"so whats new. she didnt like me then and she doesnt like me now." that was all i could think about. working here really doesn't help much. i mean the fact that eyes are always on us and there is nothing we can do. i had to make money somehow. dancing was in my blood and it made the best money the fastest. and i really needed it. since i couldn't tell him what really happend to me. besides they dont concern him annyway. the one boy i ever wanted and this happens. how can i see him again. see him and etll him about them. it is imposible. and of course she would not want me after that. now with the music going he come through the doors. "please dont look up, dont look up. oh god. i dont need this now." there he was. looking at the girls. as long as he doesnt look my way. his eyes the color of golden brown turned and stared at her bright blue eyes. there he is walking toward her. she takes him in the back room. my love and my lust have finaly found eachother. as i dance away the music i put my whole boddy into it. the tips are rolling out of fingers like rain from a cloud. i didnt hear the hoot and hollers. i could see nothing but those two in my minds eye. those exquisete bodies fumbling about the tiny room with paint chips on there sweaty bodies. and me on stage trying to convince myself that i dont care. they are up waiting for me. both insomniacs they got the worst of me and the best of him. except evelyn. she got my steel grey eyes. and jon got my almost white hair. everything else is there fathers. i see him everyday. i notice his faces and his smile. i watch them grow without his knowledge. i look at them and say i could have had him. they could still have him. he could learn to love them. he might want them. as i walk of stage with two bills easy i notice they come out of the back. as long as he doesnt see me. as his head turns i run. the dress room is right in front of me. the door shuts behind me and i lean against the wood eaten door. a quik change and i more set. then home is on my list. they are up waiting for me. i think they love me.

at home i get jumped on and asked what is tomorrow. i tell them monday and they whine "i dont wanna go to school." "well" i say "you have to and so does mommy. now that your bellies are full its time for bed." so the morning comes to shortly for words. i get them ready and wait with them till the bus comes. at school they think that these two are my younger siblings. the classes i take all think im the normal kid. being my age and him being his we were seen as the perfect match. today was said to be the day he would ask her out. he is through with me by now. he did not like the fact that i am a little smarter than him. im not anyway. as i sit down at my desk all that can be heard is whispers. about what and whom i dont know yet. then he walks in. and stares at me. he struts past me as though he holds a secret. then right in front of my vision he tells a friend of his "thats her. yeah. lee was there. werent you lee. how was working last night?" he saw me. thats all i could think. he saw me. those are the whispers in class.

about halfway through class i get called to the attendence office. i sit in the chair in front of the counclers desk. she looks a little disapointed and and folds her hands on a stack of papers. because of the ru8mors about school we must think of the graduating class. or something along those lines was said. what it all came down to was that i was being stripped of valedvictorian because they found out about work. and about them. it was ok with me. i dont need it. im fine.