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Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 3:12 pm
Any tips/comments/suggestions are loved and appreciated.
Easier Said Than Done
Insignifcant. Unimportant. To you.
I cannot hide it. Though I've tried.
I feel invisible. Walk away. So much to say. Or should I run? Easier said, easier said, easier said Than done.
Walk away from you- didn't think that I could Run away from everything that I feel Not looking back once though it Hurts to feel Lost and Scared Don't wanna feel Like no one cares
Left out in the rain. The tears, as they fall, stain My face.
Trying so hard To fight.
Walk away from you- didn't think that I could Run away from you Oh I can't hide It's taking over Everything, and You're taking over
In everything I Do or say There you are It won't go away
The air that I breathe The thought that I think The love that I feel
Walk away from you- didn't think that I could Easier said (x3) Than done
The air the I breathe It's a part of me I cannot see Anything
But you.
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Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2007 2:56 pm
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Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 12:56 pm
"Left out in the rain. The tears, as they fall, stain My face, the race, driving so far inside..."
"Trying so hard, To fight, the feelings inside.
The flight, the rush, seemed to crush, everything i've known, and everything i've shown."
That small part seemed to be missing a small thing, it seemed like a small verse. 3nodding
EDIT: Pm me, if you'd like to talk about it. I'm a writer. mrgreen
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Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2007 4:51 pm
I liked this quite a bit, and you are right. That one little section was lacking, and I am pleased you fixed it. Except...In your revision...The ends of the two stanza's were both "Inside." I do not know why, but that just annoys the hell out of me. The second "inside" fits better than the first. Perhaps you can change the last line to something like...I don't know. "My thoughts coincide?" Or "Emotions pushed aside?" Anything that rhymes with "inside" will fit wonderfully there. But, don't listen to me if you believe your song is perfected already. These are just the mumblings of a wannabe scholar.
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Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2007 1:43 pm
Thank you very much! I'm working on it right now. I'm going to post some more recent songs later, but I accidentally left my notebook in my locker.
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Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 7:32 pm
Umm. . it's a bit too emo for my liking and screams angst. you have talent though.
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