Sadness and Sorrow
The miniscule stars littering the night sky twinkled as royally as any precious diamond would on a background of lush black velvet, giving the Square of Radiant Garden an almost ghostly glow to accompany the eerie silence. The sky was perfectly clear – not even a wisp of a cloud tarnished the beautiful sight – and the crisp air carried only a gentle, serene breeze. The majority of the inhabitants of the town were tucked in their beds, warm, momentarily forgetting about the world’s current status, about their own dangerous situation. For a few hours, they could gain some pacification in their own imaginations, comforted by the warmth of dreams of peace, family, friends and love. The Heartless couldn’t seep into their determined hearts; the Nobodies couldn’t disturb their tranquil sleep. Everything would be right, if only for a little while.
In the entire diminutive, jovial town, only one light shone through a small glass panel, illuminating one petite patch of the cobblestone Square. Its warm glow came from Merlin’s house - more specifically, his living room. This sight was far from uncharacteristic, despite it being the small hours of the morning. Merlin himself wasn’t awake – oh no, he’d be snoozing like a log – but either of the two soldiers he housed, perhaps even both of them.
Radiant Garden didn’t have the… well, radiance it once offered. It was soon run-down, conquered by Maleficent and her militia of those infectious creatures of darkness – the Heartless. The residents soon began to leave – either fleeing from the new threat or being captured by it. Eventually, the town itself succumbed to Maleficent’s powers. It became a shambles – once vibrant shades dulling, the air chilling, its life… dying. Maleficent set up home there, casting an air of solemnity upon the town. It no longer bustled with citizens who would be acquainted with everyone, chirping cheery greetings as they passed each other almost every day, each minding their own business, set upon fulfilling their daily chores. Now it crawled with repulsive Heartless. That is what the town, too, became – just another Heartless, in a sense.
However, four of its inhabitants were determined to fight for their hometown. They couldn’t give it up so easily. As far as they were concerned, it was what they lived for. They struggled valiantly, but eventually were driven out of the area, just as their friends and family had before them. They found themselves in Traverse Town, which had become subject to the same fate as Hollow Bastion – the dreary name Maleficent had chosen for their former home, replacing ‘Radiant Garden’. It seemed those little black beings were becoming a problem worldwide. Accepting the fact that Radiant Garden was no more, and wouldn’t be for a while, they regarded Traverse Town as their new residence, if only temporarily. But as time passed, their feelings soon grew for the larger, albeit quieter settlement and found themselves willing to protect it against the darkness, as they would have done for Radiant Garden.
Nevertheless, no matter how much they fought, the Heartless wouldn’t back down, springing up from just about every nook and cranny. The gang could ward off the Heartless for a few hours a day, but they’d return in huge numbers the next. It was a never-ending battle, tedious, but never once did they complain. They went out everyday, slaying the beasts, taking out more. Then they’d return home, each too tired to communicate, just rest. Therefore, they would. When the morning came, they’d repeat the same process – fight, sleep, rise… fight, sleep, rise. Yet they never uttered a word of protest. Often they’d wonder, secretly in the back of their mind, if it would ever end, or if they would ever get any sort of vacation, or help.
After a while of living in Traverse Town, they caught wind of a lifeline – some kid with a ‘Key’. The ‘Keybearer’ could supposedly destroy the darkness, the Heartless, and bring peace to the Worlds, severing the ties that were formed, disconnecting them all once again. What was more, he was there in Traverse Town… somewhere. They searched the town over, thoroughly, time and time again. The days drawled on, spent searching for this one child, as though he was the savour to everything. They didn’t even know this kid, yet they were entrusting him with something so precious to them, protecting it like something fragile, delicate.
Their efforts weren’t for nothing, though, and not only did this young boy – Sora, they discovered – pretty much find them, but also had the strength and the heart to make them believe again. He went on to save Traverse Town from a gargantuan Heartless – the Body Armour – twice, before moving on to other, needier worlds. Though his exit made it harder for them to fend off Heartless attacks again, they were left with the conviction that the Heartless would soon be overthrown. It was enough to keep them fighting.
They fought. For a long time. They tracked Sora’s movements too, keeping their prayers alive – for him to stay safe, for him to win, for him to return to his home safely. Finally, their prayers were answered, as news swept through the worlds like a whisper: Sora had conquered Ansem – the man who was superior even to Maleficent - and brought peace back to the worlds. His location was unknown, however, becoming lost somewhere in End of The World.
Slowly, the Heartless plaguing Traverse Town reduced in number, and eventually dissipated completely. Satisfied with the work they had done – with Sora’s help – to return Traverse Town to its former peace, the crew set off for Hollow Bastion to restore that area too. Thus was born the Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee, consisting of Squall ‘Leon’ Leonhart, Aerith Gainsborough, Cid Highwind, Yuffie Kisaragi and of course, Sora. They’d just have to wait until they met him again to welcome him to the gang officially. They didn’t doubt he wouldn’t accept though. They imagined it: big goofy grin, fingers laced together behind his head, shuffling from one foot to the other.
Aerith requested they allowed another member to join the ranks shortly after. The guys and Yuffie were surprised at the sudden appeal, but agreed to listen all the same. She introduced them to Cloud Strife, a blond warrior Leon remembered from one of the tournaments at Olympus Coliseum he and Yuffie had participated in. They were apprehensive at first – Cloud had had some sort of contract with Hades, the ruler of the Underworld, at their brief meeting – but the impressive swordsman seemed truly sorry for the pain he caused. He admitted he let himself be taken by the darkness, but only to find something dear to him – his light. Leon was unsure as to what he meant by ‘his light’, but decided to let it slide; the young man seemed introvert and he doubted he’d like to share its meaning with a bunch of strangers. He’d have to earn his trust, he had thought sympathetically. Perhaps then he’d tell his story.
As time went on, Cloud did open up to the group increasingly. He told them that he was hunting down a warrior by the name of Sephiroth. He shared his memories of SOLDIER and how Sephiroth used to be his idol. Suddenly becoming vague on details, Cloud told them that events happened, leaving Cloud completely alone and doubtful of himself, how he wasn’t sure if he was the real ‘Cloud’. He told them that that was what his search was about, and when Leon enquired as to what ‘his light’ was, Cloud merely answered with a simple, “I don’t know.” Leon had initially thought this was peculiar, and began suspecting ulterior motives from the blond. However, as Cloud became more accustomed to living in a small dingy house with four diverse soldiers and a crazed old wizard, Leon began to see the true colours of ‘Strife’ (he had grown to label him by his surname) and began to understand, even if it was only partially, what he was talking about. With a small idea, he left Cloud to it, not bothering to interrogate him about his search, his mind now free of suspicions. Cloud was just another soul broken by the darkness that caused the likes of Heartless.
So the Restoration Committee rose from six affiliates to seven.
And they fought together to this very day.
Hollow Bastion had now been restored to its former glory, and was even returned its name of ‘Radiant Garden’, but the restoration still had some ways to go, and the fresh batch of Heartless and the new threat of Nobodies hindered the Committee’s progress greatly.
But now, at this moment, it didn’t matter. Everyone was sound asleep, enjoying a rare moment of serenity. Everyone… except either of the two soldiers Merlin housed.
A small moan escaped as Leon stretched up, fingers tangled together high above his head, eyes scrunched shut, lips pursed, breath held and teetering on tip toe. His back arched so much he thought it might snap clean in two, but it seemed to be fine, relieved to be in a different position at last. Joints no longer stiff, he released his breath in a loud, drawling sigh and slouched back down to usual height, feet flat on the soft carpet tickling the soles of his feet. He rubbed sleep from his eyes. The brunet had accidentally dozed off sitting awkwardly in the armchair, waiting patiently for Cloud to arrive home from wherever it was he meandered away to during the day.
Cloud Strife…
The name echoed around Leon’s thoughts. Where was he anyway? Did he come back? Was he sleeping right now? If he was, did he infiltrate Leon’s own bed? Leon had taken Cloud’s usual spot, after all. Leon had the largest bed – a double – and had repeatedly offered it to Cloud, but he was always rejected. No, the blond was far too dignified to sleep in a bed with another man. Instead, he snoozed gently in the armchair opposite the old television they owned, legs curled beneath his chin and cheek nuzzling into the back.
“Well,” Leon said simply every time, “don’t come crying to me, begging to sleep on a soft, comforting mattress when you do your back in for good.”
And following that was a very undignified snort, every time, without fail.
Leon let a smirk tug at the corners of his lips as he recalled the sometimes vicious verbal assaults the two often launched on each other. Both had far too much pride than was considered healthy. Leon knew this, but hell was to pay if people thought he’d actually allow that damned Strife to win, just to prove to others that he didn’t have as much unnecessary pride as they believed…’cause that would just be one huge lie. Leon concluded that he probably had more pride than three of the blond warriors put together. Haughtily puffing out his chest, he smirked wider.
“So,” he growled low to an imaginary Cloud, “I get one over on you at last.”
He returned to his previous stance. Was having more pride for better or for worse? Leon wasn’t sure. Ears turning red from allowing himself to do such a childish thing, he left to check every room, searching for signs of his sparring partner.
There was none.
Leon’s brow knitted together, creasing the scar that ran between his stormy grey eyes. He glanced over at the clock, noting the time – three thirty in the morning. His gaze wandered from there to the only photograph they had of Cloud (the guy was really camera shy). They had only managed to capture this one by ambushing him, and it really was one of the best taken, despite the circumstances. Cid had leapt down from the rafters of the church Cloud was visiting, taking the blond by surprise. His head was turned to the camera. His torso was facing the way he was originally walking. Leon was initially unable to read his expression: cold eyes, slightly raised eyebrows and lips gently parted. But as time grew old, he understood it, making him feel slightly troubled every time he looked at the photograph in passing.
Shaking his head out of his reverie, Leon slipped his feet into his brown leather boots, threw on his jacket and slipped his Gunblade into the holster at his hip. The brunet clutched the hilt momentarily.
“You can never be too careful,” Cloud told him one time, reaching for his own Buster Sword. He placed it in the harness on his back. “…Me especially…...Goddamn, Sephiroth…”
Leon closed and locked the front door behind him as he stepped out in the chilly night air. He looked towards the window, the living room clearly visible. He hadn’t bothered to turn the light off. It would probably have caused more anxiety if he had done; if someone happened to wake up mid-sleep and looked out towards Merlin’s residence, they expected the light to be on anyway. Cloud or Leon always seemed to be up during the early morning hours.
With the relative safety of the house confirmed, he set off down the cobblestone streets in his search for Cloud, hand hovering near the hilt of the Gunblade all the while.
“God damn, I hate you,” Strife growled through his mouthful of dry toast.
Leon glowered. “Don’t speak with your mouth full! That’s disgusting!”
“What’s it to you?” He still had toast in his mouth.
Leon swatted out at him. “Get your elbows off the table too! Don’t you have manners?”
Cloud finally swallowed. “Sure do. I just choose not to use them.”
The brunet glared daggers. “Is there any ******** wonder Sephiroth wants to murder you?”
The clatter of plates echoed around the house. Cloud rose, making his way to the living room. “I really ******** hate you…” He glanced over his shoulder. “More and more each time I look at your face…”
Leon grunted in response to the stares he was receiving. “What?”
Gloved fingertips brushed against the handle of the blade. What if Cloud was with Sephiroth right now? How was he faring? Did they battle? Did Sephiroth play with Cloud’s mind some more? Words of worry floated in and out of Leon’s mind, causing him to speed up in his brisk walk. He didn’t think he could live with himself knowing he was warm by the fireplace at home whilst Cloud was struggling in a losing battle.
“I don’t care anymore, Leon. Just leave me alone.”
“Strife, stop being so idiotic. We care about you. We’re not about to leave you to fight Sephiroth by yourself.”
“How do you suppose you can help me? You don’t know what Sephiroth is like. You can’t even begin to imagine how it feels.” He tapped his index finger on his temple. “You’ll never know how much he can ******** this up.”
The brunet placed a hand on Cloud’s shoulder. “Cloud…”
“Get off,” he warned, brushing Leon’s hand away. “I don’t want your pity.”
Leon chewed his bottom lip. “You’re so brazen. Hmph. Do whatever you want, Cloud.” Walking away, he called behind, “You act as though you don’t want our help; your eyes tell me otherwise.”
Those same ethereal eyes watched the back of his comrade walk away. “…I don’t need you.”
Leon stifled a chuckle. They say the eyes are the key to the soul. It was strange how relevant that really was. There had been countless occasions in which Leon would want to understand how Cloud was feeling. Yet instead of asking the blond soldier the question outright, he just searched those beautiful pools of blue. Though Cloud would lie over and over, his eyes would always reveal the truth. Another sign, Leon thought, of the pain he’d been subject to.
Time had passed rather promptly for Leon and he soon found himself stood outside the blue door of Merlin’s house once again. Unearthing the keys from his jacket pocket, he let himself in.
“Cloud?” he whispered, quiet, yet loud enough for anyone close to hear. “Are you home?”
Observing the state of the living room, Leon frowned. Nothing had been disturbed. Everything was exactly the way it was when Leon had left. He turned his head to his right, looking towards the area where both Cloud and Leon stashed their swords and armour. Nothing. No Buster Sword, no shoulder plate, no remnants of Strife. It was now four fifty-six. Surely he’d have returned by now if he was safe…
Once again, he locked the door behind him and set off into town. He’d already checked the town itself – the various Squares, parks, etc. – but Cloud was nowhere to be seen. He furrowed his brow, wondering where on Earth the blond had gotten to.
“What are you doing up here? You were supposed to be giving us a hand with the restoration of the Moogles’ Synthesis shop today!”
“Shh.”
“Why you cocky, son of a..!”
Cloud faced Leon, his finger over his lips, indicating for the brunet to remain silent. “I said, shh.”
“Who are you to-“
“Dammit, Leon, can’t you follow one simple instruction? Your tutors at whatever military you attended must’ve loved you,” Cloud said gently, his words dripping with sarcasm. But his tone wasn’t that cold nature he typically used when addressing Leon. It was… Leon couldn’t even find a word to describe it.
“Ah-“
“Shh!” Strife hushed more forcefully this time. “Be quiet, and listen.”
Leon listened. He strained his ears hard to hear whatever his sparring partner was paying attention to.
Finally, Cloud looked to him again. “What do you hear?”
Puzzled by Cloud’s sudden strange behaviour, he answered truthfully. “Nothing… What do you hear?”
A small yet sincere smile tugged at the corners of Strife’s mouth. “…Nothing.”
“I don’t…understand.”
The blond looked down over the edge. Leon flinched, ready to rush forward. But upon the swordsman’s reassurance that he was alright, he relaxed slightly, images of Cloud slipping off the wall still in his head. “I didn’t expect you to,” he half-laughed. “You don’t hear what I hear.”
“…Sephiroth.”
Flaxen spikes bobbed slightly as Cloud nodded almost childishly. “He haunts me. I…guess you could say he’s become a part of me. I hear him… All the time… When I’m awake… When I’m sleeping… He’s always there. But now…he isn’t. I can’t hear anything, Leon. I don’t remember the last time I’ve ever witnessed such tranquillity.”
Leon’s grey eyes stung with forming tears. He never realised how bad Cloud really had it. He himself didn’t have a particularly enjoyable past…but he should feel grateful for what he did have considering Cloud’s predicament.
“Oh!” Cloud chirped. “Tranquillity lost!”
A single tear rolled down Leon’s porcelain cheek. “Sephiroth…returned?”
Cloud giggled. “Nope. Listen again.”
And just as the final word rolled off Cloud’s tongue, a great booming ‘dong’ echoed around the town. Leon kept his gaze on his…friend (yes, his friend)…watching him mouth ‘one’, ‘two’, ‘three’, counting the chimes of the old Bailey bells.
From that day on, Leon knew exactly where to find Strife if he ever wandered.
But there was one thing that perplexed Leon. Earlier, whilst beginning his hunt for the swordsman, the first area he searched was the Bailey. It was habitual, he guessed. Where he expected Cloud to be sat, however, was just a dark, lonely spot. This had troubled Leon somewhat, unnerving him, causing his worries for the blond’s health to grow unsteady. He tried to shake off the thoughts plaguing him, repeating to himself “Cloud is fine; he can take care of himself”, but they wouldn’t leave him, causing him to wander Radiant Garden in slight alarm.
“He must be in the outskirts of town, perhaps even slightly further than that,” Leon muttered to himself, only the sounds of the soles of his boots clunking against the cobblestone path to accompany him. So he headed in that direction.
His journey found him, forty-five minutes later, at the exit of a fissure, leading out to a small cliff-edge overlooking Radiant Garden. He rubbed his eyes, scowling, as he realised how far he’d travelled away from the town. He didn’t mean to go out such a distance. After all, Cloud may have returned during the time Leon was out gallivanting through the precipices, and then gone in search of Leon, creating even more disaster and confusion. But alas, there he was, looking out at the small figure that was his hometown.
“And I’d die happy…if we could only…dance tonight.”
Leon’s fingers instinctively stretched for his Gunblade. His eyes darted around in front of him, looking for the origin of the voice. “Who’s there?!”
“Mm-hmm, on this moonlit night, tell me you’ll never leave my side. Assure me everything will be all right. There’s no reason left for us to hide.”
“…Is that you, Strife?”
The silhouette sitting at the cliff’s edge spun round swiftly. “Leon? What are you doing here?”
The brunet stepped forward. “I came looking for you. You didn’t come home. I was worried.”
Cloud blinked. “Worried? About me?”
“That’s what I said, dumbass.”
Cloud looked out over the horizon once more. “Sorry.”
Leon took a seat beside him, dangling his legs over the edge in the same manner as Cloud. “What are you apologising for?”
“…I don’t know.”
Leon sighed, leaning forward to catch a better view of Cloud’s face, illuminated by the silvery radiance of the moon. Every time he heard those three little words, he knew something was wrong. It was Cloud’s way of retreating into himself, not having to share the truth. He probably thought it seemed more realistic, Leon assumed, so the majority of people wouldn’t question him further.
“What are you doing all the way out here?”
“…I wanted some peace.”
“I thought the Bailey was where you ran away to.”
Strife glowered at him with those large blue eyes, vulnerable and full of emotion. “I don’t run away.”
Leon pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger, closing his eyes gently. “Sorry. Bad selection of words.”
Cloud released another frustrated breath, and sat stock still in silence. Leon decided to follow suit; he didn’t want to push Cloud too much. He was so insecure, and Leon couldn’t blame him.
The seconds ticked by in what seemed like an eternity. The silence filling the air was agony for Leon. He could see Cloud was battling with some inner demons deep inside himself, yet whenever he tried to speak, the words caught in his throat and he sunk into stillness once more. For once in his life, Leon didn’t have a strategy for this situation, and was completely at a loss. He wanted to help Cloud, though.
“Cloud-”
“You see that star?” the blond interrupted accidentally.
Leon’s eyes wandered up past the outstretched arm and slender finger to the light he assumed as the subject of Cloud’s question. It appeared to shine brighter than the rest, perhaps even more beautiful.
“Yeah…”
“That’s him: Zack. He’s watching over me,” Cloud informed his partner, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his thighs.
Leon’s brown brows knitted together. “…Zack?”
A ghost of a smile flashed on those delicate lips. “I’ve never told you about him, have I?”
Leon shook his head. He wasn’t sure what to make of Cloud’s sudden…whatever it was. He’d never told them much about his family or friends, or even his past. Leon had only made presumptions.
The slight smile faded almost as instantly as it formed. “He’s dead now.”
Leon felt a pang in his chest. Cloud had spoken those words so casually, as though he’d been forced to repeat them numerous times, but his voice carried pain and anguish, like a dreadful memory, ever-lasting. Again, like the time he found Cloud at the old Bailey, he felt his eyes fill with unshed tears as Cloud began to put more trust into Leon.
Cloud slid down further, hands now grasping his ankles tight. It was a strange habit of his, and it amused Leon greatly. He tried it himself once, but didn’t see how Cloud found it so comfortable.
“Years ago, when I was sixteen…I tried to get into Shin-Ra’s elite force, SOLDIER,” he said softly. “Zack was First-Class by the time I arrived, as was Sephiroth, but somehow, he managed to make time for a lowly grunt like myself. I wasn’t even a new recruit yet. Just some…kid who wanted to get in. Not having much self-esteem, Zack always made sure he looked out for me, especially when times got tense, due to exams or whatever. I was often bullied, so he’d step in and tell them to ‘clear off’. He’d always ask me if I was okay, without fail, then he’d take me for a treat. Heh, it always ended up being ice-cream. He had a fetish for that. Mint and fudge pieces. I was scared of change, so I stuck with the norm: vanilla.
“Gradually, Zack became my best friend, almost like he was part of my family. I’m sure that sometimes, if I didn’t stop to think about it, I could’ve easily called him ‘big brother’ naturally. Maybe that wouldn’t have been such a bad thing, really…” Cloud gazed at the dark sky, a wistful look apparent in his pools of blue. He soon snapped himself out of his daydream with a gentle shake of the head. “But I digress. We grew close, and I…became attached to him. A grave mistake, regarding the line of duty I was applying for. A soldier should never show emotions. But you know all about that.”
Leon nodded solemnly. “It was forced down our necks ‘til we couldn’t express our feelings at all.”
“Hmph. Shin-Ra was that way too,” Cloud informed. “But I couldn’t help it. Zack was humorous, intelligent, compassionate, and strong. He had the time for anyone and everyone, even me. He…gave me the attention I had requested a place in SOLDIER for in the first place. I just wanted Tifa to notice me…and thought that was the best way to go about it. Zack gave me more than Tifa could offer though.” He winced. “Sorry Tifa! That sounded cold!"
The brunet chuckled. “He sounded like a really nice guy.”
“Oh, he was! The nicest!” Cloud beamed. “I could go to him for anything, and he’d listen. He’d help me with my revision for my exams. The way he explained it all made everything seem so clear. He made life seem comprehensible too. I…slowly…fell in love with him, and people told me, he fell in love with me too. It was a difficult concept to grasp: he was five years older than me. Haha! That doesn’t seem so bad now, but you know how it goes when you’re young. I will not go out with anyone x years older than me, or x years younger. You know the childish games we all used to play. I guess what was even more difficult to understand was those feelings were aimed at a member of the same gender. But nonetheless, I loved him more than I had loved anyone. He made me feel wanted.”
Leon smiled, his chest warm even in the nippy night air. Cloud talked about Zack in such a childish manner.
“But then…my exams came. I felt so confident, because of all the help Zack had given me. I almost came to believe I could do anything.” He snorted. “I failed. Not terribly, but I did lose a fair amount of marks. My dream was shattered in an instant…and I felt so guilty. Zack had gone out his way, even with such a tight schedule, to give me extra tutoring, and I had let him down. I…I bent over backwards to avoid him. I couldn’t face him…”
Leon reached out as Cloud’s tears threatened to spill, but drew back. He didn’t know what to do. Like he had told Cloud, his military forced them not to show emotions. He didn’t have any sort of experience in this department, and so had nothing he could fall back on in the current situation.
The blond sat upright again. “When we did eventually collide, he’d already caught wind of my results. Apparently he’d gone to the top himself to see how I’d done, since I hadn’t visited him. At first, I lied… I told him that I was busy, that there were many things that needed to be tended to after the results were revealed. But…I couldn’t keep it up. I told him the truth: I didn’t want to face him ever again because I was such a failure. He was surprisingly understanding, and comforted me as I wept in his arms. He assured me that it was all okay. He told me that hardly anybody got into Shin-Ra on their first try, but…it didn’t calm me any. I’d never spent that long with him before. It felt…kinda nice.”
Crystal tears clung to his delicate lashes, not much darker than the colour of his hair.
“I still worked for Shin-Ra,” Cloud continued, “but as a grunt. This meant Zack and I had even less time to spend with each other. I began to feel lonely again, retreating into myself increasingly. Looking back, I guess it was really quite selfish. People must’ve thought I was a spoilt brat. It probably resembled a tantrum a three-year-old would throw.” He sighed. “Just another reason to hate myself.”
Leon shuffled slightly. “What happened then?” he prompted.
Cloud’s elbows returned to rest on his thighs. His frown grew, and his tears spilled down his cheeks. “Professor Hojo… He used us in one of his experiments. We were kept in incubator-like columns filled with Mako energy. Details become sketchy after that. I reacted more intensely to the Mako than Zack did, possibly due to the number of Mako infusions he’d already had, and developed…I’d call it Mako Poisoning, but that’s not exactly what it was. I thought, whilst waiting in my column for what seemed like ages, that Zack was just like me and that our time on the Planet was over. I…was ready to die there.
“But Zack hadn’t reacted like I thought, and he even remembered me. So choosing his moment carefully, he broke out of his column and dragged me along too. He knew we couldn’t stay, so we became fugitives, running from Shin-Ra. After all, we held knowledge of what Shin-Ra was really after. They weren’t your run-of-the-mill electric company. They were hosting cruel experiments on real human beings. We had to get away, or we’d be sentenced to death.
“After what seemed like an age of escaping, Zack and I managed to catch a ride on some guy’s pick-up truck. He was headed to Midgar, so Zack decided that was where we were to go too. I don’t remember much of what happened – I was too spaced out due to the toxicity of the Mako energy. But I’ll never forget what Zack told me… ‘We’re friends…right?’. Nobody had ever told me that he was my friend outright…”
Leon wanted to tell Cloud that he was his friend too – that all of them were – but the words, thick and dry, stuck in his throat. Before he had the chance to express his feelings, Cloud had pressed on with his story.
“We,” he continued, “were ambushed by Shin-Ra’s forces shortly after. Zack… Zack sacrificed himself for me…” He covered his face with his leather-clad hands. “Zack gave his own life to save my worthless oblivion!”
Leon turned away, chewing on his lower lip, attempting to bite back his own tears. Cloud’s story…was just so terrible. He had endured all this at sixteen, yet was still somewhat sane? Leon couldn’t believe it. I could never be that strong, he contemplated.
“I was broken,” his muffled voice sustained. “I didn’t know what to do with myself. Zack was gone… Shin-Ra, due to my current state, left me for dead. There was no point dragging along someone who would hardly make it back to the headquarters. But I recovered, and that’s when it really sunk in. Zack, my best friend, my only real love, was gone forever. I…stayed there for ages, just waiting with his lifeless body. I thought, maybe if someone passed along here, they’ll see us, and they’ll bring Zack back. I couldn’t accept the truth… Then, I snapped completely and…I don’t really know what happened. I adopted Zack’s life: his personality, his lifestyle…parts of his memories. For a long time I told people that I had been in SOLDIER, First-Class. It was easy to convince them…and for a while, I almost had myself fooled too. The Cloud you see now, and when you found me at the Bailey, that was Zack-Cloud. Cloud-Cloud isn’t that cheerful, I’m afraid…”
Leon wiped his eyes with the back of his gloved hand. “Cloud…that’s awful… You’ve gone through all of that?”
The blond visibly trembled. “It’s cold…” He wrapped his arms around himself tight, containing the heat within him. Tears rolled gently from his jaw, soaking the trousers they fell upon. “I was never so cold when Zack was around…”
Leon laid his Gunblade down, slipping his jacket from his shoulders. “Here,” he said softly, draping it around Cloud’s shivering self. “It’s not much, but it’ll take some of the chill away.”
The blond turned to thank him. “…You’re crying..?”
The brunet smiled sincerely. “So?”
Brushing his thumb tenderly across his partner’s cheek, he gave a weak smile in turn. “So…you shouldn’t be. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. I’ll be strong enough: I have to be.” He drew his arm back, facing out to Radiant Garden once more. “I don’t usually stay in one place too long, but how long have I been here? A month, maybe more?”
Leon leant back, now feeling the cold himself. “Umm…”
The blond’s head bowed. “It became a bit of a pain. Slowly, I became more like my old self. People used to notice the difference, and then treated me another way because of it. I hated it… I felt like I was continuously lying to them. Zack was so diverse to me. I was so dissimilar to Zack. There were hardly any similarities I could have drawn upon to keep myself in the same area.” Cloud chuckled. “I guess it was a case of opposites attracting.”
“So…why have you stayed here for so long?” Leon enquired.
Cloud ran a hand through his unruly hair. “Silly me got attached again. I have a habit of being unable to learn from my mistakes.”
“Attached..?” Leon repeated in a whisper. “Attached to whom? Tifa? You haven’t seen her a while, have you?”
Cloud merely shook his head. “No, not her.”
Leon pinched the bridge of his nose, his trademark habit. “Aerith, perhaps? Sephiroth did kill her and you were separated for a long time. It must have been emotional to see her again.”
“Not even close.”
“Hmm…” Leon pondered. Who else did he know? “Cid? Yuffie?”
“No.”
The brunet swordsman growled. This was perplexing him greatly. “Then..?”
“Would you like me to show you?” Cloud half-heartedly laughed. “You don’t seem to be having much luck, just guessing haphazardly.”
“Well, yes, but…won’t they be sleeping?” Leon wondered. “It’s probably about five in the morning, you realise?”
“Nope.” Cloud lifted his legs back onto the plateau, kneeling down. “Unless I’m dreaming, then they’re wide awake.”
“Strife..?” Leon breathed, using the other’s surname for the first time.
“What?” he replied, sitting up on his knees.
“You’re…” He searched for the right phrase, unsure as to actually what he wanted to tell his friend. “You’re acting peculiar…”
The blond shook his head certainly. “No. I’m acting like ‘Cloud’, and if you hate me for that, then I don’t mind. I just…need to show you the truth…before I leave.”
Leon noticed a blush spread across Cloud’s usually pale cheeks, and furrowed his brows slightly.
“You’re leaving?”
Cloud pressed his gloved finger to Leon’s lips carefully, pursing them to prevent him from speaking anymore. “Shh… Please..?”
Leon swallowed hard, nodding to show he understood.
The finger on his lips slid down, and soon his whole hand was cupping Leon’s cheek soothingly. His tempestuous grey eyes searched the mystical blue pair opposite, not too far away. So susceptible… So emotional… He laid his own gloved hand over Cloud’s, pulling it down to intertwine their fingers. He gave a gentle, reassuring squeeze, and his lips tugged into a small smile. Cloud’s eyes filled again, and he closed his eyes to stop the cold tears from falling.
“It’s okay…” Leon comforted. “Show me…”
Cloud’s eyes fluttered open once more, gazing hard into Leon’s. “Hmph… You always were the most difficult to crack…Leonhart.” He leaned in, meeting Leon’s lips with his own in a gentle but honest kiss. His eyes flickered close and he held the other in an affectionate embrace.
It was over all too soon, and Cloud pulled away, a small flicker of happiness shining in his blue eyes. “Silly me got myself attached to someone like you,” he said, his voice hardly louder that the gentle breeze that ruffled their hair.
Leon felt his cheeks warm. He was speechless, for the umpteenth time that morning.
“Well,” Cloud muttered, rising to his feet, “I guess…I ought to be off…before you begin to detest me too.” He grabbed his Buster Sword from the edge and walked to the entrance of the cave. “Thank you…Leon…” he called over his shoulder, “for showing me I still have a reason to live, even if only for a little while longer.”
“Cloud!”
He spun slowly on his heel. “Wha-?”
He held his hand behind him to avoid hitting the cave wall with excess force. He mumbled something incoherent, looking at the closed eyes of Leon.
Panting, the brunet broke the kiss. “I don’t hate you. I don’t hate the Zack-Cloud and I certainly don’t hate the Cloud-Cloud.” He took a moment to catch his breath. “You’ve become part of the team. You can’t walk away now. We’ll take you as you come. I want to help. I want you to find your purpose to live. I want you to find your light.”
A bright flush spread across Cloud’s pale cheeks. Leon had ended the brief kiss, but had not relinquished his gentle, affectionate embrace. It made cloud feel… Words couldn’t describe what he was feeling deep in his chest currently. It was something familiar, but had been lost for so long. In fact, the last time he’d felt like this was……when Zack was still alive.
“Hey… Hey… What’s wrong? What… What did I do?” Leon stammered, feeling the blond bury his face into the crook of his neck. His shoulders were gently rising and falling, and soft sobs could be heard. “Cloud..?”
He wrapped his arms tightly around Leon’s waist, fingers lacing together. “You… Leon… I don’t want to leave. I want to stay here. I want to be accepted. I don’t want to be haunted by ghosts of the past anymore. I’m sick and tired of this sadness, this sorrow that burdens me. I… I wanna make new memories, good memories…with you.”
Leon remained still. He’d said more today than he’d say in a week. That was a huge step. But now, physical contact? His head was spinning.
Noticing his hold was being little more than acknowledged, Cloud loosened his grip lightly, gazing up at the brunet with tear-filled eyes. “I… I’m sorry…”
This snapped Leon out of his reverie. “No! No, Cloud, don’t be! I… I’m the one who should be sorry…”
“You..?”
Leon nodded, brown locks of hair bobbling lightly. He stroked his thumb across Cloud soft, porcelain cheek soothingly, whispering sweet nothings only to be heard by Cloud. “Ever since you…you ended up here in Radiant Garden, I’ve changed so much. I…didn’t know what it was at first. It pissed me off… Then whenever you were around…it happened again and I just got even more pissed off. But…now…I see why. Cloud, I… I’ve loved you…ever since I set eyes on you. You… You gave me reason to live. I don’t want to let you go, not after everything that’s happened…” He rest his forehead against the blond’s. “Say… Say you’ll never leave me…”
That ghost of a smile flashed upon Cloud’s rose lips, small, sincere. “I…”
♥
The whole of Radiant Garden was now brightened by the intense rays emitted from the sun. The summer had brought an exceptional increase in temperature, though the Heartless and Nobodies were still crawling throughout the streets, undeterred by the miniature heat wave. The citizens, however, were not so unaffected by the climate, many covered in a thin layer of cooling sweat despite it only just being morning. It wasn’t even eleven, and the sun wasn’t at its highest in the cerulean sky, yet it felt like the entire town could melt at any given moment. But people were trying to continue with life as normal. If they didn’t, then the darkness would surely capture them, their family, everything they’d worked so hard for. Shopkeepers were selling their wares; travellers were purchasing their items; the Restoration Committee were battling against their foes in a tiresome battle in the extreme heat.
The Restoration Committee – minus two members.
Leon yawned, clutched a fistful of slightly damp cotton between his fingers. Feeling the absence of the being that was lying there when he had dozed off, he fluttered his eyes open, sitting up and leaning against the headboard whilst the drowsiness passed over. When his eyes had adjusted to the new light, he looked to find that his was in the bed alone. His heart sank and his stomach knotted.
No! He couldn’t have! Leon thought frantically, scrambling around, throwing on any old garment. He wouldn’t!
He rushed out of the bedroom, poking his head around the bathroom and the girls’ bedroom doors as he sped past them on his way to the living room. He halted.
“And I’d die happy…if we could only…dance tonight.”
The gently uttered words were, quite literally, music to Leon’s ears. A full-fledged grin pulled at his lips as he examined the image before him.
“Cloud…” he whispered, more to himself. But the blond heard and turned around on his heel. Dark rings hung below his eyes; his hair mussed from tossing in sleep; a thin layer of sweat on his forehead, the product of a warm day and a heavy blanket. He yawned, adjusting his nightshirt.
“Morning,” he grumbled, running his fingers through his blond spikes in attempt to disentangle the unruly mess.
Leon stepped forward, gently sweeping slightly damp bangs from Cloud’s eyes. “You’re here… I was afraid-”
Cloud took Leon’s hand in his own, giving a loving squeeze of reassurance. “I couldn’t bring myself to. Not after earlier. You…accepted me. You forgave me…for all my sins. The least I could to repay you is stay by your side.”
Leon leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Cloud’s neck in an affectionate embrace. “Thank you, Cloud.”
The blond’s response was another yawn, eliciting a bark of laughter from the brunet. Cloud just glared with a pathetically adorable expression, before signalling to Leon, informing he was heading for the shower.
Leon sat on the divan throughout, listening intently to the spray of water and Cloud’s tender song. He glanced out of the window to the streets below. Yuffie and Tifa were warding off a number of Shadows, a couple of Soldiers accompanying them. He was prepared to rush out, but upon their victory, he relaxed once more. I think we deserve a day off, he decided, and shuffled into a more comfortable position.
Shortly after, Cloud returned, a towel hugging his hips loosely. “I’ll get changed and go assist Yuffie and Tifa. They’re patrolling the East Sector, correct?”
Leon chuckled. “No. You won’t be doing anything of the sort.”
“But-”
“That’s a direct order, Strife.”
Cloud narrowed his eyes in apprehension. “May I enquire as to what the reasoning may be?”
Leon pinched the bridge of his nose, unsure of what to say. The truth was that he was being selfish. He didn’t want to leave Cloud, at least not today. He didn’t care at this moment in time if Yuffie, or Tifa, or Radiant Garden were struggling. Nothing else mattered. He was living his dream, the one thing the darkness couldn’t penetrate. No. Not today. He would not assist in the Restoration work. He’d sit back with Cloud; perhaps watch a movie or three. He needed some rest. Being leader of such a huge operation was demanding work. And so he gave Cloud the answer he was waiting so patiently for. A simple reply.
“I think we deserve a day off.”
