes in stable condition in the hospital right now. About two weeks after that, I met my biological father for the first time since i was born, I also met a brother and a sister I didnt know I had. I was very lost in life at this point, I blasphemed against god, and christianity, and all religion, I did this all the way up until about four weeks ago, when I got diagnosed with an inner ear virus. Its not harmfull really, but it causes dizzyness, and increased heart rate, I felt very close to death for four weeks, and Im still sick with it, but its getting better, but even now I feel close to death at times. Well two weeks into the virus, I began to pray, and ask for forgiveness for all my sins, i realized god did exist. But that wasnt my sign, My sign came like this, i was watching a metal documentary, and it was great until it came to the segmant on black metal, about metal bands who actually worshipped satan. I had already known this, but not as much about it. Well I was a bit scared about it, and i began to think about wether certain things in life were ok. Well I thought nothing about it, and went to sleep for the night. That night I had a nightmare, and this was my sign. In the nightmare, I lost my soul to satan, and to hell, I had a choice to let him take my soul and continue my evil ways, or to stop him from using me to do evil through me. or something like that, I dont remember exactly.

But thats the basics of it.
I awoke the next morning and was freaked out. Totally freaked out, i was scared, i was shaking. i didnt know what it meant, I consulted with a very good freind, who is very christian, and he told me to pray about it, and to ask for forgiveness for everything, he told me about what were sins and what werent, and what I could do to stop, and Ive been trying to stop, with alot of things, Ive succesfully stopped with a few. And Im praying at least once a day, sometimes more.

But I realized what the dream meant, It was telling me to stop my sinfull ways, and to stop with alot of things, and to try and live my life according to god, Wether it was god or my own imagination, thats what I belive it meant.

I am actually more at peace with myself. And Im trying to attend church, and live my life as free of sin as i can.

So I figured a good step would be to join this guild!
Wether or not I am going to be judged for my story, I dont know, But I am here, trying to be christian, and trying to live my life better, to help others.

-ocoeelover

Wow, i am so happy for you! Keep up the good work!

*wags tail* grats....i glad u found god in your heart again....welcome to the guild xd