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[jabberwock] And the mome raths outgrabe! (crit?)

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Jody is;
  Frumjously snaptuous! <3
  Disasterfully crumpipuss D<
  Are you HIGH?
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_ggone_________________

PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 11:36 pm


Dear GotP followers,
Well, I guess since it's the first post, I should explain myself before I start madly filling out my quest. I'm stuck on an idea, but my little boy's personality is pretty-much done, since I've had him in my head for about a month now sweatdrop My idea is mostly decided, though it's yet to be approved! and it's an all-go for the Jabberwock!

I love all you other questers, who've been here, maybe, a squillion times longer than I, and I wish you all the best of luck.


Submissively,

heart hostel
PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 11:37 pm


QUEST FOR THE JABBERWOCK

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

User Image


"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"


He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought --
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.


And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!


One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.


"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.





`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.


JODY, the child

User Imagebuild: Scrawny, almost unhealthy-looking, and very lanky once he passes the child stages.
eyes: Blank white irises, without pupils, and black instead of whites.
skin: White, patches of grey scales on his cheeks, down his spine and in the tops of his hands. Black scales down his feet and fingers.
hair: Black, cropped short and spikey at the back, long, straight bangs around his face.
other: Spines potrude from his shoulders, elbows and the tops of his fingers. A pair of grey, leathery wings erupt from his shoulderblades, and he has a thin, almost whip-like tail.

likes: Nonsense, gore and fairytales. He's generally an insane-sounding child, garbling his words around alot.
dislikes: Being called stupid, being told to "get real". He's not much for rules or vegetables either, through all stages.
abilities:
-POISONFANG~ His huge, rabbit-like teeth are covered in thick, poisonous slime, which can cause a nasy rash, and fevers if it gets into the bloodstream.
-FLIGHT~ In much later stages, those leathery wings of his will allow full aerobatic skills. As a child, however, he merely uses them to hover about for short lengths of time.
-GARBLE~ He seems to have his own language of sorts, which, he claims, only he can understand. I doubt this is an ability so much as insane nonsense.
-NEARLY HEADLESS~ Jody's head can pop off and roll away if you're not careful. Makes for a good party trick in later life, when he can pull it off and carry it around. This causes him only minor discomfort, as his bones and raw flesh often rub together when re-joining to the body.


other?? Jody suffers what appears to be the human condition of mental retardation. His speech is cluttered and fragmented, and his eyes seem to focus on objects very slowly. He also learns quite slow. <3

physical oddities: His hands are abnormally large, claw-like things (see the Jabberwock image above) which make him even more clumsy with them. His feet are dragon-esque, and he has strange, almost tentacle-like growths from his chin and forehead.



more coming soon?

_ggone_________________


_ggone_________________

PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 11:39 pm


Kendal, the caretaker

One quarter of the teen metal band, "Risky Bizznis" makes Kendal a less-than-appitizing boy right off. He is sixteen, and incredibly well-mannered, though his preffered form of dress gets him alot of upturned noses. Black, messy, piercings, leather, doc martins and sometimes even luggin his bass guitar with him for what he calls "Practice on the Road".

Born to a rich family who didn't want him, Kendal was immediatly dumped in an orphanage. There he met two of his bandmates, Josh and Jacky. At the orphanage, he was highly favoured amongst the elders and was very nearly adopted on many occasion, though he begged them to let him stay with his friends...and no couple in their right mind wanted three rowdy boys in their teens with loud instruments and angry attitudes.

Eventually, the orphanage grew tired of the three's constant presence, and moved them into a housing commision in a dingy area of town. There the boys ran into their lead singer, David (a perpetually tired boy without parents also)

Kendal was the least rowdy of the four, quietly withdrawing himself into the backgrounds of their conversations, retreating into his fantasy of one day marrying a beautiful woman and having a perfect child. He often scribbled on his music tabs images of wedding dresses, chapels, baby shoes...he was the perfect man.

name: Kendal Amy Fergison
age: 16
hair: redish-brown
eyes: deep blue
skin: pale, freckled
build: tall, lanky

likes: cliche weddings, perfect couples, small children, playing his bass
dislikes: criminals, scumbags, swearing


more to come...?
PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 11:40 pm


JODY, the stages

User Image
Wand
A horrible-looking grey stump of a claw, which appears to be grasping...AN EYE? This revolting thing has teeth, and drools on you if you hold it too long.

Wisp/Baby Ghost
A revolting-looking red-brown-and-blue mixture, which tends to smell fairly odd.

Infant
A disgustingly malformed screaming baby boy, wrapped protectively in a grey blanket. His shriveled wings and newly-growing tentacles are completely useless as of yet. As an infant, Jody does nothing more than wail and chimp onto whatever he can with his single, poison fang.


tbc

_ggone_________________


_ggone_________________

PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 11:42 pm


FUNDS

166K+100K(pending through an unfinished commission)+3 donation items=

around 300K <3


I am also taking commissions to fund my quests, here are some previews of my work;

[Ngendek, Quest for the Bunyip]
[Jody, Quest for the Jabberwock]
[Weasel, Quest for Bad Weather]
[Valrino, Spirit of Guardian Angels]
[Amari, Quest for Adroanzi]

Pricing can be discussed, I am very fair wink
PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 11:47 pm


....aaaand, last reserved post, again just in case.

You may all post now! Any suggestions, hints, tips, anything like that would be greatly appreaciated. Once Jody's info is up, I'd love crits, too heart

_ggone_________________


_ggone_________________

PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2007 7:48 pm


Jodywand: domokun
PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 10:34 pm


I just want to encourage you to beware the frumious bandersnatch.

And say that I think this is awesome!

caffinated_tulip


_ggone_________________

PostPosted: Thu Apr 19, 2007 2:59 am


Ahaha, indeed I will. cool Thank you!
PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2007 1:17 am


heart

_ggone_________________


_ggone_________________

PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2007 1:30 am


I'd really appreaciate some constructive crit on all aspects of this, as I intend to make this into a SERIOUS quest, and hopefully win him in the contest. heart
PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2007 11:38 am


To be honest, I think this needs A LOT more work before I can even give a decent critique. The concept is good, but is there enough information on a Jabberwock for you to write a decent death-story? What do we know about them?

I hate to say it, especially since you seem really excited about the concept, but you might actually need a different creature. That happened with me. I fell in love with a species, played with it for three weeks, and then realized that there just wasn't enough information for me to quest for one. So I had to change.

Mayhap you should give that some thought? *suggests meekly, hiding behind something heavy*

giftwrapped


_ggone_________________

PostPosted: Fri May 11, 2007 2:46 am


Aha, no it's good advice. Yeah, I know there isn't much info there, but thats what makes this awesome and challenging. I know I haven't written much either, but I just need crit on what I have so far. heart
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