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Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2007 10:55 pm
I have to break up with ethan... No longer can I take the s**t I go through with him. I can't take it any more I seriously just can't. I give you guys the sweet s**t of our relationship but I don't give the details.... So here i'll post this letter I wrote to my sis to give you WHY im doing this... You know i've tried and i've tried though...to keep this together...anyways here it is....
Alright, Ethan and I are having some MAJOR problems right now...I 'spose I make mine and his relationship look so good...But I spose I should fill you in on details so you understand what's going on... A'right, when I first met ethan i was extremely hyper/annoying/crazy...I saw a oppurtunity for a new relationship so I flew in for the kill ja. Bad move on my part. The first month was absolutely horrible...he went around saying mean things about me and not claiming me and such....Then a month later though he asked me to be his girlfriend, I had calmed out since then. We went to dances and on a date or two..we've been going out almost 8 months now officially. We've had random run-ins like, i'm too hyper sometimes or too loud...Or he wont be giving me enough attention so i'll get mad at him...but he's done awesome things like take me to iowa city for my bday, buy me a locket for Xmas. You know those random things there. but like since then i've changed so freaking much. I don't get hyper in public unless we're with a large group of friends and I know it's alright, i'm very calm when i'm on a date just me and ethan, extremely quiet, and speak when spoken too, lol ethan always says "You're so quiet...you should talk more I like to hear you talk" But yeah, anyways, for the last month or 2 in school though...he started treating me like crap. Ignoring me, pushing me off him when I want a kiss or a hug or even to just lean against him when i'm tired. So I got down to the bottom of it and I bitched him out...I couldn't take it after so long. He started getting a little better. Then school let out, we went to the movies had a GREAT GREAT night right...2 weeks later today really, bowling alley at leisure world...He pushed me away...so much...and hardly talked to me...just like he was doing in school...So in the car he and I were whispering and I was like "...We should spend some more time together" he says "no." and I say "well we should at least talk on msnm once in a whle.." he says, "No." So I ask, "Why?" he says "...Because" I give up, leave him alone. THEN I come home, get on msnm, and ask him Why. He says "Because you're annoying 90 percent of the time" and to myself i'm thinking "HELLO! THAT WAS 9 MONTHS AGO YOU IDIOT!" I keep to myself for a sec and respond with "well hell you don't even know me any more we never spend time together" he goes quiet, and then says "I'm gonna go play a video game" and he leaves. So then I tell him the following things in a message: "BTW, rather you're paying attention or not. Im leaving this message. You shan't run from this forever...we HAVE to talk this out. Because seriously, we have been places before, and I haven't been annoying. I've been JUST fine. So forgive me, for whatever I do...to annoy you. I don't try too, I truely don't...I just want to be able to talk to you and spend time with you...That's all..." So then I go to bed. I can't sleep I wake up and I send him this "You know, I can't seem to sleep. I wake up every so often thinking about that "Annoying thing" and I KNOW You will get these messages so seriously please DONT ignore them you can't ignore this... I just want you to know WHY im annoying when I AM annoying.... It's because I want to get your attention somehow. When i'm loud and obnoxious its cus I want you to comment on something i'm being loud about. And you know, I really like you. So I tried to change too...I'm a lot less annoying than I used to ever be! I've been trying so so so hard and Id ont think you see it... sad You know a person could pay me a million dollars, give me all the fame in the world, and i'd never cheat on you, i'd still say "hey, I like a guy, he's all I care about and you can shove it in your face" because i'm that kind of person. I donno, you probably don't really realize how much I actually like you...maybe that's it. Or how hard I truely do try to get you to notice me once in a while and talk to me and what not...I mean really, most of my friends are like "wow, you put up with a lot, i woulda broke up with him" and im like, "well that's you, and this is me. I like him, I can't help it, it's my choice." I just thought I might let you know that. and look...i want you...to be able to like me...and be able to get to know me...just tell me whateveri gotta do, to please you..." But now I feel like I did wrong by telling him that...i'm just...grr im so screwed. It's got me crying and such and I just don't know what to do i'm afraid we'll break up and I like him so much it's insane and I can't even imagine myself being without him....Anyways sorry this is so long...
It's been a while since then he hasnt tried to even contact me what so ever...
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Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 5:37 am
I've so been there!!! My sons father was like that the last year of our relationship, I loved him, like madly truly like I couldn't hardly breath with out him. I wanted to just hear his voice you know? But it got so bad that After my son was born I didn't see him for weeks at a time... I cried non stop and beleive me when I say I do NOT cry. Well one day when I got some free time I went over to his house and him and his ex-girlfriend were sitting on the coutch at completely oppisite ends at his mothers. I striaght up dumped him right there. He ditched me to hang out with her... It was the last straw. I couldb't take it any more. 3 weeks later I ended up punching him, and telling him I wasted 2.5 years on him. Now I'm married, and he's trying to sort of get me back. I think the worse part is, deep down I still love him. Its really frustrating.. My advice is get down to the raw grits and find out what's the matter, don't just dump him. I later found out from her they were putting together a surprize party for me.... She just just there to help because me and her were so much a like. I'm cool with her now, like their back together, but I know if I wanted him back it would be easy but iI don't want him, he was the best relationship i've had and the worst. XD Agian, before jumping to conclusions, get down to the nitty gritties, there might be some thing else bothering him that he's not letting you know about because he's afraid of what you might think, but he might be taking his frusterations out on you. ^^
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Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 5:44 am
Well you may not like my advice, so I'll put it in white and let you choose for yourself to read it or not 3nodding heart
I've been in relationships like that before. I tried to change so that he would like me better, but I found that it hurt me when I did that. I didn't want him to like me pretending to be someone else, I wanted him to like me just the way I was. We had had a really rocky relationship, that lasted about the same time as ya'll's. I had grown so used to him being there and talking to him. Then I realized that he wasn't there so much. He'd stand by me, but he'd always be talking to someone else. And most of the talking we did was five feet apart, screaming at each other. I wrote him a letter telling him that I liked him very much, but that I didn't like the person I was becoming for him, and I didn't like the way he treated me. I cried and cried, but I gave him the letter anyway. The next day he started dating his best friend. I was angry and hurt, but there was this small sliver of hope and happiness in my heart, because I knew I'd done the right thing.
Now, I know that what I did may not be the best for you, but I know I learn through experience, so sharing experience should be good, yeah? n_n
I guess what I'm trying to say is, sooner or later you're going to get tired of playing the part of perfect girlfriend, because the fact is, you probably aren't his perfect girlfriend. And when you do find someone else, you will go into that new relationship knowing that you shouldn't fake who you are. And that person will like or dislike you for you, which is much better than liking or disliking someone for something they're not :3
I hope it helped heart
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Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 5:47 am
Oh good advice Mimisi. ^^
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Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 5:50 am
Thanks x3 I liked yours, too, but I imagine she's probably been thinking on this a while :3 (At least it sounded like she had been :3)
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Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 6:01 am
Yeah. I'm sorry that her boyfriend is being a duche. XD
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