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 Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 9:27 am
For many reasons... Because I'm not a happy person, I don't talk to "God", I don't love my family, I spend too much time online, and because I don't listen to what they tell me to do. Ooooh, I'm sure there's also something about Corey in their intentions, too.
Now... I AM a ******** happy person. I've never been happier than I am now. Just when I'm HOME, I don't show it too much... because I'm NOT when I'm at home. I can be, like when everyone's asleep, gone or just locked up in their rooms. Only then... whenever I DO manage to be all happy when I'm at home, it crashes down because of THEM. They b***h at me for being TOO ******** happy! When I'm getting along with my sister, we're all laughing and talking, they b***h about us being too loud, being annoying, or making them feel bad, because THEY can't be happy.
God... GOD?! I don't have to believe in s**t! Certainly not God. I don't care WHERE I live. ******** you.
Where the ******** does it say I'm obliged to LOVE you? How the ******** CAN I? You're loud, annoying, stupid, you're about as mentally stable as my last boyfriend... ********, you're MORE unstable than he was. You're more emo than anyone I've ever met. You b***h too much, you nag too much, you whine too much, you cry too much... ******** you! I will NOT love you... And you try too hard... When you hug me, I feel like any poor creature this beast manages to get it's hands on.
This... is a brief SUM of what I deal with damn near every day from the gramma... some of it only sometimes, like anything sex related... but once it starts up, it goes on and on...
"Oh, you're in MY house, you'll do as I say! You can't feel a certain way, you can't believe in what you do, you can't be in love! It's not possible! You're just a teenage after nothing but sex, and so is HE! You can't have sex, you're not allowed to, but it's okay if it's not in this house. Oh, you can't go anywhere with him, either. With my rule of not having sex in THIS house, you'll go somewhere ELSE to have sex, because that's all you guys do. So when you go anywhere with him, I'm going to lecture you for five minutes about how sex is BAD. And he's a lyer! He's had sex before you, I KNOW!!! OH, GAWD! You're itchy down -there-?! HE GAVE YOU HERPES! THAT SON OF A b***h!!! What, no! You have a yeast infection! It was HIM regardless! He's not allowed over tonight! He broke you!! You need to go get tested, and be sure he didn't give you AIDs, too!! ... But I'm glad you're happy. Hey, you didn't smile at me!! He can't come over again! What are you DOING? It... looks like you MIGHT be pouring a glass of juice, but I'm a dumb-c**t, so I don't know! DAMNIT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING???! You ARE just pouring yourself a glass of juice? HOW DARE YOU!! It's AFTER your bedtime!! HE CAN'T COME OVER!!! And don't give me that bull. I KNOW. I know EVERYTHING. Just like I know GOD EXISTS, and he LOVES YOU!! And You're just a child, the only love you need is MINE and the love of GOD. Look at me, I LOVE him! I love YEW! No joke! Give me a hug, and conform to my standards, or else! You wanna live here?! NO?! Then I'll kick you out, I swear I will! Really! I know I did once already, but this time, I'm surious! Oh, you actually have a place to go? Then never mind. I don't feel loved enough. Love me!! Why aren't you loving me yet?!? I do EVERYTHING for you, I feed you, clothe you, and let you see your boyfriend! You have privileges UNLIKE anyone else your age! I don't see any OTHER 17-year-olds on the internet all the damn time, I don't see any OTHER 17-year-olds going out and having fun, I don't see any OTHER 17-year-olds who get to see their boyfriends!!! And the internet! I'm going to take it owf tha bill! I'm tired of paying so much for it, only for you to be using it enough to make up for how much it costs! I should pay that much, only to use it like once a week for an hour! Now THAT'S getting my money's worth! That internet is ruinin' yur life! You don't do anything else! Oh, what, you wanna go out? NO, you can't go anywhere! I either don't feel like KNOWING you're not home, or I don't feel like getting up to take you anywhere! That's too much work! But hey, I DO take you places! Uh-huh! I do too, you just don't remember! Like... I took you to the store! To get ME things! That's taking you places! What's that, you can do the same things you'd be doing on the computer as if you were off?! NO, LIER! SHUT UP! You CAN'T listen to music, read both comics and books, watch movies or shows, OR play games! You CAN'T. GET OFFLINE and do it! You ARE offline? STOP LYING TO MEY!!! The only thing computers do it let you get on the internet, collect viruses, and let you write things on thum. HAY, who's turn is it to do tha poop-bowx? It STANKS! Someone just did it a few minutes ago? I have my face too close to it, and that's why it stinks? NU-UH! CLEAN IT right THIS INSTANT!!! Who's turn is it to do the dishes?! Mine! Well. I don't wanna do them! You do it! NOWWW!!!! I don't feel gewd, mah head hurts! Who wants to get tha poop in tha hawl up? I'm sick of those cats, I swear I am! No joke! I don't like that one, she's dumb and ugly. Ewww, get her away from mey! She's almost two feet away! She's too close, help!! HAAAAAY. IT's summer break and all, but you're not allowed to stay up late. NO OTHER TEENAGER DOES. You shouldn't be awake at 1 a.m., holy Jesus, that's like insane! That's not NORMAL!! Wait, WHAT DID YEW SAY?!?!?! You said 'Please, just stop talking...'? OH GAWD!! DON'T YEW TELL MEY WHAT TA DEW IN MAH HOUSE!!! WRYYYY?????! GRAAAAHUUUURNAAA!! Damnit, I can't stand THIS s**t ANYMORE!!!!!!! GRAHH!!!! NO-BODAY LOVES MEEEY!!! OHHH, OHHH GAWD! WHY MEY?! WHYYY????! You're so MEAN to mey! You're not happy! Or nice! I can't take it!! WE'RE A FAMILY UNIT! WE SHOULD ALL LOVE ONE ANOTHER! STOP THIS MADNESS NOW! *gasp* Amber!! You brought some evil thing in this house with your bad energy!! BE NICER, and it'll go away!!. JEEEEEZUZAH!!! THERE AIN'T NO REASON FOUR PEOPLE CAIN'T GET ALONG, AND COHABITATE AND BE HAPPY!! OH GAWD, AGAIN, WRYYY!??!?! Looove meeey!!! *break-down*"
Now... WHO HERE NEEDS THERAPY? HMMMMM?????
mad
Perhaps I do spend a lot of time online, but I think it's a fair amount of time, considering I hardly go anywhere, and I do pretty much everything I CARE to do while at the computer... Music, reading, watching cartoons, talking to people, playing a game... But these I can do ANYWHERE, and since it can be done anywhere, it should be limited to my room, and my room only. |: I CAN'T read anything, I have nothing left to read but ******** Danielle Steel books... Uh, ******** you? I do NOT want to watch My Gym Partner is a Monkey, kthnx. I want Sailor Moon. Until you get the ******** up and get me some ******** Sailor Moon DVDs, I'm keeping my ******** a** planted to this seat, and loading it up on youtube. So STFU. NAO. My music, I COULD listen to in my room, had I a stereo, or maybe a CD player. I'm just one of those privileged kids, right? I have everything. Just not one of those... Talking... you b***h if I'm on the damn phone, you won't let anyone come over but Corey... Who the ******** you want me to talk to?! GOD?! I'll get online, and I'll ******** talk to my friends THERE, so stfu, c**t. Play a game on the PlayStation, it's what it's there for, RIGHT? Just like I'm not ALWAYS in the mood to listen to music, or get online, I'm not always in the mood to get slaughtered but that LAST ******** pain in the a** boss in Dark Cloud 2, and I'm not always in the ******** mood to listen to you WHINE than I'm not doing anything else when I DO play...
And you're damn ******** straight I don't do s**t you tell me to do. See Toast's thread about that email she sent her mom. |: Not only pretty much all of that, but when I make my own damn mess, I get it up. I might forgt a thing or two here and there, but s**t. I'm not a pig like everyone else. You make a mess, YOU get it up. Family or not, I'm not wasting my ******** time doing s**t YOU should be doing, when YOU ******** slobed all over everything.... It'd be so much simpler if everyone did what I do. Things like dishes, sweeping, etc... fine. We should round it off, me, you, her, her... then cycle back around, not just decide "I don't feeeeel goooood...." and lump it off to me to do. Quit being lazy.
And my mom... You ARE doing better but I'm sorry. I'm just waiting for you to fall back. You always do... you make it so far, then you get a tiny little head-ache... "OHHHH, the paiiiin..... It hurts SOOOO bad...." LAWL. Even if it DOES hurt as bad as you act like it does, there's no reason to go back to stealing pills. The cigarettes, I'm proud of, though. Same PACK for THREE weeks? Nice. Actually GETTING UP to take me somewhere? Great... But silly me... getting my hopes up. You're a pill head. Of course you're going to slip again. Thanks. I love you too.
And you both whine about how much money we 'waste', so why the ******** waste money for me to go to a therapist, when it's not going to do s**t? And anyway, taking me means you have to get off your a**. Are you SURE you wanna do something like that??
You expect too much of me, if you expect happiness in this house... When it's there, you crush it, when it's not there, you whine about it not being there You expect me to stay here? You expect me to love you, and to conform to your bullshit? ******** you. You wanna put me in ******** therapy? I'll GIVE you a ******** reason to ******** put me in it!
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Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 10:06 am
I know how you feel. The frustration, anger, stupidity... all of it. Granted, your situation seems to be a great deal worse than mine, and I've had some of that stupidity pay off in getting me out of the worst parts of it. I could sit here and tell you how it'll all get better, but chances are, you'll be out of the house before that day comes, and we'll all be glad. <3
Some of it had me seriously thinking of bringing you down to Texas. If school is a problem, it's easy to enroll a runaway here. (: Believe me, I read the paperwork. Free lunches, too. I even thought about hiding you in the apartment I'm staying in (it's not mine or my mom's, but my mom's boyfriend, and he's very nice), then I remembered that Corey would probably stick by your side (and that's very good), so I went to another idea. Setting up a tent on the porch. It's a pretty huge porch, too. Started thinking if you would have a tent or not, and remembered my aunt bought one, and I could probably ask her if I could borrow it.
Then, I kinda reached the bottom, and remembered when I was sent to therapy. We only had to pay like $10 per session since she was still in training, and I told her about my dad, then some more recent events, like when my mom had been smoking crystal meth. I still laugh to myself, because that was the last time I saw her, and the last time I ever went to therapy. Gladly, though. It really sucked, though it might be a good way to air out your problems, since they won't call anyone unless you want them to. If they do, then they're ******** up in the head and THEY need to take more classes, because when you confide in someone like a therapist or a doctor, they can be held legally responsible, since it's an unwritten contract that they broke.
There's ways of seeing this from a better vantage point, but when you're drowning, it's hard to see anything other than what's going on right around you.
Oh, and you should listen to this song. It's really pretty.
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Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 10:14 am
I Labu Myst ^_^ You're so sweet. I've thought of too many different options myself, but I don't feel like listing any. All my options are kind of extreme.
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Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 11:17 pm
A good thing about therapy is that you can spend an hour bitching about the cunts they are, and have them foot the bill.
I hate to say it, but no matter how ******** stupid they are, you are still going to have to deal with it one way or another.
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