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This isn't an angsty post. It's a lengthy one that's rather tangential in terms of topic. Hopefully it's got some sort of fluidity to it.

My brother left this morning [Thursday] to go off to do something at his college. See, he has this internship thingy or whatever with a professor at his and he's helping him to do some sort of medical research. The research isn't being done at the college, but at some hospital called St. Somethings.

I just thought it was a summer job where he drives to "work" and back to home.

I had no idea that when he walked out of the door today that he'd be leaving and boarding at the college for the rest of the summer. When I found that out at dinner today, I was just kinda like "lol wut?"

The house holds this different air now that my brother's gone. I miss him. D: It's weird 'cause back during the school year while he was gone, I missed him a little bit, but it wasn't too bad. Now everytime I walk around the house and I half expect some sort of noise, it isn't there. My sister has always kept to herself and my brother is always either playing Smash Bros. on one half of the house or he's on his laptop playing music on the other half.

But it's just plain quiet. I'm on my headphones in the same room and I don't hear the sounds of Guilds of War or whatever he plays right behind me from the other table.

I'm also actually doing everything in peace, which is extremely weird. Extremely. He always walks up to me, stares at me for a few minutes, and randomly does something. Whether it's yelling out "DO U WNT 2 C AFRO POOSY?" or smacking the back of my head, yelling "TEEHEE", and skipping away in a f*****t-esque motion, it's something.

But nothing is happening. D:

It's so incredibly empty, I hate it! I guess during the school year, I didn't think of him being gone too much because I had so much on my mind already. In between stupid projects and chapters to read, my mind was so cluttered and stuff that I really didn't have "room" to think too much about the lack-of-said-brother around the house.

I need stuff to go clutter my mind now. I've been Pokemon-ing, but my "drive" in that particular area is waning. I should start reading my summer reading--or completing Kingdom Hearts. I don't know. I need some sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.

I've pretty much almost filled up my Kanto and Johto Pokedex. I should start on the Hoenn one by playing Sapphire/Ruby and trading it over to my LeafGreen. I know I'll get bored of it eventtually. I need to watch anime, too. I've started rewatching Haruhi Suzumiya. I should finish that up as well as Mushishi. Maybe finish Yakitate! Japan. Maybe start Lucky Star?

I need to read the books I got for Christmas in addition to the summer reading assignment [The Agony and the Ecstasy]. I started Homer's Odyssey back in school and I'm only on Book V. I've got Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier, Memoirs of a Geisha, Sophocles' Oedipus cycle, and other stuff.

It's kinda sad that I need to bury myself in a billion tasks in order to "escape" or push things out of my mind. Sad, isn't it? I seriously need to find the means to get out more. I've got my permit and I need to practice driving around Sunnyvale [where nobody lives so the odds of hitting a car is minimal] and work my way up to Mesquite. Then I can probably go hang out with my friends with more ease.

But anyways, if you've been reading along, feel proud of yourself. I don't think I could have the patience to read someone else's lame monologue. Feel spared though, 'cause I decided to stop here rather than go on. My mind just made some sort of realization about myself in general and I can get very verbos when pondering about my existence.

AND MySpace.


Why I did that, I'm not quite sure. I prolly felt like attention whoring. I don't know. I went back and reread some of this and was like, "WTF AM I THINKING?"

I don't get met sometimes. :'D