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Well, this is my story. I think it needs some serious revision, so critique is appreciated!

Chapter One




Cries of “monster” and “demon” followed the young girl as she ran through the village, her short brown hair fanning out behind her, a small white bag swinging at her side. Behind her, all the village’s able men followed, brandishing their farming tools as weapons. The man in the lead spurred on the men like a military sergeant a long, sharp hoe in his hands. She looked back, tears streaming from her eyes, at the men pursuing her. Quite suddenly, the girl tripped over a large rock she probably would’ve seen had she had been looking ahead. The villager’s eyes gleamed with malice, thinking they finally had the chance to kill the girl. One man raised his grass-cutting scythes in anticipation, but stopped at the sound of a voice yelling out “STOP!”

Ahead of them, a teenage boy, no older than 16, stood defiantly; a large, yellow dog at his side. The girl looked up, her pupil less, yellow eyes taking in the sight of the stranger. He wore pants and black boots, his long, gray hair lank against his back. On each cheek were two blue marks.

“What are you doing to that girl?” he yelled at the village men.

The lead man glared at the boy for a moment, then noticed the blue marks on the boy’s face. “It’s another demon! Get him!”

Taking advantage of the short distraction, the girl scrambled to her feet and continued running.

“Follow me if you do not wish to die,” she called as she ran past the strange boy.

“Wait! Where are we going?” the boy asked as they ran for the forest that bordered the small village,

“Just follow.” She said while she swiftly wove through the trees, easily losing the villagers and almost losing the boy.

Finally, she stopped and leaned against a large tree, the boy next to her. Panting, the boy held out his hand. “I guess I should think next time before I do that. Thanks. My name’s Luke, and this is Buddy.” He gestured at the large dog sitting next to him.

The girl did not accept his hand. “My name is Kira.” She replied in a rough voice.

“If you don’t mind me asking, why were the villagers chasing you?”

Kira laughed harshly, “Didn’t you hear the villagers? I’m a demon.”

“You don’t look like a demon to me.”

Carefully, Kira untied the sash of her kimono and let it slide off her shoulders. Underneath, she wore a short red shirt and red skirt with high slits on both sides. Then, a pair of deep red, leathery wings unfolded from behind her back. Looking down, Luke saw a scaly tail curl around her legs and over her talon feet.

“Well,” said Kira mockingly, “What do you think now?”

“That,” he said breathlessly, “is so AWESOME!”

Kira looked at him, surprised, then smiled, showing off her pointed eyeteeth.

Luke looked over at the thick woods surrounding them. “Do you live around here?”

Kira pointed straight up, “We’re right under my house. I can take you up there if you want. Get on my back.”

“Sweet,” Luke obliged and climbed onto her back. He worried for a moment that he would be too heavy for Kira, but she was obviously stronger than she looked. She picked up Buddy, then leaped straight up into the air, using her wings for extra lift. With a thunk, they hit the tree and Kira began to climb, digging her talons into the soft bark. As she climbed, a large treehouse came into view, nestled in the crook of two branches. Other thick branches of the massive tree supported the corners of the small house. Kira stepped onto the branch in front of the door and dropped her passengers.


Luke ducked under the thick blanket that served as a door and found himself in a small, dark room. From the fading sunlight that filtered in through cracks in the walls, he could see the there was no fruntiture, only a pile of blankets to show where the bed was and a large, roughly hewn stone bowl sitting in the middle of the floor. Kira and Buddy came in right after Luke. Kira opened her mouth a shot a ball of flame at the bowl. It’s contents ignited, bathing the room with a warm, flickering light. Kira sat down next to the fire, and Luke followed. Buddy plodded over and decided to sit across from them.

“Can you tell me why you look the way you do?” Luke asked tentatively.

Kira stood up and spread her wings out to their full span of 24 feet, “Can’t you tell, I’m a dragon.”

“Really?” Luke said excitedly, “I’ve never met a dragon before. Can you show me your full form?”

Kira sighed, “Okay, I’m not a full-blooded dragon, I’m only a half-breed,” She blushed a deep crimson, “When my parents died, I fled here, but all of the villages have chased me out.”

“I know what you mean,” Luke said knowledgably, “I’ve had the same problem,”

Kira looked at him, confused, “You have?”

“Well, yeah. Not a whole lot of people want a werewolf hanging around.”

“You’re a werewolf?” asked Kira, astonished.

"Yeah, pretty much," He pulled back his long hair and tied it tightly with a red band. Now his ears were visible. They were gray and doglike. When he pulled off his boots, she could see his feet were actually paws. He shifted the waistband of his shorts, freeing his bushy tail. "See."

Kira laughed, then got up and looked outside. "It's getting dark. Do you need a place to spend the night?"

"Are you offering? I don't have anyplace to go."

"Well then, you and Buddy will just have to spend the night here."

"Thanks," Luke pulled a rolled-up bedmat out of his large pack and layed it out on the floor oppisate Kira's bed.

Kira smiled and blew out the fire. Luke could here her crawl into her bed. then he rolled over and fell asleep.

[[Sorry if I'm interupting, but this story ROCKS so far!! I don't see any way it can be improved! It's really good!! Okay! Sorry if I've kinda ruined your ordering or anything, I can always delete this post so you can go on interrupted!! Just wanted to say it's great!!]]

Chapter Two, Part two

(note: from now on, Luke will be spelled Luc.)

Luc opened his eyes, but all he saw was purple. He groaned. His head felt like it had been hit, hard. Luc turned his head and saw Kira kneeling there, her back to him. He sat up.

"Kira?" he said softly.

She turned around, "Finally. You and Buddy have been asleep for a day and a night. I think it was that meat you ate. Next time, it's deer for you."

"That would be a good idea."

"I've been trying to wake Buddy up, but nothing works."

Luc slowly stood up and walked over to the snoring Buddy.

"Buddy," he whispered into the dog's ear, "Food."

Buddy jerked awake and looked wildly about.

"there," Luc said, satisfied, "he's awake."

"Good," said Kira, "Come see what I found,"

Intrigued, Luc followed her out of the campsite. Buddy trailed close behind, still holding out hope for food. they had walked but a short distance through the brush when they ended up on a pebbly beach. Luc looked out over the magnificent lake in front of him, shimmering a blinding blue in the sunlight.

"Sweet," Luc said excitedly, "Let's go swimming."

He ripped off his shirt and leaped into the water, Buddy not close behind.
Kira removed the large collar of her shirt, then slipped off her skirt. She backed up, then ran at the water. Just before she hit the water, Kira took to the air. She flew up until she was at least twenty feet in the air. Then, she folded her wings and plummeted headfirst into the lake. Luke ducked under the water and watched Kira dive downwards. She righted herself and flapped her wings once. She came shooting up out of the water like a dolphin, doing a neat flip before landing feetfirst in the water.

"this is really nice," Kira said breathlessly, "I haven't been clean in days."

Just then they heard the clatter of hooves from the oppisate shore. they looked over and saw a herd of unicorns coming down to drink, beautiful with thier pure white fur. the lead unicorn dipped his spiral horn in the water, then the others stepped forward and drank from the now pure water.

"Wow," said Kira softly.the unicorns looked just like the descriptions in the old stories her dad used to tell her. their white flanks shone in the sun and their loin-like tails flicked at flies. One unicorn looked up and saw Luc and kira floating in the water. he winnied, and the herd galloped away. Luc and Kira floated in silence until Luc spoke.

"You know," he said, almost to himself, "I thought most bodies of water had a spirit to protect it. I wonder where this one's is."

As if in answer to his question, they heard a loud rumble.

"You just HAD to ask, didn't you," Kira said sarcatically as they swam for shore.

they reached it not a moment too soon. A water serpent lifted it's head out of the water. It's blue scales glittered like the water as it looked around for the intruders on its domain. Seeing none, the creature sank back down below the surface.

Dripping, Kira, Luc, and Buddy walked back to the campsite. Kira quickly lite the fire and they sat around it, trying to warm up and dry off.

"i don't think we're going swimming again," said Kira, shivering.

"Agreed."

They pulled their dry clothes back on and dug out some dried meat for dinner.

Dusk quickly fell, bringing with it the coolness of night. Luke and Kira climbed in their bed and and went to sleep.

When Kira awoke. she found herself face to face with a strange, bearded man. She scrambled backwards into Luc, who awoke with a yelp. Now that Kira was farther away from the man, she could see it was actually a centaur. She stood up, then grabbed Luc and yanked him to his feet.

"What do you want?" Kira asked the centaur.

"I came to see what had disturbed the great lake serpent," the centaur said simply, "I believe I have found it."

"Yeah, that was us," Luc said sheepishly, "We're not from around here."
"I see. Now tell me, why are you in our woods?"

"We're headed for the Isle of Fire," Kira told him, "Through these woods is the fastest way."

"Well, then, do not linger in these woods. there is word the vampire clan is going to war." the centaur galloped away.

Luc and Kira shuddered. Vampires. They quickly packed up camp and left. Gnawing jerky, they continued their trek through the thick trees.

"What's the deal with vampires?" Kira asked Luc.

"Well, many vampire legends aren't true. They aren't the undead and they don't burn to dust in daylight. they just have sensitive eyes. Also, most vampires don't suck human blood anymore, the clan raises it's own animals. Much less chance of getting killed by your victum."

"Wow, Luc," Kira said in awe "How do you know so much about vampires?"

"werewolves and Vampires are closely associated," He answered simply.

"Oh,"

As they walked, the sky darkened. the huge, black clouds overhead formed the shape of a giant bird. In it's great could/sings lightning flashed.

"Oh, joy," Kira sad glumly, "The thunderbird. It's going to storm,"

Sure enough, the rain began to fall hard and fast. Water formed puddles on the leavesm, the large droplets falling to splash off their heads. Kira used one wing to heild herself from the rain, then stretched out the other one to cover Luc. Buddy joyously splahed in the puddles, his golden yellow fur quickly turning brown.

After a couple of hours of downpour, the bird/cloud folded it's wings and faded away. Kira shook out her wings, sending little droplets flying, then folded them back up tight against her body. Buddy also shook himslef, right next to Luc, soaking the wolf-boy thouroghly.

"I guess I didn't need to shield you from the rain," Kira said jokingly.

In response, Luc shook himself like a dog, getting Kira wet.

"Oh, you didn't,"

This time, Luc laughed at Kira.

Kira sighed, "I guess this time I have to make another platform. the ground's too wet to sleep on."

She found a good tree and hung the waterproof sheet to protect them from the dripping trees. Luc stayed on the ground and tossed large branches up to kira so she could set them in place. Soon, they had another large platform.

"I hope this one can stand up to a wyvern," Luc said with mock seriousness.

they laid their bedmats out over the damp branches. Kira pulled the bowl that had been n her house out of her backpack and dropped some small sticks in it. She lit it and placed it in the middle of the platform. even though it was a small flame,it spread it's light over the platform, pushing back the boundaries of darkness as the sun set in the distance. Stars came out one by one over their heads, then the almost full moon made it's apperance, bathing the dark forest floor with a creamy yellow light.

"wow," Kira said softly.

"Yes," Luc said, staring up at the moon," Full moon in two days,"

Kira looked at him, "You like the full moon?"

"Well, of course," he sighed. "Werewolves absorb power from the moon. Full-blooded were-wolves can transform on all but the darkest night. I can't except on the night of the full moon, or with the help of a moonstone to amplify the moon's rays." he reached into his pocket and pulled out a completely clear, unpolished stone and held it in his palm. It falshed and gleamed in the moonlight.

"You're lucky," Kira said quietly, "I can't transform at all,"

They both sighed and looked back out over the black forest. Silently, Luc atood up and walked back under the water sheet and into his bed mat.

"G'night"

"Good night"

Kira sat out for a while longer, quietly staring at the moon that hung high over her head. Luc and Buddy's collective snores had filled the platform by the time she went to bed.

Actially, i have over 20 chapters written, i just haven't typed them. that and I'm working on a new beginning. But I'll post some more soon.