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All right. Where do I begin? Where did any of this begin? I'll try to go in chronological order.

My grandfather orally raped me when I was a kid, probably around 8 or so. I was downstairs, watching a movie or something. I was really sick. I told grandpa I felt sick, and he took me to the bathroom and told me he had something that would make me feel better. Being dumb, I asked what it was, and that's when he sat on the sink and made me, well, give him oral. I ran out after he just stuck my mouth on it. But it makes me sick to this day. Just typing this makes me want to throw up.

Around... I dunno... probably when I was 8 as well, I used to be with my cousin a lot. My cousin, who is a female and 6 months older than I am, used to do this... uhm.... 'sex torture' thing where she would pretend to kidnap me (or me kidnap her, but mostly I was the victim) and then she would hold me down and touch me. It never got terribly bad, and even when she did take off my shirt she asked if it was okay first.

I feel like crap for that. I could have stopped every moment she did something like that to me (which, by the way, didn't stop until I was 12) because she did, after all, ask me. But I was young and naiive, and she just told me that we were playing a secret game I couldn't tell anyone else.

If I told anyone else, they'd hate me.

I had a best friend. We had been best friends since I was two years old. She went to cooking lessons with me, along with my cousin. Then, my cousin told my best friend about the... game. They both held me down in my bedroom and touched me. I... I sometimes can't go to some of the areas where they held me down. I wasn't able to move. They had my legs and arms held down to the ground, and I was naked. And then they touched me.

Then, my best friend and I went to camp. There we had a cabinmate. She was pretty nice. But... well... this makes me a bad person, even if I didn't know what was going on. My best friend told the girl about the game, and she wanted to do it. So, I told them they could. They did it to me, and I gave them permission.


So, I don't know if you've heard this story before. Maybe on the introductions thread. Anyway...

My mom knows about my cousin, but not about my best friend or the cabinmate. I think she knows about grandpa. When I told my therapists, here's the responses I've gotten.

#1 (told her about my cousin): Let's tell your mother.
#2 (psychiatrist, rather): Let's put you on Zoloft.
#3 (school therapist): Don't tell anyone.
#4 (new school therapist): How does that affect your sexuality?

My mom: It's all your fault.

My oldest sister nearly commited suicide by cutting herself a couple years ago. My mom calls her up every day to comfort her. She was raped by my grandfather and my uncle, and that is the source of her depression. Guess what? Mom comforts her. I doubt mom has ever told her it was her fault.

But me? I'm a scape goat. I get all the blame for most things that happen in my family. Hell, I even get blamed for my brother's bad grades. However, I don't want to leave my house. I know that's dumb, but I want to get an education , a good one. I live with wealthy parents, and I can deal with my dad's anger and my mom's... misunderstanding until I get out of the house and into college.

How am I supposed to think about these things? Mostly I've ignored them for the most part, but I used to mope about them all the time. Then I thought; what's the point?

That was, until I told my second oldest sister. Here comes the actual point of this thread.

She told me that she was also orally raped by my grandfather in the television room upstairs. And she told mom. And my oldest sister's told mom. And I've told mom. And dad knows.

And they haven't done ANYTHING about it.

They haven't told the police. They haven't confronted him about it. (Mom says; it's better to forgive and forget.)

And my sister brought up a good point;

What if they don't care about us? My parents are both rather sucessful doctors. How would it look if they went to court with their three daughters because my dad's dad raped all of us?

My ex-best friend (I have a best friend now I've known for 6 years) is downstairs right now. She spent the night. She spiked my drink with whiskey and got drunk herself. I'm really, really, REALLY against underage drinking, and she still put whiskey in my soda (which made me sick).
I don't know how to feel around her. Why is she so calm around me? Am I supposed to bring things up with her or just ignore it? Once before I apologized for it because I thought it was my fault.


So. Points;

Do my parents value their image more than they value us?
How can I complain about any of this if I brought it all on to myself?
Should I confront the ex-bestfriend about it?


If asked; I cannot go to court. I cannot do anything about my grandfather except ignore him. Oh, and good news! (this may sound bad to be excited about, but really. think about what he did.)

He got prostate cancer. Ironic, huh?

Thanks.
I know, but I'm not so sure as to how I should approach my mother about it. I mean, what am I supposed to say? "Hey, mom. I think you should be more sensative to my plight."
Yeah, I think I might just let it lay as it is for right now. I mean, I apologized for it before, and I should just leave it there.

It helps a bunch. Thanks. ^^

I'll try that. Thanks again. ^^

See, in a better world I could go to the press and get something done about it. But what's the point? He's a preacher in Mississippi, and I'm just a girl from Tennessee who has a memory that cannot be proved, and the first time I remembered it I stuffed it away, dismissing it as a dream until it came up again and again.
Also, I love my parents too much to destroy their lives (plus they give me a lot of stuff I wouldn't get otherwise). Oh, and the only reason my grandfather did that stuff is because he is jealous of my father.

You see, my dad is the only person in his family to ever go to college and get a good job and earn lots of money. So grandpa took out his jealousy on my dad's children. So did my uncle (he also stole money from us after raping my oldest sister. He's in jail now, but I think he escaped). In all actuality, there's nothing we can do.

If I brought it up with my sisters, my oldest one might become suicidal again because of those memories that she's finally been able to overcome. It's unfair to her.

My cousin told me that I'm making up everything and it's not her fault at all, and even though she was older than me I knew what she was doing (which I didn't). So there's nothing I can do except distance myself from the problem.

I feel bad for my ex-bestfriend because, after all, she was a victim just like me. Except she became a molester to myself and that cabinmate. So I figure I'll just distance myself from her as you stated.

Thanks for the help, I appreciate it. Except I can't go to court if I have no evidence and I really do not want to get my sister worked up over it again. I'll just confront my parents about it one day. My dad might get pissed at hit me though, so maybe I'll go to a therapist and then she can tell my mom like how they did with my first therapist with the information about my cousin.

I'm just praying the prostate cancer does its work, plus his old age and overweight. (He got prostate cancer a while ago, like 8+ months. I dunno if he still has it or if they got rid of it. But either way, he'll probably die.)

And it works, trust me. I have been involved something like this before but a hell lot worse if you can imagine. When i see something like this or Rape or anything else, I get very angry. Dangerously angery and i tend to lash out, i did lash once and the end effect everyone was happy because i lashed out. Ive seen so much over here in Ireland, and you mighten expcet ireland having hundreds of rape cases in a week.And Thats only in the captial.

@Akikko-
It seems to me that you dont want to change and that what your parents did to you was alright. What they did was certinaly not alright, and weather you like it or not it will probley effect your children or your sisters children in ways you would not dream up of. Your saying that its ok to let your parents to ignore it so you get all the nice stuff. Well sue them then you can get far more nicer stuff. They are not good parents, actually they are far from it to let there daugherts be sexually abused a number of times.They should be a shamed of themselves. And your sister might never overcome her surcidal feeling unless it was comfronted, the reason she is feeling like she is suicidal is because she is powerless and nobody cares. Well thats the way she would look at it, Basicaly if you do nothing it will only get worse and worse and sooner or later. When you least expect it , someone you might though was depented might loose there life. Because nothing as been done about it, but Just do something anything and to get your family in order again. And if your dad hits you, report him to the police and make a big show and threanten him to reveal everything about what happen.

1 its was not your fault except when u let the girls at that camp.
2 your mom should be ashemd of her self for balming u

I think that what all those people did to you was wrong, yes, but you did say that you allowed, them so I guess that you really can't do anything about it. What your grandfather did on the other hand was revolting. That is horrible and I think you should report him to the police.