we all have pain, thoguh to compare, i have no way to compare with anyone, or else we wouild become one because there is no way to truly compare it without knowing exactly how everything is. it would be like seeing a dead guy at a crime scene with a bullet through his head. but seeing nothign else. you could see it as homocide or suicide depending whjat you think, and then it zooms out to show the gun in is hand, his fingerprints there too, and you can finally understand. but....it eventually goes away, i guess. my mother died wednesday 17th 2004 of a fungus. she had gotten cancer, origionating in the spleen, and then it spread, some years earlier, most of my life we traveled to buffalo to visit her. then she eventually came home, and we had chickens, and she got a fungus from one, so it worked itself into her head, and so she told the doctors to pull the plug, so they did, she was insane from the lack of those drugs when i finally got there, and she kept callign for my brother..or my father (they share the name) ..and then she was dead. Have you ever had to fake cry? thats what i had to do. surounded by the people who loved her, the people she loved, how can you bring yourself not to cry, i couldn't bring myself to cry..i just couldn't . and she was gone from my life like that. i didn't feel the pain. i can't feel the pain..i can't feel anythig n anymore, and that is what drives me to be liek i am. i want to find out whats out there, beyond this bunch of bull crap. i want myself to die, and to find out why exactly everything is the way it is, not to wonder anymore, to know everything about anything..like.....why?
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