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This is a poem I wrote when I was angry aat the world and began to imagen how it would end.....plus I was bored in engelish 1. Well, here it goes. Please comment or criticise it, but please, don't be too harsh. I'm new with poety.


WITCHING HOUR

The shadows of night have all gone.
Now the sun rises, bringing the dawn.
The essence of death lingers here.
Those who've survived have fled in fear,
Of the next uprising of the evil ones,
Who will, once again, feast when the witching hour comes.

Feeding on weak soals, bodies, and minds,
They spread like viruses, weeds, and poisonous vines.
Slowly they twist and mangle sane thoughts,
Of those who've yet to sucome to death and rot.

Twilight returns and it begins again.
Minds are currupted, bodies and souls materialize sin.
The core of Earth consumed by darkness as well.
Such is the horrific nature of HELL.


~ Tears of Darkness~666

i must say, Beautitful. you should publish it, a word of advice though, dont post this stuff on the internet asking if you should publish it. people will take it, and publish it before you stealing your money and art.

It's good, but there are a few things I would recommend.

For instance, for flow, I think you should cut out 'Once Again' in the sixth line.

In the second verse, last line, you spelled succumb 'sucome'

In the last verse, the second and third lines I think need some shortening for flow purposes. Maybe replace materialize with a synonym... and as for the third line, I don't know how you should go about doing that, but I recommend maybe trying to get a more balanced lining thing going there, maybe redoing the entire last two lines.

Overall, good job, you just have some flow and spelling issues.

8/10

thanks you for all the advice and comments. I greatly appriciate it. Really, I do.