Welcome to Gaia! ::

Ok basically this is a small part of my story that I am working on, currently 114 A4 pages, it was inspired by a nightmare I had and I wanted to know what everyone thought of it. This is on page 110 so its past halfway through, so it may be a little bit confusing what is going on but when I finish typing it up I'll post the rest of it. I love suggestions. Ok so here it is:

Elin collapsed from lack of energy. She lent against the wall staring into the thick mist and tried to stay awake. The world around her turned dark. The ground leaked blood and the wall started to melt behind her. A shape appeared through the red fog and Elin slowly came to realise it was a demon. She gasped and tried to get up. A hand placed itself on her shoulder and she turned to see her father, Ahknaa, the dreaded demon, smiling down at her showing his dripping fangs. She tried to push him away but her hand went straight through him and she retracted it. She turned to see all the demons in the world emerging, she screamed as loud as she could. They closed in, Ahknaa's claws dug into her shoulder. All the monsters jumped on her at once, all baring their teeth and readying their claws. They all had the same look of blood lust in their eyes. Elin gave one last spine chilling screech and then. She woke up.

Feel free to just post, MA. I would add that it does draw me in right away and that is a good thing though you might want to include smell and taste into the descriptive to tie things in a bit more.

I love her name! And I really want to read more.