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Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2007 2:58 pm
This is my first. I hope you like it.. and its not done. I'll post more when i finish.
The Game that Started the Problem
Chapter 1
Bella POV
We’d been sitting at my kitchen table, staring into each other’s eyes. I couldn’t help it, my mouth opened as I was staring into Edward’s topaz eyes. As one we said, “One, two, three!”
We showed our cards at once and I jumped for joy. I had a full house and Edward had two seven’s. At that, he knew what to do. He took off his over shirt, reveling his well defined arms and a white wife beater. I delt another hand and I won again. Edward took off his wife beater gracefully.
I remembered how this got all started:
We were sitting on my couch watching television when I suddenly thought of something, “Edward?”
“Yes, my one and only?”
“Want to play a little game with me?”
“Anything you want.”
“Do you know how to play poker?,” I said smiling.
“Of course I do.”
“Well, do you know how to play strip poker?,” I made a giggling sound.
He laughed, “Bells... what are you up to?”
At him saying that, I knew he knew how to play. I ran over to the table where I had already put out a deck of cards, but I tripped like usual on my way. And like clockwork, he was there to catch me and bring his ice cold lips to mine. I melted right there.
I couldn’t help myself, I stopped everything I was doing and jumped over the table and kissed him. We were deep into the kiss, my hands were roaming over his beautiful chest and then in mid-kiss, he stopped and backed away from me.
I asked, “Edward, is there something wrong?” Before he could say anything I finally noticed, “Edward! Your eyes are black!!”
Chapter 2
E POV
I had stepped away from Bella. I made the mistake of not hunting last night because I was quite thirsty and Bella was not only breath takeingly beautiful but delicious smelling. Before I could calm myself, my sharp venomous teeth were digging into her neck. I was turning her into a vampire before I wanted to. How could I have done this to my love? If I could cry I would definitely have to now.
She was on the floor writhing in pain. I put my hand over her mouth to muffle her screams long enough to write Charlie a note just in case she isn’t finished changing before he gets back from his week long fishing trip.
Dear Charlie,
Edward, I, and the rest of the Cullens are going camping for a few days. Hope you don’t mind. We’ll be back soon. I’m safe. Love you.
Bella
I quickly picked her up and set her down in the back seat of my volvo and drove as fast as I can to my house to get her some help. We were there in ten minutes. We would have been there sooner but I had to keep my hand over Bella’s mouth the whole time.
I parked the car and carried her inside. Everyone was sitting around the television. As I walked in I could hear a swarm of thoughts flying at me. Carlisle’s stuck out the most. What happened?? Get her up to my office and put her on my couch! I was so scared for Bella that I rushed up stairs to Carlisle’s couch and set her down gently.
Carlisle came right up stairs. “Edward, she will be just fine, I know she is in an immense amount of pain but she will be alright in a few days.”
“I trust you are right but I am not leaving he side for one minute.”
“I know you don’t want to leave her but you should really go hunting if this terrible thing has happened.”
“Yes Carlisle.”
Chapter 3
B POV
“Edward! Your eyes are black!!”
Before I could do anything, Edward was biting into my neck with his razor sharp teeth. Everything went black.
“Shh, shh, she’s coming to.”
“Bella, can you hear me? Are you okay?”
I opened my eyes and I saw Alice, Carlisle, and my sweet Edward above me. I tried to sit up but I was too weak. “What happened?”
“Bella I’m so sorry! Can you forgive me?”
Before I knew it he had crunched his icey cold lips to mine but there was something weird about his lips. They weren’t ice cold like they always were, they were warm. He ended the kiss and I spoke, “Sorry for what? What am I forgiving you for?”
E POV
“This is hard for me to say...,” I paused, not knowing how to tell my girlfriend that I had lost control of myself and turned her into one of the undead that walk the Earth for all of eternity feeding on blood. I couldn’t just say that, right then Alice burst into my head, JUST TELL HER THE TRUTH. I shot her a wicked glance.
I was just about to tell her when she spoke, “Edward, my love, have you accidently turned me into one of you?”
“Yes, I’m so sorry! Please forgive me. It was an accident.”
“Of course I forgive you!”
“What? Why?”
“Because you gave me what I wanted! I’m not mad. I’m over joyed. It may have come unexpectedly, very unexpectedly, but I forgive you.”
I couldn’t believe she was so understanding. That’s one of the reasons I love her so much. “At least let me tell you what happened so you can be a little mad at me.”
“As you wish.”
“Okay, well... as you know we were playing strip poker,” if I were human I would have turned five shades of red, as would she, “and you kissed me. I hadn’t hunted the night before and that was a big mistake. I couldn’t control my urge to bite you. You started screaming and writhing in pain, I wrote a note to Charlie in case he comes back and you aren’t there. I wrote that all of us went camping.
“I brought you here and by Carlisle’s orders, I went to hunt. When I came back I stayed at your side through the rest of you changing. And now here you are, awake and a full fledged vampire.” I smiled the crooked smile she adores.
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Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2007 2:01 pm
*squealing in delight* I LOVE IT! 4laugh WRITE MORE WRITE MORE!
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Posted: Fri Mar 23, 2007 7:41 pm
Thanks! The next few chapters will be longer so they'll take longer to write.
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Posted: Fri Mar 23, 2007 8:14 pm
Pretty good, but there were some inconsistencies that confused me a bit. 3nodding But Im kind of slow sometimes, so dont take that the wrong way.
Post more when you can.
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Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2007 10:28 pm
I love it! You have to post more soon! heart heart heart lol
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Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 9:34 am
Very interesting, keep writing please
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Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2007 9:38 am
thats awesome!!! write some more!!!! (i loved the part about the strip poker!!! xd )
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Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 8:38 pm
I always feel bad when I write constructive criticism... I thought it was kind of jumpy... you could have added a lot more detail. Like the change! Add more detail about that. Not just 'she felt his teeth in her neck then she woke up and was a vampire'. Write about the pain, the fire, the seemingly eternal agony of it... And how Edward was there with her. I also don't think it's very in character... I mean, Bella, strip poker? It's a really funny thought, but I just don't think she would do it. I also don't think Edward would loose control that easily... And if he had bit her, he would have tried to suck the venom out before anything else. He REALLY doesn't want her to be a vampire.
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Posted: Sat May 19, 2007 8:12 am
really, good, oo i hope in the real books she turns into a vampire, just not while playing strip poker though, lol mrgreen dramallama
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Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 8:21 pm
I think it's okay, but for me, I'm extremely fussy when people write something outside the character's personality..if you know what I mean..
Like, Edward playing strip poker? Hilarious thought, (although I do kinda want to read that in the next book to come out now !) but I just don't think they would play that.
I'll be pleasantly surprised if I found them playing strip poker in the next book ! Especially if Edward is losing. wink
Overall, it's pretty good and worth reading.
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