Please Come Read my Fanfic!! *Reviews Really Appriciated!* | Page 1 | Fanfiction | Guild Forums

rbelactress

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Posted: Sun May 06, 2007 7:53 pm

This is my first fanfiction, Please tell me what you think!!! The good and the bad.

Sorry if there are any typos or misspellings. >.<

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"Ready?" Carlisle asked me.
I took a deep breath, "Ready'. I turned tword Edward standing next to me, he smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes.
"You can still rethink this you know" he said, his voice half hopeful.
"I know, I want to do this". I could feel the intensity burning through my eyes. "I'm not worried, your the one who's going to do it" I told him.
He pressed his icy lips against mine.
"We should really get started now" Carlisle broke in gently, "This is going to be a long three days, no to mention very painful" he leveled his gaze at me.
Edwards back stiffened slightly. I took ahold of his hand and nodded to Carlisle, "I'm ready" I repeated.
He motioned to Edward. He kissed me once more with such intensity it left me dizzy and short of breath.
"I love you" he whispered.
"I know, I love you too"I breathed. Carlisle looked at Edward, he nodded. "What did he say?" I asked.
"Emmet's outside in case..." He didn't have to finish the sentence, in case I get carried away. Edward studied my face for any signs of fear, "I trust you" I told him.
"I know, I wish you wouldn't".
"Well, lets get this over with" I closed my eyes. Edward's breathing stopped, I felt him lean twords me.
We had carefully planned where I would be bit, my shoulder, side, and leg. I would be in more pain sooner, but it wouldn't take as long. Edward was quick, and before I knew it he was done.
Even though I was expecting what came next I couldn't help gasping. It felt as though someone had poured hot syrup on the areas he bit me, but instead of cooling off the burning intensified. It soon became the agony that I remembered all too well, from when James bit me. I couldn't hold back my scream any longer, it tore out of me. My vision was starting to fade, black dots where appearing everywhere. I could feel the burning start to spread, it was so very painful. Someone, somewhere was screaming as if their life depended on it, I dimly registered it was me. The pain suddenly became overwhelming, I was jerked back into semiconsciousness, and, against my will I started to sob.
"Bella" Edward said my name. His voice sounded pained. "Oh god. I'm sorry"
It was then I realized I was yelling 'Make it stop!', I closed my mouth, "Don't leave" I whispered instead.
"I won't Bella. I won't".
I don't know how I made it through the three days, drifting in and out of consciousness.

When I awoke, the pain was gone. My eyelids fluttered open and I saw everyone standing around Edwards bed looking at me, Edward was holding my hand.
"Bella!" Alice flung her arms around me, Alice started talking to me in the fast low way I'd seen her use with the rest of the Cullens so many times before, except this time, I understood every single word she said. "Oh Bella, it seemed like it took forever! Although I expect it seemed like longer to you. Edward was so worried, if I didn't know better I would have thought he was going to faint! Oooooo Bella your so beautiful-"
"-What do you mean beautiful?" I cut in looking down at my hands. They looked just like Edwards. "Oh!" I exclaimed, "Do I look...I look like you guys!?" "Beautiful I mean??"
Edward chuckled, "You have always been beautiful Bella" He told me, "But come look in the mirror". I got up quickly eager to see the 'new' me. I noticed right away how strong and agile I felt, like I could do anything. "Wow" I muttered under my breath.Right then I decided to try something, facing the door I started to run. I wanted to see if I could go as fast as they could. Almost immediately I slammed into something hard and fell, not so much from the force of the blow but from the shock of it. Emmett started to laugh in his big booming voice and soon everyone joined in.
"Wh..what happened?" I sputtered. Greatful that I was unable to blush. Edward was the first to regain his composer.
"Well Bella," He said "Even vampires have to-"
"-Avoid door frames?" Emmett put in, that started everyone on a fresh wave of laughter.
"Bella.... Im sorry...the look..your face.." Alice gave up trying to talk.
"Actually I was going to say 'have to look where they are going' or at least at first they do" Edward said the corners of his mouth turning up. He held out his hand for me, I took it. After I was on my feet I led him to Alice's bathroom. Everyone else followed.

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Thats as far as I got so far. I might wright some more and put it up if people like this much >.< I'll have to find the time first. sweatdrop

Please tell me what I should do different, or if there where any places that didn't make sense.

I love Edward!

Posted: Mon May 07, 2007 4:10 pm

omg. that was really cool. really good writing too!

Komugi_8

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Tickle Toe Bob

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Posted: Fri May 11, 2007 12:51 pm

I love it!! It is just the kind of scene I could see in the book, right down to the details. Also, it was awesome how it was serious but humerous at the same time! I can't wait to read more.

Posted: Fri May 11, 2007 2:07 pm

omg. i just read the last part. that was the funniest thin i ever read

Komugi_8

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keimoko

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Posted: Fri May 11, 2007 5:50 pm

Awh man, that was great. rofl It really made me laugh. My sister thought I was crazy because I just randomly started laughing. Great job; I can't wait to read more. 3nodding heart

Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2007 9:31 am

omg it was soooooooooooooo cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
well you haft to continu im to into it now !

a black star in my heart

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xXx-karebear-xXx

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Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 1:10 pm

i LOVED iT!!! mrgreen
That last part was funny...

Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 1:42 pm

Even as a vampire she can't help slamming into something. Just complete and total wow.

xvanyaa

6,150 Points

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mariko_akira

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Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 12:03 pm

veery very good i loved it you should totally continue it...lol it's awesome i love how you made bella a klutz one last time

Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 5:00 pm

✖✖✖| |:-----------------

I love it.
And I do not think that there was anything confusing or anything like that.
I definitely think that you should continue writing this. >w<
And if you do, I think you should mention something about what Bella's talent is going to be! =o

This is the exact type of thing that I can see happening in the 3rd book! You did a great job with it! <33

[+.kat.+]

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broken_heart70

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Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 9:29 pm

It was Fabulous!! You don't need to really change anything!! and I ABSOLUTLY LOVED IT!! *sorry habit redface * but you should put up more!

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 10:30 pm

deffinately the best fanfic i've read so far... it would be even better if it went a bit slower, though.. but i know i would never be able write anything like that.. awesome job!