Welcome to Gaia! ::

"I want it to be made perfectly clear that he's not my plastic surgeon. I refuse to have anything done to this lovely body of mine." Jacqueline blinked and raised an eyebrow as Nicky tore into the defenseless burger. Brewster, meanwhile, grabbed his own floor-patty and began to follow Nicky's lead. "Well, Brewster and I are here for a visit. So, this means he's gonna turn into a dog?" Jacky leaned down and gave the Shar-pei a frowny face. "Sorry, Brewster, you have to be a dog from now on. Can't be a fat Swedish toddler anymore. Helga will be so disappointed." Brewster's tail went into hyper-wag mode at the mention of Helga's name and clamored up onto Jacky's lap and snorted happily. "So, tell me why they decided to turn everyone into dogs. Or are you really a lycanthrope?"

"You mean we can't even pick? That's just unfair right there. I don't wanna get stuck with something ugly...like a bird... Birds are just creepy. I can't stand it when Brewster brings them home. I don't mean to say he catches them, but they follow him. Sometimes, he gets bread crumbs stuck in his folds when we pass the crazy old bird ladies at the park and the pigeons start thinking he's a hippo or something...." Brewster barked and Jacky scratched at his ears. "Fat ol' hippo. Perhaps Eugene will let you take a bath in his tub. Speaking of Eugene, where the ******** did he go anyways? He was supposed to take you on a walk, and not let us get kidnapped, among other things...." Jacky pulled out a bottle of scotch from her purse and set it down. "Not much else to do but get drunk, I suppose."

Jacky pulled out a second bottle, pulled off the top and held it towards Nicky. "To all my poor friends back home, who will never get to enjoy growing fur. Cheers!" She clanked the bottles together and began to chug. "Ahhhhhhhhhhh.... That is tasty...." Jacqueline scooted Brewster off her lap and lay down across the bench. "Man....It's been at least a decade since I last got drunk in a cafeteria. And at least 6 years since I've had sex on one of these things.... I was drunk before we got to the table, so that time doesn't count as 'getting' drunk. There were also a lot less dogs present then. No intended offense to you, though, Nicky."

"Really? Never on a school table? That's a crime where I come from. It's thrilling when school's in session. It's always better when there's a student body around. So much more exciting if you don't know who's gonna potentially show up!" Jacky sat upright and straddled the bench, grinning at Nicky. Brewster started to snort and wag his tail as well, getting excited with the rest of the grown-ups. Jacky took another long swig of alcohol.

"Though, it's still fun even if there's no one about. It's a table after all! And sex on tables is required to be enjoyable." She leaned forward and let her necklaces slip down her cleavage and poked Nicky's chest to make her point. "I've always found it to be the best way to make any bad situation that much better." Though, I'm gonna need a lot more liquor to make this whole day better.

Jacky snickered. "A Volkswagon? Like a bug? How the hell did you fit?! Though, if it was the van those don't count! There's easy shag room there." Jacky rolled her empty bottle down the table and reached once more for her Burberry bag. Thank you super-sized purse! Great for all your alcoholic shopping needs! "Last one...." Jacky smiled wistfully at it before turning back to the conversation. "Of course! Pool tables fall into the sports table subheading. Right next to foosball." She held up her index finger. "And always be sure that your tables are sturdy and made of nice wood. Broke a guy's tailbone when his cheap plywood gave out. Also had a bunch of tiny soccer-player, head-shaped bruises." The slightly drunken girl winced.

"I'd say weirdest place for me was.... Man, I've been so many places, and they don't seem that strange.... " Jacky put on a serious thinking face and searched through her brain's sex files. "Wait! Wait! In the treehoue of my step-kid's kid. I was absolutely blitzed. Oh yeah! It was right after my first husbtand's funeral. Man was his son pissed! That was a good day, though. Lots of buffets...." Jacky smiled and leaned her forehead against Nicky. "Never did it on a buffet table. Too many hot plates...."

Jacky tilted her head upwards, staring up at Nicky's face past the buttons on his shirt. She watched as he scanned the room for viable surfaces. Her eyes fell upon the burger buffet, which looked vulnerably back at at her. What do YOU want? Jacky blinked expectantly at it. He does have a tail you realize. And have you seen his mouth? Brewster wandered past wiggling his tail, oblivious, as usual, to his delusional, inanimate-object conversing, momma. Fine......You win this round burger bar. But I won't be so easy to convince next time!

Jacky clasped her arms around Nicky's waist letting her hands rest on top of his tail. "Well, that one over there makes a very convincing argument. I say we go with it, this time." Jacqueline was game for anything at this point.