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Grip of Death

PostPosted: Sun Jul 01, 2007 1:37 pm


MGadda
Grip of Death
Men really should be thankful that their genetics get passed down at all if they become an involuntary father because they did no biological work at all in order to see their genes get passed to the next generation.


You're assuming every man wants to have his genes passed down to the next generation. This would be little solace for a seriously childfree man who got 'oopsed'.


Let's put it this way. Most men have very little to lose, and very little at stake if they passed their genes to the next generation. Infact, Patriarchy praises them as virile, as true men and adults. Scientific theories are Patriarchal and use "evolution" theory to "praise" this behavior.

All they do to contribute to pregnancy is have an orgasm. It makes it *that* easy for them to want to be a biological dad.

I would say that this aboveformentioned stuff applies to a whopping majority of men, whereas a tiny minority of them are conscientious and ethically childfree.

Now, a good preventative measure would be if the couple learned to trust each other first before deciding to get intimate. You would be too vulnerable to get intimate with someone you didn't know you could trust. But we all assume that this already happens, that trust and responsibility with sex happens.

But if we are so concerned about women tricking their partners to have babies before they are ready, think about this.

Patriarchy trains women, from the cradle, to want to be with and associate their identity with babies. Girls are given dolls to play with and are expected to be quietly playing. So adult women have this form of brainwashing to expect motherhood and wifehood as the default lifestyle.

There's not enough self esteem education, and education about school and job opportunities to typical women. Women need to be taught that being a cashier at a local retail establishment will make them 2x the income of popping out a baby and "forcing" the biological dad to shell up the money. It's not hard to figure out that a woman is better off working or going to school than having children. Ignorant women, and women in rural areas, and women in inner-city poor neighborhoods need to be aware of this.

It is FACT that when women have an education on sex, fertility, educational, and job opportunities, that they have less children, later. Education will do A LOT to improve a woman's life.

If there is more education, there is less motivation for a woman to "trick" her intimate partner into having an unplanned for baby.

Another thing is this: a lot of pregnancies are already unplanned. Unplanned by both partners. So why is the woman assumed that she is "tricking" the man into making a baby?
PostPosted: Sun Jul 01, 2007 1:43 pm


Tragic Christmas
This pretty much summed up my thoughts on the matter, and the gist of the arguments I've had my way.


Couldn't have put it any more eloquently myself. Tragic Christmas, I luv ya man! <3

Grip of Death


MipsyKitten
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 10:08 am


Abortion is a woman's issue. Women get pregnant. Women carry to term. Women give birth. Women abort. You can't have something of equal value for men. Comparing men and women in this instance, is ******** stupid, and doesn't help the pro-life side in any way.
PostPosted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 5:33 pm


Grip of Death
MGadda
Grip of Death
Men really should be thankful that their genetics get passed down at all if they become an involuntary father because they did no biological work at all in order to see their genes get passed to the next generation.


You're assuming every man wants to have his genes passed down to the next generation. This would be little solace for a seriously childfree man who got 'oopsed'.

(Patriarchy and oopsing)

Oh, no! Don't get me wrong, I do not mean to imply that women are always the devious masterminds of unplanned pregnancies. No, no!

I only meant to refer to very specific situations in which that happened to be the case in which a woman did willfully betray her partner's trust. That and that alone.

And I agree that men that are ethically childfree are a tiny minority (unfortunately, for they are the ultra-studmuffins). I guess I only wished to speak up for their sake. Even if they are a little minority, I just get my little hackles in a bunch when it is broadly suggested that, man or woman, everyone must be inclined to reproduce someday. *stuffs away the soapbox*

MGadda


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 6:00 pm


PhaedraMcSpiffy
Deformography
I want to start by saying that I usually avoid this topic, because I usually get flamed to hell and back for my opinion. Oh well.

Abortion is a choice with no viable alternatives, yes? That includes a male counterpart: a man opting out of his paternal rights is not equivalent to a woman aborting. Many of us argue that adoption is not a viable alternative to abortion, so how can termination of parental rights be equivalent to abortion?

I don't really see a way to make this equal. Like Shoujo said, biology is unfair and unequal. I know it's unfair. I wish it could be made fair. But, abortion and child support are not the same; you cannot equate bodily domain to the pocketbook.

I support a man terminating his parental rights and responsibilities IF the mother has found another adult willing to take his rights. It's more like the father transferring his rights to a new guardian.


I'm technically on the other side of this argument, and I don't want to flame you. (Which is rare for me, 'cause I'm quick-tempered.) I think your argument is valid and I'm very tempted to agree completely. But then...

Quote:
Whilst our current system is a little unfair, I really don't see a way of fixing it without coming back to the whole reason child support was introduced in the first place. Women were telling men they were pregnant and men were scarpering. You'll just end up with lots of moms on welfare.

I don't like it, but our current system is the best I can think of.


....I agree with that, too.

If only there were some other way, or some way to compromise. Sometimes women need help raising the kids alone, but then again, it's not really the man's fault. But those kids aren't going to fund themselves, so the money has to come from SOMEWHERE...


This is, by no means, an easy issue. I have the same dilemma: I want to find a compromise, but I simply cannot find one. This really has no right answer, does it? *headdesk*
PostPosted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 9:55 pm


Scare Tactic Propaganda
I say both woman and man had and made a choice. Really, that cartoon just outlined to me how the male short straw needs to be fixed, not that women deserve to be punished for abortion.
Amen. Two wrongs don't make a right. The fact that men are treated unfairly with regard to reproductive choice does not mean that both men and women should be treated unfairly, but that men should start being treated fairly!


As for a solution... Upon discovering a woman is pregnant she must tell the father of the child and he must be presented with legal documentation that he fills out opting for or out of child support. He must fill this legally binding documentation out prior to the cut-off for legal abortion. The only real complications, then, come from those women who do not know they are pregnant until late (which is a case for legal abortion well past the first trimester), or those men who are not told and given an option to opt out legally prior to birth.

Unfortunately our government acts under the idea that whatever is best for the child is what is done. It is why non-biological fathers, after discovering their children are not their own, are still required to pay child support, even if this transgression is the reason for divorce. It's a terribly unfair system.

Talon-chan


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 4:02 am


I have sort of weird views on this.

I don't think our child support system is fair, as-is.

But just because men are treated unfairly in regards to fatherhood, it doesn't make it right for women to be treated unfairly to even it out.

Personally, I feel this comes down a LOT to personal responsibility. I'd never, ever have a child without the father's blessing on it. And if I did, I personally have the kind of pride that I could never ask a father to pay for a child he doesn't want. I feel like it's my responsibility as a mature, adult woman to include my partner in my reproductive choices.

I know a lot of times people say, "YOUR PARTNER HAS NO SAY IN WHETHER OR NOT YOU GET AN ABORTION!" Well, my partner did have a say. He didn't want us to keep it because he felt we weren't ready yet-- he's my partner because I love him and respect him. How can I claim to love and respect someone but turn around and totally disregard his opinions and feelings on something that is equally as personal to both of us? That's not saying I let him make my decision-- but I let him be a part of the process and we BOTH made the decision.

I know other people aren't like that. I know not every woman sees it the same way and not every guy is a stand up guy.

The issue I see with current child support problems and possible solutions is that either way, it is the right of the woman to choose to have a child and not have an abortion, and it is the right of a living child to be provided for. Either way, that child needs to be provided for. The way I see it, maybe more fathers won't have to personally pay child support but the Government will have to pick up that slack-- so we'll end up paying more in taxes and everyone will then pay more.

It's sort of a no-win situation but outlawing abortion to make it unfair to both men AND women is not the answer, IMO.
PostPosted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 10:27 am


Adriata: your reasoning is precisely why I would only date someone who would do the same thing if I got pregnant as me. I don't know what I'd do if I got pregnant, so I need someone who would be willing to let me do as I will with their blessing. I would no more deliberately get pregnant behind someone's back than go on the Pill to prevent implantation if my partner wanted a child without their knowledge. Deciding on when and how to bring children into the world should be a decision weighed by two and made by one.

I'd love if there was an opt-out scheme but I think it would be used all to readily, as I said, and then you'd go back to why our current situation was introduced in the first place. Having said that, I DO think our system could be a little more fair - more rights for fathers, overall. If he doesn't want to be a father, he should have to pay less and be able to not see the child. If he does, but doesn't want to stay with the woman, he should split costs and be allowed to see them on set dates, but somewhere near as much as he wants.

Fran Salaska


PhaedraMcSpiffy

PostPosted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 5:44 pm


Talon-chan
As for a solution... Upon discovering a woman is pregnant she must tell the father of the child and he must be presented with legal documentation that he fills out opting for or out of child support. He must fill this legally binding documentation out prior to the cut-off for legal abortion. The only real complications, then, come from those women who do not know they are pregnant until late (which is a case for legal abortion well past the first trimester), or those men who are not told and given an option to opt out legally prior to birth.


Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold up!

I would be opposed to this because of the text I bolded. That's not the same as a parental notification/consent law, but it is waaaay too similar.

It's dangerous to force a woman to tell her partner about a pregnancy for the same reasons it's dangerous to force a minor to tell her parent(s)/guardians. She may be financially, socially, or emotionally dependent on this person. Forcing her to tell him may cause him to interfere with her decision, or even harm her somehow.
PostPosted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 8:59 pm


men should have a choice in whether or not to be a father.

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Talon-chan

PostPosted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 9:22 pm


PhaedraMcSpiffy
Talon-chan
As for a solution... Upon discovering a woman is pregnant she must tell the father of the child and he must be presented with legal documentation that he fills out opting for or out of child support. He must fill this legally binding documentation out prior to the cut-off for legal abortion. The only real complications, then, come from those women who do not know they are pregnant until late (which is a case for legal abortion well past the first trimester), or those men who are not told and given an option to opt out legally prior to birth.


Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold up!

I would be opposed to this because of the text I bolded. That's not the same as a parental notification/consent law, but it is waaaay too similar.

It's dangerous to force a woman to tell her partner about a pregnancy for the same reasons it's dangerous to force a minor to tell her parent(s)/guardians. She may be financially, socially, or emotionally dependent on this person. Forcing her to tell him may cause him to interfere with her decision, or even harm her somehow.
If she does not tell him about the pregnancy because he is too dangerous, then she cannot expect him to pay child support. If she expects child support he must be told. If she doesn't expect child support, no problem, she can do as she pleases.

The idea, here, is to give men reproductive choice... not put women in danger.
PostPosted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 11:28 pm


Grip of Death

I would say that this aboveformentioned stuff applies to a whopping majority of men, whereas a tiny minority of them are conscientious and ethically childfree.


I hate seeing generalizations like this. It's the same, to me, as seeing the pro-lifers say 'the majority of women who have abortions are irresponsible sluts'. Seriously. Why is it okay to generalize men this way, but it's an outrage if someone says similar about a woman? :/

Grip of Death

There's not enough self esteem education, and education about school and job opportunities to typical women. Women need to be taught that being a cashier at a local retail establishment will make them 2x the income of popping out a baby and "forcing" the biological dad to shell up the money. It's not hard to figure out that a woman is better off working or going to school than having children. Ignorant women, and women in rural areas, and women in inner-city poor neighborhoods need to be aware of this.



Having lived in an inner-city poor neighborhood from the time I was born until I was about fourteen, then a rural area for the four years I went to high school, I guess I'd like to point out that we're not all ignorant bumpkins who go straight to making babies for child support money, nor are we all running out to get married and start families.
ALL women need this sort of education, regardless of where they live or what social class they were born into.

CloZack PASSION


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 29, 2007 8:34 am


AngieAki
Men should be able to opt out of their parental rights if they don't want to be fathers.

But I don't think a man should be able to say that a woman can or cannot have an abortion.

I think there is a difference from a dead-beat dad and a pro-choice woman who has had an abortion. In the case of the dead-beat the child has been born and is here, living. The fetus inside of the woman is not a person living in this world. There is a difference and cartoon makes no sense.
Agreed fully and completely.
PostPosted: Sun Jul 29, 2007 8:59 am


Grip of Death
Tragic Christmas
This pretty much summed up my thoughts on the matter, and the gist of the arguments I've had my way.


Couldn't have put it any more eloquently myself. Tragic Christmas, I luv ya man! <3
Agreed.
The difference for me is really summed up in these points:
A) The father's not giving organs or other body parts.
B) Supposing the woman doesn't abort, she goes through a lot more than the man ever will, whether or not he takes a certain amount of responsibility for the child. Like Adriata said, just because men are not treated perfectly fair when it comes to fatherhood, doesn't mean one should make things more unfair for the woman.
C) If a woman has to depend on government because the father decides not to pay child support, then taxpayer dollars have to go into that one mother and child. That's definitely pulling on more people than just the mother and father, who are directly involved with and related to the child, unlike the taxpayers who don't even know these people.

Ultimate_Freak


PersephoneMediocris

PostPosted: Sun Jul 29, 2007 3:31 pm


I think the system should stay as is. I know it's unfair, but what's just as unfair is a woman who gets pregant with a baby she wants, and is very happy about it, but then her husband (who is the family breadwinner) leaves her because he doesn't want to be a daddy and she's left alone and pregnant with nothing. That happens a lot. Sure, women abuse the system, but it's not about her, it's about the kid who needs money to survive. I know he didn't choose for it to happen, but neither did the tax payers, and they're the ones who pay for it if he won't. I do think if a man doesn't pay up he shoud not be able to see his kids until he does.
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