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Reply 05 Character Profiles and Development
Full Character Profile: Aniur Kaale

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Aniur

PostPosted: Sun Jul 01, 2007 9:14 pm


The following is a full advanced rp bio. It does need refinement, but this is how it is right now. :3 Feel free to comment, critique, whatever.

Basic Information

-Name: Aniur Kaale
-Sex: Female
-Age: 23
-Race: Human
-Class: Paladin
-Weapon: Sword

Appearance

Tall and slender in form, with traces left of a grace in her movements that had been all but skimmed off in place of skill of the sword, Aniur displays some of the finer features common among the people of her land. Her mid-back length blond hair tends to be wound tight into bun, fixed there with a thin blue ribbon while bangs frame her delicate face. Skin while white, is lightly tanned during the spring and summer months due to outdoor training.

From a distance she looks rather unassuming. Upon closer examination, deep blue eyes penetrate and pick apart at every detail of her surroundings. This might tend to be intrusive to some, a curious manner to others or to the male who doesn't expect such brashness from a female, threatening even. It is all done out of a necessity for a strict awareness of her environment as required by her position.

Her clothing is simple, but varies depending on her current situation. While traveling, when there is risk of being attacked by any number of things, she wears a plain white dress, layered under another dress that ties at the torso and opens at the front made of a strong muslin dyed navy blue. Armor tops this at the torso, hands and across the back of her dress. She carries with her no shield, but instead something akin to a broad sword, marked with the crest of her family on the hilt. When in a comfortable area, well known to her, Aniur tends to shed the heavy armor and muslin in favor of a white sundress and white satin slippers. Each had been given to her as a gift by her family.


Bio

-A child of Bith-

Bith is a mid sized island located far north of the mainland continents. Generally it is considered an easy island to leave from, but less so to arrive at. This is due to the cool marine climate causing thick fog that envelops the small parcel of land daily. Jagged rocks also surround Bith creating its fair share of wrecks. Only the most adept of sailors, mostly island born, can navigate the treacherous waters encompassing the northern isle. For this reason, many people leave Bith to either start new lives in other lands or to experience the outside world, but there is little external influences upon the people or land besides those that are brought back with native born.

Approximately forty-five in length by fifteen miles wide, the island consists of a highlands in the upper right hand corner of the isle. This is the location of the main city Baile-Mòr, the main nexus of commerce and socialization in Bith. Lowlands buffer the highlands to the right and flank a substantial mountain range to the left that runs the width of the island. Across the mountains lies a valley. The Glion Valley is home to all farms and the town of Balley Margee, the market town. This is due to the very fertile land. Oddly, strawberries don't seem to grow well and are instead grown in small crops on one of the smaller islands.

The land is ruled over by ten gods and goddess of the chaos and lawful families. From the highlands to the valley, these deities rule in a variety of fashions, depending on their own personal likes and dislikes. Aniur comes from a long line of paladins in service to Rem and Ceras, the twin goddess of neutrality. Like her father before her, she does her best in order to maintain the balance, whether it be by halting someone who is harassing those weaker than them or by stopping corrupt individuals who hide behind the law to do their work. She working towards a rank high enough to take part in her Goddess' mission of balance. Lawfulness and chaos not either evil nor good by definition sometimes require a helping hand for their cause. The Goddess' servants are this hand.

As a young child, she watched her father fight for their faith. She had been very proud of him every time he had come home, regaling stories of his battles at dinner to his children. Through those stories she gained a sense of pride and knew then she would grow up to follow in his footsteps. Her older brother had already started by that time, taking sword fighting lessons. The younger siblings, a sister and two other brothers ended up looking towards other things. In general, her childhood was to be considered a happy one. Her family lived near the cliffs to the south of the highlands, so her days were filled with fields of sweet grass and sea breezes. After she reached the age of 14, she left her home to a dorm in Baile-Mòr, where the isle's swordsmen school was located. While she wasn't at the top of her class, she ranked within the top ten percent. Now as an adult she carried those cherished memories with her, thinking of them every time she was apart from her family. She did not know if she would ever have her own family like that, but the possibility crossed her mind from time to time.

This leads us to present time. Currently she is a paladin in training, not quite up to the standards of her charges. As soon as she reaches this goal though, she will be blessed with the gift of healing others as well as herself. Her social life is minimal at most times due to the time she spends on training. While she makes friends where ever she goes, these relationships are usually strained in some way or another. If only due to the fact she is her father's daughter. Her sense of self and who others are is black and white and this is very plain to see.

Under construction


~I go where I am needed. Life is as simple and as complicated as that. Please do not confuse my coldness with apathy or disdain. It is nothing more than an indicator of who I am. For if I take part in what is considered normal behavior there is no way to properly accomplish the mission at hand. Given that, there is a time and place for everything. Unless approached at that time you will find that I am very single minded and focused. I vow by the grace of the Lord to always do what I can in order to maintain the solidarity and faith within human kind.
*bows*
How may I be of service? ~
PostPosted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 6:49 pm


Okay, so I know some of the writing doesn't flow as well as it could and the ending could be wrapped up a bit better. What I need from you is comments, opinions and perhaps some advanced sentence structure help.

Aniur


Euphoric Ghost

Kawaii Cub

PostPosted: Tue Jul 03, 2007 2:36 pm


First, why do you center things? XD It just kind of feels odd to me, but that's just me.

So what are the "some of the more finer features common among the people of her land"? I don't really know, unless I can get those info from the RP she belongs in.
"Her mid back length blond hair tended to be wound tight into bun, fixed there with a thin blue ribbon. Blond bangs frame her delicate face." You can make that into one sentence and don't have to say her bangs are blond as well. How is her face delicate?

I kind of feel like the bio is long, but if you really must have those information there, then it's fine. smile
PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 5:06 am


Euphoric Ghost
First, why do you center things? XD It just kind of feels odd to me, but that's just me.

So what are the "some of the more finer features common among the people of her land"? I don't really know, unless I can get those info from the RP she belongs in.
"Her mid back length blond hair tended to be wound tight into bun, fixed there with a thin blue ribbon. Blond bangs frame her delicate face." You can make that into one sentence and don't have to say her bangs are blond as well. How is her face delicate?

I kind of feel like the bio is long, but if you really must have those information there, then it's fine. smile


Generally in an advanced rp bio the characters come complete with area background. My character in particular is a traveler so she won't tend to look like those around her unless she is on that island. Those informations of high cheek bones and delicate referring to the structure of her face are normally in my introductory posts of whatever rp I might be playing.

As for that one part you pointed out. I hate describing hair ( lulz ) and had it bookmarked to be changed. Thanks for pointing out that it doesn't flow well.

This is meant to be a multi use role playing bio that not only can be used on the forums for more advanced role playing, but for table top gaming as well where the dm needs a complete feel for your character in order to give you proper problematic situations.

The forums I used to go to regarded long, well thought out bios as a mark of a good role player. Of course, sometimes the posts each person would make for certain role plays was over 1,500 words long. - @ @ - In my time at the forum I never got quite to that level, but its still a mark of taking pride in a character among the people I currently role play with.

Oh, and I like center...just like some people like the eye gouging color neon green. It just makes me feel good inside. XD

(actual bio to be updated at a later time when I dont have a splitting headache)

Aniur


Euphoric Ghost

Kawaii Cub

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 12:14 pm


Ah alright. Gotcha.

I used to write 1.5k RP paragraphs...then it started to feel like they were becoming fillers. Haha. Then stories/RPs never progressed and I found myself unsatisfied. crying
PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 1:20 pm


I still highly regard people who can pull those types of posts off with grace, but in general a few good paragraphs is where I stop in the way of rp. The huge epic posts take so much time to pour over, both when you make them and read them. Those threads just tend to die off because who really has the time to make a bunch of really decent posts like that?
No one I know with a job or anything important to do.

Aniur


Forest_Herder

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 2:05 pm


Far better then most of mine (I think If I had a few days... I could get one that is not paled by it! sweatdrop )

But:

Quote:
Aniur displays some of the more finer features common among the people of her land


I would remove More or the R at the end of Fine, , as its is now, its seem a bit like your saying "Hello hi" to one person with out giving them time to react.

Hop this helps smile
PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 3:40 pm


I couldn't find anything but a few grammar mistakes... Other then good job.

UnboundIr0n M4n

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Aniur

PostPosted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 5:09 am


Thank you both of you for your input.
= @ @ =
While small points I do like knowing when something doesn't flow quite right.
D:
Its why I only teach basic grammar and not advanced. See unfortunately I'm only a mere science major. We tend to use words like blunt objects, unlike the humanities students.
XD
PostPosted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 8:45 am


Aniur
Thank you both of you for your input.
= @ @ =
While small points I do like knowing when something doesn't flow quite right.
D:
Its why I only teach basic grammar and not advanced. See unfortunately I'm only a mere science major. We tend to use words like blunt objects, unlike the humanities students.
XD


Yeah science majors tend to do that. lol. I'm a science major who is maybe minoring in English. XD

I've learned that people tend to sound different and make themselves sound "intelligent" when they don't need to. Here's something I've recently and try to adhere to now. It's going to be long and painful, but worth it. biggrin

http://www.mtholyoke.edu/acad/intrel/orwell46.htm

Euphoric Ghost

Kawaii Cub


Aniur

PostPosted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 10:52 am


Euphoric Ghost
Aniur
Thank you both of you for your input.
= @ @ =
While small points I do like knowing when something doesn't flow quite right.
D:
Its why I only teach basic grammar and not advanced. See unfortunately I'm only a mere science major. We tend to use words like blunt objects, unlike the humanities students.
XD


Yeah science majors tend to do that. lol. I'm a science major who is maybe minoring in English. XD

I've learned that people tend to sound different and make themselves sound "intelligent" when they don't need to. Here's something I've recently and try to adhere to now. It's going to be long and painful, but worth it. biggrin

http://www.mtholyoke.edu/acad/intrel/orwell46.htm


mmmm, pretenses
Once upon a time in middle and trailing off in high school I used to take part in such travesties. After correction by good teachers I found that as long as I write what I mean, there is no use for such things. This is especially true today. I can get away with using words like clubs as long as I vary the words I use with the help of a thesaurus. Basic is good for me, means I can't mess up. If you can say what you've written out loud and it doesn't sound weird you're generally okay. The opposite is not always true though.
Interesting read though.
PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 10:58 am


Things like mid-back and mid-sized should have a hyphen I believe?

This reads like a beautiful story and makes me interested in your character. I love the way that you describe her appearance and the island, with just enough detail to get an idea of what is important about her appearance/heritage, but not so much detail that you get bogged down. It makes me want to draw your character or a map for the island. xd

MrsMica
Crew


Aniur

PostPosted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 6:12 pm


Lulz, every little bit helps Penden.
Heh.
I finally moved the revisions over to my profile.
:3
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05 Character Profiles and Development

 
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