Shattered Sight - A Toril & Fenris RP

[Aradia]

Part 1

Pain. Hot, gut wrenching pain that slowly radiated throughout her body. Everything was on fire; like acid and burning ice running through her veins all at once. The feeling of pins were being pushed into her eyes and something crashing down over and over upon her, of bones snapping and knitting back together and healing just to be broken again. It was overwhelming. She shrieked over and over until her throat was raw, crying for it all to stop, to let it end, for her to die and escape the pain, for her lover to come and rescue her from this Hell.

The pain wouldn’t stop. Not yet. And her beloved wouldn’t come, she knew it. After all, it was for him that she going through this for. But still, she couldn’t help whimpering for him. The pain would all go away if he came to her, pressed his brow against her’s, just gave her the lightest of touches, everything would go away. He could save her, would save her if only he could...

Perhaps. She could not say for certain, not absolutely. She was doing this to save HIM, wasn’t she? To save him from his sins? It should have been him here, suffering, wishing for a way out, wondering when it would all stop. But then again, his sins weren’t really sins. He deserved this pain as much as she did, but... Would he come to her rescue if the situation were reversed, if he hadn’t already gone to Earth? She was beyond his aid now, but would he end her pain if he had the chance?

Eternity. That’s how long it felt as if this torture was going on for, though it might have been as short as a minute for all she knew. Not likely, but it was a possibility. A while before it came to an end, she couldn’t scream anymore. There was no more power to scream. No more strength to shed tears. Numbness began to spread. Physical, not emotional. No, inside there was still more pain. Sorrow. Rage. Bitterness. Abandonment.

Abandoned. Her love abandoned her. Why was she doing this for him again? For love? To save him? What a fool she’d been. She was to fall from the Heavens for him, and for what? He had already gone to Earth, retaining his light and wings and beauty and clean soul. To fight for the good dustlings that had already been sent to Earth, to protect those that needed it. Only after the fact had those who sent the Dusts to Earth had they discovered he’d done something wrong. Too late to recall him.

Is that why she’d done it? A sign of love, to take on suffering that should be his? What stupidity. He would never know what she had done on his behalf. And if he did, would he care? Probably not. What a foolish, foolish girl she had been. Love blinded idiot. If she ever had the opportunity, she would share this pain with him. Let him know how she hated him for what he had done to her, give him back every bit of pain she’d taken on his behalf. Give it to him tenfold. God, he’d abandoned her and she would make him pay for it!

Then... The pain stopped. The absence of it was jarring, to say the least. But with it came a sense of... Falling. And she felt strange... Less substantial... What was happening? What was going on?! ...This was his doing! Even if indirectly, she knew this was his doing! More torture for his former lover. When would it end?

Later, she knew not how much, she sensed that she had landed somewhere. The surface around her was about as stable as she was, and she couldn’t move. The fallen one did not know what was happening for a while, until it finally hit her what had happened. She was on Earth, the desert where all those others of her kind fell. Where HE was. Her fear and anger rose, now knowing that she was nothing more than a pile of Dust, waiting to rise from it in a new form. Would she remember what had happened in her old life? Or with a new body come a blank slate, waiting to be filled with new memories, new heartaches, new pains?

No. She could not forget the grievances against her. What her beautiful angel had made her suffer. What everything could do if she let them get close to her heart, her soul. There had to be revenge. He would suffer. For the love of dead deities, if it took her eternity, she would find him. Rend his fiery beauty apart piece by piece. Make him feel what she had ten fold.

I will find you, her mind whispered harshly, a vow she would clamp onto, from the end of this life into her next one.

~*~*~*~*~

Toril’s head snapped up as she came awake, sleep blurred eyes looking around the room frantically, as if searching for something she had lost. It took the Demon a few moments to realize where she was; the loft of the barn that the humans had set up for the Dusts. It was cold in the open, upper level of the barn, and it would certainly be more comfortable in one of the little beds that were on the first floor. But that was where the others stayed, so she rested here at night.

She let out a sigh and rested her head upon her forelegs. It was the dream again, the one that had been waking her up several times in the past months. As the many times before, it had left her feeling weak and more tired than when she had gone to sleep. This problem was perplexing and made her frustrated, wanting to tear into someone or something. Anything to vent her aggravation.

There was no one, of course. Toril no longer willingly allowed herself close enough to any of the Stardusts for that to happen. Most of the others didn’t seem to mind giving her space, probably because of Caiden’s absence. The lack of the clan leader’s presence had been palpable, the liveliness seeming to have fled many of the other Dustlings. Vellir, who had been so vivid and lively, had withdrawn the most. Mostly, her presence- or more often, absence- went unnoticed.

There were still a few, though, that seemed to care. The golden haired human seemed to care, and had brought a few blankets to Toril’s roost when she’d been away some weeks past, and had made sure that the Demon. And Kass, that sweet, silly boy, disregarded her threats of rending his wings from his back and would come to keep her company every now and then. He never got too close, having an idea that Toril might actually fulfill her viscous promises, but would remain close enough to let the Demon know she wasn’t alone.

Then there was the Angel, Fenris- possibly the most infuriating, aggravating, self-righteous Dusts in all the desert. It seemed that no matter where she turned, he was there. Around the human’s home, Toril might catch Fenris watching her as he lay back in a tree, or he would be in the barn whenever she decided to return from her outings in the desert, always in a spot that would give him a good vantage point of her little roost. Then there were times, whenever she took to traveling the desert, that Demoness could swear she caught his scent on the breeze. Toril could never find him though, no matter where she looked or how high she flew.

Still, no matter the situation, and even if she couldn’t see him, Toril could almost always feel the Angel’s solemn, shining golden-red eyes upon her, burning into her. As if he could see what lay beneath the black and orange featherfur and flesh, into her soul and know what was going on in her head. It was unnerving and frightened her a bit (not that the Demoness would ever admit it- she had an image to maintain), and she didn’t know why he had ever started this silent game of “Stalk the Demon”. Not even the whole ‘He’s an Angel, I’m a Demon, we’re naturally suspicious of each other’ excuse covered this.

Toril grumbled and rose from her blanket to stretch a moment, her body flexing like a cat’s. After letting out a loud yawn, she turned towards the opening in the loft’s wall the humans had put in for the winged dusts. Looking to the sky, she saw the crescent moon up above her. It made Toril think that whatever forces ruled the world, if there were any, they were looking down and laughing themselves hoarse at her problems.

Jackasses, Toril growled to herself as her gaze fell groundward, towards the nearby pond, when something caught her eye in one of the trees. A flash of orange and yellow, like a flame. Her fur bristled as she looked towards where she spotted it, knowing before she saw him it was Fenris. He was stretched out on one of the branches; wings tucked against his body, tail hanging over the branch, and his paws hidden beneath his head and body. She couldn’t tell from this distance, but Toril had the distinct feeling that those blood-and-gold eyes of his were opening, locked upon her as she stared back in his direction.

The Demoness’ agitation rose at the thought that once again, the b*****d was spying on her, and she might have considered doing something about it if she weren’t so tired. The sleep she’d had so far had done little to provide her rest, and it was only a few hours left until sunrise, Toril wanted to at least try to find some peace this night. So, with an angry glare and swish of her spiked tail, she turned her back to him and settled back upon her blanket. It would be a while before sleep finally reclaimed her, and it would remain a restless, fitful night of angry, forgotten dreams.

 

[Aradia]

Part 2

She couldn’t have been anything but a Goddess in that moment, the Angel decided. Nothing else could have stood before him with so much anger and still be so exquisite, so divine. If her wrath had been directed at anyone else, they would have groveled before her and given in to anything she desired. He might have too, if circumstances were different.

At times like these, it is hard to believe she’s an angel, he thought with a grim smile. But his lover was, indeed, an angel. A radiant, gorgeous angel, with soft, creamy fur spotted with orange, downy wings streaked with the same color, and a fluffy tail with orange bands that was swishing back and forth from her irritation. Ruby eyes gave him the most scornful look she could muster, and he could swear her halo was glowing bright enough to blind someone... Yes, she was an Angel, and she was pissed off.

“Why do you have to go to Earth?” She snapped, and gave him a look as though it was his choice. “They’ve already sent others, and there are others still they could send! Why you?”

The Angel knew from the moment he got the news that his lover would be upset. There was no avoiding it, but he had hoped for a few moments that she might have been understanding. He spoke in a calm voice, trying to sooth her.“Love, this isn’t my decis-“

She wouldn’t have it, and cut him off. “As if they had to convince you!” The other Angel started pacing before him, casting her love glares out of the corner of her eyes. “We both know you’ve been wanting to go. You want to see what it’s like down there. See what draws our kin there...Damn your curiosity! Damn the higher ups, and damn this dumbass idea of sending you away!”

He knew she was only upset and was only venting, but he still winced at her un-angelic behavior. Anyone who didn’t know her would be amazed at how the female kept her wings. The Angel knew, though, just how good his lover could be. She just had an exceptionally... “gruff” personality, and was strong willed. That was part of what drew him to her, just as his patience and the calm that seemed to radiate off the Angel drew her to him. Opposites drawn together, balancing each other out.

So, as he always did when she got like this, the Angel waited silently as his lover ranted, berating him for letting those in charge use his eagerness to see the unknown to do something stupid, cursing everyone and everything she could possibly think of, and beating her wings and thrashing in frustration. It wasn’t a while before she finally ran out of breath that she calmed, having to pause to catch her breath. His lover looked the Angel over with still-smoldering eyes before finally growling, “Are you sure you have to go? They could always send someone else.”

The Angel nodded and she deflated at last; the fire in her eyes died out and her halo dulled to a faint glow. The light colored Angel bowed her head, knowing as much as she didn’t want it to happen, there would be no arguments over it. He knew how weak, useless this would make her feel, and he wanted to comfort her. So he moved towards close to her and leaned down to nuzzle her throat, and it was so hard to keep from smiling as he heard the sound of purring greeted his ears.

I’m going to hate letting her go, the Angel thought, as he coerced her into lying down in a more comfortable spot so they could lay close together. Everything she had said about him wanting to go to Earth was true; he was curious, and he wanted to see what it was like, but it was more than that. So many Dustlings and other creatures had gone from the skies to the little blue and green planet, and so many were alone and needed help. He could feel it, and the Angel was certain his lover could too. That was why he wanted to go to Earth, more than his inquisitiveness, and she knew that. That was the only thing that kept her from barging up to the higher angels and telling them they couldn’t take him away from her.

After an undeterminable time of just lying with her, basking in her presence, the Angel whispered “We don’t have to be apart, love. We can go down together.”

The look she gave him when she turned her head to him answered his question before she spoke. “You know how I feel... We don’t know what it’s like there, and why should we go when life is already wonderful here? Besides... We wouldn’t necessarily fall in the same place. Who knows how far apart we might be.”

Her voice was weaker as she said those words, as if her belief behind them was weaker than usual. The Angel thought he might know what was going on in her mind, but couldn’t be certain. He knew though, that she hated the thought of being separated as much as he.

“We would find each other, no matter how far away we are,” he whispered against her cheek, grooming a bit of her soft fur. “If you stay here, I’ll never be able to reach you. Y-you have no idea... How that makes my heart ache.”

“I do,” she said fervently, and the look in his eyes told him she did. They also told him of her reluctance, and no matter how much he talked about it now, she wouldn’t be ready to go. Not before he had to leave, at least. The Angel sighed and closed his own eyes, and touched his beak to her’s. “When you’re ready... I will find you. No matter where you are, I will find you.”

The Angel didn’t hear her say anything, but he felt her shivering body and the nod of her against his throat. It was all that he could hope for, so he remained quiet after that, wanting to enjoy the time he had left with his radiant lover, his own Angel, for what could be the last time.

I will find you, he promised silently. No matter what, I will find you...

~*~*~*~*~

Fenris eyes cracked open, and for a moment he wondered why he felt something poking into his underbelly. Then he remembered that he had gone to sleep on the roof, and that those were shingles digging into him. Grunting, the Angelic Dustling sat up and stretched the stiffness in his body from sleeping in the uncomfortable spot as he took in his surroundings.

It was still dark, and Fenris was fairly certain the sun wouldn’t be rising for another few hours. Over the past couple of weeks, he’d been waking up at ungodly hours, before anyone else in the household would wake up. Well, everyone except the resident Demoness... He’d been watching her for a while now, and knew Toril usually awoke around this time, if she had even gone to sleep. It seemed that she was having insomnia problems, too.

Speak of the Devil and she appears, Fenris thought as he looked towards the barn, and saw the dark form of Toril silently stalking from the barn’s entrance. From his position on the roof, he could tell that Toril was as aggravated as she usually was; her movements were tense and stiff, as if she was holding herself back from tearing into something at any moment. Her body also seemed to... twitch, for lack of a better word. Her tail was constantly thrashing about, and she just never seemed to stop moving. Fenris wondered what made her squirm so.

He watched her pace around the yard for a few minutes and stress, as though she were working out the kinks from tired muscles, before her wings fanned out and started to beat at the air around her. Before he could blink, she was in the sky above the house, soaring eastwards like an overgrown bat. Fenris vaguely wondered if Toril saw him before settling back on the roof, trying to find a way to lay on the shingles.

A month ago, the Angel would have followed the female to see what she was up to. Indeed, he had followed her, under a pretense of ‘making sure she caused no one trouble’, though Fenris had long ago come to the conclusion that Toril wasn’t a danger to anyone but herself... As long as everyone kept their distance. Though he wouldn’t admit it out loud, it was more likely that the Angel was just curious. The Demoness intrigued him for some reason, and it wasn’t just because she was evil incarnate.

So he had followed Toril on one of her late night flights a few weeks back, being careful not to make her aware of his presence. It had taken a bit over an hour before she landed somewhere in the desert, and he remained in the sky, high above her and out of sight in the dark sky. For hours he watched as Toril merely sat there, staring up to the stars. Though he couldn’t make out her facial features from that height, Fenris had a nagging suspicion that the Demoness was crying. He didn’t know why he felt that, or what Toril could possibly have to cry over. Still, the thought couldn’t be driven from his mind. Not even as the sun began its ascent into the sky and he finally headed home, leaving Toril to whatever she may do.

Toril came home before sunset that day, looking weary and irate at once, and went directly to her roost in the barn. And late in the night, after what Fenris thought couldn’t possibly be enough time to get any rest, she took off again. The Angel followed her once again, and would again next night, and all the nights after for over two weeks. Her destination never varied, though how she could tell one patch of desert from another or how he even realized it was the same spot was beyond his comprehension. And always she was looking towards the sky, as if trying to discern some secret message the stars withheld.

Fenris would follow, and he would watch, and every time he got near the spot, the more he felt he’d been there before he’d started trailing the Demoness. It wasn’t immediate, but with every time he came near Toril’s place the familiarity grew and grew, until he was practically beating himself over the head trying to remember when he’d been in this part of the desert. It finally hit him a few days ago.

Fenris had witnessed many stardusts fall from the heavens- it was far from an unusual sight in this desert. However, there was one that had been very unusual, and the memory of it would always remain in his mind...

Watching from a distance, the fiery furred Angel who would be called Fenris witnessed another star cross a darkened sky, and knew that another Dustling was to come into this place. He had long ago gotten a sense of when another life came from above, though he didn’t have a way to explain it. He just knew, and he couldn’t fight the grin that came to his beak. So much life from such a small, insubstantial thing amazed him, no matter how many times he was witness to it.

But as he sensed this new life coming closer and closer to the ground, another sensation filled him... A hollow ache started to fill his chest, and gradually started to spread. As it spread, the ache grew sharper and more painful until it felt like he was being torn apart by a thousand fiendish creatures. The strength left his legs and he collapsed into the sand, writhing about like a dying snake. At the same time, sorrow... Sadness, loneliness as the Angel had never felt in his life overtook him, nearly drowning him in it. For a few seconds, he thought he was dying.

As fast as these sensations had engulfed him they started to dull, and the Angel was able to breath again. Slowly he rose, and slowly he started walking. Walking turned to trotting, and trotting turned to full blown running. He was blind to his surroundings, to which direction he was running in, everything. All there was were those horrible, powerful feelings, and going to it’s source before it faded into nothing.

It was hours before the Angel reached it, his feet sore and his body shrieking from exhaustion, though the sun was still far from rising. Only a little stardust pile was before him, as dark as the sky above and spotted orange. Weary eyes barely made out a faint silver pattern in the dust, but they were not so weary not to see the bright, orange horn that stuck up from the dust. He’d seen few other dust piles like this, and knew it was Demonic.

Perhaps that explains what I felt, he rationalized, though he could just barely sense it now. He bent low to sniff at it and just barely came into contact with it. Before he realized what happened, he was convulsing on the ground for the second time that evening, tears streaking from his red and gold eyes.

He felt... sensed something else, though, in the midst of the pain. He wasn’t sure he could even describe it, but it felt... So perfect. Like it he’d found a missing part of himself, yet so different, and horrible and beautiful... It was a sensory overload, and the Angel blacked out for a little while.

When he came to his senses again, he didn’t think he could have been out for more than a few minutes. He crawled away from the little pile of stardust, the unformed Demon, and once he was a few feet away, he looked at it with fear and curiosity. What... What is that thing? he wondered, circling around it cautiously. Whatever he felt when he touched it was no longer palpable from a distance... The fur on the back of the Angel’s neck stood on the back of his neck at the thought of what happened. What kind of creature could inspire such emotions?

To his own shame, he was too frightened of this unborn thing to find out. Despite how tired he was, the Angel took to the air and started flying away, wanting to avoid this place for as long as he could... He would hate himself for this later, he just knew it...

“I notice you haven’t been following me, Angel... Finally learned it’s not nice to spy on a girl?”

Fenris was jerked from his reminiscing over his past cowardice at that soft, malicious voice. He spun around to find Toril standing behind him, a smile too calm on her face for the tone she used... Or for the flames in her bloody, ruby red eyes. He wondered how long she’d been standing behind him, watching him in silence.

“Or,” she whispered, in a voice sharp as talons piercing flesh, “are you devising new ways to track my every move?”

Toril took a step toward Fenris, and he backed up out of instinct. As his eyes rove over the menacing Demoness in front of him, he couldn’t help but think of a few things: the first was that in this moment, the female looked like an avenging angel, ready to strike down those who had wronged her. Unfortunately, he told himself next, was that he was the transgressor. Well, Fenris thought grimly, Life hasn’t been too bad.

 

[Aradia]

Part 3

It is pleasing to be the stalker instead of the stalked. Toril had come to this conclusion after silently landing on the roof just a few feet behind Fenris and watching him. She might have stood there for hours without him noticing her, he seemed so distracted. This particular Demoness didn’t have that kind of patience, though, and wanted to see the look on the Angel’s face when he realized she’d been practically breathing down his neck.

Not quite what I expected, Toril thought with a little disappointment. She had thought that Fenris, the proud, controlled creature that he appeared to be, would have been embarrassed over being caught unaware, or a little agitated. But no, he had just turned around and looked at her. Sure, he’d backed up a little, but he didn’t seem even shocked by her appearance. As usual, he was just looking her over with that thoughtful look in his eyes. Man... Can’t I at least get a little surprised cursing out of him?

Still, she wouldn’t let that upset her. She had finally gotten the drop on this infuriating Angel, and she refused to let the chance to agitate him over it. Moving around him slowly, with the grace of a predator on the prowl, Toril spoke again, her voice soft and dripping venom. “You haven’t answered my question yet, Fenris. It’s impolite to keep someone waiting.”

He tilted his head towards her slightly, most likely to keep the Demoness in his sights as she got to his back, but otherwise remained still. To Toril’s shock, Fenris gave her a slight, sly smile, something she had never witnessed. “I was just wondering why you would get upset when I’m not tracking your every movement,” he said in his quiet, strong voice. “Before that.. I was just remembering things.”

“And what were you reminiscing over, my fiery little Angel?” Toril shot at him, jumping upon his last words. She completely ignored his first comment- she wasn’t sure she could say why did it herself. “Something gut-wrenchingly sweet? Fond memories of protecting the world’s Dustlings from dastardly Demons?” Her questions came out in a soft purr, saturated in sarcasm. The Demoness couldn’t hold back a grin at the slight irritation that entered his expression- a narrowing of eyes and the smallest of frowns was the most she ever got out of the ever-composed male, and Toril would enjoy it to the fullest.

“No... Nothing like that, Toril,” Fenris said, his tone still smooth and lacking even a note of agitation, to Toril’s ire, and leaving her a little unnerved; she couldn’t remember the Angel ever referring to her by her name before. He turned then to face her, eyes of fire and molten gold meeting her jeweled ones. She felt her heart skip a beat or two, and she wasn’t entirely sure she was still breathing.

Never, as far as Toril could recall, had they ever looked directly into each other’s eyes. In those shining depths, Toril saw something.... Something old, and tired, and something so familiar she could almost touch it, and yet it was beyond her mind’s grasp. It was beautiful, and at the same time it felt as if someone was gripping at her heart and trying to wrench it out. She wanted to claw his gorgeous eyes out to make these feelings stop.

When Fenris finally tore his gaze from her, Toril nearly sagged with relief. What is with this Angel? He’s not normal, she told herself, just as he started speaking again. His voice was perhaps a little more gruff than before. Had he felt whatever had come over her in their stare? Toril didn’t have time to think about it as she listened to him.

“That spot you go to... That’s what I was remembering,” he whispered, staring out over the treetops, avoiding looking at her now. “I saw a dust pile land in that same spot some time ago. A very unusual one at that... I was wondering about what kind of child was born from it. How it would live, how it would survive... Who it would grow up to be.”

He stopped then and, for what seemed an eternity to Toril, just stood at the roof’s edge, staring off into space. The female wasn’t certain what was worse- the frustration that he had stopped talking as he’d drawn her deep into his words, or the dread over what he might say next. It wasn’t really that long though before he turned his head towards her, though not trying to catch her eye again. The night seemed to go silent then, as if in anticipation, wanting to catch his every word, and it made the Demoness’ stomach clench. “So...” he said softly, reluctance to continue obvious in his voice, but he would forge on. “Could you tell me... How you grew up?”

She’d had a feeling that this was coming, but still it left her stunned. Toril had no idea why she was drawn to that spot. But it seemed that, in times of stress, that was where she went to. It comforted her for some reason, and it was lately the only place where dreams didn’t plague her. How could she know if she’d been born there, or if she was of the dust pile he spoke of. She didn’t possibly know how to respond.

For a moment, that is. Then her anger rose up, warm and acidic in her throat, and came out in an angry snarl. “Who the hell do you think you are, Angel?! Asking me how I grew up just because you think I’m some poor little babe you left in desert and feel guilty?” He seemed like he was about object, but she cut him off, growling sharply, “I’ve watched you as much as you’ve watched me. You wouldn’t be thinking so hard about this unless you felt you had done something wrong... And I’m almost choking on the guilt coming off of you.”

Fenris shut his beak, knowing he couldn’t argue on it. He seemed so stoic, so strong, yet Toril was starting to see the insecurity under the cool exterior. Anything he could get involved with, anything where he could circumvent another’s suffering in and he did nothing, Toril realized he would not let himself live it down. He would feel as if he were the source of it all, even if it couldn’t have been helped.

Pathetic, Toril thought, though she didn’t let herself dwell on how she wasn’t much better, letting guilt over pain she had or could cause turn her into a quivering mess. She moved toward him, hissing “Get over it, fool. You don’t know if I was that dust pile. And if I am, why should you care? Everyday dust piles fall from the heavens... Do you feel bad for not staying with them, not bringing them up or finding them good humans and good homes to dwell in? Why should I matter? One little one out of hundreds of others?”

Her voice had gone soft by the end of her rant, and she realized that she’d been making him back up, right up to the edge of the roof, and that she was only a breath away from his chest-fur. Fenris was just barely able to sit in the spot he occupied, his tail hanging over the side and his rump about half-way. Toril wondered for a moment how that happened. He kept his eyes away from her face- just above it, actually, and she realized she wasn’t looking at his directly either, more at the underside of his beak. Alright, he’s not the only one, she admitted to herself, but she wouldn’t stand down, and wanted him to answer her bloody question.

She watched Fenris’s chest fall as he let out a sigh, and she almost jerked back as he brought his head down to whisper in her ear, his voice quiet and beautiful and pained all at once, “I care because I never before felt such suffering come from a life that hadn’t even begun... Never felt something that touched the depths of myself as much as that pain... Except for you, when you’re tossing and turning in your nest in the night.” Toril didn’t have to look at his eyes to know that they were brimming with the guilt she’d seen earlier. “So frightening all of that hurt was it... I ran away like a coward... I won’t run away again.”

What... What in the hell is he saying? Toril thought, baffled, anxious. He was so close, but she didn’t feel the urge to hurt, to maim him as she did with most. She did want to run right then and there, though. Jump from the roof and fly away, go someplace he wouldn’t follow. At the same time, she wanted to stay... To tell him everything he wanted, to tear him apart for being an arrogant a**... Anything, as long as she didn’t leave him.

“You... Are out of you’re bloody mind,” she whispered back, deciding flying off would be better than staying to see how things would play out. Toril started jerking back, and alarm rose up in her as Fenris followed, a determined look coming upon his features. She started backpedaling faster to get away from the Angel, and ended up stumbling over her own tail, falling backwards.

Fenris dove forward, and she didn’t catch the words he said but heard the concerned tone in which he said them. She saw his face above hers, and for the second time their eyes met. The heartache returned full force at the emotion in his golden orbs, trying to kill her with sorrow. Toril was certain he felt it too this time; she could hear his breathing pick up, the shaking in his powerful limbs, as if he were weakening... She didn’t notice his head lowering until the last moment, and then it was too late before his beak brushed her face.

White pain flashed inside her head and rapidly spread through the rest of her body, like fire in running through her veins and bones. After just a few seconds Toril felt the Angel’s weight fall upon her, bringing more contact between their bodies. She wouldn’t have thought it possible, but the pain grew worse with more contact, and her attempts to get out from under him were weak and useless. Fenris wasn’t even trying to get up; Toril could feel him convulsing above her.

A wave of relief passed over her through the pain as her vision started going black around the edges. Oh thank you God, I’m going to pass out... she thought, wanting nothing more than to escape it. It had just gotten into her dulled senses that someone was screaming, and she wondered for a second whether it was her or Fenris, but just as soon realized that it was both; their voices tangled together in painful harmony.

Before Toril left the waking world, there was one last thing she had become aware of, that something was missing, but something new was there. She fought the coming darkness and pain to figure out what these things were, and it finally hit her. There was no urge to for violence against Fenris for touching her. No voice telling her how she should break him, tear him apart.

In its place was... Peace, or something close to it. Under the pain, deep inside her, Toril felt whole. As if a piece of her soul that had been missing had finally returned to her. It was wonderful, but couldn’t be fully appreciated while what felt like flames raced throughout her entire being. Weird, the Demoness thought faintly, the last thing she could think before she finally gave in to the blackness, shutting her eyes and letting everything fall away.

~*~*~*~*~

The images came in flashes, too vivid not to be real, if not in that moment, then at some other time. She didn’t know whether these memories were her’s or another’s, but they felt so familiar and were so beautiful, it didn’t seem to matter.

First came the Angels, Devadas, Thernis, and Caelestes. The female, Caelestes, is a downy white beauty spotted with soft orange, raced across the cosmos. Thernis, a golden beauty like most of their kin, chased after her, his broad chest and wings laboring from the effort. He could never catch her; he never had been fast enough and never would be, but it was a fun game to play.

Devadas, the second male, with feather-fur the colors of a flame, watched their antics. Caelestes would never see him move, but whenever she turned her head he was always within sight, sitting, watching them with laughter in his golden eyes and a quiet smile on his beak. She was certain that he could catch her with ease if he wanted, but knew he wasn’t one to play such a game. Such a shame... She would probably let him catch her, even if he couldn’t keep up.

Another image came. Caelestes and Devadas were laying near each other, watching others of their kind fall to a little green and blue planet bellow in the form of dust piles; how they kept together on their journey always amazed Caelestes, and she knew her comrade wondered what it was like down there. That was his way, after all: quiet and inquisitive, always longing to know more and see what else there was beyond this life. It was foolish, she believed, and she had told him that many times. He would simply smile at her and shake his head, telling her she would understand someday. She would roll her eyes, tell him that his wanderlust was singular to him and no other Angel, and return to watching. He was such a strange male, but if Devadas weren’t around, her life would become very lonely...

“Why are you always so jealous of Devadas and I spending time together, Thernis?”

He was starting it again. One would think after an eternity of knowing each other, the angel would be past this stage. But he always got upset when she and Devadas were together for any extended amount of time. It made no sense to her, but then again, not much thought ever seemed to go into his male’s actions.

“Because you are mine! I thought I’d made that clear!” Thernis snarled, pacing before her. “I see the way Devadas watches you, the look in his eyes... I don’t like it, and I don’t want the two of you together anymore!”

Thernis was yelling by the time his rant was done. Caelestes rolled her eyes, huffing softly. She and Devadas were friends, just as she and Thernis were- though at the moment the male was straining that tie- and she was certain she’d made that clear. Never had she seen the look the male spoke of, and had no patience for his foolishness.“I am not your’s, nor anyone else’s! Get it through your thick head?! Or does your halo’s glow sap whatever intelligence is in that narrow skull of your’s?”

The flustered look on the arrogant male’s face brought a smile to her beak. She turned her back upon him, wanting to give him some time to recover from his embarrassment before he came groveling for her forgiveness. Caelestes never thought he would pounce on her, but she let out a surprised noise when his weight fell on her, claws digging slightly into her back. He leaned his head down until it was along side her’s, and she wanted to swipe the smug grin off his face.“Looks like I’ve finally caught you, beautiful...” he hissed, rubbing his cheek up against her’s. “I told you you’re mine, and I’m going to prove it...”

Caelestes didn’t know what the other Angel had in mind, but knew she couldn’t get away from him now. While speed and agility were on her side, he was stronger, larger, and already had her pinned. It enraged her, grated upon her every nerve to be so helpless, but as much as she struggled, she couldn’t evade him. And Thernis laughed, let her go on with her futile attempts at escape, just pinning her down with his own weight and caressed her with his beak and paws. She finally wore herself out, crying and screaming hatred she’d never known had been inside herself at him, knowing escape was impossible... That she should just lay down and would just close her eyes and wait for him to do what he wanted, then get the hell away... Then figure out a way to return all that pain back to him...

Caelestes then heard a low growl and thought it was Thernis, finally ready to get on with whatever he had planned. She felt him move his head and look behind him, and had started to snarl at something, but before he could get the words out, something violently jerked the angel off of her. As soon as she was free of Thernis’s weight the angel scrambled to her feet, looking around frantically for the male.

Bloody hell... Caelestes’s eyes widened at the sight that met her eyes just a few feet away. Thernis was trapped on his back beneath another Angel, wings splayed in an awkward position beneath him, and Caelestes couldn’t help but thinking that the right one might be broken. Blood from a deep gash on the back of his neck was soaking his golden fur. His stomach and chest had slashes she could see through the thinner fur, though they weren’t as deep as the one on his neck. He was still struggling, but it had been over before he’d even had a chance to fight back. Her gaze trailed up from the claws still buried in her former friend’s chest, up the powerful forelegs, covered in orange-gold fur, past the broad chest and then the blood-stained beak, and was caught by familiar, golden-red eyes, shining with rage.

“Devadas?” she called weakly, not really believing it was him, but somehow it was. He looked so different, towering over Thernis like a wronged God, wings spread to their fullest in his wrath, and his halo shone bright enough to make her eyes start watering again... The Angel that stood before her resembled her friend in body, but everything else... They were all alien to the male she’d known through her existence. The Angel towering over her attacker wasn’t the quiet, patient watcher; strong, but confident in himself that he didn’t flaunt it as so many others did. No, this was an entirely different entity: hateful, violent, ready to use all the power he possessed to tear apart those who had wronged him. What frightened her most, though, was how beautiful he looked in this moment. He was terrifying, but still the most radiant creature she would ever see. Devadas made the stars seem dead in comparison.

The angry Angel turned his head to look at Caelestes, and the female trembled, afraid to have that scourging gaze upon her, but remaining still. As their eyes met, she saw the fires of rage wash out, to replaced by other things: betrayal, concern, sorrow, and much, much more. The anger was still there, but none of was directed at her, and it, along with everything else she found in his golden depths, was overpowered by love. Love rose from the deepest parts of his soul, singing to her, covering her like a balm to drive away the horror of what she’d just been through.. Thernis was right... How had she never seen it, felt it coming off him? Was she blind?

She didn’t see him move off of Thernis, and before Caelestes knew it Devadas was pressed against the side of her body, draping one of his large wings over her, and her face was pressed into the side of his neck. After what she had been through with the other Angel, she would have thought something like this would terrify her, but... Devadas had different intentions than Thernis, and... Well, everything was different about this contact.

There was silence between them for only a moment, before Caelestes felt him start to quake, as if all the strength that had been in him when he’d pulled their friend off of her was fading, and he wouldn’t be able to hold himself up much longer. So she helped guide him down, until they lay side by side. He began whispering to her, begging her to forgive him for not coming sooner, that he wished he had stopped Thernis from hurting her. Devadas asked her to forgive him for losing frightening her, for losing control of his emotions... For not letting her know how he felt. His voice cracked as he kept on, and Caelestes felt the tears drop onto her head, her heart breaking a little more with every drop.

Guilt. He felt so guilty over not being a good protector for her, though she never asked for it. He didn’t say it exactly, but he wanted to be everything for her, and was tearing himself apart that he wasn’t, when Caelestes had needed him most. At any other time, any other place, this would have angered her more than anything else. She would have taken it as his trying to make a claim on her, that Devadas was saying she was his, just as Thernis had done.

Caelestes knew better now, though; he loved her, had probably loved her since the beginning of time, and she thought that, maybe, he’d love her until the end of time. Despite or because of it, Devadas would be the last one to lay claim to her, to try and keep her all for himself. The last to try and take away her freedom.

What was the thing that really got her, though? She was fairly certain she loved him back just as much. It only took me forever to realize it, Caelestes thought, smiling slightly to herself.

The female Angel pressed her head into Devadas’s neck and breathed his scent in deeply, as if taking in air for the first time after coming back up from water. Softly, only loud enough for him to hear, she whispered, “Never... Never ask for my forgiveness again.” She resisted the urge to chuckle at the stiffening of muscles beneath his flesh and fur, and quickly continued, “Nothing you do will ever be wrong, Devadas. Not in my eyes.”

His body remained tense for a few moments, and Caelestes wondered in he understood. Finally, he relaxed into her, and seemed to start breathing again. When he started crying this time, she joined him. For being divine beings, she decided they were pretty foolish.

Thernis’s movements went unnoticed. He was gone when Caelestes and Devadas finally pulled apart, but he didn’t seem to matter anymore. Nothing but the two of them did. After that time, as far as she was concerned, Thernis did not exist.

Everything image that came after that seemed to be in fast forward and slow motion at once, somehow. Images of Caelestes and Devadas running through the Heavens, taking turns chasing each other- Caelestes catching Devadas more than the other way around, though the female Angel was certain he was just letting her do it. Flashes of the pair arguing over trivial things, testing their wit against each other. Coming together afterwards, whether it was a serious argument or not, to apologize, and to just experience each other... She was often more prone to anger than he, and could sit there patiently and let her fume and wind down, taking whatever abuse she threw at him. Caelestes tried her best not to take advantage of that, but still... Devadas always understood... And he would always be there...

Then, that horrible moment came. The moment Devadas told her he was being sent to the Earth, and there was nothing they could do to stop it. Caelestes knew how curious he was about the little planet where all their other kin went, and knew he wasn’t truly upset about being sent away. It was that he was being sent away from her that caused him pain. He begged her to join him, to follow him to the planet. But Caelestes, foolish, foolish Caelestes, was scared. This was the only existence she’d ever known, and wasn’t ready to give it up. She hated herself for being a coward, and couldn’t blame Devadas one bit... She wanted to beg him to forgive her, but before she could ask him, he told her, as if almost certain that she’d some day go the way he did, he would find her... She could almost believe him. Maybe, just maybe, she did.

Right before he left, Devadas came to her one last time. His fur was sticking out in all directions, and there was a haunted look in his eyes that horrified her, and she rushed to him, wanting to know what happened so she could make that look go away. They had so little time left together, Caelestes didn’t want it marred by anything... But Devadas refused to tell her, telling her he only wanted them to lay beside each other one more time... To be whole one last time before he was torn apart. How could she refuse him something that she yearned for as well?

So for what seemed like eternity, they nestled together in a comfortable silence. She didn’t dwell on the future that was to come- only upon that precious moment, on his warm, fiery colored fur, on his deep breaths... On the wonderful, beautiful completeness that was always there between them. The female grew sleepy before long, and just as she was about to close her eyes, Devadas started speaking. It was more soft than usual, as if he didn’t even want the stars to hear him. “Cael... When you wake up again, I’m going to be gone... Please, no matter what happens after, stay free. Don’t let anyone try to bind you into anything you don’t want... Not even me.” He paused, and she could imagine the cogs in his head turning as he thought over what to say next. “I... I’ll always love you, Caelestes... No matter where our paths lead, I’ll find you... I’ll come back to you.”

“I promise... Always free,” she whispered back, nuzzling his throat. It was a struggle not to fall asleep. “And I’ll always love you... Please... Come back to me, soon... I don’t want to be alone forever...” With those last words, she closed her eyes, catching her lovers sad, jeweled eyes one last time.

As he said, was gone before Caelestes woke again, as if he’d never been a part of the heavens. But Caelestes knew he had been- there was an emptiness in her now. It seemed run through her whole body; her chest, her head, her bones, everything... She wanted to jump to the little planet right then and there, to find him and end it.... But, she was still afraid. What if she never found her Devadas? Or he didn’t remember her, or she him? Or... What if he did... And he chose another of their kind, one that had already fallen? Caelestes wouldn’t be able to take that... She would wait, if she would do it at all....

Caelestes never had a choice in the matter of going to the planet. Other Angels came upon her, and told her that Devadas had done something horrible before going. It seemed that they went over what his crime was, but she didn’t absorb it. None of the Angel’s names would come to her, and it seemed that there was one missing... What did matter though, was that if Devadas would be punished if he some how did return. He would suffer, they would see to it. Caelestes couldn’t believe he would have done anything wrong... And if he had, he must have had a reason. She wouldn’t let him suffer, and told them that. Told them that she would take on the punishment, so that Devadas might be spared... She did it without thought, and would have done it a thousand times again, or so she thought.

Then the pain came... It was so horrible, the pain she felt at Devadas’s lose times a million... How she wished it would just end, that she would simply die just to escape it... And she blamed it all upon Devadas. Every last ounce of suffering Caelestes experienced, she placed upon his head. She hated him for it, for whatever he did for this to be happening. How could he abandon her to this?

Then the pain ended, and in its place was feeling of being insubstantial, of falling, and she had no idea what was happening... Later, she knew not how much, she sensed that she had landed somewhere. The surface around her was about as stable as she was, and she couldn’t move. Caelestes did not know what was happening for a while, until it finally hit her what had happened. She was on Earth, the desert where all those others of her kind fell. Where HE was. Her fear and anger rose, now knowing that she was nothing more than a pile of Dust, waiting to rise from it in a new form. Would she remember what had happened in her old life? Or with a new body come a blank slate, waiting to be filled with new memories, new heartaches, new pains?

No. She could not forget the grievances against her. What her beautiful angel had made her suffer. What everything could do if she let them get close to her heart, her soul. There had to be revenge. He would suffer. For the love of dead deities, if it took her eternity, she would find him. Rend his fiery beauty apart piece by piece. Make him feel what she had ten fold.

I will find you, her mind whispered harshly, a vow she would clamp onto, from the end of this life into her next one.

~*~*~*~*~

“Toril.. Toril, are you ok? Toril? Please wake up...”

The Demoness grunted softly, something pulling her from unconsciousness. She noticed her position had changed so that she was laying on her stomach, Fenris’s warm weight no longer upon her, and she almost mourned its lose. Her head rested upon something soft-yet-hard, and she felt something small and warm stroking her between her horns and down her neck, slow and soothing. Toril reflexively pushed into the touch, wanting any affection she could manage. The pain was gone, but she felt empty now... The piece of her soul that had been returned to her was gone again, and now that she knew it was missing, it hurt almost as much as the other pain had. God... Will I ever get a reprieve from pain?

There were voices around her, and she could sense their anxious movements. It seemed she needed all her strength to open her eyes... And was met with the human, Katie’s face. The human let out a huge sigh of relief and leaned down so she could wrap her arms around Toril’s neck, carefully, so as to not hurt the Demoness. It took her only a few moments to realize three things: one, that it was still dark, so she couldn’t have been out long. Two, several of the winged Dustlings were with Katie on the roof- she could make Kass’s dark form out as he tried to peek around the female human. Three, if... Fenris was still on the roof, she was going to kill that b*****d.

Devadas... Fenris... One in the same, Toril snarled to herself, and started to squirm from the human’s grasp. All of the dreams she’d had, the ones that woke her up in the middle of the night, cold and frightened and aching... They’d been real, and they’d been about him. It was his fault... Not being able to touch others, the outbursts, the rage... It was all him.

Katie finally let go of her, and was saying something Toril couldn’t make out. Kass was talking too, but his words fell on deaf ears too as she searched the roof wildly, finding Fenris a few feet away with Vellir nudging him in the shoulder, trying to wake the still unconscious Dustling. “Wake him up,” she hissed at the clan matron, making Vellir jerk her head in Toril’s direction. Normally, the Demoness would flinch whenever she saw Vellir’s eyes; all the hurt from Caiden’s departure shown in those emerald orbs, and Toril couldn’t help but feel responsible...

Tonight, though, there would be no agonizing over the feelings of others. She had been wronged, and finally had the culprit before her.

Vellir cast a glance between Fenris and Toril, looking unsure of whether she should listen to the other female or tell her to go jump off the roof. In a calm, cold voice, the yellow female said, “Toril, perhaps you should tell me what happened before I-“

“NO!” She shouted, shocking all the roof’s occupants, the human a little more than the others since she didn’t understand. “I will not talk about it! Wake that son of a b***h up now! I want him wide awake when I kick his-“

“Caelestes?”

That name stopped her cold. The Demoness looked at Fenris, at his golden-red eyes. How did he remain the same? Why do I look nothing like I used to? Toril thought harshly, but she still watched his eyes. There was some recognition in them, but after a second she was certain that it was only the sound of her voice that brought it on. The Angel looked so confused, and she wondered if he’d seen all the same things she had... If he remembered what the hell he’d done for this to happen to her.

I’ll make him remember, she growled to herself, though she had no clue how. “No,” Toril whispered, approaching him slowly. He didn’t try to get away, just watching her from his spot on the roof. “Not her... She’s doesn’t exist any more, and it’s you’re damn fault, you son of a Serpent whore!”

“Toril!” Kass cried, finally reaching her ears. She knew this was his first time hearing such words come from her, and it had to be shocking. “Toril, please, calm down...Whatever he’s done, we’ll take care of it. Just don’t do anything you’ll regret.”

Oh, but I won’t regret this, Toril thought to herself, but she quickly rethought that, looking around... There were so many others to watch her, should she do something to the male Angel, and she just knew there were more on the ground surrounding the house, concerned over what was happening on the roof. It would be a bad idea to do something now...

She looked at Fenris again, and felt a twinge of something. She didn’t know what it was this time, but she was certain it didn’t come from her. He looks pathetic, just lying there... Toril thought, wondering again what the hell he had dreamed of. His expression was a mix of horror and confusion, and he looked at her as if she’d grown a second head... Taking care of him now would be far too easy. She wanted him to fight back.

That’s right... I want a challenge... she told herself, ignoring the queasy feeling that rose into her stomach. She wouldn’t let herself think on it much more than that.

Growling softly at Fenris, she hissed, “Later... We’ll finish this later, Angel...” After that, she didn’t wait for anyone to stop her. Spreading her wings, she took a running leap from the roof. Her leathery wings beat at the night sky, covering up the shouts behind her. Toril had a feeling they wouldn’t follow, not really knowing why, but it was simply knowing it was the truth. So, she closed her eyes and let her senses and powerful wings guide her to her destination. Her body knew the way she was going, if nothing else.

It looks like I’ve found you, “love”... the Demoness thought, a dark smile upon her beak as she traveled across the night sky. I can’t wait to show you how I feel.

 

[Aradia]

Part 4

Three months. That was how long it had been since Toril took off. Neither hide nor hair had been seen of the Demoness in all that time. She hadn’t returned home, and her nest in the barn had been undisturbed since the last time she had rested there - no one else but Toril and Katie went up into the upper level of the barn, and Katie only went up to change the blankets.

Rumors abounded as to why she had left, and why she hadn’t returned. Some said that one of them, either Toril or Fenris or both, had given into their natural animosity for the other species and had tried to kill the other. Others thought that Fenris had tried to drive Toril off, or vice versa. A small number thought that Fenris had tried- and failed- to flirt with the Demoness, just like Caiden had, and she had gone skitzo and the Angel was just lucky he hadn’t been pushed off that roof. Not many agreed with that last theory, nor on the others, but most of the resident creatures agreed on two things: First, that the resident Demoness and Angel got into some sort of fight. Second, Fenris wasn’t about to tell anyone a damn thing about what happened that night.

Three months. That was how long it had been since the revelations of that spring night. Three months, and Fenris was still as confused about what had happened as he’d been that night.

Devadas... Caelestes... Toril... Thoughts of all of these beings and all that he’d remembered that night swirled about in his head like whirlpools; they drew him down further and further into their depths, the threat of drowning in them always imminent.

Devadas. Once upon a time, that had been him, hadn’t it? There could be no mistaking it, but it was hard to believe. Memories of that life, before he’d been born into this one, seemed so close that they could have happened yesterday, and yet so far away and alien that someone else had lived it.

That was the case, in truth- Devadas was an entirely different Angel than Fenris. Similar, yes, and there was no mistaking the resemblance between his past incarnation and this one. However, there was a different feel to Devadas. A lacking of the weariness that Fenris felt, a spark for life that had left him between that time and this one. And then there was a certain wholeness that the other Angel had, one that Fenris had never felt in the past- not even a twinge in the smallest part of his soul- that had become more obvious since that time, like someone had hollowed him out on the inside. Saying it was unpleasant would be a gross understatement.

Then there was Caelestes and Toril. That pair confused him more than his own past life. The memories of Caelestes filled Fenris with emotions he couldn’t describe, gave him a longing he’d never felt before... She had been a divine beauty; radiant, graceful, strong of will and body, with a vitality that Fenris nor Devadas ever had, and he knew never would. That he, in any lifetime, had the chance to love and be loved by an Angel such as her amazed and humbled him.

Toril was another story. The Demoness was mentally unstable, secretive, stubborn, short tempered, hostile, a danger to herself and others- the former more than the latter, in his opinion- and that wasn’t even the beginning of it! With few exceptions, she was one of the most dysfunctional members of the clan. Not to mention the fact that she was a DEMON. Sure, she had a certain spunk to her, but she was still a vicious thing more often than not.

So how could Caelestes and Toril be the same?

That was a question that bothered him to no end. How could Caelestes have become a demon- a demon like Toril, nonetheless? Things were missing from the memories of Devadas’ existence, Fenris felt it, and he had no idea how it could have happened. He recalled Cael- Cael, that was what he called her- had had a problem with authority figures. It was something he reluctantly admitted Toril shared with the Angel, though that was probably just a coincidence. However, he didn’t think that she would have done anything worth such a punishment from the higher powers. Nor what could have happened to cause the changes of her personality. That, and her overall appearance was a far cry from the luminescent beauty he remembered. He just couldn’t see how they could be the same female.

Then why did she have those memories? Why did that happen to BOTH of us, if she isn’t... No. No, it has to be coincidence. It has to be... Fenris wished fervently, not wanting anymore complication to his life, no more thoughts of Toril invading his mind... Just peace and quiet, and to make that emptiness in his gut to go away... And figure out why it was suddenly darker out than it had been seconds ago-

“Remembering again, Angel? Just how often do you do that?”

Fenris jerked himself out of his thoughts and into the present, focusing on the owner of that sharp, unforgiving voice. Toril, the source of all his turmoil, was just touching down onto the grass, with the late-afternoon sun at her back like a blinding aura that hurt his eyes. The dark-furred Demoness looked no worse for wear than the last time he’d seen her. Perhaps there was an extra tension in her muscles, a harder glint to her ruby eyes. Still, she looked the same as when she’d taken off into the night those months ago- beautiful and angry at him.

Beautiful? Where did that come from? Fenris wondered to himself, astounded that such a thought even entered his mind. Shaking off the shock, he rose to his feet and gave her a guarded look. “I seem to do it more and more as of late, Demon... Might I ask what’s brought you back here?”

He noticed Toril flinch a little when he called her Demon. Normally, if they ever spoke, he always referred to her by her name. It was rare if he ever called someone by their species- he thought it more polite to use their name. He wasn’t entirely sure why he did it. Perhaps it was only to get a reaction from her. If that was the case, her flinch was all she’d give him; she was back to her original ill tempered self.

She glared in silence at him for several moments. Fenris wondered if she was just going to stand there and watch him forever, before she finally turned her back on the Angel. Her leathery wings fanned out and, just before she took to the sky again, she barked a harsh “Follow me” over her shoulder. Then she was off, orange wings slicing at the air as the Demoness headed towards the east.

Fenris contemplated whether or not he should follow her for one whole second before spreading his wings and taking off. He wanted to talk with Toril, ask what she had experienced that night. Perhaps it would clear up a few things, show him that she really wasn’t his lover from another life, that it was an impossibility. And, though this wasn’t something he’d consciously admit, the Angel was curious about what she wanted.

For hours he tailed after the Demoness. She was fairly easy to spot in the afternoon sky- her black and orange coloring wasn’t conducive to camouflage, something he supposed she had taken into consideration. Though when the sun started dipping beneath the skyline, and the sky was changing from blue to pink and orange, he started wondering just how long it would be before he lost sight of her to the darkening sky.

His worries were unfounded, though, as suddenly he spotted an oasis in the distance, a lush spot of trees and grasses around a small water source in the middle of nowhere. Toril’s started to slowly glide down toward it, dropping altitudes until she touched down gracefully near the water’s edge. He landed a few feet away from her shortly after, happy to finally rest. It had been months since he’d gone on such a flight, and his muscles weren’t entirely used to it.

Toril seemed hardly winded by the excursion, however, and was taking a drink of water. Taking it as a sign that he could do the same, he leaned down and drank. It cooled him down and refreshed him, and he took notice that there were actually fish darting about on the far side. This place is nice... I wonder how Toril found it.

When his thirst was quenched Fenris looked up to find Toril staring at him. He couldn’t discern what she was thinking from her face, though he guessed any thoughts of him were anything but pleasant. He cleared his throat, finally going to ask why she had led him here, but she cut him off.

“I grew up here,” Toril said softly, giving Fenris a look that dared him to speak now. He said nothing, though a feeling in his stomach told him that this wasn’t going to end well. She smiled unkindly at him and continued. “It’s not where I was born, no... That’s a bit closer to town than this... I believe we’re both familiar with that spot?

“I remember when I first rose from the dust. I was alone, and it was a very cold night. I was shivering beneath my thin little feathers. Amazing I even made it through that first evening... By morning, when things finally started warming up, I was getting hungry. So I set out on my wobbly, short little legs to try and find some food... Wish I’d headed west and towards the town. Instead, I headed east, toward nothing but sand and heat and nothing.”

Her voice had grown louder as she’d continued, more bitter, and now she was pacing before Fenris. Dark claws tore into the grass in agitation, and that horrible feeling in the Angel’s stomach grew worse. By now he’d identified it as dread mixed in with an equal amount of guilt. She may not be Caelestes reincarnated, but she certainly was the dustpile he’d run from all that time ago. I left it out in the desert, and she suffered.

But her tale wasn’t done. “For days I wandered, hungry and thirsty, without a clue what was going on or why this was happening. It’s a good thing dustlings are resilient, or I’d probably have been a scavenger’s snack... Even as scrawny as I was.” She laughed a little there, but it was angry, bitter laughter that made his skin crawl. After she was done, she looked towards the sky, a neutral look on her face as she went on. “It was pure luck that I happened to find this place before I died of dehydration or starvation. I suppose some god must have been smiling down upon me...

“So I found this place, this little paradise, and it saved me. I ate whatever I could get down my beak: bugs, rodents, small birds, anything I could. As I got bigger I learned to fish... I have to say, I can’t quite remember how I figured out to fly... It just happened, I guess... I do remember it was the most exhilarating experience I’d had in my young life. I felt so free, so in control...” There was the faintest of smiles on her beak then, and it faded like a flame doused in water.

“I never traveled far from here, afraid that I’d get lost and never find my way back... I was lonely, and wondered if there were any others like me, but looking for them seemed secondary to holding onto my home... I was also afraid of what others might be like, what they might do to me if I met them... So alone I stayed, free I remained... Until a little winged dustling child found his way to my home, lost on his first flight and far away from the town.”

“Kass,” Fenris whispered, knowing how Toril had come to live amongst the clan. It was one of the first questions he’d asked when he came to live there.

Toril smirked and nodded, her eyes still in their skyward gaze. “Yes. Kass... He was my first taste of companionship, my first friend... My only friend, probably.” Sighing quietly, she looked back at him, her smirk changing into a tired frown as she stepped closer. “You know how the rest of that story goes.”

Fenris nodded. Yes, he did know how the rest of the story went, though that didn’t make him feel better. He stared down at his paws for a minute, trying to figure out what he could possibly say after what she’d just shared with him. Finally, in a hoarse whisper, the Angel asked, “Why, Toril? Why did you tell me that?”

“Because you asked,” she said immediately, her voice razor-sharp with anger again as she advanced upon him. “Because you asked how the dust you abandoned grew up! Because you asked how I grew up! Do you remember, Fenris?”

“Yes. I remember,” Fenris said softly, keeping himself calm in hopes that Toril might do the same, and a little taken aback that she’d used his name. Is this why she has brought me out here? he wondered. To rage at him for leaving her to a childhood of loneliness and pain? To impress upon him the isolation of her younger days? He didn’t blame her for wanting to express it, if that was the case and it had nothing to do with what else had happened that night.

There was more, though. He felt it in his bones. However, he felt the needs to make amends for this at least. “I’m sorry for leaving you alone. Had I known what would happen, I would h-“

“Hindsight is a beautiful thing, isn’t it?” Toril snapped, the fur on the back of her neck bristling. “Thinking about the wrongs we’d right, if only we’d known. Too late now. Too late for you to change you’re abandoning me that time, or the time before. Too late to forgive you for them, either.”

Before Fenris had time to register what she’d said entirely, Toril lunged at him. He felt all that happened next before he saw it. The push of her paws into his chest, knocking the wind out of him as she connected. The ground and grass beneath they tumbled over each and struggled against each other. At some point they’d rolled through the water, both getting thoroughly soaked. At last, the weight of her body pressing down on him and the pinprick sensations of sharp claws at his throat.

At the time his eyesight caught up with his senses, Fenris saw Toril looming over him, her chest heaving from their wrestling and her blood-red eyes bordering on murderous. Water dripped from her horns and her beak, and droplets covered her body like tiny jewels. Under the light of the slowly rising moon, she looked like some dark Dustling Goddess, ready to deliver her own grim justice.

Fenris had never seen anything so beautiful before. At least not in his lifetime.

“You abandoned me twice, Fenris... Devadas... Whoever the hell you are,” Toril hissed, dropping her head so close to he could feel her breath upon his face, making him shiver. “You abandoned me to start my life in this world alone. You... Abandoned me to take the punishment for a crime I didn’t commit. A crime I don’t even know! I loved you, and I took on pain that tore my soul apart for you... And you left me.”

Her claws dug into his neck a little bit at that point, and Fenris felt the blood beading beneath his fur. That didn’t matter, though. Neither did the pain, minimal as it was. What did matter were the tears leaking out of the corner of the jewel-toned eyes of the female above him, mixing with the dampness of her feather-fur. What mattered was that Fenris thought he could almost see the Angel he had known beneath the Demon.

Oh god, what did I do to her? Fenris didn’t remember what he could have done, what crime he could have perpetrated before coming to this world that would have garnered such a punishment. Nor why it had to be Caelestes to bear it. Perhaps he still blocked it out, the past still refusing to let that piece of itself rise to the surface. But he knew Toril spoke the truth, and it ate him up inside.

“Please Cael-“ she pressed down on his windpipe, cutting off his air for a few seconds before letting up. He sputtered, trying to fill his lungs again before continuing. “...Toril... I can’t remember what I did, why this happened to you... I’m sorry though. You have no idea... I can never make it up to you-“

“Damn right you can’t,” she whispered, her body quivering with the words. “Just... Shut up. Shut up shut up SHUT UP! YOU’VE HAD ALL THE TIME I’LL GIVE YOU FOR USELESS WORDS!”

He opened his mouth to speak again, only to have Toril swipe him across the face with her claws, just below his eye and along his beak. Before he had a chance to think she struck again, this time her claws raking his chest. Then she was everywhere: tearing at his wings, slashing at his stomach, biting where she could reach. He felt blood leaking all over his body, and was certain if she didn’t stop soon he’d bleed to death, if the wounds didn’t do it first. He could fight back, and possibly get her off him. His wings were too messed up to fly by now, but he might be able to subdue her until she calmed down...Why didn’t he try, then?

Because I deserve it, was what he told himself. Fenris deserved this pain and more, for whatever crime he’d done in that other life, for letting Toril bear the punishment. For leaving her alone when she was nothing but a dust pile. For... For breaking my promise, Fenris remembered, his heart plummeting into his stomach. I promised I would find her no matter what, and when I had, I left. I didn’t know then, but that makes it no better.

Above, Toril was still crying as she attacked him, and her chest was heaving with the effort. His blood was splashed upon her claws and fur, turning her orange legs red. The Angel, despite all the pain he was in, couldn’t help thinking that she was still beautiful. As beautiful now as she had been as Caelestes. Hurting a hell of a lot more, but still beautiful.

Breathing was starting to become a struggle, but he managed to pull enough air to speak. In a wheeze, he choked out, “St-still an A-an-angel... Y-you’re still an Angel.” He smiled softly at her stunned expression and shut his eyes, letting his head fall back. Fenris had said what he needed to say to her, and he waited for the death blow to fall.

It never did though. In fact, the attacks stopped coming altogether. After another few minutes, he felt Toril’s weight lift off of him and heard the flapping of wings. He opened his eyes and shifted his head around so that he might see where she’d gone to. There was no trace of her, though, save for a few bloody paw prints. She’d already disappeared into the night.

There was no way the Angel could try to go after her. Even if his wings weren’t damaged- he couldn’t look directly at them yet, but he could tell out of the corners of his eyes that they were a mess- he was too tired, too drained and battered to do so. So Fenris remained where he was, and prayed to anyone who might be listening not to let anything happen to Toril. Who knows what else she might do in that state of mind, was his last thought, before he finally let himself fall into the void of unconsciousness, and then there was nothing.