Welcome to Gaia! ::

So here's the thing. I've been going to two different therapists, one for domestic violence and one for grief. BOth of them keep telling me it will take time for me to accept and move on with my life. My mom and my older sister are great shoulders to cry on and incredible support systems, but they too tell me it will take a long time for me to accpet and move on with my life. My aunt, my cousin, my church officals, everyone says the same thing. On top of that I've been reading these "Divorce Recovery" articales and books, and they all say the same thing, with the varying comments of " it'll take the amount of time you need" (usually applying the "long time theory" to it).

So here's my issue. Obviosuly living in the state I am, the whole meet and greet and date thing doesn't provide a lot of palces to do this ritual. Well, my friend here on Gaia, Dreamar, pointed me to this webpage IMVU to simply meet people. Nothing more nothing less. So I get on and meet a bunch of people, including a doctor....well a guy in medical school. He lives about a hour away, strangely enough we have everything in common.....really it was werid...is weird, anyways Neither of us want to meet right away cuz of the whole internet paranoia, however we actually set up times online to meet up anmd talk, which both of us enjoy immensely. And he's mentioned nthat he's very interested in me as possibly more than a friend. (yes he know I'm divorced with a son).

So back to my main point. Having my particular past of various types of domestic violence with previous relationships, I'm actually having no trouble moving on from disater of a marriage and am very interested in him.

Am I not viewing my divorce right or something and I too passe with it or something?? Or am I right for just moving on so quick?

I just keep wondering if there's something wrong with me. I feel perfectly fine with everything; sure I have my bad days with how things ended up but I know it wasn't my fault. And that I did the right thing by getting myself and my son out of there.

But i also know I have the right ot be happy, and I don't understand why everyone keeps telling emthat gonna take a gagillion years to do so.

Ultimately, it comes down to how you feel and the actions you take. People can tell you up and down it should take a long time, but it's really your life, they can't do anything about it.

Now, my husband's been divorced and went through a similiar process. He and his ex-wife seperated and he went about his way. He didn't pursue a active gf/bf relationship till it was finalized, but for him, the issues in the marriage had ended long before the papers were signed. Although their marriage had numerous ongoing problems, nothing out of the blue. It's impossible to characterize how each divorcee handles it emotionally.

I know it can be annoying, but those people really want the best for you and I can see how they just are watching out for you and don't want to see you hurt, especially if you've had previous relationships with various types of violence.

Don't be put off of internet dating. As long as you follow the basic rules, you should be fine. (My husband and I were long distance online for 3 years, we've now been living together and married for 2 years.) In a way, it's a better way for you to meet someone without getting instantly hurt in a person to person environment. However, I don't suggest rushing into it. You'll want to arrange meetings in public places, possibly with friends. You don't want to put yourself in a situation where you instantly trust someone to be your knight in shining armor and then find that he's no different from the rest.

The internet paranoia is a good thing. Really, you want to meet or at least go onto camera with this guy before you get into things any further. He may not be who he says he is, and that will just cause more hurt in the future.

I don't think there's anything wrong with the way you are viewing things, in fact, I think you're going the right way about it. You don't deserve to continue hurting through what your previous husband did to you. And if this helps you to move past that and start feeling good about yourself again, that can be a good thing. Maybe start off with friendships though. Make this guy aware that you've been hurt and you need some time to adjust, but that you like his company.

I don't think divorce should be viewed in any way. There is no right or wrong way to view it. However, one way to view it is that you were abused and that you managed to break free. You should give yourself a pat on the back for that at least.